Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business Trash Lass, Girl Garbage Collector: The Series!

PAGE 2

Panel 1

*Brenda towelling off*

caption: Last night's battle with Pustule, Hen-Pecker and Vermin has my nerves so shot I'm thinking in plot synopses!

Panel 2

*Brenda towel-drying hair*

caption: And I sure was lucky to have foundan ally like the Savage She-He... even though there's something really familiar about him. Or her.

Panel 3

*Brenda wrapped in towel, blow-drying hair*

caption: But there's little time to worry about it now... I've got to get to work!

Panel 4

caption: Meanwhile, in deep space... a colossal meteor barrels on an unerring path toward Earth!

Panel 5

*meteor approaching earth*

caption: As the earthlings go on about their humdrum lives, they are blissfully unaware of the celestial doom that approaches their planet at breakneck speed!

Panel 6

caption: And speaking of humdrum lives, let's check in at the Memphis Department of Sanitation office...

*scene shows a rather dowdy woman sitting at a desk, with a name-plate that reads JOSIE PICKLES, Secretary

Josie: *Sigh*

PAGE 3

Panel 1

Gregory *from his office*: JOSIE!! Stop that annoying sighing and fetch me some coffee!

Josie: *sigh* Yes, boss.

Panel 2

*Josie approaches coffee maker*

caption: How did it come to this?

Panel 3

*pouring coffee*

caption: You weren't always fat, plain and boring. There once was a time boys liked you...

Panel 4

*Adding sugar to coffee*

caption: Yet somehow you allowed yourself to come to this. Put-upon secretary for a former garbageman.

Panel 5

*appraoching Gregory's Office, Door reads GREGORY PEGUES, Department of Sanitation*

caption: And you can't even bring yourself to pee in his coffee for not realizing how much you...

Panel 6

*entering office*

Gregory: It's ABOUT freaking TIME. Now quit dydreaming and get back to work. I want those budget reports typed by lunch!

Josie: Yes, Mr. Pegues.

PAGE 4

Panel 1

*Brenda punching in, looking a little frazzled*

Panel 2

random garbageman: Check it, Brenda-- you was almost LATE!

Brenda: I know... only 1 minute early today...

Panel 3

*Brenda enters breakroom; lots of co-workers sitting about*

caption: Hmm. No Bobo. Where could he...?

Panel 4

*commotion outside*

off-panel voice: Outta my WAY, big man COMING THROUGH!

Brenda caption: Bobo!

Panel 5

*Brenda pokes head out of breakroom*

Brenda: Bobo! I was was getting worried about you...!

Bobo: Dang, girl, I'm only 5 minutes late... *owwwWWW!*

Panel 6

Brenda: WHat IS it...?

Bobo: My EVERYthing. It's KILLIN' me. I, uhhh... was getting a little bit TOO acrobatic in my show last night... damn, my FEET...!

PAGE 5

Panel 1

Brenda: Well, you better get it together. You know what rounds we have to make today!

Bobo: Yeah, I know... Central Gardens. Stuck-up punks!

Panel 2

Brenda: Bobo!!

Bobo: Well, they is stuck up! You know they is, Brenda.

Brenda: Well... yeah. But at least that community does the best job at recycling.

Panel 3

Bobo: That's 'cause all those no-working housewives don't have nothing better to do.

Brenda: You're impossible.

Bobo: I'm right, too.

Brenda: I won't deny that.

Panel 4

*shot of meteor approaching earth*

caption: Meanwhile, as Brenda and Bobo pointlessly chatter, they remain unaware that things are about to get wacky...

Panel 5

*meteor enters earth's atmosphere, begins to burn up*

caption: Fortunately, much of the strange space-meteor's mass begins to burn away as it enters earth's atmosphere!

Panel 6

*shot of meteor, much much smaller now, approaching Dept of Sanitation*

caption: So much, that it's arrival on earth will go completely unnoticed...

Panel 7

*shot of tiny meteor crashing through Josie's office window, smacking her in the face*

caption: By all but one...

Weird! Wild! I'm lovin' it!

(Edited to add: I hope this isn't an insult - some would find it so, but take it in the spirit given - but your writing really reminds me of Giffen's stuff, from what I've read of it... That blend of understated humour and slapstick is great.
I saw all the art in this as drawn by someone shameless like that guy that draws Danger Girl. Campbell?)

Wayne... as a HUGE fan of Giffen, you have made my DAY. Wow, I could kiss you!

And J. Scott Campbell is welcome to draw Trash Lass anytime he wants!

I encourage readers to envision these scripts in the art style of their choice!

Ok, I just finished reading this last night. It's fantastic, I have to admit, I was feeling icky after reading Pustule's powers, but that's because I just hate pus...ghahh...but the story is great and I love the Savage She-He. Great stuff, Lash!

Thanks, Viv! I kinda think the Savage She-He is pretty groovy too!

I'm going to see what I can do about getting the rest of issue # 2 knocked out ASAP.

PAGE 6


Panel 1

*Josie Pickles is now bathed in eerie glow*

Josie: OOOoowwwWWWch!

Panel 2

Josie: What the HELL was THAT?

Panel 3

Josie: And why do I feel so... odd?

Panel 4

Gregory, off-panel: JOSIE!!!!!!!

Panel 5

Josie thought-caption: Crap!

PAGE 7


Panel 1

*Gregory bursting into Josie's office*

Gregory: What the hell is going on here! My window! It's broken! What have you done, you fat, stupid...

Panel 2

Josie: *sobbing* P... please, Mr. Pegues...

Panel 3

*scene depicts Gregory bathed in weird glow, eyes glassed over*

Panel 4

Gregory: *getting on knees* I... adore you... Miss Pickles... you are so...

Panel 5

caption: ...beautiful...

*scene depicts face-shot of Josie; her hair and clothes are dishevelled, her makeup is running and her face is bleeding from being hit by the meteor*

Josie: What?

PAGE 8


Panel 1

Gregory: Will... you... marry me?

Josie: Mr. Pegues! How I've longed to hear you--

Panel 2

Catfish: *entering office* Yo, Mr. Pegues, I--- what the crap--?

Panel 3

*depicts Catfish bathed in glow, glassy-eyed*

Panel 4

Catfish: Miss Pickles... I love you!

Panel 5

Josie: Something else else seems very not right here.

Panel 6

Gregory: If lovin' you is wrong...

Catfish: I don't wanna be right!

PAGE 9


Panel 1

caption: Meanwhile, back in the breakroom...

Brenda: Well, I guess we'd better get to it then.

Bobo: Waitaminnit.... somethin' ain't right... I feel... I feel...

Panel 2

Brenda: Bobo...? *concerned, touching his arm*

Panel 3

*Bobo pushes Brenda aside*

Panel 4

Brenda: BObo..! What are you---!

Panel 5

*depicts Brenda noticing Bobo and other co-workers, entranced, filing out of breakroom*

Panel 6

Brenda: Okay, something is WAY not right here.

PAGE 10


Panel 1

*Brenda waving her hand in front of random garbageman*

Brenda: HelLO!!

Panel 2

*random garbageman pushes her aside*

Random garbageman: You must... not... stand in the way... of my love!

Panel 3

Brenda: And if I do...?

Panel 4

other garbagemen: *turning to her, looking menacing* You will be... moved!

panel 5

Brenda: HooooKAY then. Fine, not blocking you, then. Wouldn't want to mess with love. Go on ahead.

Panel 6

Brenda caption: Good thing I keep extra gear in my locker here!

PAGE 11


Panel 1

caption: Elsewhere...

Shadowy figure: Bring those nincompoops in here at once!

man: Yessir!

Panel 2

*Pustule, Vermin and Hen-Pecker enter*

Hen-Pecker: BCAW!

Panel 3

Shadowy figure: I trust you three have no desire to return to jail anytime soon?

Pustule: No-sir! You can't realize how horrible jail is for someone who looks like me! Another night there and who knows who would have tried to make me their bee-yotch...!

panel 4

Shadowy figure: SILENCE, dolt!

Hen-Pecker: He's impudent, boss! Should I peck?

Panel 5

Shadowy figure: *sigh* I cannot believe you three are the most formidable omegas in Memphis...!

Panel 6

Pustule: To be fair Boss, Hen-Pecker isn't even an omega... she's just a retard in a chicken suit.

Panel 7

Hen-Pecker: *pecks Pustule's neck with faux beak* BCAW!!

PAGE 12

Panel 1

Pustule: OWWWW! Keep away, you...!

Panel 2

Hen-Pecker: IMPUDENCE! Will PECK! BCAW

Panel 3

Shadowy figure: *sigh* Hen-Pecker! Pustule will be punished for his impudence later. For now, you must remember he is your boss...

Panel 4

Pustule: That's RIGHT!

Panel 5

Shadowy figure: For just one more night, unless he brings me the head of this Trash Lass!

Panel 6

Vermin: heh.

Pustule: gulp!

Hen-Pecker: BCAW!!

PAGE 13

Panel 1

caption: meanwhile, back with the recently-mutated by space-meteorite radiation receptionist named Josie Pickles...

*scene depicts Dept of Sanitation employees (all male) fawning over Josie*

Panel 2

Josie thoughts: Well, a girl could certainly learn to like this...

Panel 3

Josie thoughts: ...though it seems strange that none of these guys ever cared anything about me before...

random male: *presents her with flowers* For you... Miss Pickles...

Panel 4

Josie thoughts: ...until, of course, that weird rock thingie crashed through the window and hit me. Hmmm... could these events be related? And...

Panel 5

Josie: ...do I really care?

Mr. Pegues: *giving her money* You are so lovely... a siren... a big siren...

Panel 6

Josie: "Big Siren"? I like it!

PAGE 14

Panel 1

*smallish panel at top left of page*

Josie: Bow before your Big Siren-- peons! *titter*


off-panel voice: The only bowing I'll be doing--


Panel 2 *rest of page splash panel*


Trash Lass: *standing all heroic-ey looking* --is to pick up the trash!


Josie/Big Siren: Who the--!

PAGE 15


Panel 1

Trash Lass: I'm Trash Lass-- and I'm here to make sure things stay clean!

Panel 2

Big Siren: The way you're dressed, it looks like you're more into dirt... WHORE!

Panel 3

Trash Lass: *shocked expression* thoughts: NO, she di-ent! That's mousy Josie Pickles everyone seems to be mesmerized by. And when did she get all the 'tude?

Panel 4

Mr. Pegues: Miss Pickles...

Big Siren: That's BIG SIREN-- you moron! *titter*

Panel 5

Mr. Pegues: One Billion Apologies, my love...

Big Siren: Accepted!

Mr. Pegues: ...but the sight of this woman enrages me!

Panel 6

*Big Siren turns from Gregory Pegues to face "camera"

Panel 7

*Closeup on Big Siren*

Big Siren: Then.... DESTROY HER!

PAGE 16

Panel 1

*all the mesmerized sanitation workers advance upon Trash Lass menacingly*

Panel 2

Trash Lass: What a pickle!

Panel 3

*depicts Bobo looking all confused and stuff, no longer advancing with his co-workers toward Trash Lass

Panel 4

*Bobo shaking his head*

Panel 5

Bobo thoughts: What the dickens...!!

Panel 6

Bobo thoughts: Uh oh! Looks like Trash Lass is in another pickle-- with Josie Pickles!

Panel 7

*Bobo running out of room as Big Siren looks on*

Big Siren: Foolish mortal! You dare leave me in my time of need? You will PAY-- IN SPADES!

PAGE 17

Panel 1

*Trash Lass side-steps a swing from a mesmerized garbageman*

TLass' thoughts: "Foolish mortal? Pay in spades?" Sounds like Josie... or Big Siren... is coming a little unhinged.

Panel 2

*TLass ducks a swing from Catfish*

TLass' thoughts: At least her mind-control or whatever it is seems to have slowed down everyone...

Panel 3

*TLass flips backwards from a few random garbagemen*

TLass' thoughts: ...but how do I stop them without hurting them? I know these people!

Panel 4

Big Siren: Idiots! Ninnies! Trained chimps could do better! Kill her! KILL her! KILL HER!!

panel 5

off-panel voice: Ahh, SHADDUP!

*Big Siren looks shocked*

PAGE 18

*mimics layout of page 14*

Panel 1

*smallish panel at left top corner*

Big Siren: Who-- or WHAT-- are YOU?

Panel 2

*rest of page splash*

She-He: *mimics TLass pose from page 14* Men call me... THE SAVAGE SHE-HE!

PAGE 19

Panel 1

Big Siren: Oh? And what do women call you?

Panel 2

She-He: *knocks out an attacking garbageman* Some not unlike you call me-- their worst nightmare!

Panel 3

Big Siren: Whatever. You're a MAN, underneath that tacky gown and glittery makeup-- and that means... you're MINE.

Panel 4

She-He: *smacks mesmerized garbageman with clutch* Sorry, baby... you don't do squat for the Savage She-He!

Panel 5

Trash Lass' thoughts: *fighting* Again that drag queen has appeared to save my hash! She's going to give me a complex or something!

Panel 6

Gregory Pegues: Big... Siren.... I hear... loud sirens...

Panel 7

Big Siren: The fuzz!

PAGE 20

Panel 1

Big Siren: *pointing at Trash Lass and She-He* Advance on them, my mind-slaves, while your Big Siren makes good her escape!

Panel 2

*the mesmerized garbagemen approach our heroes menacingly*

She-He: Dagnabbit!! She's gonna get away!

Trash Lass: Not if I can help it...

Panel 3

*Trash Lass hurls garbage-lid shield*

Panel 4

*shield smacks Big Siren*

Big Siren: EEEeeeeKKK!

Panel 5

She-He: Y'GOT her!

Trash Lass: Yes, but look..!

Panel 6

*two garbagemen carrying Big Siren away*

PAGE 21

Panel 1

Trash Lass: There's no way we can defeat all of these garbagemen, She-He!

She-He: Maybe we won't have to...

Panel 2

*mesmerized garbagemen looking woozy*

Panel 3

*mesmerized garbagemen collapsing*

Panel 4

Trash Lass: Well... that was fortunate...

She-Hee: Indeed...

Panel 5

She-He: *pointing* ...though this isn't.

Trash Lass: Oh, crap!

PAGE 22

*page is a 9 panel grid... second panel of second row (Panel 5) features Trash Lass and She-He looking at various other panels (ala the Brady Bunch)

Each of the 8 other panels features a different police officer holding a gun.

All officers in all other 8 panels: FREEZE!


NEXT: You're going DOWN, Trash Lass!