Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business A New LMB Tag-Team Thread: 5 for 15 (COMPLETE)

After the most recent tag-team thread The Good Eleven, some folks (and by some I mean Stalgie when we met for dinner the other night), have said they'd like another tag-team thread.

Remember, it's for fun and it doesn't have to make sense.

For a bit of a challenge let's try to work all fifteen of these characters into it somehow, not introducing more than one heretofore unseen character in a single post (using their current names):
Five LMB Founders:
Lash Lad
Paladin
Cobalt Kid
Candle
Mystery Lad

Five Legion World Founders:
Nightcrawler
Lightning Lad
Spellbinder (aka Crujectra)
Kid Prime
Saturn Girl

Five All-New, All Different LMB:
Caliente
Fanfic Lady
Tamper Lad
Kid Marvel (aka Joeboy)
Rockhopper Lad

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Rockhopper Lad was in the Rookery, sitting in his favorite chair, drinking his favorite Pyngwyny tisane, reading one of his favorite authors, with Hyvvie the Wonder Beagle at his feet. It seemed like a blissful, tranquil scene. Suddenly entering the room was...

...Candle, who had been serenely peering into the countless worlds within the shadows, when suddenly...

... a dark shadow began to appear across the vision of Legion World. Alarmed, Candle exclaimed, "Rocky, I have terrible new. It would seem that..."

Before she finished, Candle made a startled cry, which got her host's attention.

"Candle, are you well?" he enquired, as he approached and comforted her.

"N-no," she managed. "In the shadows, I saw someone...someone who frightened me. I-I think it was....

...Cobalt Kid, corrupted by reading too much Jonathan Hickman, Frank Miller and Mark Millar, and transformed into the "Crime Crapper". All seemed lost, when suddenly...

...Saturn Girl ran in crying "Rocky! I had a terrible vision of Cobalt Kid and he had become corrupted from reading too many bad comics writers and turned into the 'Crime Crapper'."

"Hmm," Rocky stroked his chin feathers, "Either there is terrible echo in here or something awful must have happened to Cobie."

We need to get in touch with...

...Fanfic Lady, who said, "I can use my powers to bring fictional characters to life to bring Cobie's beloved early 90s bomber-jacketed Crystal to life, and true love will purge him of all the poison within, saving Cobie and the universe." All present were ready to proceed with the plan, when suddenly...

...a loud explosion was heard outside the castle. The LW'ers were shocked and ran outside to see what the commotion was. They found a large crater in the snow and within the hole was the body of...

Ajax the Super-Goat!

"Oh, Merciful Dywh in Feathers!" Rocky sighed. "Every time Ajax shows up something weird happens!"

"You ain't just whistlin' Dixie, Penguin Boy!" Ajax bleated. "We got a real situation here! It seems..."

"It seems that 15 Legionnaires have just had enormous contracts put out on their lives! Every scumbag and dreg in the galaxy is going to be gunning for you guys to make a name for themself!"

Rocky eyed Ajax, never sure of his true intentions. "And you're here to warn us...?"

Ajax laughed. "Meh. I'm here to see Cobalt Kid!"

They suddenly turned to see that Cobie and Crystal were mid-thrust, having wasted no time at all. "Exquisite, my elemental," he said, now back to normal. "Now what do I have to do to prevent his goat from joining in?"

Ajax snickered. "Feh! I have business with you, Cobaltus! I need you to tell me..."

... Where Tamper Lad is! His contract is the cheapest so he is going to be the first target!

Cobie, Rocky, Fanfie, Candle, Saturn Girl and 90s bomber jacket Crystal looked at each other in alarm, when suddenly Tamper Lad teleported in!

Before any of the others could speak, Tamper Lad announced, "we must find..."

...out who has put a contract on me--er, and the rest of us, I guess--so I can sue their asses off!"

'90s bomber jacket Crystal said, "I know who would know! Let's ask...."

"...Nostalgia Lad!"

Everyone looked at her like she had a third head (since two wasn't too far fetched on Legion World). "You mean 'Stalg?", said Cobie. "What kinda jive you spoutin' girl?"

Crystal gave a look like they were all, for lack of a better phrase, fucking idiots. "Um, Nostalgia Lad makes total sense. Don't you know his deep dark secret? He's probably the key to this whole thing."

Rocky sighed and looked at Cobie.

Cobie sighed and looked at Fanfie.

Fanfie sighed and looked at Crystal. "Please elaborate, including how a fictional character brought to life might know."

Crystal began to speak...however, meanwhile at that same moment...

....Kirby-era Crystal suddenly materialized among them. The two Crystals took one look at each other and then they suddenly erupted into a cat-fight.

"So," Cobie said as his eyes danced at the cat-fight, "should we get 'Stalg?"

"Not so fast, Cobie!" yelled......

...a weird version of Crystal Kid wearing a bomber jacket, standing in crazy Kirby poses, and undoubtedly high on crystal meth!

"'...you Bros best chill out! Nostalgia Lad ain't anywhere around here! He's off planet on some mission with Paladin, Space Tart and Eryk Davis Ester." He looked a bit like Jesse Pinkman.

Crystal Meth Kid, as he was called, was known to have drug connections that often gave him random information, so no one doubted him.

"So why are you here, dirtbag?" asked Cobie. Sometimes Cobie was such a dick.

"Bro, two girls is about to throw down. I gotta see this."

As two Crystals prepared to ice this mofo, Rocky suddenly called them back to reality. "I've just recieved an LMB alert from Peebz! He's worried! You see..."

....Nostalgia Lad, Paladin, Space Tart and and EDE have fallen into a TRAP!"

"Where are they, Rocky?" Cobie asked.

"They're on Giant Robotic LEBANON!"

"Say what?" said Jessie Pinkman Crystal Meth Kid.

"And," continued Rocky, "Paladin is apparently about to...."

"eat his shorts!"

"What?!?" everyone except Crystal Meth Kid said in unison. Crystal Meth Kid was kind of just staring blankly.

"It's some sort of ritual on Giant Robotic Lebanon," Rocky said. "Whoever does that gets to wrest control from its leader."

"I guess we should go then. How do we get there?"

Just then, who should BAMF in but Nightcrawler!

"I know,"he said as he brushed his fur. "We can..."

...use me to get there!"

Holding hands in a circle, Nighty teleported the group to Giant Robotic Lebanon.

However, once they arrived, they were met with shock. Nostalgia Lad, EDE, and Space Tart were nowhere to be found. Instead, they found Paladin alone, with sinnews of denim around his teeth.

"Where's everyone else?!" the group demanded.

"Well, you see...."

"I took them!"

Everyone gasped in unison again as Caliente appeared!

Brushing her hair from her forehead, she snapped her fingers. "Now come on! People are trying to kill us so we have to move fast!"

Everyone gasped again in unison as she said that.

"How do we keep gasping in unison?" Spellbinder asked. Rocky shrugged. "It's just something that happenes when the group gets big enough, I guess."

Caliente stamped her foot angrily. "Enough chatter! We have to get to safety now. We're going to..."

....figure out what to do when Lardy's post count to 25,000...." She looked at the user list, "....in seven--no, now six posts! Someone's trying to time something really terrible with that milestone!"

"Well," Stalgie said, "can't we just tell him not to post ever again?"

"No, damnit, if he stops posting Legion World will lose all of its camaraderie!" Cali yelled.

"Then, we'd better find how to stop whatever it is before Lardy posts six more times!" Rocky proclaimed.

"I know what's being planned!" shouted a new arrival, who was none other than............

...Mystery Lad!

"Well, this is unexpected!" said Rocky with shock. "What are you doing here?"

"I was on my way to the Legion World spa for some much needed relaxation when I was suddenly attacked by..."

"Kid Marvel!"

"Well, I thought you were the one trying to kill us!" Kid Marvel yelled as he landed beside Mystery Lad.

"Oh, good heavens!" Saturn Girl raised her hands in exasperation. "With everyone congregating here, we are making ourselves a big target! Why, only three of the fifteen targets are missing!"

"Make that two!" A voice thundered from off-screen. Everyone turned in shock to see...

...Lightning Lad!

"What the hell is going on here?!" he said in frustration.

"I was hoping you could tell me." said Nostalgia Lad as he and the other missing LW'ers appeared from the shadows.

"This is getting out of hand." sighed Caliente. "I told you guys to stay in pocket dimension I sent you guys to!"

"Yeah, but it was getting too weird when Space Tart kept hitting on everyone."

"Look, I want answers NOW." said Lightning Lad. "It would seem that we're all here, but who is targeting us? I have my suspicions that it may be...

"... Dancing Queen!"

"Who?!" everyone thundered in unison. "We should from a flash mob," observed Kid Marvel approvingly.

Rocky pulled out his spectacles and cleared his throat. Pleased that everyone was listening attentively, he continued. "Dancing Queen was a minor villain who appeared alongside Spelling Bee in pursuit of Invisible Brainiac. She was actually just pestering him for attention but he was too shy. He did not yet know he was gay at that time and he was certainly not the flirtatious devil that he is now. Anyway, Dancing Queen faded into obscurity after a while and did not appear during the Dark Oval War. She had the power to make anyone she touches dance uncontrollably. "

"I hope she at least makes them dance well," Tamper Lad said crossly.

"Where can we find her? Let us out an end to this!" Spellbinder said.

"Well, she is in..."

...prison for the murder of Plot Device Lad!"

"Who's that?" asked Nostalgia Lad.

"Honestly, I have no idea!" said Lightning Lad shrugging his shoulders.

"Either way, I don't think Dancing Queen would ever stoop to murder. She must have been framed!" exclaimed Saturn Girl.

"We've got to get her out so I can confirm my suspicions about her!" remarked Lightning Lad impatiently.

"Well, that's where things get tricky..." sighed Fanfic Lady. "You see, the prison she's in is located on...