Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business The Good Eleven: An LMB Tag-Team Thread (FINISHED!)

I just reread the awesome tag-team thread from a few years back, Beware the Octopi.

I think, in honor of Legion World's eleventh anniversary, it's high time we did another.

Remember, it's all silly and fun and don't worry if doesn't make a whole lot of sense.


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The Good Eleven

Time-Teller Lad was sitting in SHAKES looking over some of Legion World's unsolved mysteries. As one of the LMB's foremost detectives, trying to solve what other people couldn't was one of his hobbies. In particular, he noticed an article about something called "The Good Eleven."

"The Good Eleven!" Tim wondered aloud. "I wonder what that is?"

"The Good Eleven?" a voice asked. "You really want to know?"

Tim looked up to see...

Invisible Brainiac, holding hands with Blaze. The Chief of Security and his boyfriend, also a Security Officer, were dressed in matching outfits. Straight women and gay men all throughout SHAKES were glancing at them hungrily.

The pair enjoyed the attention.

"This was a pretty big mystery," IB laughed as he sat side Tim.
Judging by his red face and squintier-than-normal eyes, IB had had quite a few drinks. "Nobody knows too much about it. Trust me, I'Ve tried to find out."

"Are you sure we should be talking about this in public, baby?" Blaze's voice was a bit louder than it should have been, he had drunk a few too.

"You're right," IB giggled. He downed the last of his peach bellini bellini and his shot of Jack Daniel's. "Finish your tequila and your Grey Goose-Bailey's mix, hon, let's grab some silverale and beer to go, and we'll move to a more private place."

Tim's interest was piqued. He leaned forward. "I know just the olace. Let's go to..."

"... Big Bertha's Clam Shack!"

"But Tim, that place is a run down old dive that supposedly fronts as a two bit brothel for aging prostitutes! Why would we go there?"

"Well, the shellfish is great and apparently there's a secret meeting room in the back perfect for private discussions!" he replied earnestly.

Ibby and Blaze sighed and all three began to walk over when suddenly they saw--running full speed away from the clam shack--none other than...

... "isn't that the Gay Green Giant? What's he doing here?" Blaze, asked, puzzled.

"Mmmmm, green's my favorite color," IB giggled. Suddenly, he doubled over... and split into his seven selves! "Why does green have to be OUR favorite color, huh?" IB Red challenged IB Green. "Yeah, just because you're the main IB!" IB Yellow added. Soon, the seven of them were arguing.

"Um... shouldn't we stop them?" Tim asked.

Blaze shook his head. "Trust me, I've tried it before. The only time I want to get into the middle of seven IBs is in the hot tub or in bed." Blaze licked his lips unconsciously, while Tim looked away uncomfortably. "Now come on, let's go find out what the Gay Green Giant is doing."

Suddenly...

...Ajax the Super-Goat trotted in (you knew he had to show up at some point).

"You're Ajax the Super-Goat! I recognize you!" said Tim.

Mockingly, Ajax shouted back "You're Lime-Seller Lad! I think I heard your name once!"

"It's Time-Teller Lad."

"I know that! My super-goat hearing detected someone talking about the Good Eleven. Let's go talk about it. Invisible Maniac, pull yourself together!"

Ibby consolidated into himself, muttering "Brainiac. It's Brainiac."

Ajax, Blaze, 3G, Ibby and Tim all made the trip to Bertha's, which, as Tim noted, took fifteen minutes and twenty-three seconds.

Upon entering...

... Blaze and IB promptly ordered more alcohol. Tim frowned. "Aren't we supposed to be discussing something important?"

"We are, but it'll take a while," IB said cheerfully. "We might as well enjoy while we're at it."

"I haven't mentioned this before, but you're kind of cute," Blaze winked at Tim as he sipped his cappuccino-flavored coconut rum.

"All of you are cute," Gay Green Giant sighed.

Ajax cleared his throat. "Ahem, if you will control your hormones... we have a lot to discuss. Eleven things, in fact!"

Ajax stared each of them in the eye. "Now, before we begin..."

And Ajax lowered his head and Billy goat butted Time Teller Lad hard in the stomach, knocking him backwards into IB and the two of them fell heavily on to the floor.

"What......What did you do that for" gasped Tim as he fought to get his breath back.

Ajax who had turned after butting and had started to chew thoughtfully on a nearby curtain, turned his head. Slowly he chewed and swallowed the bit of curtain then said.
"First rule.... No one talks about the Good Eleven. Second rule" he continued and proceeded to billy goat butt the GGG knocking the huge giant to the ground. "second rule.......No one talks about the Good Eleven"

Ajax's yellow eyes surveyed the scene of carnage around him.

"now" he said calmly "let me tell you how the mystery of the Good Eleven Started...............................

"Wait a minute!" Blaze yelled as he helped IB up. "I thought no one talks about the Good Eleven!"

"Yes," Ajax said calmly as he shook a dash of pepper onto the curtain. "But I am no one."

"That doesn't make any sense," IB said crossly.

"Do you want to hear about the mystery, or not?" Ajax smiled even as he bit on the curtain again.

"I swear," GGG muttered as he rubbed his back. "This had better be good."

"Oh, it is," Ajax smiled. "Once upon a time..."

...many years ago, I was a member of a super-team called the Clean-Up Crew. The other members were Bon Ami the Super-Chicken, Old Dutch the Super-Cow--this was before she lost most of her powers and dithered around like Aunt Clara from Bewitched--and a rather famous Super-Horse."

"We know about them..." Ibby started.

"Don't interrupt!" Ajax snapped. "What you don't know is that it was The Good Eleven that led to our break up."

"It was?" asked Tim. "I asked Old Dutch once and she just started going on about doorknobs."

"Don't interrupt! And the doorknobs had nothing to do with it!"

As Ajax was about to continue, he was again interrupted, this time by...

... by a cake smashing into his face!

Gay Green Giant gasped. "Ooh, Scarlet Velvet! My favorite!"

Ajax sputtered as he wiped the icing from his face. "Who dares? I just said not to interrupt! Repeatedly!"

"I DARE!" Everyone turned in shock as a talking chicken landed on their table. "How could you, Ajax! We said we'd never talk about this again!"

"Bon Ami the Super-Chicken, I presume?" Blaze asked.

"That's right, and I'm here to tell you why we agreed never to talk about this. You see..."

But before Bon Ami could continue, his eyes glazed over. His head started to bob up and down and slowly and very very painfully he started to squawk and squawk.

Suddenly with a large and powerful squawk, Bon Ami fell off the table leaving behind a very large, very white egg.

"I guess Bon Ami's a female, then," Blaze said with a shrug.

"Hah! I was right!" IB said gleefully.

Tim ignored the couple as he peeked at the egg. "What could it be? Hey..." He twisted the egg around to reveal a large, red number "11" on its side.

Ajax suddenly stood up. "We have to leave. NOW!" He grabbed Bom Ani in his mouth and made as if to run. But before he could move, the egg burst open to reveal...

A Small mouse with a tiny tiny little gun in one hand and an egg timer in the other

"ah, isn't he cute" said Blaze and reached out a hand to stroke the little fellow.

"Fly you fools" shouted Ajax, dropping Bon Ami who bounced once, gave an alarmed squawk and flew out of the window.

But it was too late. The mouse fired his gun and hit Blaze who in seconds shrank and withered until he lay on the floor, a new born and helpless baby.

Spinning, the mouse fired again, this time hitting the Gay Green Giant, who in front of everyone aged 60 years in as many seconds.

Holding onto a table edge to support his aged frame the GGG looked at Ajax and IB. "gosh durn it you varmints, get out of here, get help"

IB and Ajax ran as if all the hounds of hell were after them. As they ran IB thought he could hear a small, squeek squeek squeek.

Panting as they ran IB asked "who or what was that"

Still running Ajax barely had the breath to answer.

"major trouble sonny, major trouble. Have you not heard of the time mouse trapper, well despite all we thought it looks like he's back. And if he is we are going to need some major back up"

Just then................

... IB stopped in his tracks and flew back inside at light speed. "I can't leave my boyfriend behind!" He quickly scooped up baby Blaze and the aged GGG and deposited GGG in a wheelchair outside. "I'll have Nurse Anna get ya, GGG."

"I have a good mind to headbutt you," Ajax said crossly.

IB shrugged as Blaze cuddled against his chest and fell asleep. "Hey, wait a minute... where'd Tim go?"

Ajax and IB turned and looked around. Suddenly, IB giggled.

"This isn't funny!" Ajax snapped.

"No, something's crawling on my stomach..." IB lifted his shirt and looked down, admiring his six-pack abs. "Whoa, where'd this mouse come from?"

The mouse's fur was red and purple. It began crawling up IB's chiseled tummy and up onto his firm chest. (author's note: come on, give me a break! This is fiction after all!)

IB's eyes widened in recognition. "Oh my gosh. Tim?!"

The mouse nodded its head frantically in assent. IB carefully picked Tim up and placed him on his shoulder. Then he squatted down to look Ajax in the eye. "Okay pal. We're going to get out of here, and you're going to tell me exactly what the Time Mouse Trapper has to do with the Good Eleven!"

Ajax snorted. "Well, I've been trying to for the last seven posts!"

"Don't blame me," IB said crossly. He picked Ajax up and the motley foursome flew away.

****************************************************************

IB opened the door to his office in the Office of Security. But just as he did...

Arriving at the Rookery, Ibby rang the bell.

Sffenyskus, the Rookery's majordomo greeted Ibby. "Welcome, Mr. Brainiac. Begging your pardon, sir, but why do you have a goat, a mouse, and a baby with you?"

"It's a long story, Sffenyskus. Could you get Rockhopper Lad?"

"His Highness will be here post-haste."

Rocky walked into the parlor. "Ibby, Sffenyskus said things looked rather odd. What's Ajax doing here? And what's with the baby? And the mouse? And the chicken?"

Ibby sighed and caught Rocky up on the recent events.

"So the baby is Blaze and the mouse is Time-Teller Lad?"

"Right."

"Okay, I understand Blaze being a baby because he used to be one, but I didn't know the Time Mouse Trapper could turn a human into a mouse. I thought he regress or progress."

"Tim was never a mouse?"

"I'm pretty sure he's always been a human."

"If no one will interrupt, I will tell you about the Good Eleven and how this all fits together," Ajax bleated.

Rocky nodded, "Go ahead, Ajax. We're listening."

"You see," Ajax began...

... "You would probably be familiar with this concept, being of Chinese ancestry," he pointed towards Invisible Brainiac.

"Eh?" IB tilted his head curiously.

"Think about it," Ajax's voice was smug. "Bon Ami, Old Dutch, Super-Horse, myself..."

"Ohhhhh. All of you represent signs of the Chinese Zodiac," IB said as he held a sleeping Blaze. "But there are supposed to be twelve signs. What happened to the last one? Is it..."

"... the Time Mouse Trapper?" Rocky finished as he looked at Tim. The poor little mouse was curled up in Rocky's palm.

"Yes," Ajax nodded somberly as he bit on Rocky's curtains. Rocky raised his eyebrow, but Ajax paid him no heed. "That covers Rat, Ox, Horse, Goat and Rooster. We had other members to represent the last seven signs: Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Monkey, Dog and Pig. So let me start from the beginning..."

"Wait!" shouted Braal Janitor as he burst through the door into the room in a dramatic fashion.

The others looked at him in shock. BraJa walked over to Ajax and signaled to keep quiet with a finger to his lips. "We aren't alone here." he whispered to him as he pointed towards the dark corners of the room where something was moving in the shadows.

"That creature over there is....

... "attacking!"

A gigantic rat with horns on its head dropped out of the shadows. Rocky, IB and Ajax quickly scrambled away as the giant rat landed with a crash.

"I've got it!" Braal Janitor yelled as he tried to snag the rat with his powers. "Get out of here!"

"I'm not about to abandon the rookery!" Rocky blasted the rat with his ice breath.

"Uh..." IB looked at the ceiling. "Nice work, guys, but I don't think we can handle all of them." As Blaze cooed in delight, the other four stared open-mouthed at the ceiling. It was crawling with rats.

"Close your eyes!" IB commanded as he covered Blaze's eyes. Baby Blaze giggled in delight. IB let out a blinding flash and whisked his companions to safety.

As they landed on the building beside the Rookery, Ajax turned to the others and said...

.."What the hell were those rats?! Where did they come from?"

The others looked at him with the same confused expressions. "We're all here right?" BraJa said as he looked around at the others.

"We're all here!" said Ibby happily as everyone breathed with a sigh of relief.

"This is going to be a bad week." Rocky lamented while shaking his head.

"Should we call in help from...

"...Roddy the Super Rat!" Said a strange voice from a figure standing in the shadows.

"OMG!" Said Ibby, "it's none other than..."

"... somebody who looks exactly like Iron Rat, but somehow isn't!"

"Huh?" BraJa said in confusion.

"It's the Time Mouse Trapper's good twin!" Ajax reared up on his hind legs and cheered. "He was supposed to be the last member we needed to make our Good Eleven a Good Twelve... but his evil twin showed up instead!"

"Call me the Time Mouse Tripper," grinned the small white mouse. "Ajax, go send the call out. We need to reform the Good Eleven." He turned and faced the incoming horde of rats. "Go meet at THE PLACE. I'll see you there." Then he ran and charged at the horde of rats, scattering them left and right.

"Let's go!" Ajax said as he tugged on Rocky's leg.

"Wait, shouldn't we help?!" asked BraJa.

"He can take care of himself," Ajax replied. "Now come on, unless you want to become a baby, or an old man like Gay Green Giant, or become a mouse like Tim!"

IB shrugged as BraJa looked at him in confusion. "It's been that kind of day," IB replied as he took into the air, still cradling Blaze. "Where are we going?" he asked Ajax.

"We're going to..."

"...SHAKES! I need a drink!"

When they arrived at Legion World's storied tavern, they found the Rookery staff, Hyvvie the Wonder-Beagle, and Old Dutch the Super-Cow were waiting there.

"Ah, Your Highness," Sffenyskus smiled at Rocky. "We all came here to wait out that unpleasantness with the rats."

Ajax bleated "How do we always end up with a cast of thousands?"

"Never mind that, Ajax," Rocky chuckled, accepting a martini from Semi-Transparent Fellow. What do you recommend as our next course of action?"

Just then, the door of SHAKES opened and in walked...

... Nurse Annie, wheeling a still-aged Gay Green Giant.

"Okay, you fabulous little lazy LMBers!" squeaked GGG as best he could. "I am sick and tired of being this old!"

"And I miss kissing my boyfriend," IB said as he looked at little Baby Blaze sadly. "I feel like a dirty old man."

Time-Teller Lad the Mouse sat up and squeaked.

"I know what to do," Bon Ami clucked as she flew down to sit on Rocky's head. "We must..."

...enough to reconstitute the Good Eleven! Hyvvie is here, so we now have a dog."

Rocky picked Bon Ami off his head. "So that leaves a tiger, a dragon, a snake, a monkey, and a pig, right?

"That's right, Rocky," Ibby nodded as he burped Baby Blaze.

"Well, let's wait here," Ajax said, rolling his eyes. "The way things are going I'm sure one of those will walk in here next."

Sure enough, just then, in walked...

Petty Officer Bugs!

"You forgot the Rabbit!" Bugs pointed an accusing finger at Rocky. "This means war!"

Rocky raised his hands in a gesture of pacification. "Sorry, Bugs..."

"Rocky already assumed you would take that role," IB chimed in, to defuse the situation. "So you are the Rabbit, Hyvvie is the Dog, Bon Ami is the Rooster, Old Dutch is the Ox, Ajax is the Goat, Time Mouse Tripper is the Rat, and Super-Horse, who is on the way, for Horse..."

"So for the last five signs," Ajax said as he chewed on the tablecloth, "we should..."