Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business A New LMB Tag-Team Thread: 5 for 15 (COMPLETE)

....right here on Giant Robotic Lebanon!"

"What's so tricky about that?" Rocky asked. "I thought we had to go somewhere exotic, not right here where we are!"

"Well," sighed Fickles, "I didn't say what part of Giant Robotic Lebanon...."

Rocky shuddered, "you mean, her...or its....?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Rocky! Robotic lesbians that have been transformed into countries don't have hoo-hahs!"

"Whew!" everyone whewed in unison. (Seriously, they should find some way to profit off that uncanny unisoning!)

"So where IS Dancing Queen imprisoned here in GRL?" Lardy asked as he picked the last of the denim out of his teeth. "And is it just me or did someone say Ibby is hay two posts ago? Should we hide him from horses?"

Cali slapped Lardy and yelled, "it was a damn typo, you silly bitch!" Then, she slapped him again. "And look at you, posting now and on the 'Lardy and Ester' thread on the MMB! Now you're 4 posts away from 25,000, and we're running out of time!" She slapped him again for emphasis.

Lardy pouted and rubbed his sore cheeks (not THOSE cheeks, pervs!).

"ENOUGH!" Fickles interrupted. "Dancing Queen is imprisoned in a deep, dank, moist cave with a very sensitive opening..."

Lardy gasped, "sure sounds like a hoo-h--"

Cali cut him off with another slap.

"Well, let's get to that....cave....then," Rocky suggested.

But as they prepared, a new player shouted, "NOT SO FAST!" It was.....

..."Kid Prime!"

Everyone said Kid Prime's name in unison in surprise! (Isn't there someone who will pay us for all this uncanny unisoning? We could be big in the advertising world!)

"First of all, Ibby has gone back and edited his typo. He said hay-colored hair will never match his skin tone and handsome Asian features," Kid Prime said as he landed.

"Second of all, NOW we can go to Dancing Queen's prison! Ibby says to tell her he's in a happy relationship and please stop sending him naked pictures!"

"Oh, can I have them instead - OW!" Paladin's comment was cut off by yet another slap from Caliente.

"Well, then off we should go," Nightcrawler said as he looked around. "Gosh, now 14 of the targets are here in one place! Wouldn't that make things very easy for the assassins?"

Just then...

There was a load "Zap", and then silence.

Paladin groaned and opened his eyes but couldn't focus.

"Man, the headache I have."

"Don't worry, it'll pass," said a familiar voice.

Viridis Lament floated into view.

"Deddy! What are you doing here?"

"I live here." said the ghostly LMBper, "Well, not 'live' exactly, but you know..."

"Wait," said Cobalt Kid, "Where are we?"

"Welcome... to the Afterlife!", Viridis threw his arms wide in a grand show that was met only by blank stares until he self-consciously lowered them again.

"But we didn't die!" protested Fanfie.

"Sure you did. In unison, too (freaky how you guys do that)."

"But how?"

"Well...."

"...you were simply atomized by a giant laser pointing down from space! Everyone one of you is dead except for Crystal Meth Kid and Nostalgia Lad, who somehow survived. That part remains unclear."

"Aw, what the fuck!" said Paladin. "Again?!"

"My first death..." said Rocky, a little shocked.

"So...is this the end?" asked Cobalt.

"Not yet. You see, my powers have somehow allowed me to protect you for a brief time longer. Since time has no place in the afterlife, I can't really say how long this will work. But Nostalgia Lad and Crystal Meth Kid better figure something out quick or you guys are done for. And man, that would suck. Though it would be kind of hilarious if 13 of you died in the same mission," laughed Vidris. Seeing them not amused, he added "oh, sorry."

-----------------------

Meanwhile, back on Giant Robotic Lebanon, Nostalgia Kid and Crystal Meth Kid awoke to find themselves covered in ash and debris, which they didn't realize was the vaporized remains of their former comrades!

"Bro..." said Crystal Meth Kid. "What the eff do we do now?"

Nostalgia Lad felt a momentary sense of panic but tried to push it back. "I know. We have to find the prison where Dancing Queen is...it's the only thing that makes sense...sorta."

"You know where that shit is?" asked CMK

"No..." replied Nostalgia Lad.

"...but I do!" said a voice suddenly, and they turned and were utterly shocked to see...

"Lash Lad!"

"Well, no time for gawking at my hot sexy scruff," Lash Lad said. "We have to go so we can save the other 14 LMBers who are dead!"

"Wow," Nostalgia Lad said as he shook his head sadly. "I can't believe so many of them are dead."

"Not if we hurry," snapped Lash Lad as he swatted Crystal Meth Kid's behind. "Up, you! Or else I'll hit your firm butt again!"

"Fine, fine," Crystal Meth Kid said. "Which way to Dancing Queen's prison?"

"Over there," Lash said as he pointed to...

...an dark crevice in the planet! All around it was brisk terrain: petrified forestry and bristly thorn bushes.

"We have to descend in here?" asked Nostalgia Lad.

"Indeed," said Lash, "and we are likely the first three men ever to do so!"

As they began their descent below, a sinking feeling kept overcoming them, and it wasn't just the fact that Crystal Meth Kid just lit up some crystal and was essentially useless. Who was after them? How many were involved in the conspiracy? Why the sudden attack? How did they have no warning?!!

(Insert late 60's Carmen Infantino page with giant question marks).

------------

Meanwhile, back on Legion World, Thoth was waking up from a nice nap, totally unaware of what was going on. As he stretched out and poured himself a lovely cup of tea, he suddenly noticed his refrigerator was slightly ajar.

And even more strange, was a thick red trail of blood was leading to it, with bloody footprints leading away.

Oh, and in case I forget, it smelled like rancid death in there too.

After deciding on whether to do it, he sighed and proceeded to open to fridge to see what lay inside. As the door swung open, he let out a sharp shriek!

Inside, was...

An overturned bottle of Powerboy's Blood Wine! Behind it, Emily Sivana's Venusian Worm Roast had gone rotten from someone leaving the fridge door open too long.

"What a mess!" shrieked Thoth, "It will take me all DAY to clean this mess up. I don't know how much longer I can live with such slobs!"

"No time for that!" exclaimed someone behind him.

He turned to see....

...none other than Invisible Brainiac!

"Ibby, what's up?" Thoth asked, clearly intoxicated on the leftover Blood Wine.

"Dammit Thoth! Get it together! We have to save the rest of the LW'ers who went on the mission." Ibby said shaking Thoth, trying to sober him up.

"Ah, *hic* I think I have a plan to save them. We need to get a...

...a Super-Goat by the name of Ajax!"

"You're right!" said Ibby, snapping his fingers. "Monitor footage shows that Ajax the Super-Goat was with all the Legionnaires when things started to go wrong and then strangely went super quiet and slipped away...likely when Nightcrawler teleported them all off planet."

"He can do that?"

"Well, no, he can't. Which is another odd thing. Almost as if...someone was setting them up to be in spot so they'd all be killed!"

"And maybe this Super-Goat was in on it?"

"Maybe. He's a weird one but mass murder hasn't been his style. Still, who knows what a goat might do."

"Let's find this horny, bearded bastard then!" yelled Thoth. "Where do we start?!"

Ibby opened up his Security Chief files and started to comb through Ajax's rather extensive profile. "Hm. He hangs out at a pub on Legion World called MotorGoaters. That's where we'll find him..."

----------------

25 minutes later, Thoth and Invisible Brainiac entered MotorGoaters, the where the sexiest goats on Legion World earned their living. Despite all the rampant beastiality, it wasn't a bad looking place.

"See him?" asked Thoth.

"No, but I see Pov in his usual chair," replied Ibby. "Oh wait. Is that...?"

And suddenly, Ibby couldn't believe his eyes as standing before him was none other than notorious LMB frenemy...

"Snobby Singapore!"

"Oh, your voice so loud la!" Snobby Singapore twirled his scarf as he looked Thoth Lad up and down. "And you! You don't look like you belong here!"

"Gee, thanks for picking up on my feelings of being left out," Thoth muttered.

"Snobby," IB grit his teeth and kept telling himself not to punch Snobby. "Have you seen Ajax the Super Goat?"

"Hah! Why you think I here, la!" Snobby laughed. "Ajax is..."

...hitting on that sheep over there!"

----------

"So....you come here often?" asked Ajax in the most sleazy way imaginable.

"I've always had a thing for baaaaaaad boys." the sheep said blushing.

Suddenly, Ibby popped up behind Ajax and dragged him away by the ear.

"OW! That hurts! What do YOU want? I was just about to get her number!" scoffed Ajax.

"Look Ajax, we need your help to save the rest of the LW'ers on Giant Robotic Lebanon." said Ibby trying to hold back his irritation.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about those schmucks. You'll have to ask Blaze about that though. You should be able to find him at..."

"wait a minute. Why would Blaze now? What does he have to do with this?" IB asked irritably.

Behind him, Thoth coughed into his hand. "Domestic trouble, but don't say I said it." IB shot him a dark look while Snobby Singapore cackled snobbily.

"Oh, please, he knows because it was a plot device to get him into the story with you so we could later have gratuitous gay sex scenes between two handsome Asian 20-somethings," Ajax said testily. "Now go and find him at..."

....this lesbian bar on Giant Robotic Lebanon!"

Ibby was aghast. "Why would Blaze be on GRL...and in a lesbian bar?!?"

Ajax rubbed his beard. "Blazer has a lesbian friend with whom he likes to sing karaoke. His lesbian friend also knows another lesbian that claims to know all about the plot against the 15 LMBers."

"So..." Ibby concluded, "Blaze is on a secret mission while also enjoying lesbian karaoke?"

"Pretty much," Ajax confirmed and started looking bored.

"Something else else about this case is starting to add up: It can't be a coincidence that all of this is happening on Giant Robotic Lebanon. When did Giant Robotic Lesbian get turned into a country anyway? And where's the only character known to have such an ability: Turns You Into a Country Kid?"

"Beats me, kid," Ajax scoffed and then looked for some trash to chew on.

"Not so fast, goat!" Ibby commanded and grabbed Ajax by his scruffy beard. "You're going with me to that lesbian bar on Giant Robotic Lebanon, so I can keep an eye on you!"

Then, the two left in a hurry, leaving Snobby Singapore to drown his/her sexually ambiguous sorrows alone.


-------


Meanwhile in whatever netherworld the LMBers were trapped in, Saturn Girl cried out with a start and collapsed. Spellbinder was the first to rush to her side.

"What is it, Carolyn?" the princess said with gentle concern.

"One of us....one of the 14 LMBers who were murdered is not who they appear to be! That person is....a conspirator with the one who's out to kill us! He is disguised as...."

Saturn Girl weakly pointed at one in particular among their number. Then, the thirteen genuine LMBers confirmed who was being pointed out, saying, in unison (of course!):

"PALADIN!"

Clapping sarcastically, the false Paladin jeered, "bravo, you dolts!" and then disappeared.

"Hmph!" Cali blustered. "I knew I should have burned his ass instead of merely slapping him! I should've realized it wasn't him because the real Paladin is unbelievably sexy!"

The others gasped...in unison, once again.

Cali blushed. "Did I say that out loud?"

Cobie stepped forward. "I, of course, knew all along that wasn't my best friend. Besides the fact that he was not unbelievably sexy like the real Lardy," he grinned and winked at blushing Cali, "I knew it wasn't the real deal because his right hand wasn't artificial. When I suspected an impostor, I sensed no metal in his hand."

"Shouldn't you have clued us in?" Rocky challenged.

"No," Cobie continued, "I had to make sure he suspected nothing, and I worked out with Viridis this scenario of our not-so-final death."

"But we're still dead and trapped here," Nighty said with exasperation.

"Yes and no," Cobie continued. "I put a tracer on the false Paladin. One of us can use this, its twin," he held up a small device, "to follow him out of the afterlife and find out who he is and who his boss is. Ipso facto, they will be able to undo what happened to us all."

"Who should go?" Lightning Lad asked.

"I will," said................

... the real Paladin!

Everyone, of course, gasped in unison - except Viridis and Cobie. "What are you doing here, real Lardy?!"

"Well, when Cobie and Virdy figured out that fake me was not really me - and I'm glad that wasn't really me as I have no desire to eat my shorts - Virdy quickly contacted me and had me step in here. So, here I am. And because I am not not-really-dead, I should have no problems stepping out of the afterlife!"

"Oh, well, glad that's all OK then," Fanfic Lady said as she sat down. "Geez, this is getting confusing."

"I don't mind," Kid Marvel said, "as long as we get out of here alive!"

"Off I go then," Paladin chuckled as he left.

************************************************************
MEANWHILE...

Thoth Lad looked around him. "Say, did Invisible Brainiac just ditch me to go to his boyfriend?"

Snobby Singapore downed a cocktail as he/she shrugged. "Don't forget the goat, la. He left you to go with a goat."

"Oh, okay then," Thoth Lad said as he plopped down. "I should be getting home anyway. My cat won't be happy about my long absence."

"Maybe you want company?" Snobby Singapore said hopefully as he/she stroked Thoth Lad's thigh.

"Ahh..." Before Thoth lad could answer, a loud hissing appeared as Thothy's cat jumped out of nowhere and began clawing Snobby Singapore.


Thothy's cat stopped and hissed at a trembling Thothy. "You're next!" it said in a hissy thought balloon.

Thoth Lad dropped his drink and began to scream.

*************************************************************

Meanwhile...

Invisible Brainiac and Ajax landed outside the Treebeard Bar on Giant Robotic Lebanon. "Ah, the Forest of the Cedars of God," IB said, the way he always waxed poetic when talking about Earth's beautiful sights. Like a shirtless Matt Dallas or a stubbled Zachary Quinto. "These cedars were used in the construction of several ancient buildings of worship..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ajax said as he headbutted Ibby forward. "Now go on in and let's get your boyfriend!"

Ibby shot him a glare as he opened the door. Blaze was singing karaoke on stage, accompanied by his lesbian friend and her friend. Despite his sexy bass voice, the two lesbians were actually singing in much huskier tones.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it!"

"Gosh, somewhere, Fanfie is screaming while covering her ears," Ibby thought as they approached the stage. Blaze quickly jumped off and kissed Ibby, to the cheers of several lesbian patrons. "Oh baby!" Blaze then whispered in Ibby's ear "follow my lead - the other lesbian, Jessie, claims to know all about the plot to kill 15 LMBers!"

"Then let's go grab her and get out of here."

Ibby and Blaze determinedly went up to Jessie. (cue sexy poses with IB and Blaze flexing and Jessie bending over backwards in a physically impossible pose that can only happen in comics).

**********************************************************************

MEANWHILE...

Lash Lad and Nostalgia lad were carrying a stoned Crystal Meth Kid deep into the dark, wet pits of Giant Robotic Lebanon. Suddenly, they heard the familiar refrains of ABBA's Dancing Queen!

Peeking around the corner, Nosty gasped. "It's...!"

...me?

"Wait, what?" asked Lash as he dropped Crystal Meth Kid in shock.

Nosty looked over his duplicate. He was much older and his hair was grey with faint traces of white. His eyes had heavy bags under his eyes and his scraggly beard had clearly not been shaved in years. His clothes were ragged and torn.

"Ah, I thought I would never see another living being again!" the older Nosty said gleefully.

"How is this possible? Why am "I" here?" asked Nosty fearfully.

"Your guess is correct: I am you. However, I am you from 40 years in the future and from Earth-2. Or is it 30? Bah, I lost count of time long ago. Decades ago, while exploring the pits of Giant Robotic Lebanon to find my missing teammates, I got separated from Lash and Crystal Meth Kid and wandered into this very cavern. Within it, I found everything I could ever want: my favorite movies, music, comics,etc. It let me live out my favorite memories as long as I wanted, though I never questioned how I was able to stay alive for so long without food and water. I just assumed my time here made me immortal.

"Hold on, I hate ABBA. Why would I, er I mean you, listen to them?" said Nosty shaking his head.

"Well, why do you think I'm from Earth-2?" Earth-2 Nosty said with a wink as he turned to go back to his collection of Madonna and Kylie Minogue albums.

"We should keep questioning him. He may have information we need. I find it interesting that he was also looking for missing Legion Worlders along with his own Lash and Crystal Meth Kid" said Lash as he watched Crystal Meth Kid scratch at his wrists.

"But can we trust him?" said Nosty as he winced with the sound of Madonna's Vogue playing in the background while Earth-1 Nosty shook his head in disappointment at his alternate reality self's poor taste.

"I think we can. The thing that tipped me off about him was..."

... "his Legion flight ring! The Earth-2 Legion is good!"

"Oh, yeah! I almost forgot I had it on," the older Nostalgia Lad Man said. Suddenly, he levitated. "It still works!"

The ring began to let out a beeping sound. "Huh, what's happening? " Lash and the two Stalgies said, of course, in unison.

And then...

....they were knocked flat on their butts! It seems the beeping sound they heard was caused by this, Paladin's




-th post!!! (just go with it making a "beep", 'kay?)

And as they gasped in unison (that again!) and were trying to recover, Lash, CMK and the two Stalgies shimmered and disappeared, reappearing in a mysterious place. Then, a figure approached. It was....

"Sloppy Singapore?!?!" the four said dumbfoundedly in unison.

Sloppy laughed, "'Sloppy Singapore' is just my cover identity. My real name is...Una-Son!"

"Una-Son?" the four said in unison. (Get it? )

"Exactly! I am the son of the one who the LMB call 'The One' but who is also called 'Una'!"

"The One?" Lash, the Stalgies and CMK echoed in unison. "But her children are Paladin and EDE by the mad God Pornis and Lucifer Lass by an unknown father!" (Again, in unison and all dialogue by our heroes in Una-Son's presence should be assumed as such from here on out.)

"She had at least one more child...me!" Una-Son scoffed. "She says I'm her most perfect son because I don't have all those bothersome boy parts!"

"You mean...?" (Remember, in unison.)

"Yes--I am a eunich!" Una-Son proudly proclaimed. "You will recall her attempts years ago to de-male-ify the cosmos in order to defeat her ex-husband Pornis' power? Well, I gladly sacrificed my maleness to please mother!"

Then, Una-Son goes into full cocky (well, not in this case ) explain his (?) villainous plan mode: "A key part of my plan was using my mother's occasional flunky Turns You Into a Country Kid to transform Giant Robotic Lesbian into Giant Robotic LEBANON! Having a giant mass pervaded with female-ness was key! Next, I had to gather the fifteen LMBers whose eras were so significant that the magical number five was represented by them in triplicate. And soon, using my power to cause people to speak and act in unison (what you thought all that unisoning was a co-inky-dink? ), I will have those 15 key LMBers, when I gather them all in the afterlife, to recite a spell that will abolish penises across the universe!"

"B-but...Pornis has been destroyed! It isn't needed anymore!"

"Ha-ha-HAAAAAHHH!" Una-Son laughed hideously in a high-pitched voice that was nonetheless gender-neutral. "It doesn't matter--penises are EVIL! And if I don't have one, NO ONE CAN!!!" And the terrible laughter continued. When it finally subsided, he blasted Lash to ashes with his 'laser', and sent him to join the others in the nether-realm. "Now, I only need Paladin--and he is 'porting into a trap set by my lieutenant, Ajax the Super-Goat--who had been the mysterious character disguised as Paladin on GLR and the nether-world!" (Just go with it, readers!) Of course Ajax is evil! He has a goatee, you know!!!! Mwah-ha-ha-HAHHHHH!!!"

The three remaining captives slumped their shoulders in unison.

----------------

At that moment, showing how this, Paladin's 25,0000th post, may indeed signal armageddon, Paladin suddenly appears in the midst of Ibby, Blaze, Lesbian Jessie, the other (so far unnamed) lesbian and that traitorous Ajax.

Before anyone can react to Paladin's sudden appearance, Ajax makes his move..........

... and headbutts Paladin into a crowd of singing lesbians!

"Oooh," Lardy said as he rubs his head (not THAT head!) and blushes. "Oh, well, it's been two days since I've been in a pile of sexy ladies..."

"What the sprock are you doing, Ajax?" Ibby said as he grabs Ajax's hoof. "That's Lardy, I thought he was with the others!"

"Lardy has to die!" Ajax screamed as he kicked Ibby squarely in his six-pack abs (oh come on, humor me okay?) and pulled out a ray gun. "For Una-SoN!"

"For Una-Son?!" Blaze, Jessie, the other lesbian called Chrissy, a recovering Ibby and a standing Lardy (not THAT kind of standing!) all said, of course, in unison. Lardy quickly started dashing through the bar to make himself scarce (especially because several of the singing lesbians he had knocked over were eyeing him angrily for "accidentally" touching their girl parts!)

"Yes, and know..." Ajax bleated in anger as Blaze heated his gun. He quickly pulled out another gun and shot Blaze, who crashed into a recovering Ibby!

"Enough!" Jessie said as she pulled off her face mask to reveal... Dancing Queen! Ajax gasped as he began to do the cha-cha.

"How... how are you here?" Ibby asked, dumbfounded, as he struggled to untangle himself from Blaze.

"I escaped from my prison months ago, because the plot demanded it!" Dancing Queen Jessie announced. "I was helped by my lesbian lover Chrissy, whom you perhaps know as..."

"Snobby Singapore!" Chrissy announced as she pulled of HER own face mask!

"How... how can you be Snobby when Una-Son is..." Ajax gasped as he began to dance faster and faster.

"Una-Son, the bad guy in all this, was masquerading as Sloppy Singapore, la!" Chrissy announced in her annoyingly Singaporean accent. "Sloppy, not Snobby! Tsk! It's not the same word. So stupid, la!"

"Okay then, so you're all on our side and won't shoot me?" Lardy said as he poked his head out from behind one of the overturned tables and ogled a particularly buxom lesbian.

"Yes la!" Snobby Chrissy said as she turned to a dancing Ajax. "And now I will use my powers on Ajax! You can stop making him dance now, Jessie!"

As Ajax stopped dancing, Chrissy pointed at him and a red-and-white beam of energy zapped him. He stopped dancing and turned to Jessie. "I... I... am filled with this sudden urge to obey! I will do whatever you want as long as you give me a high rating!"

Snobby Chrissy smiled. "I have the power to turn people obedient and eager to please!"

"Okay, wonderful," Blaze said as he breathed in Ibby's manly scent while the two were still trying to untangle themselves from each other. "So now where do we go?"

Lardy raised his hand. "Well, now we have to..."

Before Lardy could finish his sentence, thoth lad and his feral cat rolled into the room.

"Dammit, you pesky feline! Get off of me!" thoth yelled out in frustration. Using the last ounce of strength, he threw the feline out the window of the bar. With his face full of claw marks and his hair a mess, thoth dusted off his uniform.

"So, what's happening with you guys?" he asked with a youthful grin.

Lardy shook his head in disbelief. "As I was saying,...

... thoth's feral cat jumped in again and began clawing him!

"Nooo! Noon! I will never leave you again without fresh kitty litter and three bowls of milk! " Thoth cowered. As the cat clawed him, thoth bumped into Ajax's dropped ray gun. The gun fired at the ceiling, causing rubble to rain on our heroes.

Snobby Chrissy shrieked as some debris hit her on the head. As she fell, Ajax was released from her power. "Haha!" he bleated. He summoned a portal behind Lardy and head butted him through it!

"We have to follow! " Ibby yelled. He and Blaze and Dancing Queen Jessie and Snobby Singapore Chrissy quickly jumped through.

Standing in the ruined bar, thoth pulled his cat off his face again and jammed it into the rubbish bin. As it clawed the bin,thoth placed a very heavy bottle of Silverale on it. Then he looked around.

"Uh, what did I miss? "

Meanwhile, on the other side of Ajax's portal...

...the group landed in a dark, moist chamber.

"Where are we?" asked Ibby as he frantically searched for Blaze.

"I was hoping you could tell me!" said Lardy rubbing his back. "That son of a bitch Ajax really did a number on my back!"

"Ibby? Lardy? Is that you?" said a voice from the darkness.

From behind a dark column, Nostalgia Lad appeared carrying Crystal Meth Kid.

"Nosty! Am I glad to see you! Where's Lash though?" said Ibby with excitement.

"Er, you're standing in him..." said Nosty wincing.

The group turned to look at their feet and saw the charred remains of Lash's body.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" cried Lardy dropping to his knees in anguish. "Whoever did this will pay!"

Earth-2 Nosty suddenly appeared around the corner. "Hey CMK, you have, uh, any more of the...stuff?" he said twitching.

"Who's that?! Identify yourself!" Ibby shouted.

"Ibby, relax! That's,er,me. Look it's a long story, but he's a good guy and can help us." said Nosty rubbing his forehead.

Nosty turned to Ajax. "Look you pest, who is behind all this and what's their plan? I want answers!"

Ajax gave Nosty a smug look of contempt. "Well,..."

Suddenly, before Ajax could continue, Una-Son appeared laughing his evil, slightly high-pitched but still masculine laugh! "I am behind it! And once Paladin does, I will be able to eradicate all penises everywhere! "

Everyone present gasped. In unison, of course.

"Oh, that is going to make sex so not fun, Lardy shuddered.

"Not a problem for us," Dancing Queen said as she slapped Snobby Singapore's butt.

"Well, it's a problem for me. Let's get him!" Ibby said as he charged at Una-son, followed closely by Blaze and young Nosty. Una-son flicked his finger and caused everyone to bounce back. Our heroes fell on the floor, dazed.

"And now," Una-Son cackled in a still-masculine falsetto, "the 15th LMBer that I need!" he pointed his finger at a struggling Lardy. "Prepare to die!"

But before he could fire...

...robot Peebz jumped in the way!

"Peebz? When did you get here?" asked Nosty clearly confused by this turn of events.

"Don't you remember? I was the one who called in to tell Cobie what happened to you!" said Peebz gleefully. "Come here and give me a kiss."

"Goddamit Peebz, save that for the other bots" said Nosty wincing. Peebz's robot horniness was getting out of hand.

"AHEM! Identiy yourself!" comanded Una-Son, annoyed at his failure to kill Lardy.

Brushing off the soot from the blast, Peebz turned to Una- Son and said...

"Will you do the fandango?"

"What?" Una-Son, and everybody else, said. Of course, in unison.

And then Una-Son and Ajax began to dance!

"Aha!" The Peebz Robot said gleefully. "My recording of Dancing Queen's powers worked!"

IB stood up, untangling himself from Blaze but still hugging him closely. "Then let us take this opportunity to..."

...tango!"

"Er Ibby, shouldn't we be trying to find a way out of here?" asked Blaze confused.

"Peebz! Turn off the music so Blaze and I can stop dancing!" shouted Ibby over the raucous music.

After Peebz had shut off his internal boombox, the group reconvened while Stalgie tied up Una-Son.

"Well now what?" asked Lardy clearly annoyed by the experience.

"We need to find Cobie and the others. My plan to get to them is to..."