Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION The Anywhere Machine Depression Support Thread

We have threads in this forum for Dieters and Poor Sleepers. Is it okay if we have one where we can talk about depression?

In brief, Valentine's Day depresses me more than any other holiday. For reasons I haven't quite figured out yet, it's stinging especially strong this year. And the last few days leading up to now have been no picnic either. On Monday, I had meant to catch up and comment with lots of Legion World stuff from last week, but days later, I've barely scratched the surface.

The weird thing is, at the same time, I've been filling up my sketchbook like there's no tomorrow. And it's mostly good stuff, even to my self-critical eye.

So...can't quite make heads or tails of anything at the moment. But it helps to be able to share. Thank you, Legion Worlders.

I feel the same way about Easter. Thanksgiving I know why that holiday pisses me off, but I've never felt comfortable around Easter and I don't know why.

Big hugs, both of you.

I don't think I'm clinically depressed (I have a psychology degree and remember enough to know to be cautious about diagnoses!), and I certainly don't want to diminish the experiences of those who do. But I did find myself suddenly bursting into tears on the street last night. Partly because it was Valentines' Day. Just knowing that it was, and that I'm currently single, was enough. I didn't even see any Valentines' Day ads or any clingy couples or gaudy storefronts. It's not even celebrated much here in the Netherlands (imagine if I had been in the USA or the Philippines!)

That being said, if I reacted that way, I can just imagine how much worse it could be for someone who does have clinical depression. It's so difficult - perhaps almost impossible - to control our emotions or moods, sometimes it's all we can do to control how we express them. Some people have friends, others have sports. I think we creative types are lucky that we have our art and writing as a potential escape... or at least, as a way to express our emotions beautifully.

I was at the supermarket deli, and troops of dudes went by toting flowers for last-minute Valentine's Day gifts.

Feeling curmudgeonly, I naturally made up stories about each of them while I was waiting, and what their various bouquets were apologies for.

"Ah, the skinny guy with the twitchy eyes, a few simple roses to say, 'Sorry I hit on your mom.'"

"This one has filled a cart with bouquets, apparently he's shopping in bulk for his half-dozen sister-wives back home..."

"Wow, that's a *huge* bouquet. I think he snagged some flowers out of other bouquets to puff his up. Clearly he thinks it's needed, perhaps it's a 'Sorry I slept with your sister. Twice.' bouquet."

"Oh choose already. You've been haunting the display for ten minutes! How hard can it be to find a perfect bouquet for 'Sorry I got in a drunken shouting match with your dad at Christmas and now we've been disinvited from Easter dinner with your family?"

And that's pretty much how 'too old for this nonsense' me deals with Valentine's Days alone, making fun of those who are still in the game.

I'm seriously ready for some sunlight and outdoors-air, about now, to break out of my own seasonal funk. I've about had enough of this winter. Shoo, winter of my discontent!

Ahhh depression sucks. Yes, Ann, you are not alone.

Valentine's is not my holiday - never has been. I barely notice it. I don't go out to eat or go to the movies on that day.

Sorry you're going through that. And, Ibby, I didn't realize you were single.

Hugs.

Thanks, Myg well, my great love story ended, with Blaze back home and me in Amsterdam.

Another reason to hate Valentines' Day, and the unrealistic expectations that Disney movies and romantic comedies give

I am over it now though, no bitterness. Wine helps, as does the fairly rich field of prospects here.

Hugs to all. Love all the mutual support

Sarky, Ibby, Set, Andy,

Thanks and love to all of you. It's so comforting to know we're here for each other.

As a kid I got depressed on holidays. Kinda common from what I understand. Now, life' s just kinda gray when it comes to that type of thing. But, family makes it much better.

Thanks, Rick.

I agree with you to some extent about family. I will always consider myself very fortunate to have the parents I have. And there are several people in my mom's extended family I'm close to. My father's family, the less said the better, except for my first cousins and my aunt, who is the only one "past a certain age" that tells it like is.

No brothers or sisters here. I often wonder how I'd have turned out with siblings.

"Good times, for a change..."

Yesterday, I overcame my anxieties, my doubts, my nerves, and my general misanthropy, and went to a free social gathering at my local branch library. It was an adult ladies' coloring party. There were snacks, there was music, there was fun to be had, and most importantly, there was the company of people who seemed sincere in their decency.

My lingering depression has been fully lifted...for the moment, at least.

Hopefully, the next time it darkens my doorway, I will be better equipped to deal with it. And for a change, I'm actually optimistic that *I will be.*

Right on, Ann!

I too have been working on my anxiety and depression lately. A big part of that was to cut out alcohol on the weekdays, especially when alone at home. I went to a happy hour with co-workers at my new job today, and while anxiety was still there, I was able to join the jokes and camraderie eventually.

Anxiety and depression are lifelong battles, and we just gotta keep fighting as best as we can.

That's lovely, Ann. Glad you had such a positive experience.

You too Kappa, glad you are making such progress!

Thank you, Kappa and Ibby.

Yes, we won't win all our battles, but if we fight hard and true, we'll win the war and, whenever our time is up, we'll die in peace.

Well done Ann. Depression is never easy to deal with. Great comment at the end.

Thank you, Stile. That was certainly a nice reply to wake up to.

Your life is out of your control.

Your employer can fire you at any time, for any reason. Or no reason.

Some oncoming, obscure economic disaster, of which you have no inkling, could suddenly make all your hard-earned savings worthless.

Your cell phone could spontaneously combust, and burn your house down.

The ‘security’ of your home is dependent upon thin layers of glass and plaster, easily broken.

You might be run over by a stampede of wild horses, struck by lightning, or killed by an errant asteroid.

Even a natural-born U.S. citizen could be the victim of mistaken identity, and accidentally deported to Guatemala.

Your own body could betray you. A stroke, a heart attack, or some virulent tropical disease could strike you down without warning.

Your life is out of your control.

You know this.

But you can’t believe it. You must not.

Believing your life is out of your control is a sure sign of clinical depression, which, bad as it is, can lead to even more serious mental illness.

Remaining sane, as a human being, requires you to believe something which you know to be untrue: that everything is fine. You are in control of your life.

Good luck everybody. Be safe out there.

That is the truth.

Thank you, Klar.

Have you ever looked into stoicism? It's such a wonderful philosophy. It really teaches you how to cope with what's not in your control and how to deal with things that are.

Yes. Thanks, PeterDon, for bringing up the subject of stoicism. I haven't yet read extensively on it, but I was enlightened to its qualities both on Patreon and here on Legion World.

On Patreon, an artist I support shared her thoughts on stoicism (I'm reluctant to identify her, as I don't know whether she might not want it publicized.) That was my first eye-opener.

My second eye-opener came thanks to Legion Worlder He Who Wanders, when he broached the subject during a discussion in the Legion forum:

http://www.legionworld.net/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=942493#Post942493

I really should make it a priority to find books about stoicism at the library.

And if you find that all the books on stoicism have been checked out by others from the library, remember to face this hardship by being stoi...ah, never mind...

I've been having trouble getting a decent sleep at night. I've been lying awake thinking about how much I wish I was dead, then I somehow fall asleep and wake up two hours later from stress dreams that leave me feeling uncomfortable enough I don't want to go back to sleep.

They've frequently been about Heroes in Crisis.

LOL

Umm. I'm not sure how to take this.
I read the first bit and was very concerned. Sounds like a nasty downward spiral.
Then I read the second bit and almost laughed because I thought it was a joke.
Then I thought again and wondered.
Then I saw your id and thought it was a joke again.
Now I just don't know.

Kid is your tale true or are you making a funny point?

Just wanted to pop in and say you guys are all loved. Never forget that!

Last night for work, I downloaded the new episodes of three of my comics podcasts.

Titan Up the Defense covered Defenders #50, which ended with Scorpio's suicide.

The Legion Clubhouse covered Adventure #380, which ended with the villain shooting himself in the face.

The Bronze Age Relapse covered the aftermath of Gwen Stacy's death. Thank goodness at least her actual muder was covered last week.

Keep in mind, all three of them dropped yesterday. This wasn't a backlog. Two of my comics podcasts the same day had to stop their usual light banter to talk about how serious suicide is, and how any listeners with suicidal thoughts should seek help.

A bunch of shit also went wrong at work, with two guests getting angry at me, one of whom I had to hang up on because they were shouting at me.

Imagine how badly I wish it was MY Friday, instead of calendar Friday.

I was also really fascinated by Stoicism at one point. I drifted off (I notice how often I describe myself as drifting off from things), but I should look back into it. I remember that part of the difficulty is that no one (at least no one whose writings survived) really laid out the fundamentals of Stoicism. We had to kind of recreate it from writings of people like Marcus Aurelius, who weren't really systemic writers on philosophy, or the biased writings of people describing it in order to write a refutation.

Yeah, pretty much everything by the original Greek Stoics (Zeno, Chryssipus, etc.) has been lost, and most of what we have left are Roman sources (the Big Three: Seneca, Epictetus, Aurelius), which are kind of watered down versions. It's not quite as if we lost everything of Christianity except the writings of Joel Osteen, but it's kind of like that.

There is a surprisingly large and diverse neo-Stoic community, however.

That's quite a load for one day.
Glad you are still keeping going.

Don't know if it counts as depression but after an infected tooth broke on me the other week, I pulled it and am feeling a lot better bout life in general. Sometimes the physical has an effect on the mental.

In a similar vein, I have found over the past year that I feel a lot healthier by using common sense instead of "preventative care."

Glad you're both generally feeling a lot better!

I've also been more positive about life in general since going to the gym more. I usually go 3-4 times a week now at the gym in our office building. We're getting a new one near the new office we're moving to, and I will probably sign up for that one too (it's only about 10 EUR more expensive...) On the plus side, I'll be able to go even on weekends. The convenience is what matters most, I can force myself to go before heading home from work (I know if I head home first, I'll likely sit on the couch and not move again). And being forced to pay more, is enough psychological incentive to go even on the weekends...

Well, the Doc cut me off my cigars except for one premium a week. I went from about fifteen a day to one a week. I am supposed to feel better and more healthy, but instead I am glum about it. Not meaning to make light of real depression, don't get me wrong. I know I've been down for long periods, but I honestly don't know the levels needed to be reached to be depressed.

Rick, I have a long-time friend my age who chain smoked cigars for the 35 years I've known him. He was an athlete and always active. We've lived in different parts of the country for the past 20 years. I visited him a couple of years ago and was surprised at how unhealthy he was. I easily outwalked and outclimbed him, which was new. As far as I could tell, it was the smoking that had taken its toll.

Don't be that guy. This cigar-less gloom will pass, my friend.

..like the lifting of a giant cloud of cigar smoke, funnily enough. A friend said it took him around 4 months to really start to feel over the stopping smoking glums. He said that promoting self confidence really helped, whether it was little rewards or general pep talking.

The initial quitting is always the hardest. Stay strong, Rick. Maybe something else can fill the void?

Something else like a replacement, but something hugely rewarding too... like Legion World Posting?!

Hang in there. I bet it isn't easy making such a big change to your intake. If you are felling lousy at the moment then that is how you should be feeling, at the moment. It will take time for your body to adjust but after that things should feel better. Your pocket as well I imagine.

Been super bummed the past few weeks, anxiety through the roof. Hope everyone here is holding out alright.

Big hugs, Kappa.



I went through a really deep downer spell just a little over a week ago. But it did have the silver lining of helping me finally admit to myself that living in borderline isolation just doesn't work for me anymore (if it ever did.)

Hey, big hugs to both of you

Thank you so much, Ibby!

Ann. (sorry im late)

Awww.

Thanks, Kappa.

Hang tough, Ann. I know about self imposed isolation. I broke it by deciding to put myself out there and just try to make new friends. Turns out, I got a wife out of it.

Thanks, Rick.

As I said a couple days ago in the current Kill This Thread game, I'm dealing with my latest severe bout of depression.

In the last 24 hours, a couple nice things have happened to me that are helping me keep my head held high. But, Gods, it's just so hard a lot of the time to see the point of doing anything productive as the world continues its spiral down the cosmic toilet.

I have no children and no partner, and while I have a small circle of friends and family for direct support, it still gets lonely a lot of the time. And at least in the past I could tell myself that I'm just laying in the bed that I made when I was young and foolish. Now it's like the whole planet is on the same boat.

On the other hand, I need to keep reminding myself that there are a lot of people who have it far worse than I do.

And take everything day by day.

Big hugs, Fanfie.

it can get lonely being alone, indeed. Hope we here can help a bit with that, even if we only interact online.

Glad some nice things have come by to ease things too.

It can be a daily struggle... sending some good vibes your way, and happy to keep sending more every day

Thank you, Ibby.

You and my other Legion Worlder friends help tremendously.

I?m sorry.

I?m not sure what advice I can provide other than to tell you to focus on those really nice things and try and use them to propel you forward. The last year and a half has been really hard on everyone for so many different reasons, and a lot of us have been there. So there is safety in numbers, I guess.

And you have all of us wackadoodles here on LW!

Thank you, GL.

Yes, Gods bless this Legion of Wackadoodles. Maybe that'd be an even better name for this community than Legion World.

We're told to take it day by day but also to be expert long-term planners (or else). It's kind of a pain in the [redacted] a lot of the time, isn't it?

Just to join in for support, I have been depressed my whole life. I have been on medication for over 20 years, so it is managed, but it isn't always easy.


For Fanfie, Cleome, and everyone else.

Yes! the Legion of Wackadoodles! I'm in!

Seriously, thinking of you Annie. Wishing you the best. I know the thought that helps me the most when I get down is that I am not alone no matter what it feels like. No-one else can walk in your shoes but we can at least walk beside you.

Hugs to Annfie, Rocky, and everyone in this thread, whether suffering from depression or not.

Thanks so much, everybody!

I second the thanks.

I don't enjoy being cranky, but I do enjoy seeing familiar faces around again.

I'm sorry. I'm with you on a lot of what you say here. I feel like I'm on the verge of depression, mostly due to circumstances, but I've dealt with deeper depression before. One thing I figured out often helps me is to do something good for someone, without expectation of return. It helps me choose something good to happen rather than waiting for it, and it reminds me that I have agency and worth to offer, despite how I may feel otherwise. I suspect you already know that, because you do it here often. Praying for you...because that's what I do.

Thanks, LT. Yes, it does feel good to do good for others.

Hugs to you as well, LT!

and more hugs around for everyone.

I haven't really posted anything about myself on here, but I haven't been doing well for awhile. I think I'm pretty much in a state of chronic burnout, and I'm feeling pretty broken mentally, physically, pretty much every other way. Anyway, I just need people to know..

EDE, I can tell you that you aren't alone. Burnout's been the name of the game in my life since last April, so there's safety in numbers. Just hang in there and feel free to chat if you want.

EDE, Big big hugs, and I applaud your courage in talking about it. Take the time you need - burnout can take a while to get over. And most of all, know that burnout can happen to anyone if the situation allows it!

EDE, you are always in my thoughts and prayers, but even moreso now. Like GL said, you're not alone. And like Ibby said, your courage is to be applauded.

Thanks for letting us know EDE. Your trust in us is appreciated. Thinking and praying for you in your tough times. You are not alone. In whatever way we can be, we are here for you.

Something that I've taken on recently is therapy for previously undiagnosed OCD. I'd suspected I've had it for a few years now, but it got really bad in the past year, probably from the pandemic and being stuck working from home for over a year. It's bit terrifying to start, but I'm really hoping to see some improvement.

Kappa, that's good to hear. The "start" part, anyway.

You're not alone.

Thanks, cleome!

Hugs Kappa, my buddy! Glad you got diagnosed! Knowing is half the battle!

Kappa, great to see you here, and best of luck dealing with this. It's not easy, but when a person comes through and ends up in a better place (I speak through similar experience) there's nothing else that feels so good!

I thought my OCD was beginning to get under control but this recent monkeypox scare around the world has got me feeling really anxious lately. I've started spending hours a day scrolling through news feeds on the subject and worrying at the expense of work, social life, etc.

Hope everyone else is doing well and staying safe (and sane) out there!

Hugs Kappa. At least you’re on here, so that must be a positive step? Always happy to help turn your attention to other things

Kappa,

Depression is an insidious thing. I've known people that were deep in it without having realized it, my dad being one.

And as a truck driver, I spend a lot of time alone. This can lead to dark thoughts, which can head in a bad way. I have a tendency towards it from both sides of my family. Grim can do dark really fast. I think a lot of the time, not all of it, naturally, given the many and varied reasons why it pops up/creeps up on some folk, but a lot of the time identifying that you are headed in a dark direction or are already there is a major part of the start of coming out of it.

I've had dark times, and some really dark thoughts. But I'm willing to listen if anyone wants to talk. This isn't a thread I frequent a lot, I admit, but if you need or wanna talk and you can get me, I'll listen.

And if you are in it bad, and can't get me right away, you hang til you do get me. I promise I'll listen.

I lost a cousin to this. Won't go into the reasons, other than to say substance abuse was part, but I'll listen.

Thank you, Rick.

to all, and thanks for supporting others!

Good on you Rick.

I'm not sure if this belongs in this thread, because at the moment I'm in some weird place between depression and elation.

What happened was that earlier today, I was listening to the Beatles' 1962-1966 compilation aka The Red Album, and John Lennon's "Nowhere Man" affected me in a way it never had before. I've always liked the song, but now I love it!

With all due respect to Lennon's memory, and to everyone else, living and dead, involved in the recording of that song, it's always going to sound a little bit different to me from this day on.

That is to say:

I'm a real nowhere girl
Sitting in my nowhere world
Making all my nowhere plans
For nobody

Because, yes, there are people all over the world for whom the Nowhere Man reminds them of someone else, or in my case, of themselves!

So on the one hand, I'm happy that I've finally admitted this to myself!

On the other hand, where do I go from here??

Hugs, Annfie.

I'm reminded of the song "For Now" from Avenue Q.

https://www.songlyrics.com/avenue-q/for-now-lyrics/

Don't stress, relax
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes
Everything in life is only for now

Thank you kindly, Ibby.

Those Avenue Q lyrics were just what I needed.

happy to, Fanfie, glad they helped