Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business Trash Lass, Girl Garbage Collector: The Series!

TRASH LASS # 1

PAGE 1

Panel 1

*a hot blonde chick lies in bed, a digital clock reads 4:29.

Panel 2

*clock reads 4:30, an alarm sounds*

Panel 3

*the hot blonde chick rises wearily*

Panel 4

*she stretches, breasts prominent*

Panel 5

hot blonde, to reader: Another day, another dump truck.

Likes what?

This isn't an all-ages project, is it?

PAGE 2

Panel 1

*hot blonde in shower*

Hot blonde: Everyone always asks me why I didn't become an actress or a model.

Panel 2

*hot blonde getting dressed*

Hot blonde: I mean, let's be honest, with a face and body like this, I SHOULD have, right?

Panel 3

*hot blonde putting on makeup*

Hot blonde: WRONG. Sometimes you have to follow your heart, and my heart has always led me...

Panel 4

*exiting home*

Hot blonde: ...to the street.

Panel 5

*getting in convertible*

Hot blonde: My name is Brenda Fleer. I collect garbage for a living. AND a hobby.

PAGE 3

Panel 1

*driving down expressway*

Brenda: Can you imagine how horrified my family was when I was hired by the Department of Sanitation?

Panel 2

*flashback*

Brenda's Dad: I don't think I heard you right.

Brenda: I'm going to be a garbage girl.

Brenda's Mom: Couldn't you just pick up a nice heroin habit instead?

Panel 3

*driving*

Brenda: Eventually, they came to terms with it... I guess. We never, EVER mention it anymore.

Panel 4

*pulling up into Dept of Sanitation HQ*

Brenda: The JOB part of my garbage collecting is about to begin.

Panel 5

*entering building*

Brenda: The HOBBY part comes... after hours.

PAGE 4

Panel 1

*Brenda enters breakroom*

caption: I work with some really nice guys... and more than a few putzes.

panel 2

*a very large black man approaches Brenda*

captions: Here's one of the sweeties.

Brenda: Hi, Bobo!

Panel 3

Bobo: Yo, baby-- cut the shizzle! When're you and me gonna get down to the tizzle?

Panel 4

Brenda: Oh, Bobo! You KNOW I only date skinny men!

Panel 5

*tickling Bobo*

Brenda: And you're chunk-style, aren't you, Bobo? *tee hee!*

Bobo: *chuckle* There's an awful lot of me to love.

Panel 6

Brenda: And I'm afraid I'm not woman enough for the task! So, what part of town do we have today?

Bobo: Orange Mound.

Panel 7

Brenda: Good!

I'd dish out extra for this!

So I should go prestige format, you think?


PAGE 5

Panel 1

Bobo: "Good"? You so crazy! Orange Mound ain't nothing but a junkyard, full o' rats!

Panel 2

*Brenda suiting up in uniform*

Brenda: And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Panel 3

Bobo: You wanna drive?

Brenda: I never want to drive.

Panel 4

Bobo: I know-- I just don't GET you, girl-- why you wanna haul trash, a fine white lady like you?

Panel 5

Brenda: Oh, you know, just keeping it real.

Bobo: Mmmhmm.

PAGE 6

Panel 1

*Brenda and Bobo hanging onto back of garbage truck*

caption: I never drive. EVER.

Panel 2

*Brenda dragging a garbage receptacle to dump truck*

caption: If I drove, I wouldn't be able to see the garbage. I'd miss things. Important things.

Panel 3

*opens garbage receptacle*

caption: Like the people that live here... someone's been ill... maybe deathly ill...

Panel 4

*shows contents of trash can*

caption: Adult diapers, empty antibiotic prescription bottles... statements from the health clinic...

Panel 5

*Brenda dumping the trash can*

caption: The garbage tells me its secrets, and then I throw it away. But I remember the secrets. I always remember.

PAGE 7

Panel 1

*Bobo and Brenda enter breakroom*

Bobo: I'm feeling mighty fine 'cause its lunch time!

Panel 2

Brenda: Now, Bobo-- you have a salad with me today, okay?

Bobo: Salad? You trippin'! I'm having me a double cheeeeeseburger!

Panel 3

*as Bobo exits, Brenda sits down with her salad*

Panel 4

*ominous shadows approach Brenda*

Panel 5

*she looks up*

Brenda: Oh! It's you...

Panel 6

Brenda: Hello, Gregory. Hello, Catfish.

caption: And these 2 were definitely of the "putz" persuasion.

PAGE 8

Panel 1

Brenda: To what do I owe this pleasure?

Gregory *to Catfish*: Go find Bobo. Let him know you'll be filling in for Ms. Fleer the rest of the day.

Panel 2

Brenda: What...!!?

Panel 3

Gregory: Don't raise your voice, Ms. Fleer. That would seem... insubordinate.

Panel 4

Brenda: Don't you "insubordinate" me! Why are you pulling me from my shift?

Panel 5

Gregory: Take a few minutes. Finish your salad. Then report to my office, Ms. Fleer.

Panel 6

*Gregory walking away from table*

Brenda: But, what...

Gregory: My office. When you're done with lunch, of course.

PAGE 9

Panel 1

Bobo: What's the problem, Brenda? Catfish said he's finishing out today for you.

Brenda: I don't know. Gregory wants me in his office.

Panel 2

Bobo: Mmm hmmm. That ain't the only place he wants you.

Brenda: I know. Hold up a bit before you head back out, Bobo.

Panel 3

Bobo: Why?

Brenda: Because I'll be going back out with you.

Panel 4

Bobo: Damn! You are the most dedicated-est to trash collecting white lady I ever did see!

Panel 5

Brenda: *kissing Bobo on cheek* Thanks, sweetie! I won't be long, now.

panel 6

Bobo: *calling out as Brenda exits* Don't you do nothin' to get yourself in trouble, girl!

Brenda: I won't!

PAGE 10

Panel 1

*Brenda enters Gregory's office*

Gregory: Ah, Ms. Fleer.

Brenda: Let's cut the crap, Gregory. What's going on here?

Panel 2

Gregory: Now Ms. Fleer... you have been a MOST dedicated employee for the Department of Sanitation.

Brenda: I know.

Panel 3

Gregory: In the four years you've been employed, you've been Employee of the Month multiple times. You have NEVER missed or been tardy for a shift.

Brenda: And I never will, if I can at all help it... including my afternoon shift TODAY.

Panel 4

Gregory: So it's unlikely I would be able to convince you to accept a promotion?

Brenda: To work in this office? VERY unlikely. I like working the street.

Panel 5

Gregory: What if, by accepting the promotion, it would mean an advancement and salary increase for your good friend Bobo? He'd be able to buy some lavish gowns for that weekend burlesque show of his.

Panel 6

*Brenda, looking irritated*

caption: DAMN him.

Brenda: Look... let me go back out with Bobo this afternoon... and he and I will talk this over.

Panel 7

Gregory: An excellent idea, Ms. Fleer. Send Catfish to my office, will you?

Brenda: Certainly. And I'll see you at the end of the day

PAGE 11

Panel 1

*Brenda & Bobo on back of garbage truck, both giggling*

Bobo: "Weekend Burlesque Show"? And all this time I thought it was just regular ol' drag! There IS such a thing as too much education.

Brenda: God! Gregory has got to have the world's biggest ROD up his butt!

Panel 2

Bobo: What you trying to say about Gregory there, Brenda?

Brenda: Oh, I'm not saying he's gay... he doesn't have to be what with that permanently wedged rod!

Panel 3

Bobo: You ain't right!

Brenda: Never claimed to be. But seriously, Bobes... what do you REALLY think about it...?

Panel 4

Bobo: Look, sure a raise would be nice, but I make out just fine already... and they're gonna give me my yearly increase anyway in a few months... and I can't imagine not having you around every day...

Panel 4

Brenda: You are TOO sweet...

Bobo: So what I'm trying to say is, DON'T DARE do it on my account.

Panel 5

Brenda: You're a good friend, Bobo.

Bobo: Remember that and bring extra money next time you come see my "burlesque show"!

Panel 6

*Bobo and Brenda giggling again*

PAGE 12

Panel 1

*shot of cityscape*

caption: Night falls over Memphis.

Panel 2

*shot of Brenda's convertible*

caption: I love this city, really I do. But I hate it too.

Panel 3

*passes by a drag queen prostitute*

caption: it's so... dirty.

Panel 4

*Brenda's car parking outside a dark warehouse*

caption: So I do what I can to tidy it up.

Panel 5

*shot of Brenda's feet approaching warehouse door*

caption: This is where the "hobby" part comes in...

PAGE 13

*full-page splash of Brenda in full TRASH LASS gear & costume, kicking door in*

Trash Lass: Avon calling!

PAGE 14

Panel 1

caption: Unlike the garbage I haul off as my job, human trash is much more predictable.

Hood # 1: GUN her!

Panel 2

caption: ALWAYS with the guns.

*Trash Lass shields herself from bullets with her garbage-lid shield*

Panel 3

Hood # 2: NO way! The bullets bounce off!

Panel 4

*Trash Lass punches hood*

Trash Lass: Too bad YOU don't have a sheild!

Panel 5

Hood # 3: What's yer damage, lady? You bought some bad stuff? We'll make it up to ya... we got the primo a-list uncut here!

Panel 6

Trash Lass: You offend me. Your Meth Lab is closing for renovations, punk!

PAGE 15

Panel 1

off-panel voice: Not so fast, Trash Lass!

Trash Lass: ...huh...?

Panel 2

*Trash Lass is blasted with a thick white liquid*

Trash Lass: Unnnnhh!!!

Panel 3

*Trash Lass on floor, covered in goop*

Trash Lass: WHO the--!

Panel 4

*3 villains stand revealed*

villain # 1 is a skinny freaky-looking bald albino dude with a skin condition.

villain # 2 is a sort of human rat.

villain # 3 is a woman in a chicken costume.

Pustule: I would advise against attempting to get up, dear Trash Lass. Any sudden moves might frighten my friend Vermin here.

Hen-Pecker: You gonna talk her to death, Pustule, or do I get to peck? BCAW!!

Panel 5

Pustule: All in due time, my dear Hen-Pecker. But first, the lovely Trash Lass and I are going to have a chat.

PAGE 16

Panel 1

*hurls sheild*

Trash Lass: I think not, freako!

Panel 2

*Vermin plucks shield in mid-hurl before it strikes Pustule*

Panel 3

Trash Lass: UH oh.

Panel 4

Hen-Pecker: She's impudent, Boss! She needs a good pecking! BCAW!

Pustule: Yes, yes, my dear, impudent. But not all problems can be solved by pecking your foe to death.

Panel 5

Trash Lass: I dunno 'bout that... it might improve your skin condition...

Panel 6

Pustule: Hm. Hen-Pecker, I've changed my mind. CLUCK HER!!!

Hen-Pecker: BCAW!!!!!

PAGE 17

Panel 1

*Hen-Pecker attacks Trash Lass*

Hen-Pecker: Must peck! Will peck! BCAW!

Trash Lass: You're joking, right?

Panel 2

*Hen-Pecker bites Trash Lass' arm with her faux beak*

Trash Lass: YoooOOOwwtch!

Panel 3

*Trash Lass punches HP with her other fist*

Trash Lass: That hurt!!

Hen-Pecker: BCAWWWW!

Panel 4

*Trash Lass kicks HP in the face*

Trash Lass: Stupid chicken woman!

Panel 5

*Trash Lass lifts HP over her head*

Trash Lass: I'll learn you to cluck me!

Panel 6

*Trash Lass hurls Hen-Pecker, who smashes into Vermin*

PAGE 18

Panel 1

Trash Lass: Looks, like it's just you and me now, zit-face.

Pustule: That's PUSTULE, woman... and you would do well to remember it. My allies and I are part of the NEW power in town.

Panel 2

Trash Lass: New power...?

Pustule: Indeed! The times, they are a-changing, Trash Lass! This city's going down the drain and into the sewer--

Panel 3

*Trash Lass leaps*

Trash Lass: Not if I can help it...!

Panel 4

*Pustule blasts TL with his pus ray*

Pustule: But you CANNOT help it!

Panel 5

Pustule: G.A.R.B.A.G.E. has seen to that! We will NOT be stopped, Trash Lass!

Trash Lass: Garbage WILL be stopped! It's tossed and hauled away, just like I'm going to do to YOU!

Pustule: Ha, ha, ha! You threaten me while you lie trapped in my pus. You amuse me!

Panel 6

*both Pustule & Trash Lass are startled by a loud CRASH!*

PAGE 19

Panel 1

*large panel revealing just who has crashed the party; it is a large man dressed in drag, heavy makeup*

Panel 2

Pustule: And what are YOU supposed to be...?

drag queen: The boss sent me! I'm the Savage She-He!

Panel 3

Trash Lass thoughts: There's something mighty familiar about that drag queen.

Panel 4

*Pustule offers hand to shake*

Pustule: Well, She-He... it's a pleasure to make your lovely acquaintance...

Panel 5

*She-He punches Pustule*

She-He: Is it still a pleasure, Priss-tule?

Panel 6

*She-He helping TL up*

She-He: C'mon, Trash Lass... we gotta hightail it 'fore they wake up! Damn, these heels are KILLIN' me!

Trash Lass thoughts: Ohmigosh... that COULDN'T be... could it...?

PAGE 20

Panel 1

Trash Lass: Many thanks for the assist, citizen... but before I depart, I must notify the authorities!

Panel 2

She-He: DONE already! I called 911 when I spotted you entering this building... now let's book! You know the coppers 'round here'd just as soon lock you up as the Human Boil over there!

Panel 3

*the 2 exit the building -- poilce cars can be seen in the distance*

Panel 4

She-He: Well, my work here is done, and I've got a show to do! Gotta run... nice to meet you, see you in the morn... uhh, I mean see you around sometime!

Panel 5

*She-He disappears into the night as TL looks on*

Panel 6

Trash Lass thoughts: I wonder if other super-heroines have a gaurdian drag-queen?

PAGE 21

Panel 1

*Trash Lass ducks into an alleyway*

caption: Guess I better avoid the coppers.

Panel 2

caption: I'll hide out here until it's safe to get to my car...

Panel 3

*police leading out the hoods and the super-criminals*

Pustule: BAH! G.A.R.B.A.G.E. will have us back out on the street by tomorrow!

Hen-Pecker: BCAW!

Cop: Yeah yeah yeah.

Panel 4

*TL watching*

caption: Hauled away, like the garbage they are! Excellent!

Panel 5

*TL makes her way to her car*

PAGE 22

Panel 1

*TL driving convertible, removing mask*

caption: I can't help but be concerned about Pustule's claims of a "new power"...

Panel 2

*driving, different angle*

caption: I could be in for a rough time of it...

Panel 3

*driving, different angle*

caption: But it would appear I've got allies of my own.

Panel 4

*rear view of car*

caption: Well... ONE ally, anyway...


credits/title across bottom:

GIVE A HOOT!


Next Issue Blurb:

TRASH LASS only *thought* the streets of Memphis were dirty! Wait until she must face... "The REVOLT of the BOY GARBAGEMEN!!" Trash Lass, Girl Garbage Collector # 2 coming SOON!

TRASH LASS, GIRL GARBAGE COLLECTOR # 2


PAGE 1


*splash page of Brenda in shower, shampooing hair; her naughty bits are obscured by strategically placed steam*


caption: I'm gonna wash that pus right out of my hair, wash that pus right out of my hair and send it on its way!


credits/title along bottom:

REVOLT of the BOY GARBAGEMEN!