Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Cobalt Blue: The Rise & Fall & Rise of a Teen Idol

There were hits...





...and misses.





Stay tuned for the REAL story behind your favorite teen heartthrob! COMING SOON ENOUGH (so settle down).

LOL

Bwahahahahahaha!

I've tried for a long time to keep this expose from airing!

I love VH1 Behind the Music!

What makes a teen idol? What special quality does one need to possess in order to make legions of young ladies --and not just a few young fellows-- swoon, proclaim undying love... or KILL for love?

LMB Founder Cobalt Kid, who was a mere teenage boy when he helped co-found the team, knows the answer. And the answer is:





A FACE LIKE THAT.

How interesting that A FACE LIKE THAT was also Cobie the Kid's debut single, which while not a massive success from the gate, peaking only at # 29, spent an incredible 74 weeks on the Hot 100 in 3000-01. It ended up being the top-selling single of the year.


Such innocence!! Such talent!! It would be only a matter of time before both were crushed beneath the heel of Harsh Mistress Hollywood!

But let's not get too ahead of ourselves...

"First thing I ever learned in the music biz is don't button the top few buttons of your shirt." - Cobalt Kid, 3004

And I see this might get into the numerous fans who tried to kill for me, as well as actually kill ME!

How does one follow a simmering phenom such as A FACE LIKE THAT? Young Master Cobalt had pretty much laid his card on the table with lyrics like "I don't mind that you're crazy girl, I don't care that you're fat/it's just a shame that you ain't got a face like that". What was needed was some FUN-- and a DANCE CRAZE!





Cobie the Kid's second single would spawn the dance craze called bucketing, as well as cause over 1 million fans to send in pristine, shiny, new buckets to his record label.

"It was really stupid!" one former record executive said, "Buckets were everywhere! We donated them to an orphanage I think."

With MY BUCKET'S GOT A HOLE IN IT hitting # 1 on the Hot 100 for a full 12 weeks, anyone who had missed Cobie the Kid during the A FACE LIKE THAT days certainly knew who he was now.

Ready for the world, Cobie the Kid unleashed a full album on an adoring public. What followed can only be called mass hysteria and full-tilt pandemonium without sounding hyperbolic.




"Teen time, you're all mine/Bet on this wager, we're the only teenagers/in the world"

And millions of teens believed this, or no doubt wished it were true.

The TEEN TIME album was an instant smash, selling 3 million copies its first week. Its instant triple platinum status has yet to be matched by any other artist to this date.

But all wasn't as perfect in Cobieland as one might suspect...



"CULTS? I dunno NOTHIN bout no CULTS!" Cobalt Kid proclaimed his ignorance, but the truth is, his TEEN TIME album had inadvertently given rise to COBIENIES (ko-bee-neez).



The Cobienies were mostly underprivileged youths who could not afford the TEEN TIME album so they committed crimes to get the cash to buy it. Cobalt Kid called this movement "boring at best, dumb at worst" though rumors of his romantic links with more than one comely Cobienie are what many historians call the true beginning of his end.

Based on how crazy teenagers are, we can speculate with near accuracy what must have been going through Cobalt Kid's head in those early crazy days...

With the antics of the Cobienies causing public relations problems, Cobalt Kid decided not to tour to support his TEEN TIME album, which was an unstoppable juggernaut anyway, and instead decided to rent a luxurious mansion for himself and his then-best friend Shawn. From here, things would get truly odd!

The comic sans question was one that really hurt.

While everyone's favorite Kid flat-out denies anything untoward involving himself and Shawn, rumors persisted about their drug-fueled, free-loving, cosplay nerding lifestyle...

Bah! More like Single White Female!

Shawn began to crumble under the pressure of so much media scrutiny...





...and Cobalt Kid was crushed when his friend moved out of the mansion he had provided for them.





Little did Cobie the Kid OR the world suspect that Shawn's exit would lead to ...GREATNESS...

But before GREATNESS, there was Cobalt the Kid: The Comic! Shawn appeared in the first issue but his absence was conspicuous in later issues of the long-running popular comic book.

I suspect Cobie's decision to name the mansion "Bachelor Hall" after Cary Grant and Randolph Scott's famous beach house only fueled untoward rumors!

SIX MONTHS HAD PASSED since the release of TEEN TIME. It was STILL the #1 album on the Hot Albums Chart, and had now sold 39 million copies worldwide. A re-release of the album with 1 bonus track and featuring an all new shirtless image of Cobalt on the cover was #2, and had sold 22 million copies worldwide thus far.



COBALT THE KID: THE COMIC was the #1 comic on Diamond. Cobalt moved out of his Shawn-shame mansion and back into the limelight. Things were going great guns, then someone thought... let's give him guns!




COBALT THE KID RIDES HARD caused the world's only documented mass-ovulation of women and gay men, and also lots of bisexuals and the more iffy lesbians. It made 300 billion dollars worldwide and won Cobalt Kid an Oscar for Best Actor.

Sometimes I still can feel the tremors and smell the musk of that wonderful mass-ovulation of women and gay men, and also lots of bisexuals and the more iffy lesbians.

PS - Bwahahahahahahahahahaha

The statistics keep making me laugh out loud!

COBALT THE KID RIDES HARD was an undeniable sensation, but followup offers were slow to come in. Fearing he had been typecast as a rough and tumble macho type, Cobalt (or, more likely, his Illuminati handlers) returned to music. It had been 18 months since the release of TEEN TIME and 15 months since the re-release, so both albums were now in the lower portion of the Top 15. It was time to remind the girls, gays, and iffier lesbians just how hot their idol was...

16, 7, 18, 19... the years passed so very very quickly.

Suddenly, Cobalt found himself 22 years old. Panic set in when he was informed that TEEN TIME was currently at # 189 on the Hot 200 Albums --several years after its release-- and had apparently stalled out at 97 million albums sold worldwide.

Even sadder, the TEEN TIME re-issue had fallen off the top 200 chart completely, and had only sold 87 million albums worldwide. Not even Cobie the Kid shirtless could revive it.

So it was decided --most likely by the lizard overlord Illuminati that by this point had full control of Cobie's brain-- that Cobie the Kid would rebrand himself as Cobalt Blue: Superhot Male Supermodel. This re-imaging worked, for a time. Possibly because girls and gays were attracted to Cobalt Blue's body. The iffier lesbians issued this statement: "Eh."

Remember the Cobienies? They certainly remembered their hero Cobie the Kid. They liked Cobalt Blue even more because they didn't have to commit crimes in order to buy his albums now, as he was a shamed has-been in the industry who had only sold a mere 184 million albums.

Cobalt Blue welcomed their attention because most of them were attractive straight girls, although there were a few documeneted gay guys and iffier lesbians among them.

Pictured here with Cobalt from L-R: Iffier lesbian, Attractive Straight Girl, Gay guy in drag

They all shared that special quality I seek out in people: adoration of me.