Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business Mary Marvel in the Marvel Universe

PROLOGUE

On a hot summer day in New York City, a curious melodrama was unfolding on the sidewalk of one of the city's more unusual neighborhoods.

"You stay away from me!" said the pre-adolescent girl to the teenage street punk. "You're a bad apple!"

"Rotten to the core." the punk -- whose devilishly-bright-red, oval-shaped head had a wooden stem growing out of its hairless top -- agreed smugly.

"I'm not scared of you." declared the girl as she glared at him.

"You're either really brave or really stupid." replied the punk. "In case you ain't noticed, you're not on Sesame Street -- this is Mutant Town!"

"That's right!" came a female voice from behind the punk. "So why don't you pick on a mutant your own size?"

The punk turned around to face a slender, fair-skinned, plainly-dressed woman of about 20 years of age, with short red hair.

"Listen up, butch," sneered the punk, drawing a switchblade, "you got three seconds to start minding your own business. Three, two, one..."

"RAWR!"

Suddenly, the woman morphed into a hairy monster with a face like a wolf. She held up her hands, which had sprouted enormous claws on each finger.

The punk's switchblade dropped on the sidewalk with a clatter and he ran away screaming.

"Don't be scared." said the monster-woman as she morphed back to her default appearance. "I only want to help you."

"I know." replied the girl. "And thank you. But I was never scared of you. You remind of someone I know...some kind of...tiger man...?"

The woman looked intently at the girl. She had long, wavy copper-colored hair, and she wore a frilly pink dress with short, puffy sleeves. She looked like she had stepped out of an old-fashioned doll catalogue...or a 1960s installment of the comic strip "Peanuts". Her eyes betrayed a curious blankness, as though she wasn't quite in touch with reality.

"By way of introduction," said the woman to the girl, "my name is Rahne. What's your name?"

"I don't know."

"How did you get here?"

"I don't know."

"Where are your parents?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know anything??" sighed the by-now-exasperated woman.

"I know stuff."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost patience with you. I know a telepath, she should be able to help you. Come along, our office is just a few blocks away."

"What kind of office do you work at, Rahne?"

"It's called X-Factor Investigations."

CONTINUED

PART 1

"Her mind is like a kaleidoscope. I can't get a clear reading on anything that's in there." said a tall, exotically beautiful young woman, who then grinned and asked, "Can I go back to reading my magazine now?"

Rahne huffed angrily, "You could at least pretend to care, Monet."

"But, darling," replied Monet, "that would be so...pretentious." And with that, she returned to her full attention to a glossy fashion magazine -- with her photo on the cover.

"Sorry about that..." said Rahne to the unidentified girl she had befriended earlier and brought to the X-Factor Investigations building, which doubled as both offices and living quarters, "...uh...I don't know what we should call you 'til we find out who you are..."

"How about Jane?" asked the girl.

"Look, Jane, see Spot run. Run, Spot, run." quipped a man-mountain with impossibly large muscles, strange glasses, and a single tuft of hair sticking out of his head.

"You're no help, Guido." sighed Rahne.

"Hey," replied Guido, "it ain't my fault she looks like one of them Norman Rockwell kids come to life."

"I meant Jane as in Jane Doe." explained the girl.

"Whatever ya like, sweetie." said Guido over his shoulder as he headed to the TV room. "Now if you'll excuse me, I got important things to do, like watch a rerun of 'Redneck Wonderland'."

Rahne made a gagging noise to show her disapproval of Guido's taste in television shows.

"What's 'Redneck Wonderland'?" asked Jane innocently.

"It's a foul, evil cartoon program, supposedly aimed at adults, even though it would insult the intelligence and the good taste of a newly hatched cockroach." replied Rahne. "You mark my words, Guido, you and anyone else watching that will end up burning in hell...along with the cretins who write that show."

"The show's ironic, Rahne." said a young man in a long-sleeved green shirt with a strange yellow pattern on the chest. "Don't you understand irony?"

"Don't be talking to me about irony!" snapped Rahne. "We invented irony on the other side of the pond. You Americans haven't a clue! The entertainment industry just uses it as a catch-all phrase to justify the tasteless, lowest-common-denominator garbage it produces. Irony, my wolfen tail."

"Bravo, Rahne." said Guido sarcastically. "Ya oughta write essays for the New Yorker."

Before Rahne could reply, she found herself turning her attention to yet another young man, this one of mixed Latin/European stock, who was heading into the TV room.

"And where do you think you're going, Rictor?" asked Rahne angrily.

"I'm going to watch 'Redneck Wonderland' with my friends." replied Rictor with half-hearted defensiveness.

"Over my dead body!" sneered Rahne as she began to wolf out.

Rictor said nothing, but responded by looking down at his feet, putting his hands behind his back, and moving away backwards slowly.

"Look, Madrox." said Guido to the man in the green shirt. "Told'ja Ric was whipped."

"Shh." said Madrox. "Billy's imaginary friend Mr. Tapeworm is in this one, he's my favorite character."

"Billy?" no sooner had Jane whispered the name of the cartoon character on the TV screen than Rahne panicked and ran over to cover Jane's eyes.

"I'm beginning to remember!" exclaimed Jane. "That's my brother in that cartoon, he's been kidnapped by Mr. Mind, and turned into a cartoon character! And my real name's Mary!"

"Who's Mr. Mind?" asked a bewildered Rahne.

"An evil talking worm from another planet." replied Mary evenly. "That's him, he's become a cartoon character as well!"

"Jane...Mary, does your mother lace your chocolate milk with hallucinagenics?" asked Rictor.

"RICTOR!" yelled Rahne.

"Sorry." blushed Rictor.

Guido surprised everyone by declaring, "I think the kid's on the level. It sure ain't anythin' weirder than the things I saw when I was Lila Cheney's bodyguard."

"Who's Lila Cheney?" asked Mary.

"A rock star who can also teleport across dimensions." replied Madrox with a straight face. "As I'm sure you can imagine, it does wonders for building a large and loyal following."

"I don't listen to rock music." said Mary.

"That's a big surprise!" hissed Monet sarcastically. "I'll be the only rock song she likes is 'Shiny, Happy People'."

"But that's a wonderful song." cried Mary. "What could anyone possibly have against it?"

"Several thousand R.E.M. fans who liked them better when they were an indie band." said Madrox.

"Eh," said Guido, "they stayed good 'til the drummer quit."

"PEOPLE, CAN WE FOCUS??" demanded Rahne. "This girl needs our help! We need to rescue her brother! Guido, can you get Lila to provide transportation?"

"Um...there's a little problem." replied Guido. "She an' I had a fallin' out."

"Great!" sighed Rahne, rolling her eyes. "I'm at a loss for ideas."

"I can help." said Mary eagerly. "I just remembered how I can help."

"How?" asked Rahne.

"SHAZAM!!" screamed Mary, and suddenly, out of nowhere, a thunderbolt entered the building an struck her, transforming her into a fully-grown woman in a white miniskirted costume with a lightning bolt insignia.

"This isn't the least bit creepy." mumbled Madrox sarcastically.

"No time for explanations." declared Mary. "The time has come to access the Rock of Eternity."

CONTINUED

Definitely an interesting premise! I'm not a Marvel reader but I do enjoy your take on the X-Factor characters. And Mary is wonderfully sweet without being overwhelmingly so.

Thank you, Ibby.

As always, your feedback is much appreciated.

Great story so far, Fanfie! I especially loved the digs at "ironic cartoons".

Thank you, Stalgie.

Yeah, I think Seth McFarland is Satan.

What fun! Your love of the XFactor crew shines through with their snappy banter. Mary in the Marvel universe is certainly a quite surreal idea, especially as the team she's with were never renowned for their finesse, it's going to be a wild ride!

I can't see Monet tolerating her for long.

The one thing that I think you could do to improve this is think about Rahne's accent, you have her sound very formal with no trace of her Scottish roots, which is a shame. There was an issue of Excalibur where there was an expanded team visiting a pub and nightcrawler was worried the bar maid would freak out but she didn't- of all the issues I read (many years ago I must add so apologies for not really remembering much more) that was perhaps the best example of a written west coast Scottish accent I've read in a comic. If you have it then that's a good place to take cues from with Rahnes dialogue. Just an idea.

Whatever you choose, I'm looking g forward to more, more, more!

Thank you, Harbi.

I do love X-Factor, it was maybe the last superhero comic I really felt genuinely passionate about.

I agree about Monet and Mary. A catfight is brewing for sure.

Regarding Rahne's accent, I freely admit I went for the neutral ground so she wouldn't sound like a caricature. I will seek out that issue of Excalibur. I greatly appreciate your advice.

PART 2

Theresa Rourke Cassidy was not one to be idle. As a recovering alcoholic, this sonic-powered mutant lass was most at peace when she was keeping her mind and body occupied. At this moment, she was in full flight, her long strawberry-blond hair swirling in the wind, swooping down the streets of Mutant Town in pursuit of a mutant purse-snatcher who had the power to flap his enormous ears and fly, like Dumbo the cartoon elephant. Theresa accurately surmised that the thief's ears would be especially sensitive to noise, so she sped up and caught up with him, making a sharp turn to confront him face-to-face and blast him with the loudest scream she could muster. It worked -- the thief dropped the purse in a desperately reflexive attempt to cover his ears, realizing too late that this would leave him vulnerable to gravity. No sooner had Theresa dived down to catch the falling purse than the catching thief quickly followed into her waiting arms.

**********

After returning the purse to its owner and dropping the thief off at the Police Department, Theresa decided to take a casual stroll back to X-Factor headquarters. As she neared the building's entrance, she wondered what new madness awaited inside.

The first thing Theresa found was Monet in the lobby, hovering in mid-airs, arms crossed and face pouting.

"What happened?" asked Theresa. "Your expensive lunch didn't have enough cream?"

"I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm." hissed Monet.

"If that's not the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is." replied Theresa as she began to walk away from Monet.

"We have a new client!" shouted Monet to Theresa's back.

"Go on." said Theresa.

"She's not just a sickly-sweet and impossibly innocent little girl, she can also transform herself into a grown woman and steal my thunder with her genius intellect."

"How so?"

"By swiping my very expensive cellphone and using cheap wires and crazy glue to turn it into an inter-dimensional matter-transmitting device."

"I see. So it's an out-of-town case. Shall I help you pack a suitcase? Or two or three?"

"You're no help at all."

The young women's banter was interrupted by Rahne.

"Oh, hi, Terry. So, Monet, everything's in readiness. Are you coming along, or are you going to spend the rest of your life stewing in your own juices?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." sneered Monet. "I want to be there when this whole case blows up in your faces."

"Good girl, Monet." replied Rahne acidly. "Terry, I'll fill you in as fast as I can..."

**********

"You have sonic powers?" chirped Mary to Theresa. "That's just what we'll need once we get to the Rock of Eternity."

"I aim to please." smiled Theresa.

"Okay, everybody," commanded Mary as she tapped several of the keys on what had once been Monet's cellphone, "gather 'round and brace yourselves, it's going to be a bumpy ride."

"Mary, just so you know, if this makes me miss next week's interview and photo shoot for 'Glamour'," said Monet sourly, "I'll kill you."

Bright, multicolored lights danced and spun around Mary and the members of X-Factor as they were teleported en masse to the Rock of Eternity.

CONTINUED

Nice to see the plot moving along so quickly, you are quite good at that Fanfie.

Glad to see Monet somewhat being called out by some of the others.

Thank you, Ibby.

Yeah, Theresa has never minced words with Monet.

Rest in peace, Peter David.