Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Fare thee well...

I had pictures of the station's cafeteria having lines divided by personality disorder.

If it's a fairly small-sized organization in terms of headcount, I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Congratulations, lance

It's been almost 3 years, and my divorce was final about a month ago. We didn't even go to trial. We actually agreed on a settlement a few hours before we were to go to court. The settlement was reasonably fair, with neither side getting royally screwed.

So how is Lance doing now? Actually, pretty well. I am still at the radio stations - I've been here almost 2 years - and I still love my job and the people I work with.

I still have the 3 greatest most awesome most beautiful (insert any superlative) kids, whom I adore.

I've kind of been seeing this one woman I know. I don't see her much because she lives 3.5 hours away. The funny thing is, when I tell people that, several people have said, "That's perfect!" She and I are very compatible, but with the distance factor it's probably never going to be serious.

There isn't really much else to tell. My life is pretty good, and you guys (and gals!) were so great and supportive when all of this started and I was coming apart at the seams. Thank you for that.

There is one more chapter to come, but I'll tell that when the time comes - likely next year. It isn't something I can talk about now. (I am such a tease.)

I am a better person than I was. I hope none of you ever need advice about divorce, but here are some things I have learned.

1) When in a divorce, do not leave the house until the court says you have to. It just makes your position more difficult. (I got lucky and it didn't hurt me at all. But then, I darn near blackmailed my wife. Ex-wife.)

2) All divorces become a grabbing game at some point. If your spouse even mentions divorce, immediately go hire an aggressive attorney whose goal is to go after the money. You can bet your spouse will do the same, and you have to try to take everything to get your fair share.

3) The kids come first. Nothing in my life is as important - or will ever be as important - as time spent with my kids.

4) Do not believe anything your spouse says. I still can't believe all the lies my wife told me. She would say anything to gain an advantage, or to screw me out of something.

Anyway, I wish for all the best for everyone here on Legion World, and again, my sincerest thanks for the support.

Glad you're happy with how things are going, Lance!

Ok, so I am not on that often, hence, I missed a lot (and by that I mean, all) of this. So, I am sorry about all the bad stuff. GLAD you are doing well. And so happy to see you here!

Lance, glad to hear that things are better now for you. I haven't seen you around as much, like you said, and it was for the best. Love your kids and be here when you like.

It's so very good to hear from you again, Lance. I am glad to know things are going well, and your love for your kids is evident as ever. I am sure they know and appreciate that.

We'll wait patiently for the update next year, but I hope we get to see you around more often too!

I'm glad you're on the better side of so much hard stuff, Lance. It's good to hear from you.

Wow. It's been over 7 years since I started this thread.

7 years ago, I was emotionally devastated. I was lonely and afraid. I've really grown. Then, I needed help. I needed people to lean on. Which is ok; we all do sometimes. I so much appreciate the support I got from LegionWorld members and from others. But I'm not that person anymore.

7 years ago, it felt like my world was falling apart, because it was. Over the course of the next few years, a broken Lance put a life together, one piece at a time.

I guess I'll give an update. I'm not nearly as needy as I was then, and not nearly as willing to share my life with everyone. But I will anyway; it's a good story. And I like telling a good story. There's sex and violence and betrayal and time-travel and dinosaurs and...

Well, maybe it's not quite that good of a story. But I'll try to keep it both interesting and factual.

I'll start by answering a question that seemed so complicated then. Why am I divorced? We got divorced for the same reason that any two people get divorced. There were issues we just couldn't get past. High on that list is my ex-wife's mental illness. This is not to say I do not have my flaws. I know I do. Just ask my ex-wife; she's got a list.

I will always care about her, and about what happens to her. We had three amazing children in common. But sometimes, things just don't work out. But, you know what, I'm still doing great.

Anyway, over the next few days or weeks or months, I'll post some updates. I like telling a good story. I hope you think I'm a good storyteller.

Thanks for the update Lance.

Being a married man myself I can only imagine how devastating the separation and divorce would have been at the time. I am very glad to hear that you are coping so much better.

Keep on keeping on.

Let me take a moment and talk about attorneys. I've discovered that I don't like attorneys much.

Throughout my divorce, and the subsequent modification, I had three attorneys. Attorney #1 had all the aggression of a narcoleptic kitten. It didn't take me long to fire her. Attorney #2 handled the divorce. He later said he could modify the divorce agreement and get me more time with my kids. I paid him to do this. He took my money. Then, he did nothing.

For over two years, he did nothing except lie to me. He would tell me we had a court date coming up. Then, the court date would get cancelled for some reason. Then, he would tell me there was a new court date. That court date would also not happen. This happened several times. So, for over two years, he did nothing but lie to me. I finally wised up and fired him. (I hired attorney #3, who was kind of a friend of mine. Her specialty was not family law. Yet, she had everything finished within six months. Some attorneys actually do want to help people.)

I told attorney #2 that he would pay me back everything I had paid him or I would begin litigation against him, and that I would report him to the Kentucky State Bar. He set up a payment plan. He paid me back some, then the payments got less, and further apart. So, I reported his actions to the state bar. They dismissed the case. Apparently his actions are perfectly acceptable in Kentucky.

He still owes me a couple of thousand dollars. Litigation would cost more than what he owes me. I guess I could try suing him myself, or maybe reporting him to the police? Isn't taking money and doing nothing called fraud? Maybe I can talk to a tv station and see if they want to do a feature on him. I don't know. I'm really not sure what to do next. I don't really see any way to get my money back.

I used to wonder why people told lawyer jokes. I get it now.

Sorry, Dude.

Never fear. Even lawyers tell lawyer jokes.

If we ever meet up I'll bring mr_cleome along so he can relate his misadventures working for a firm full of Scientologists. At least that's over now.

thanks for sharing, Lance. it is nice knowing you have grown, and also nice to understand where you come from

Blaze broke up with me, but I recognize elements of your relationship with your ex-wife in our break up. We definitely still care for each other, but there were some things we could not get past (like me being in Europe, and him returning to Asia for financial reasons)

It’s really great reading your thoughts.

Sure, Cleome, let's meet up and have lunch tomorrow. You're in Oregon (I think) and I'm near Cincinnati, so what say we have a lunch picnic somewhere in Wyoming? I'll bring the deviled eggs...

IB, you're welcome to join is. It's a short drive from Amsterdam...

oh yes, with my fancy new Legion cruiser I can make that trip in no time at all!

With a time bubble, you can be there yesterday!

Love me some deviled eggs! (Don't spare the paprika!) I'll tote along some roast beef sandwiches for mr_cleome.

IB, sorry about the breakup. What treats can I pack for you?

jádore le paprika!!!

aw cleome, you are so sweet. some Bailey's, and we shall drink it together. I'll bring the snacks.

Sweet! I hope Lance has a truck big enough to hold all the goodies.

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball...

Actually, that's not the best metaphor. I don't know if I could hit a curve ball, but at least I could see it coming. Let me try again...

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. And it's not fair, because you were playing hopscotch. And it throws the ball at you from behind you, which really doesn't matter, because the ball is invisible anyway...

That's more like it.

We get some of those events in our lives. Something else else that blindsides us, that changes how we look at things, that has a profound impact on who we are. There's no way to see it coming, and it changes us. And sometimes, life throws two of those invisible curve balls at once...

My father passed away in 2014. This was not a surprise; his health had been steadily declining. But this set a couple of things in motion that changed who Lance is...

The beginning of this story starts like a lot of stories. There's this girl...

I live in the Cincinnati area, while the rest of my family live in the vicinity of Evansville, Indiana. It's about a 3-hour drive. So, after my dad died, I was in the Evansville area for a few days.

At his visitation, this girl I knew as a kid showed up. Her parents and my parents were fast friends when we were about 12. I had the biggest crush on her, for years. She knew I liked her, but she didn't reciprocate, and she never hurt me. She could have, so easily. We were friends, kind of, but nothing more. Plus, lots of guys had the hots for her. She's always attracted males like manure attracts flies.

We chatted at my dad's visitation for about an hour. We swapped phone numbers, and then she left. I thought that would be the end of it.

The next day, she texted me. And the next day. We actually started having a conversation. Then, a week or so into this, she started expressing interest in me. Let me just say, when your childhood crush starts pursuing you, it is a powerful thing. I soon fell head-over-heels for her. And she for me. I would drive to see her every month or so.

She made me a lot of promises. She swore that it was going to be the two of us. She said she would move to my location in a few years, after her youngest turned 18, and we would get married someday. Month after month she pledged her undying love.

After about a year had gone by, one night she gave me a text break-up. And I just don't get it. I don't understand how someone can make the promises she made and just walk away.

She wouldn't talk to me for a while, which I also didn't understand. I just wanted an explanation. I never got one.

I talked to her on the phone a few years ago. I told her, "You know, you made me a lot of promises." Do you know what her reply was? She said, "Yeah, I know. I don't know why I said all that stuff."

So, she spent a year getting me to believe it was going to be the two of us. And the best explanation she has amounts to, "I don't know what I was thinking."

You know, I can look back at every relationship I have ever had and I have some idea of what happened. But with her, I still have no idea. The only thing I can come up with is that there must be something broken inside her.

I just don't get it. It hurt a lot. I healed. I moved on. But I still don't get it. I likely never will.

Ouch.

I agree that it sounds like something messed up in her. Sounds like it was her problem not yours. Your problem was how to react when you realise that someone you thought you could depend on to love you, you no longer could. Challenging.

In the end the most important person to love us is ourselves.

Glad to hear you have healed and moved on, even if you never understand what was going on inside her head.

Wow. That's messed up.
I get the whole "caught up it it" mode of being in a new thing BUT she does sound like she crossed some lines

Heartbreaking. That sucks

Myg, I do know a few things about her. After all, I've known her since I was a kid.

She has been abused in just about every way that a male can abuse a female. I know she has been abused sexually. I know one of her husbands hit her. I know she was married to a man who would go to work, and not come home - for months. She wouldn't know if he was dead or alive, and would have to scramble to pay the bills. I cannot imagine what this does to someone. She has consistently made very poor choices in matters of the heart.

I understand getting caught up in something as well. But, that usually doesn't last long - certainly not a year. And we weren't children. We were in our late 40s, which is certainly mature enough to know one's own mind.

I am a decent, stable, nice guy. She needed that, She needed it so desperately that she thought she loved me. But I don't think she ever really did.

You know, I started dating a few years ago. Dating past 40 is not like dating in your 20s. There is so much pain. I dated one woman who had been married 20 years. Then one day her husband told her he didn't love her. He said he never had. Three months later, in the middle of an ugly divorce, he had a heart attack right in front of her and died. Here's another one: I went out once with a woman who had been married to a man with depression issues. She told him she couldn't live like that anymore, and wanted out. Within a week he killed himself. And apparently many people in her family blame her.

What do things like this do to people? I hope I never really know.

Those were probably the two worst stories I heard, but I heard several more that were almost as bad. People who are past 40 and single have known betrayal and/or death and have so much baggage. There is so much pain in people.

WOW. Yeah, those are terrible stories.

I'm in a similar boat. I was married for 6 years and then went through a divorce (which was complicated since we got married before it was nationally legal). I've been in a few years of therapy and ready to start dating again (after some failed attempts). At 47, it's a WAY different ballgame than it was before I went into my relationship (when I was in my early 30s).

Either they're 20-somethings with daddy issues or, if they're closer to my age, there's a bunch of damage just on the label. The damage is either more evident or I'm just most likely to take notice of it.

I'm actually WAY more comfortable being solo than I've ever been. But I realize I need to try to date to keep the muscles going... and for that intimacy stuff