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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692
Humanoid from the Deep
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Humanoid from the Deep
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692 |
Great work with the battle scene, Fanfie! I'm interested to see how Rokk's death(?) will factor into the battle with Stargrave.
Keep up with what I've been watching lately! "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you."
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
Thank you, Stalgie.
There are some big surprises to come in the climactic Part Seven, and a major surprise to come in the Epilogue.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692
Humanoid from the Deep
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Humanoid from the Deep
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692 |
Is Part Seven going to be the last part?
Keep up with what I've been watching lately! "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you."
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
Yes, but there will be an Epilogue, sort of like one of those extra-scenes-during-the-end-credits so beloved of modern popcorn cinema.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
PART SEVEN
While Stargrave pontificated emptily, the Legionnaires were unsure of what to do, being as Stargrave had the power to take on both the present-day Legionnaires and their younger selves and still emerge the last one standing.
And no one was more uncertain of her course of action than Phantom Girl, who held the mysterious Project Eternal in her trembling hands. Should she try to escape with this McGuffin? Should she stand her ground and see how long she could stay phased, thus ensuring no one else could get their hands on the McGuffin?
Unexpectedly, a new option came to Phantom Girl via Saturn Girl's telepathy.
Hand it to Brainiac 5. commanded Saturn Girl.
Are you crazy? replied Phantom Girl.
We have no alternative. Please trust me.
With a heavy sigh, Phantom Girl stepped forward and held out the McGuffin to Brainiac 5, who hesitated for only a split second before taking it.
Now, continued Saturn Girl, get as far away from him as you can.
Phantom Girl began to back off, motioning to Shrinking Violet to follow her.
All Legionnaires eyes were on Brainiac 5 as the overconfident and still-oblivious Stargrave continued to boast prematurely of his victory.
"Legionnaires, you now see before you the future of your well-intentioned but ineffectual team. Yes, just as the Time Trapper was the future version of Cosmic Boy, so am I the future version of Brainiac 5. Before this day is through, I shall ascend to richly deserved godhood and..."
Stargrave abruptly paused when he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, a radioactive glare emanating from nearby.
To his horror, Stargrave realized that Brianiac 5 had unscrewed the seal on the McGuffin and exposed himself to it.
"You unmitigated fool!" roared Stargrave. "It was I who was meant to bathe in the energies of Project Eternal, not you! Only I have the constitution, honed by years of training and self-improvement, to be able to survive the exposure and benefit from it! Do you realize what you have done??"
"Of course I do." replied Brainiac 5. "I've saved the universe from you by ensuring that your presence shall never pollute it. If the only path to redemption lies in yours and my deaths, then so be it.
"However, you were very wrong, Stargrave, when you said only you would have benefitted from this. With the little time I have left as a sentient being, I am going to do my best to make up for my legion of sins."
At this moment, the glowing radioactive protoplasm levitated out of the tube seemingly of its own accord. As Brainiac 5's body aged prematurely and crumbled to dust, so the protoplasm morphed quickly into first a fetus, then a baby, then a child, then a young adult, and finally a full-grown adult.
No one present failed to notice that the protoplasm's new form was the spitting image of Brianiac 5. When it began to speak, it did so in Brainiac 5's voice, albeit with an echo-like effect.
"The first order of business," it said, "is to relieve Tenzil Kem of the pain he has unfairly endured. I now remove from his body all of the toxic Miracle Machine energies.
"Then, I must heal Troy Stewart's throat, so he may continue to perform heroic deeds.
"Next, I will drain the Time Trapper of his remaining chronal energies, and destroy his Iron Curtain of time. No more shall Hypertime, the one true state of the Multiverse, be held back.
"And finally, for the coup de grace, I shall combine Stargrave's sanctuary with the Time Trapper's citadel into a new inter-dimensional headquarters for the Legion of Super-Heroes. If the United Planets do not want you, it is their loss and the Multiverse's gain.
As the teenage Legionnaires were whisked back to their proper position in the space-time continuum and the present-day Legionnaires witnessed all of these awe-inspiring sights, they also noticed that both Brainiac 5's new form and the figure of Pulsar Stargrave were entering the stage of molecular discorporation.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Stargrave.
"Yes." replied Brainiac 5 serenely.
Just then, Superboy and Supergirl appeared.
"Thank Rao the time-storm dissipated and we were finally able to get through." said Supergirl.
"Kara," said the glowing Brainiac 5, "please come closer."
"Brainy??"
"In a matter of speaking. Soon I shall be no more, and I was hoping we could share...one final kiss."
"Of...of course."
As they embraced and locked lips, all of the Legionnaires felt tears welling up in their eyes.
Kara and Brainiac 5 then separated, and he began to morph into a hazy cloud of pure energy which then proceeded to come apart, particle by particle.
"Farewell, Legionnaires." he said. "And I hope my final gift to you...it is soon to arrive, keep a lookout for it...leads to better times ahead for the entire Multiverse."
And with those words, he was gone.
The contemplative silence which followed seem to go on interminably, until Night Girl spoke up.
"Rokk is moving! He's alive! Could this be Brainy's final gift?"
"I'm afraid...not." wheezed Rokk as Garth and Imra moved in closer to him.
"Please don't say that." sobbed Lydda.
"It's so...clear...now," he said, "...I was so wrong, so misguided...please forgive me, all of you...but...especially...Lydda, Garth, and Imra."
"Yes, I f-f-forgive you." stammered Lydda through her tears.
"I forgive you, too, old buddy." said Garth.
"As do I." said Imra.
"We...really...had something special once, didn't we? Don't...let...it...end. Make the most...of this second chance...please let the Legion go on."
Rokk then closed his eyes for the final time.
CONTINUED
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692
Humanoid from the Deep
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Humanoid from the Deep
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692 |
Keep up with what I've been watching lately! "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you."
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
I can understand why you're sad, Stalgie, given how much you like Rokk.
For what it's worth, I feel like exploring him in this story has helped me appreciate him better overall.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692
Humanoid from the Deep
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Humanoid from the Deep
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692 |
I like that he died recognizing the error of his ways instead of becoming an outright villain. I'm interested to see how it factors into the epilgoue.
Keep up with what I've been watching lately! "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you."
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
Thanks, Stalgie. That means a lot to me, coming from a fan of the character. Now I feel like I succeeded in my intent.
Just out of curiosity, any thoughts on Brainy's similar fate?
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692
Humanoid from the Deep
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Humanoid from the Deep
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692 |
It's interesting so see Brainy be sentimental, especially at the time of his death. I would have expected him to make one last sarcastic jab as a joke to his friends.
Keep up with what I've been watching lately! "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you."
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
In that case, I'll be interested to know how you interpret his "final gift", once it's revealed in the Epilogue.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692
Humanoid from the Deep
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Humanoid from the Deep
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692 |
I look forward to it.
Keep up with what I've been watching lately! "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you."
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
EPILOGUE
The surviving Legionnaires had assembled on the asteroid Shanghalla to pay their respects at the memorials for Brianiac 5 and Cosmic Boy. Lightning Lad was in the process of delivering a eulogy for both of the fallen heroes.
"When this team was founded, we thought Rokk would outlive us all. He was the born leader, the negotiator, the delegator, the diplomat, without whom the Legion would never have lasted in the long run. I was the wild one, the hot-head, the unfortunate one who seemed to be bound for an early grave. Without Rokk's influence, I'd never have matured into the man I am today.
"All the more pity that Rokk himself was never able to live up to his public example. I suppose some of us are meant to grow up, and some of us are not. But let's not judge Rokk for his misdeeds, let's remember him for his good deeds.
"Now, Brainy...he had a legacy going back a thousand years which it seemed he would never be able to live down. In his darkest hour, it seemed that he had fully embraced that sorry legacy of villainy. Which makes his final act of self-sacrifice all the more admirable. He had more failures -- noble and ignoble alike -- than anyone with a 12th Level Intelligence should. But his final act was one of resounding success, both in contributing to the greater good and in rejecting his legacy once and for all.
"And what it finally comes down to is...they were our friends. I'll miss them, and I'm sure the rest of you will, too."
Lightning Lad walked into the waiting arms of Saturn Girl. Both of them were crying, and so were all of the other Legionnaires.
Unexpectedly, Dawnstar began to shudder.
"What's the matter?" Wildfire asked her.
"I sense a ship approaching rapidly...but it is no ordinary ship. It is not of this galaxy...or any other galaxy...it is not of this universe!"
"Imra," said Garth, "long-range telepathic scan, quick!"
Saturn Girl closed her eyes and concentrated. After a few minutes, she kept her eyes closed but began to smile. Then she spoke up.
"Legionnaires, you're never going to believe this!"
The ship came into view and descended on Shanghalla, a short distance from the Legionnaires. The airlock opened to reveal nothing less than eight Legionnaires from an alternate universe.
One was a green-haired, grey-skinned girl with insect-like wings, another a girl who was clearly of African descent, and the rest were alternate versions of more familiar Legionnaires: Wildfire, Saturn Girl, Chameleon Boy, Shadow Lass, Ultra Boy...and Brainiac 5.
It was this alternate Brainy who broke the silence.
"WHERE THE SPROCK ARE WE??"
NOT THE END, BUT A NEW BEGINNING
DEDICATED TO CONJURE LASS, WITHOUT WHOM THIS STORY MIGHT NEVER HAVE BEEN WRITTEN
So there you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen of Legion World. A new continuity I call the Every-Boot. What do you think?
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692
Humanoid from the Deep
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Humanoid from the Deep
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692 |
Will this mean that your story will encompass all three versions of the Legion?
Keep up with what I've been watching lately! "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you."
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
All of them, plus all the other versions out there in Hypertime.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692
Humanoid from the Deep
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Humanoid from the Deep
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,692 |
I'm interested to see how you will use the 5YL version in the future.
Keep up with what I've been watching lately! "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you."
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
Sorry if this disappoints you, but I don't have any plans to use the 5YL version. But the great thing about the Every-Boot is that, since no version is canon and all versions have equal value, there's no reason someone else can't do their own story with the 5YL version interacting with another continuity.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,866
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,866 |
Hey Raquel, finally I've managed to set aside the time to read through your story and give you my thoughts.
First off I've got to say this is jam packed full of interesting ideas and plot lines, you have so many potential tales to tell from each post! Some are absolute genius while others seem to be a bit rushed to me.
The starting post with Garth and Imra that acknowledged the stress he was under and places the story perfectly within the canon timeline was both very sweet ("It's gonna get better") and funny ("Could it get any worse?" - you just know that after that is said that things will definitely get much worse, ha! You certaintly didn't disappoint by immediately ramping up the tension with Nura's announcement! I think this post was perhaps one of your best as it did everything an opening post should to both inform and hook the reader.
I didn't quite get the Pulsar Stargrave and Brainy posts to be honest, simply didn't understand why PS would play head games like that, why not just say what needed to be said?
Sun Boy having to prove his techy status was great, it's fun to write characters you normally dislike into positive situations, isn't it? Somehow I always feel a little bit better about myself when I do in my fanfics so knowing that you also dislike the canon Dirk it was good to see you write something decent for him. Even the seething at Nura's accomplishments came across as friendly rivalry rather than spitefulness so that was well done too.
Ayla's foolish pride - indeed! Can you imagine later versions of her taking a slap of Rokk without beating him soundly immediately afterwards?
Tenzil slipping into insanity after waking up was poignantly written, it makes it more powerful knowing that there's still a trace of the 'normal' him in there under the Miracle Machine's energy induced psychosis.
While it was nice to see Tasmia using her darkfield in such an interesting way I wanted to know more about what led her to experiment and how the experiments had been going - did you have limits she was pushing against for creating these solid objects?
The part that read most untrue to me is Professor Jath being bound in Rokk's room - other than for some kinky fun (It was the era of the Frank n Furter costume after all) it just didn't ring true to me, as he said later that Lydda and him had been working under duress for Rokk for several weeks I just don't see either of them not trying to alert someone, or that someone wouldn't have noticed that he was missing/ or acting strangely and his daughter was going weird. Sorry Fanfie, I know it's central to what goes on later but it felt rushed and not thought through properly to me and I felt myself disconnecting from their predicament in the story.
Then there's Tinya and Vi's understanding of each other which was especially well done, and a special delight was the normally timid Salu confessing that her relationship with Ord Quelu wasn't going anywhere and she felt jealous of the strength of relationship Tinya and Jo had - this was really good!
I'll carry on later with the rest, hope this is okay.
I'm looking forward to what your plans are from here; more, more, more!
Legion Worlds NINE - wait, there's even more ongoing amazing adventures? Yup, and you'll only find them in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
Hi, Harbi, thank you for the constructive criticism, it's a great help to me so that my writing can improve in future stories.
I admit I did rush through some parts of the story without really thinking them through. My "strike while the iron is hot" philosophy sometimes works in my disfavor.
Glad you liked the Imra/Garth and Tinya/Vi and Dirk/Nura scenes, I was very happy with the way they came out.
Good point about Tasmia; I should have said something about how after the Earthwar and Omega (especially considering the hurt inflicted by Omega on her lover), she felt she needed to make her powers more offensive.
Pulsar Stargrave's motivations -- mea culpa, I confess I never quite got them sorted out.
Rokk's oppression of Lydda and her father -- I figured at the time that it was enough to just have their lives in the balance, but the plot holes you pointed out are valid. BTW, regarding your quip about Rokk's costume...LOL.
Looking forward to what you have to say about the rest of the story.
Thanks again, Caron, the next story will be more cohesive and better thought out.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 84,970
Unseen, not unheard
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Unseen, not unheard
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 84,970 |
I liked Vi and Tinya's teamwork, and also how Vi's piloting skills were highlighted.
Nice bait-and-switch by Garth. Imra's quite powerful here!
Interesting switch by Brainy, nice to see him redeem himself.
Glad Lydda made it out okay!
Was also nice to see Lydda and Nura step up in short order.
And having the Lost Reboot Legionnaires show up - very nice!
Looking forward to seeing more Everyboot stories, Fanfie. This should certainly be an interesting ride!
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
Thank you, Ibby. Regarding what both you and Harbi said about my portrayal of Vi, I see her more as a case of "still waters run deep" than Levitz's "raging lesbian stereotype waiting to be unleashed", especially considering the subtle growth in confidence she showed during the Cockrum/Grell era, something which both Conway and the Levitz/Giffen team ignored. I have a lot of plans for her. I really wanted Brainy to have a happy ending, despite all the terrible things he did. The Lydda and Nura stepping-up scenes I'm both proud of. And I thought you especially would enjoy the twist involving the PostBoot Legion Lost team. Glad I was correct.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 84,970
Unseen, not unheard
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Unseen, not unheard
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 84,970 |
Yes, I like your less-aggressive portrayal of Vi (although if I remember right this would have been before the sens-tank incident, so she wouldn't be the "raging lesbian" yet - but your portrayal is still a wonderful balance of her being more confident but still quiet). Yes, I really did enjoy seeing the Postboot team there Any plans to have the rest of the team make the jump?
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
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OP
More Polyanna than Poison Ivy
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 17,872 |
This was indeed pre-sens-tank, long-haired girly-girl Vi in the beautiful green Dave Cockrum outfit.
And we will definitely see the rest of the Post-Boot cast, either in the second arc or the third, I haven't quite made up my mind yet.
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 84,970
Unseen, not unheard
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Unseen, not unheard
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 84,970 |
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Re: To Think Like a God!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,866
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,866 |
I admit I did rush through some parts of the story without really thinking them through. My "strike while the iron is hot" philosophy sometimes works in my disfavor.
Don't fret about that Fanfie, we all do it and its much better for you to get your ideas out and written down so there's room in your imagination for more. What I do is have about half a dozen sub folders on the go with different characters or plots in each and one master folder with the finished articles, and as an example right now I have 2 on going ideas about the next couple of stories coming up in LW3 even before the current arc is complete alongside one that's purely for character moments that I try to slip into the stories as they happen. It sounds overly complicated but at least I have the luxury of being able to chop and change as I go along if something doesn't quite feel right to me. I'm sure you'll find a way that works for you that means you write a great story, get your ideas written down and keep a hold of all the thoughts and inspiration s you have.
Legion Worlds NINE - wait, there's even more ongoing amazing adventures? Yup, and you'll only find them in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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