Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business A New LMB Tag-Team Thread: 5 for 15 (COMPLETE)

... click our heels three times! In unison, of course!

The group (IB, Blaze, Lardy, Stalgie, Earth-2 Stalgie, Crystal Meth Kid, Dancing Queen, Snobby Singapore) all looked at Robot Peebz in confusion.

"It's all part of the signal that Cobie, Deddy and myself agreed on before we put our plan into action," Robot Peebz explained as Ajax and Una-Son struggled against their bonds. "Doing this will take us to where all our dead friends are."

"Well, we have no time to lose," Lardy said as everyone nodded their heads in unison.

"On the count of 3 then," Stalgie said.

Everyone clicked their heels together, and were instantly teleported to the netherworld. Dedman floated into view and gasped.

"It's..."

...the missing LW'ers!"

The two groups rushed towards each other and hugs were shared.

"Man, am I glad to see you guys!" said Stalgie gleefully.

"Er, who's your twin?" asked Cobie suspiciously as he looked over Stalgie's grungy counterpart.

"It's a long story. The point is that we need to find a way to bring you guys back to life!"

Ibby stepped out of the shadows to propose an idea. "I think the secret to solving this puzzle is right under our noses: thoth lad!"

"That doesn't make sense." said Rocky shaking his head. "If thoth is still on LW, then how would he be able to help us?"

"We need to get him to...

"... marry his cat!"

"What?" Everyone said in unison, despite Una-Son still being stuck in the dank, wet, smelly cave on Giant Robotic Lebanon. "Force of habit, I guess," shrugged Cobie.

"It's simple, really," Ibby explained. "Thoth's cat is actually the third cousin twice removed of Stoopid Cat's magical cat friend's grand niece and so has a smidgen of magical power. If thoth marries his cat in an elaborate ceremony involving honey, a giant feather boa, three different types of pale ale, a dozen bunnies, Padme Amidala's head dress, EDE's nelly cap, robot Peebz arm, the very first ever fumetti Lash created, cleome's favorite bottle of wine, and a hair from every single active LMBer, he should be able to get her to harness that power and bring you back to life.!"

Everyone looked at each other in consternation. "We're doomed!" sobbed Caliente.

"Do we really need all those things?" Fanfie asked. "That's quite a lot!"

"I'm more worried about the list than I am about thoth agreeing to marry his cat," mused Rocky.

"I know how we can get all those things!" Spellbinder said excitedly. "We can..."

...use Saturn Girl to communicate with him!"

"Um, my powers don't extend that far though." said Saturn Girl with a sense of exhaustion.

"What we need is a way to amplify her powers in order to reach thoth on Legion World." said Nightcrawler scratching his furry chin.

"I know what we can do!" said Robot Peebz. "My circuity is built in to amplify any input given into the software. If you can somehow get Saturn Girls thoughts into my mainframe, I can project them to thoth!"

"Great! Now how do we go about getting the telepathy into Peebz?" asked Rocky excitedly.

"I have a suggestion." Everyone turned to see Mystery Lad who had been silent since his arrival. "We could use..."

"We can use Tamper Lad's new invention!"

Everyone turned to look at Tamper Lad.

Tamper Lad coughed at the sudden attention. "It's a mini Miracle Machine that can create anything that the plot requires. But it can only create one thing every 72 hours so we can't use it to create everything that IB listed."

"Okay then," Kid Marvel said. "Let's use it to create something that can hook Saturn Girl's telepathy to the Peebz Robot."

As they turned on the machine...

...it sputtered to a start.

"Sprock yeah! It's working!" cheered Lightning Lad.

"Now, we just need to see if thoth can hear us or not." said Saturn Girl to the group.

"thoth, this is Saturn Girl. The LMB needs your help so I need you to listen to me very closely. Here's what I need you to do..."

After several minutes of communicating with thoth, Saturn Girl returned to her friends to report that thoth had agreed to work to get them free.

"Great, now we play the waiting game." said Cobie with a sigh. "What can we do to pass the time?"

Suddenly, Thoth came back online via telepathic link!

"When you gave me the list, I was hoping it would include a list of locations..." Thoth sputtered. "I don't know where to start. Like, will EDE even give up his cap? Oh, and what will I have to do when i marry my cat? And can I have it annulled after?"

The LMBers looked at each other. Then Kid Prime spoke up. "I can't answer the questions about the cat marriage... But I know who can help Thoth find these things..."

for Ibby

"Who?" asked Nightcrawler suspiciously.

"The Earth-2 LMB of course! The presence of Earth-2 Stalgie must be a sign that they've been here before. If we can somehow get in contact with them, we can have twice the manpower to visit all the locations we need to." Kid Prime said with excitement.

"Bah! I'm not going anywhere! I love this place." the Earth-2 Stalgie said as he clung to his copy of Michael Jackson's Bad. "You guys are on your own."

"Wow, Earth-2 me is a dick!" Nostalgia Lad said shaking his head.

"We can use Robot Peebz to contact them like we did with thoth." Kid Prime said ignoring them. "Which member should we contact first?"

(off-character interlude) YAY! thanks Stalgie! (end interlude)

"How about the Earth-2 IB? He can split into seven selves too, and quickly contact everybody else," IB offered.

"Wait! I thought the Earth-2 you was dead?!" Blaze said, grabbing IB and sobbing.

"No, that was the Earth-4 IB," Rocky clarified. "And why are you crying?"

"Because I don't want my IB to die too!" Blaze sobbed.

"Okay then..." Kid Prime tried to hide his discomfort. "Here goes nothing." He quickly dialed the magical phone booth that had appeared out of nowhere between this post and the last, but nobody questioned its presence because they were in a weird spooky dimension that only Dedman understood anyway.

The group waited in tense silence as the phone rang. It picked up and a voice decidedly higher-pitched than IB's rugged, masculine bass answered. "Hello?"

"Um... hello, Invisible Brainiac of Earth-2?" Saturn Girl said tentatively.

The voice laughed. "Wrong number! This is..."

...The Doctor!"

"The Doctor? Doctor who? Who is this?" Saturn Girl asked confused.

"Just the Doctor, my dear girl." said the voice before hanging up again.

"What a weirdo..." Saturn Girl said to the other LMB'ers.

After redialling the number again, Earth-2 Ibby eventually picked up the phone.

"Invisible Brainiac, Legionnaire extraordinaire at your service. What can I do for ya'?" a drunken voice responded. The sounds of a wild party could be heard in the background.

"IB, the LMB desperately needs your help. Here's what we need..." Saturn Girl telepathically communicated to him.

After several minutes of explaining their ludicrous situation, Earth-2 IB agreed to help them.

"Great! We'll have this solved in no time!" Fanfic Lady said with excitement.

Back on Earth-1...

Thoth Lad cowered behind the counter as the menacing meows got closer and closer. "No, no, I swear, I wasn't serious when I said I would take away your catnip!"

Thoth's cat hissed evilly at him, and jumped as thoth covered his eyes.

A hand grabbed thoth's cat as, in a flash of light, the Earth-2 Invisible Brainiac and the Earth-2 Blaze appeared. Earth-2 IB was the same age as his counterpart, and had a leaner body type, but had the same cheeky grin. Earth-2 Blaze was the opposite, bulkier than his Earth-1 self.

Earth-2 Blaze tsked at the cat as his other hand held it. "Bad kitty! I never did like pussy."

Thoth winced as E2 Blaze said that. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I did not need to hear that."

"Oh yeah, my counterpart said you were a tad squeamish," E2 IB smirked as he leaned close to E2 Blaze and inserted his hand down his shirt. E2 Blaze smirked back and grabbed E2 IB's butt.

"Gah! Get a room you two," Thoth lad squeaked as he covered his eyes.

"No time!" E2 IB shook his head as he grabbed Thoth Lad. "We have to go collect a ton of stuff so we can free your teammates. Here's the full list," he said as he shoved his Omnicom into Thoth's face.

"Oh is that all? Why don't we add a few more items to the list, it's not long enough," thoth sputtered as he saw it. "When Saturn Girl telepathically gave this to me, it seemed so much shorter."

"Just wait until you hear what you have to do when you marry your cat," E2 Blaze said darkly.

Thoth's eyes climbed into his forehead as E2 IB and Blaze chuckled. "Now come on," E2 IB said as he took off. "First stop is..."

...Rockhopper Lad's rookery!"

"Why do we need to go there?" thoth asked in confusion.

"To get Hyvvie the Wonder Beagle of course!" E2 IB said as if thoth had asked a stupid question. "His super sense of smell will make it easier for us to find the rest of the objects we need on our list."

"Hmm that makes sense." thoth said in acquiescence.

"Aw honey, what if I accidentally melt down Rocky's palace." E2 Blaze said sheepishly.

"Don't worry, as long as I'm there, nothing bad will happen. Besides, your hotness is more likely to melt the place than anything else." E2 IB said cooingly.

"Excuse me while I go throw up." thoth sarcastically said as he rolled his eyes.

"No time for that, thoth! Let's go!" IB and Blaze said together.

-----------------------------------------------------

The trio arrived at the front steps to the Rookery. A blizzard raged outside the magnificent palace and they were eager to get inside for some warm reprieve from the storm. As they lumbered into foyer, they found that Hyvvie was already waiting there for them!

"It's about time. I've been worried sick about Rocky." he said looking at thoth. "Who are the other two?"

"Don't worry. They're friends and we need your help to rescue Rocky and the other missing LW'ers." thoth said.

After explaining their ludicrous quandary, Hyvvie agreed to go with them.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Time is of the essence!" Hyvvie barked and the trio began to run to leave.

However, they were stopped in their tracks when they were met by...

... Rocky's secretary!

"Don't forget your flea powder, dog collar, water bottle and bunch of doggie treats," Rocky's secretary said chidingly as Hyvvie wagged his tail.

"That's quite a collection there," E2 IB said.

Hyvvie suddenly snapped its paws and turned to lick E2 IB. "You reminded me! I know where we can go to get the toughest item on the list - the hairs of every LMBer ever!"

"Where?!" E2 Blaze, E2 IB and thoth said in unison, despite Una-Son not being there.

Hyvvie barked again. "At the..."

... Legion World hare salon!"

"Alright then, away we go!" E2 IB shouted with excitement as the quarter flew off to their next destination.

-------------------------------------

As the group entered the salon, E2 Blaze immediatly began to frown.

"Something else else's not right here...this place is completely empty." he said as he looked around.

"Oh Blaze, your'e so naive." Hyvvie said with a laugh as he rang the bell at the front desk.

The group heard a loud thumping noise as a large anthropomorphic rabbit jumped up to the desk.

"Eh, what's up doc? What can I do for ya? Need a dye job? Hair cut?" he said as he chewed a carrot.

"Wow, so that's what he meant by 'hare salon'...." thoth said as he rolled his eyes gain, which was becoming more frequent as his day continued to get crazier.

"Yeah, we've got a tall order for you today: the hair of every LMB'er ever." E2 IB said suavely to try to persuade the hare.

"Ehhhh that's gonna cost ya, fellah. What's in it for me? I'm all ears." the hare said slyly as his ears perked up.

"Hmm I might have something of interest to you. Would you be interested in...

"... The giant carrot in Blaze's pants?"

Thoth shook his head in disgust. "Pimping yourselves out to each other is one thing, but this..."

E2 Blaze laughed. "Ew, no. It's a carrot that gives boosts of energy to anyone who eats it, cooked up by the Reboot and Petty Officer Bugs of our earth 2."

The giant hate perked up its ears. "My counterpart! Anything he comes up with should be good."

E2 IB raised his eyebrows. "Why didn't you say you were the E1 Petty Officer Bugs?"

"Wanted to see what you had to offer," Bugs shrugged as he chomped happily on the carrot.

"I could have told you", Hyvvie snorted. "Hasty humans always talking and talking... Anyway, can we have all the hair now?"

"Sure," Bugs said as he pressed a button. A display case folded out from the wall. He fiddled around in it, tossing out several knick knacks. "ah, here we go." He handed E2 IB a case. "One hair from every LMBer ever."

"Awesome," Blaze said happily. "Now where to?"

Hyvvie sniffed. "I think we should get the dozen bunnies."

Petty Officer Bugs laughed. "I know where to get those..."

...my house!"

"Um, are you actually going to just hand off your kids to a bunch of strangers?" Hyvvie asked with suspicion.

"Meh. As long as none of them get hurt, I don't care." Bugs said with a shrug as he continued to chew his carrot.

"Right...." Hyvvie said rolling his yes. Eye rolling seemed to be infectious today.

As the quarter headed out again, Bugs shouted out to them.

"Wait! When you get to my house, tell my wife that I'm going to be working late. She's making carrot casserole tonight and every time I eat it, I get constipation for weeks. I'm eating out tonight in secret. No more laxatives for this rabbit, let me tell ya."

Hyvvie rolled his eyes again as thoth smirked at him.

--------------------------------------------------------

Bugs' house sat atop a large hill in the middle of a green shire. It was a picturesque cottage that one would never suspect was owned by a giant rabbit, especially one as petty as Bugs!

"This is the address he gave us. Should we knock on the door?" E2 Blaze asked as they headed up the cobblestone steps.

"Do you have any other ideas?" thoth said as he knocked on the door.

The door was opened by Bugs' wife who seemed to be in a very chipper mood.

"Ah, guests! You must be friends of Bugs! Please come on! I have a fresh casserole and I'm sure you're starving by now." she said as she pushed the quartet in before they could answer her.

"So, where is Bugs? He's usually home by now?" she said with an obvious tone of anxiety.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Bugs. He's fine and told us to tell you that he's working late." Hyvvie said with the best confidence he could muster. He hated to lie.

"Well, aint that just like him to miss casserole night. What brings you to the neighborhood though?" she said.

"We're actually in need of your help. We don't have to explain, but we need twelve of your kids ASAP. We promise that they won't be hurt. It's an emergency and we need them to save our friends."

"Well, why didn't you just say so, fellah? I'll get them now." she said as she disappeared into a room behind them.

"Wow! That was much easier than I thought." thoth said with a sigh of relief.

She returned with a small baby carriage with a dozen small rabbits inside.

"Thanks, Mrs. Bugs! You've been a big help!" thoth said with excitement as he reached out for the carriage.

However, she quickly slapped his hand and pushed the carriage behind her.

"Not so fast, boys. I'll give you my kids on one condition: one of you tries my casserole. I tried a new recipe and want to get some feedback on it." she said with a grin.

All four of the heroes gulped in unison, mortified by what Bugs had told them about her casserole earlier. Blaze, IB, and Hyvvie quickly declared "Not it!" and ran behind thoth.

"I hate you guys so much..." thoth muttered as he took a spoon from the table and scooped up a large bite of casserole, swallowing it one bite.

"Well, what do you think?!" she asked with anticipation.

"Its...very delicious." thoth said as he tried to resist the temptation to vomit.

"Thank you so much dear! Here's the kiddos. Remember to be back by bedtime!" she said as she pushed the carriage to thoth.

-----------------------------------------------

The four of them convened outside the house to discuss their next plan of action while thoth tried his best to throw up the casserole.

"Where to next?" Blaze asked.

"How about a doctor?" thoth said weakly as he prepared his barf bag again. The rabbits in the carriage giggled as they watched thoth swear out of frustration.

"No time for that, thoth!" said E2 IB. "We need to get the...

"...honey, a giant feather boa, three different types of pale ale, a dozen bunnies, Padme Amidala's head dress, EDE's nelly cap, robot Peebz's arm, the very first ever fumetti Lash created, cleome's favorite bottle of wine, and a hair from every single active LMBer!"

"We only have two of the objects," Hyvvie added.

"Technically we have 1,646 hairs plus 12 bunnies equals..." thoth started, but barfed before he could finish his mental math.

"What do we get next?" Blaze said.

"I already downloaded Lash's first ever fumetti. It's really funny," IB giggled as he looked at his Omnicom.

Suddenly, Hyvvie sniffed the air. "Cleome's nearby! Let's go borrow her wine. She's at..."

...her penthouse suite just a few miles away!

———————————————————————————


The quartet landed on cleome's patio garden that lay just outside her meticulously decorated penthouse suite. Dozens of bright flowers burst from the patio, painting the skyline with a rainbow of color.

“Wow! This is beautiful!” E2 IB said clearly impressed.

“Why thank you dear. You should really tell a poor old woman when you plan on dropping by. I haven’t even had a chance to tidy up the place!” a voice piped up from behind a group of petunias. “My Ibby, have you been starving yourself? You look so skinny!”

“I’m not the Ibby you know, cleome! It’s a LONG story!” E2 IB said with a laugh.

“Well, I have all the time in the world.” cleome said as she beckoned the heroes into her home.

———————————————————————————————

cleome brewed a fresh pot of coffee and her kitchen began to smell of the blissful aroma of mocha. Collages and mosaics hung on the walls, all created by cleome herself. Ferns and other decorative plants lined the walls and swayed in the breeze creeping in from the open patio.

“So, what seems to be the problem, kiddos?” she said cheerfully. Even though cleome had no eyes or mouth, her chipper voice always shined through and made everything see better.

“Sit down, cleome. I’ve got a LOT to lay on you.” E2 IB said as he got ready to explain the LMB’ers predicament.

After explaining it, cleome sat silently to contemplate all the strange things she had just heard.

“So you need a bottle of my finest wine, huh? I’ll be honest: I’m pretty sad to let go of it. Mr. cleome and I were hoping to share it for a special night.” she said sadly.

“I’m sorry cleome, but it’s the only option to save our friends. Please help us.” E2 Blaze said to try to sway her.

“Alright, I’ll give it to you.” she said as she pulled out the wine from a cabinet behind her and handed it to Blaze.

“I do have to ask though, do you and the E2 Stalgie constantly fight over my fortune like your E1 counterparts? I swear those pesky heirs of mine are going to give me a heart attack one day!” she said sighing.

“Oh yeah, he’s a devious one alright. We actually had to leave him on Giant Robotic Lebanon to keep his shenanigans from getting out of hand! I wonder what he’s been up to since then…” E2 IB said as he was lost in his thoughts.

The group all shared a laugh as the heroes took their leave.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us, cleome? We would love to have you along with our journey!” thoth asked.

“No…you kiddos go on. I’m not up for a dangerous journey at the moment, but I’ll be cheering for you on your quest!” she said as she pet the baby rabbits in the carriage.

“Well, if you change your mind, you know we’re just a call away!” Hyvvie said wagging his tail.

—————————————————————————————————

“So where are we heading to now?” E2 Blaze asked.

“According to the list, we’re closest to...

"robot Peebz' arm!" Hyvvie said.

E2 IB made a note on the list.

"So after this, we still need the honey, a giant feather boa, three different types of pale ale, Padme Amidala's head dress, and EDE's nelly cap. We already have the dozen bunnies, cleome's favorite bottle of wine, Lash's first ever fumetti, and the hair from every active LMBer."

"Okay, so where is Peebz?" thoth asked as he wiped his mouth.

"His spare arm is lying in the LMB garage," Hyvvie replied.

The quartet took off, and moments later landed at the garage. As they entered, E2 Blaze spotted it immediately. "There it is! Buff and bulging, as expected." Blaze gave a sigh as robot Peebz' arm flexed. "Sigh, he's soooo built."

"Machines really have replaced everything," thoth snarked. Blaze quickly grabbed E2 IB's butt. "Not EVERYTHING," he smiled.

Thoth coughed nervously and grabbed robot Peebz' arm. "Okay then, what's next?"

Hyvvie sniffed again. "Next up is..."

"The bathroom! Please, for the love of god, can we take a bathroom break?!" thoth said cutting Hyvvie off before he could complete his sentence.

"Fine...let's go to that convenience store down the road. I'm sure they'll have a bathroom you can use." said Hyvvie with a sigh.

———————————————————————

As the trio waited for thoth outside the dirty roadside bathroom, Blaze had an idea.

"Hey, why don't we buy the honey while we're here? At least we can cross an item off the list while we're waiting for thoth." he said.

"Take all...the time you need..." thoth muttered weakly in between his vomiting.

Entering the store, they found that the shelves was lined with various bottles of honey, spanning dozens of brands and flavors.

“Crap, how do we know which honey to get? It could be any one of these!” E2 IB cried out in frustration.

“May I be of assistance to you, gentleman?” a voice piped up from behind them as a tall old man jumped out from the shadows.

“AHHH!” the trio screamed in fright.

“Relax! I work here!” he said with a laugh.

“We’re looking for some honey for a ritual to bring back our dead friends. It’s a long story, which I’m sure you don’t want to hear.” E2 IB told him.

“I see…” the old man said stroking his long wispy beard. “I have just the thing.”

Pushing aside numerous jars on the shelf, he plunged his hand as far back as he could and pulled a small jar. The honey almost seemed to have a glowing aura, which made the heroes suspicious.

“How much is that going to cost?” Hyvvie asked.

“Well, I was thinking of selling it for...

"... a jar of vomit!"

E2 IB, E2 Blaze and Hyvvie looked at each other in confusion. The old man shrugged. "I have a Bismollian hound for a pet. They like vomit. Besides, I know you need this for a very important ritual, so I'm inclined to be more generous."

"We'll take it!" E2 IB said gleefully. He rapped on the bathroom. "Hey thoth!"

"BLEAAARGH." thoth said weakly. "Sorry you had to hear that... I hope you don't need to use this yet..."

"Open the door and vomit in this jar," E2 IB said.

"Okay, I know you and Blaze are into some weird kink but this is a bit odd..."

"Ew, no," E2 IB said. "The store owner will trade us the honey for this."

"... okay, so he is into some weird kink..." thoth opened the door, grabbed the jar then shut it again. The others tactfully pretended not to cringe at his retching.


************************************************************

In the meantime, in the afterlife...

The assembled LMBers and allies (E1 IB, E1 Blaze, Lardy, E1 Stalgie, E2 Stalgie, Crystal Meth Kid, Dancing Queen, Snobby Singapore, Robot Peebz, Dedman, Lash, Cobalt Kid, Candle, Mystery Lad, Nightcrawler, Lightning Lad, Spellbinder (aka Crujectra), Kid Prime, Saturn Girl, Caliente, Fanfic Lady, Tamper Lad, Kid Marvel (aka Joeboy), Rockhopper Lad, EDE, Space Tart, 90's bomber jacket Crystal, and Kirby-era Crystal) were sitting around playing cards.

"Go fish!" yelled Joeboy gleefully.

Irritated, Crystal Meth Kid threw his hands up. "You always win!"

"That's because you're holding your cards wrong side up," Caliente pointed out helpfully.

"What's taking thoth, E2 IB, E2 Blaze and Hyvvie so long?" Cobie asked impatiently. "With E2 IB along, I thought this would be fast!"

"Give them some time," Saturn Girl chided. "They have quite a long list to gather..."

"I'm just worried about Una-Son and Ajax..." Lardy said. "We left them tied up in the cave on Giant Robotic Lebanon."

"Eh, they'll be fine for now," E1 IB said. "We used really tight inertron chains."

"Okay then," Rocky said happily. "Since we're just waiting here, why don't we play Kill This Thread?"

Everyone looked around and shrugged, in unison. "Might as well, we have all the time in the world..." E1 Stalgie said.


************************************************************

Back on Earth 1...

Thoth dutifully handed it to the store owner (nobody else wanted to touch the jar).

As the quartet exited, E2 Blaze checked the list. "Now we only need a giant feather boa, three different types of pale ale, Padme Amidala's head dress, and EDE's nelly cap. We already have the dozen bunnies, cleome's favorite bottle of wine, Lash's first ever fumetti, honey, and the hair from every active LMBer."

E2 IB promptly turned around and went back in. Minutes later he came out holding a plastic bag. "Three types of pale ale!"

Thoth wrinkled his nose. "I hope you bought the REAL brands." He peeked in the bag and gasped. "Hey...!"

...there's a hole in the bag! One of the bottles fell out!"

"Aw crap, those were the last three bottles he had!" E2 IB grumbled as he slapped his forehead.

"Wait, I think I might have a bottle of pale ale back at my place!" thoth said as a metaphorical lightbulb appeared above his head.

-------------------------------------------

Hyvvie, E2 Blaze, and E2 IB sat on thoth's couch while thoth rummaged through his kitchen in the search for the last bottle of pale ale.

"Ow, this couch is hard! I think I'm sitting on something!" E2 IB said as he rummaged under the seat cushion. Pulling out the object, he found it was a DVD.

"Lovely Ladies of Lythlys XXX...." E2 Blaze said raising an eyebrow. "Where did he even get that?"

"Something else else tells me I don't want to know...." Hyvvie said shaking his head.

Just at that moment, thoth popped back into the living room holding the bottle.

"I found it guys! Hope I didn't keep you guys waiting too long." he said with excitement.

"Yeah...so where are we going next?" E2 IB said as he tried to hide the DVD in the couch again.

"Hmm, how about...

"EDE's nelly cap? I know just where EDE keeps a spare..." Hyvvie added.

Soon, the quartet found themselves at SHAKES.

"Why does EDE have a spare cap here again?" E2 Blaze asked.

"So he can puke in it?" Thoth said as he held out his barf bag.

"Just in case he loses the one he's wearing at the time," Hyvvie explained. "Ah, here we go."

"Wait, before we continue, let me have a drink," E2 IB grinned cheekily. "Just one."

"Aw hon," E2 Blaze shook his head. "Not in the middle of a mission. You'll get all red again."

"Fine," E2 IB said. "Okay, what's next?"

Hyvvie sniffed. "Well..."

...something tells me that we're going to find our Padme Amidala headdress right up ahead!"

"You can tell that just from your nose?" E2 Blaze asked with suspicion.

"No, but I can from that billboard in front of us." Hyvvie said.

The kooky quartet looked up and saw a giant billboard advertising the annual Legion World Star Wars convention.

"We don't have badges though! How are we going to get in?" thoth asked.

"Leave that to me." Hyvvie said with a wink.

——————————————————————————

"Hold it! I need to see badges before you can get in!" a guard dressed as a Stormtrooper said as they reached the entrance to the convention center.

“Good day to you, sir!” Hyvvie said in a most regal manner, clearly evoking Rockhopper Lad. “My compatriots and I would like to gain entrance into your establishment.”

“I’m going to need some ID and a badge for each of you please.” the guard said coldly.

“Sir, do you know who I am?” Hyvvie said in a tone of faux indignation.

“Do I look like I give a damn?” the guard said.

“I am Hyvvie, the Wonder Beagle, first dog of the House of Rockhopper Lad and member of the the Legion of Super-pets. My colleagues and I are on a top secret mission that could determine the fate of the entire world. Cities will fall and thousands could perish should we fail! I urge you sir, for you and your loved ones sake, please let us in before it’s too late!”

“Yeah, and I’m the tooth fairy.” the guard said with a snort. “You’re still not getting in.”

“Sprock this!” E2 Blaze said from behind Hyvvie, clearly getting frustrated. He stepped up to the guard and delivered a lightning fast left hook to the guard’s face, knocking him out.

“Or we could have just done that…” Hyvvie said shaking his head.

“Wow, one punch! One punch!” E2 IB said with a laugh. “You’re so strong, hon!”

————————————————————————————

As the heroes moved around the convention floor, they were met with characters in the most bizarre costumes, from 400 lb. men dressed as Slave Leia and Yodas over 8 feet tall and sporting four eyes.

“Star Wars cosplay has gotten a lot weirder ever since actual aliens got in on the fun.” thoth said looking around.

Out of the corner, a tall, muscular man spray painted in gold to look like C3PO jumped out from a booth in front of IB and Blaze.

“Something else else tells me that I’m the droid you’re looking for.” he said with a wink and a grin.

“Er, you seem very nice, but I’m not looking for anyone right now.” E2 IB said as tried to avoid looking at the man suggestively flexing in front of him while Blaze glared at him, nearly erupting into flames.

“No time for flirting you two! I found the headdress and you’ll never believe who’s wearing it! It’s...

"... Donald Trump!"

Thoth, Hyvvie, E2 IB, E2 Blaze, and muscleman C3PO all gasped in unison. Muscly C3PO quickly groped IB's butt while he gasped, to Blaze's displeasure.

Donald Trump grabbed a megaphone even as he wore Padme Amidala's headdress. "I am announcing my candidacy for President of the United Planets! I wear this headdress as a symbol of my acceptance of other cultures besides my own!"

"I thought it was to hide your ugly hair," thoth snarked. Several people in the crowd sniggered.

Donald Trump looked angrily at thoth, eyes glowing red. "You are rude. you're fired!" And he began shooting laser beams from his eyes. Thoth yelped and ducked, and a laser bore a hole through a giant-sized poster of the cast of Star Wars XIV: The Return of the Phantom Empire, Who Strikes Back at the Newly Hopeful Jedi.

"Oh, now you had to go and do it," Hyvvie barked. Thoth grinned sheepishly as he cowered behind a life-sized statue of R2D2. E2 IB shrugged. "At least Thoth had the balls to do it in person." Muscly C3PO stroked IB's back approvingly as Blaze's hair erupted into fire.

"come on, let's stop him," E2 IB said as he attempted to distance himself form Muscly C3PO. "Fastball special, Hyvvie?"

"My pleasure." Moments later, Hyvvie was launched from a hard-light glove courtesy of IB. He soared through the air, above the heads of the scrambling crowd, and gave Donald Trump a kick in the back of the head. He quickly grabbed the headdress and flew back to the others.

"Thanks guys, for cleaning up my mess and not rubbing it in my face, which I know you won't die because you don't like to be nasty," Thoth said pointedly. "Where to now?"

"We take this guy to the hospital," E2 Blaze said smugly as he twisted Muscly C3PO's nipple. "Ow, I just worked out, honey!" Muscly C3PO shrieked.

"Ah, just give me your number and I'll have our E1 counterparts call you," E2 IB said as he took down Muscly C3PO's number and sent him on his way. "Well, now we only need the feather boa!"

Hyvvie barked. "And we can get that at..."