Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business A New LMB Tag-Team Thread: 5 for 15 (COMPLETE)

…the House on Haunted Hill!”

“Of course it is…” thoth muttered. thoth hated ghosts and wasn’t exactly feeling like battling ghosts while his bowels were losing their own battle with Mrs. Bugs’ casserole.

“Why would it be there?” E2 IB said as he watched the muscular C3PO walk away, his butt barely fitting in his speedo.

“Legend has it that the house belonged to the world famous actress Schlocky Shlepburn in the 28th century. It was built as the most magnificent mansion of it’s time and the wildest parties were thrown there! However, on the night of the New Year’s eve gala of 2799, Shlepburn was found dead in her bedroom, having overdosed on ecstasy. The party was cancelled and per her will, her body was laid to rest in the basement of the mansion. However, all her belongings and outfits from her films are still with her in her coffin, including her lavish collection of feather boas.” Hyvvie said solemnly to the other heroes.

“Wow, things just got REALLY morbid.” E2 Blaze said as he closely watched IB’s gaze.

“Some say that the mansion is cursed now and her spirit still roams it’s walls. We should probably go before the sun goes down and things get REALLY spooky.” Hyvvie said.

“Well, where is it?” thoth said impatiently. “We don’t have all day. I’m running out of barf bags!”

“Up there.” Hyvvie said as he gestured with his snout ahead. The heroes looked up and saw a large mountain that stretched on the outskirts of the city. While the skies were pristine and sunny around them, thunder crackled overhead the gothic mansion that was perched on the edge of the mountain’s treacherous slope.

“Of course it is…” thoth muttered again as the heroes flew toward their final destination.

———————————————————————————————

As the heroes stepped toward the entrance of the manor, they could almost feel like they were being watched. Bats flew out of the floorboards of the front porch and the stairs creaked with each step they took towards the front door. The massive wooden door was covered in cobwebs, untouched for decades. Just as E2 IB reached out to touch the door handle, the door swung open and a cold breeze ran down the heroes’ necks, making them shiver.

“Jinkies! That was weird!” E2 IB said in shock.

“ ‘Jinkies’? Who talks like that?” E2 Blaze said with a frown.

“I don’t know what came over me. I just said it with even realizing…” E2 IB said crestfallen.

“Whatever…let’s just find that boa and get the hell out of here. This place gives me the creeps!” E2 Blaze said as he clutched his arms to his chest to stay warm.

They began to descend deeper into the manor as the sun continued to set, making the house darker every minute. Within 10 minutes, the house was pitch black and they had to rely on E2 IB’s light powers to illuminate their dangerous quest. They soon stumbled upon the door to the basemen and opened it up. Inside, they found...

... the feather boa, a dozen candles, a crystal ball and LMBer Tempest!

"What took you so long?" she stamped. "I'm ready to begin the ritual for thoth to marry his cat, so we can save our friends!"

The crystal ball, which showed a window to the Netherverse, erupted in glee. The newly-arrived quartet stared in shock to see their teammates taring back and smiling at them!

"It's about time!" E2 Stalgie growled. E1 Stalgie shot him a disgusted look. "What a jerk!"

E2 IB and E2 Blaze held hands as they looked at their E1 counterparts. "I remember when we were that young," E2 IB said with a wistful sigh.

"You don't look that much older," E1 IB said. "And I still look so hot," E1 Blaze said happily. "Wow, my first time to meet a doppelganger of mine!"

The room erupted with lots of cheers and greetings as LMBers from both planes of existence said HI. Suddenly, a loud bark interrupted the glee. "Excuse me," Hyvvie growled. "Can we celebrate AFTER we free everyone?" Hyvvie held out a bag, turned it upside down and shook it. Out tumbled thoth's cat, which hissed angrily.

"Kitty!" thoth squealed. He hid behind Tempest, who snorted.

"Come on, let's get in with this. First, thoth has to..."

…put on this outfit for the ritual!” Tempest said as she pulled out some clothes out of the bag at her side.

“Um, do I really have to wear this? Now I know that you’re just screwing with me…” thoth muttered.

“Please, thoth. All elements of the ritual must be in place for it to work!” Tempest pleaded with him.

“All right, I’ll do it…but you guys owe me BIG time.” he said as he hastily grabbed the clothes and went around a corner to change.

————————————————————————————

thoth was met with a collective snicker as the LMB’ers and their allies saw what he was wearing: ….

"... a Pov costume!"

"Nice pantsless look," E2 IB and E1 IB said in unison. Of course.

"I thought this might make a good Halloween costume. In Arkham." thoth muttered.

"Okay, let's begin," Tempest said. She quickly took out all the objects they had collected and arranged them in a circle around thoth and his cat. THen she began chanting.

Soon, each of the objects began to glow, and...

thoth and his cat began to levitate in the air! A green aura began to develop around them and slowly grew to enshround the other LMB'ers.

"Do you, thoth lad, take this cat to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Tempest asked.

"I do." thoth said.

"And do you, thoth's cat, take this man to be your husband?"

"HISSSSS!!" the cat snarled at thoth as it tried to claw its way toward him.

"I'll take that as a yes. I now pronounce you husband and wife."

As soon as Tempest had spoken her last word, the green aura exploded and the cavern was enshrouded with light. The LMB’ers were thrown back, blinded by illumination. When the aura had subsided, they finally opened their eyes again to find thoth wrestling with his cat again.

“Get off me, kitty! I want a divorce, ASAP!” he shouted as he pulled the cat’s claws out of his arm. “I knew I should have signed that pre-nup!”

“Looks like things are back to normal!” Cobalt Kid laughed as he looked around the room.

“Are we alive again, though? Did the ritual work?” Kid Prime asked anxiously.

“There’s only one way to find out.” Rockhopper Lad said. “We must…”

"click our heels three times and pinch ourselves!"

Everyone dutifully pinched themselves in unison, with several shrieking in the process.

"We're alive, we're alive!" everyone cheered.

The cheering was drowned out by more shrieking. "Now that there are over two dozen living people here, maybe one of you can get this cat off me?!"

Everyone laughed as Hyvvie barked. The cat hissed back.

"Wait a minute!" E1 Stalgie said. "What about Una-Son and Ajax? Shouldn't we go check on them?"

"Well.."

Before Fanfic Lady could finish her sentence, E2 Stalgie interrupted her.

“If you saps are done filming your Lifetime movie, can we get out of here? I want to go back to my cavern on GRL, please!” he whined while the Prince vinyl record he was holding crumbled to sand. “My powers don’t work here and I want to go home!”

“Stalgie, I think I may have the solution to our problem.” E1 Invisible Brainiac said with a wink. “Hey, E2 Stalg, I’ve got a deal for you. You interested?”

“What’s in it for me?” he shot back, twitching as he was still in crystal meth withdrawal.

“How would you like to go back to GRL? You can go back if you do the rest of us a favor.” Ibby said.

“Yes! I’ll do anything. Send me back now!” he said as he clutched Ibby’s shirt.

“We need you to check up on Una Son and Ajax when you go there. If they’re okay, let us know so we can get them home too.”

“Yes, yes, of course! I’ll do it right away! Get me back now!” he shouted excitedly.

“Looks like we have a deal then! Now we just have to teleport you back there. How are we going to do that?"

Space Tart raised her hand and pulled a teleporter out of E2 Stalgie's ass. Stalgie was so stoned he didn't even notice.

"Okay then... Do the honors?" E1 Stalgie took the teleporter and sent his other self back to Giant Robotic Lebanon.

"Now I have another errand to run," IB smiled. He took the teleporter and sent himself, Blaze and their counterparts away. They returned moments later. "I returned cleome's bottle of wine," IB explained.

Stalgie muttered under his breath. "Suck up!"

Suddenly, E2 Stalgie's voice sounded. "Uh guys..."

…you didn’t exactly teleport ALL of me…”

The LMB’ers looked up to see that E2 Stalgie’s torso and legs were still there, kicking around in a panic.

“Dammit, Ibby! I knew you were out to prank me again. Even your alternate counterpart is devious.” the voice grumbled.

“I swear this was a mistake! Let me try adjust the teleporter and try again.” Ibby said as he resisted the temptation to giggle.

After adjusting the teleporter, the rest of E2 Stalgie’s body was sent to GRL.

“Thank you. I was worried how I was going to use the bathroom when I couldn’t see where I was aiming!” the voice said with a sigh of relief.

Ibby turned back to the rest of the LMB’ers and held out the teleporter.

“Anyone up for another adventure? I’ve been wanting to travel to-“ he said with a big grin.

“NNNOOOOO!” all the LMB’ers shouted in unison one last time even without Una Son there.

“Okay, okay, calm down guys. We can go home…” Ibby said with disappointment as he activated the teleporter. Within the blink of an eye, the LMB’ers were back on Legion World

—————————————————————————————————

“Well, it sure LOOKS like home.” Lightning Lad said looking around at where they had landed.

“Yeah, but we’re missing our clothes! We’re all naked!” Caliente shouted in alarm!

“Meh. Could be worse.” Stalgie said as he walked off to find his starfighter and head home.

“Well, he’s sure taking this well.” Tamper Lad said with his eyebrow raised.

“Now what? Is this debacle finally over?” Paladin asked.

"Hey, we're all already naked." Cobie grinned. "Why don't we..."

"NOOOOOO!" Everyone yelled again.

"Then suddenly..."

…nothing happened! Absolutely nothing. No crazy super goats, no more pants were eaten, no douchey alternate counterparts, nothing. Zilch. Nada.

“Wow, this almost seems too convenient.” Mystery Lad remarked. “Our adventures never end so peacefully.”

"That's easy for you to say. You're not the one with cat claws embedded in your skull!" thoth muttered as he tried to pry his cat's paws from his head.

Candle looked into realms beyond and reported that she could see no threats on the horizon.

“To think this whole ordeal started with a vision from Candle back at my palace.” Rockhopper Lad commented. “I suppose it’s only fitting it should end that way, huh?”

"I'd say this calls for a celebration, wouldn't you? Drinks are on me guys! Let's party like its 2999!" Caliente shouted with excitement.

“I’ll drink to that!” Cobalt Kid piped up.

With a hearty laugh shared, the LMB’ers departed for their ordeal was finally complete.

THE END

Epilogue

As the LMBers were on their merry way, a green glowing disk opened in front of them.

"Oh no, I thought it was ever!" Joeboy yelled.

"Sigh, just when I was ready to relax," Fanfic Lady shook her head as she went into battle stance.

Una-Son and Ajax fell out of the disk, followed by a grumpy Outdoor Miner. "You lazy mammals! Clean up your own mess," he grumbled. "What lazy teammates I have!"

"Aw, thanks, OM," Cobie said soothingly. "Thanks for wrapping this up for us."

"Yeah, you'll get the first drink and a nice bowl of Winathian klegworms," IB added.

Outdoor Miner sniffed. "They better be GOOD worms!"

Everyone laughed as they continued on their merry way.