Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum LMB Infinite Crisis: Infinite Crisis on Earth-4

IV: So, your majesty, to what do I owe the honour that your should visit me during my secret mission?

RHL: (sighs inaudibly) I am the Emperor Penguin. I may do as I please.

IV: I was just curious. After all, you did tell me how I was the only one you trusted and how I had to keep an eye on that Stalker Lad to make certain he didn't betray you or let the UP President slip through your fingers.

RHL: Oh. Of course.

IV: How could you forget? It was right after we made love. <She embraces him>

<RHL blushes and looks genuinely puzzled>: Yes. How could I forget?

IV<pulls away): I don't know who you are, the likeness is incredible, but you're not the Emperor Penguin!

RHL: What?

IV: I'm not exactly the Emperor's type. He prefers them more, shall we say masculine? <IV pulls out a blaster>

NG:That's it! I'm going in! <NG does a leap and flip and flying kick that knocks the blaster out of IV's hand and onto the floor as the two engage in the mother of all wrestling matches>

IV: Guards, he's not the Emperor! He's an impostor!

<A hundred Penguin guards rush toward RHL>.
RHL (frowns slightly):FREEZE!!!

<All 100 freeze instantly into cryogenically frozen statues>

RHL:I don't mess around, boy!

LAM: :whistles, impressed: Literally!

Ice Vamp Glazia is livid with unspoken rage...
saying:

"What have you done to my Emporer?"
"We haven't done anything to your emporer, lady." said Nova Girl, defensively. "At least, i haven't."
"There is a grain of truth to your statement." said IV "You are obviously beneath him."
"Nova Girl has had vast experience with being beneath people, your Eminence." said Tamper Lad, mildly. He barely winces from NG's electrified riding crop.
"Now is not the time to air my dirty linen, Urkyl*" said NG, flushing with embarrassment.

*EDITOR'S NOTE: Tamper Lad's real name is Urkyl Drox.

"We are wasting time talking!" said LAM, "Maybe this Ice Vamp can help us in our quest."
""This" Ice Vamp has not yet decided if she requires help." She retorts with hauteur. "Nor did she pledge her allegiance."
"Oh forget her - she knows nothing." CB cut in.
"Are you so full of arrogance to presume that tho my guards are incapacitated, that I - I am without resources of my own?" IV said with a frosty glare.
"You bet." CB said, folding his arms. A mere blink of an eye later, he is shrouded in a crystal cocoon.
"Oh-Oh, Closeted Boy..." gasped out IR Girl.
"Hmph! Another male who can't deliver on his promises - how typical..."
"Did the Emporer Penguin promise to do something for you?" said Rockhopper Lad.
"I never reveal my secrets, you charlatan."
"Not even for a...Scooby-Snack?" HD Lad chortled.
"Ixnay on the ogday eferenceray." advised IR Lass.
"So...you have a bargaining chip? My information for something of yours."
"First, you release my boy-friend." said IR Lass.
"Child...Insolence shall not be tolerated."

Now Nova I never said you spent any time under me. Actually if I recall correctly, I spent a lot of time under you er in the command heirarchy .

Oh enough of this drivel, where is President Numf-El? You look ridiculous you blue skinned witch.

IV: Now you Green Man I remember, I had you go to that orphanage to try to kidnap her <points at IR-Lass> it's the least you could do after your stupid service allowed her to escape from the vats all those years ago.

Glazia, if that is your name, you're making very little sense. First, you will release Closeted Boy.


IV: And why should I listen to you, fraud?

Remember what I did to 100 penguin soldiers with barely a thought? What do suppose I could do to one blue-skinned human?

<IV gets a look on her face as if she has wet her pants. CB is then freed.>


IRL:Oh, Closeted Boy! You're free.

CB:Yes I am. Thanks to Rockhopper Lad. <Goes up to RHL and hugs him> How can I ever thank you enough?

Later, okay? We've got a full plate just now.

<IRL pouts>

Actually, CB, can you use your reality warping to make this blue wench talk?

CB:For you, anything!

<IRL pouts some more; CB snaps his fingers in an arc; IV looks quite distressed.>

IV:The president is tied up in a little room just off the main bridge. <She begins drooling>.

You didn't hurt her, did you, CB?

Nah. She'll rue the day she tr ied to mess with us though!

<IRL pouts still more>

"Hmmm, nice work, CB", said LAM, "Couldnt have done it better myself."
"Thanks, old dude, i guess." replied CB, a little brusquely, returning his atention to Rockhopper Lad.

LAM looks askance at both HD Kid whose eyes were popping out of their sockets and IR Lass who was still sulking a little...an alien feeling of satisfaction coursed through his veins. A possible twinge caused by his "inner Psyche". But he shrugged it off enough to remark:

"The door seems to be sealed and there must be an access code of some sort to gain entry."
"Oh V'lor! You don't think..." murmured Nova Girl.

She looks at the subdued and apparently brain-dead Ice Vamp. Tamper Lad regarded IV with calm detachment:

"What I think is that our one chance to rescue President Numf-El has just found another way of "escape"..."

IR-Lass stormed at him:

"No! No way can you blame that on my CB! You are just blowing smoke, you pukey twerp!"
"Cool it, Mari'allis*" CB said tensely, "Just get off my back."

*ED. NOTE: Mari'allis is IR-Lass's actual name

"Don't shout at m-me..." She said, lips quivering, "I hate that..."
"You have been crowding me ever since you joined!"

Bah enough of this drama. Grabs IR-Lass sets her to one side. CB stand in the corner over there. I don't want to hear on more more peep outta either of your.

Dern kids. We'll do this the old fashioned way. Come here HDK. I need you to knock over the door.

<with that command, HDK set himself up for a charge. In a flash the super massive kid rammed into the door knocking it over.>

HDK: President Numfy, we're here to save you.

<Nunf-El's Penguin Guard sees RHL> Guard: Hail the Emperor! <throws himself prostrate>.

<RHL enters, freezes the ropes the bind the President and shatters them>. Mr. President. You'll have to trust us. I am not the Evil Emperor Penguin and this is not Stalker Lad.

<pats IR-Lass on the back>

Those men are infuriating, aren't they honey? But don't worry about it. When we get back to the HQ, i'll introduce you to B.O.M.B. All *he* needs is batteries, and he won't ever talk back.

IRLass: Bomb?

Battery operated mechanical boyfriend.

IRLass: EWWWWWW GROSS!

Suit yourself kid, I could show you some stuff too. <pats IR-Lass on the butt>

<HDK opens the door>

<entering the now open room>
Hi there Mr. President.

President Numf was sitting hunched over in a holding cell. At the sound of intruders, he jerked up and groped around for his special helmet that he used to conceal the grotesque malady that he had suffered from since the invasion of the Emporer Penguin, with help from the Green Stalker who devised the chemical mutagen which transformed his once-handsome visage to that of a monster...

"Who is-is there?" He said in a sleep-deprived, slurry tone.
"We came to rescue you from Glacia, the Ice Vamp." announced Closeted Boy.
"You...four younglings against an army of penguin marauders?"
"We had help, sir." murmured CB in what might be considered a very "grudging" tone.

He stepped aside to introduce Tamper Lad, Nova Girl, Rockhopper Lad and LegionAdventure Man.

"It's uncanny...so uncanny...You..."
"Yes, Mr. President, we are aware of a slight superficial likeness to your world's nemeses." spoke up Tamper Lad.
"But we are the good guys - honest." said RHL in earnest. CB grinned at him. IR Girl pouted.
"So you claim...but...need more proof..."

Numf-El: The Jr. SMB and some strangers who resemble the Stalker and Evil Emperor Penguin?

Mr. President, I'm Tamper of Earth-1 and I'd like to introduce you to LAM, Nova, and Prince Rockhopper of the Penguin Colonies of Houston.

<As formatlities are going on>
*whispers to Nova* You witch, stop trying to seduce that kid.

Tamper Lad, I think you may have deduced something. I haven't told anyone this--I didn't want to be treated diffently.

My actual name is Eudyptes, Prince of the Penguin Colonies. My father is the Emperor Penguin of our universe, the head of the House of Rockhopper.

Please just call me Rockhopper Lad. Nothing has changed.

When we get back home, I'll have everyone over to Rockhopper's Rookery and explain the whole thing.

Ice Vamp: Fools, Can't you see. The Cult was right... we have reached the end of days. All is lost, even now the Stranger attacks the center of knowledge. Civilization will cease to be soon. A crisis is upon us... A CRISIS!!!!!!

<Ice Vamp eludes the grasp of HDK who had released her to force the door open. Activating a device on her belt she escapes.>

Ah jeepers what is she talking about now. The Centre of Knowledge was a library was lost thousands of years ago. On Earth-1 the archaelogical site administered by the Cult of the Ancient Engineer.

Numf-El: She was ranting about a prophecy about some mysterious stranger turning the books pink and glittery, and re-mixing the audio archives into dance music.

Lucien Lad?

*watches events with amusement*

boo yah!

Your counterpart is on a rampage. The Spectre sent us here. Something else else about looking for you and merging you and the Earth-4 Glamour Puss into an ultimate weapon or something.

Aside from that you know, the usual. Mistaken identity leading to hero on hero combat. Presidential kidnappings the usual.

Okay, we've got the president, we've got Lucien Lad. I'd really love to stay and learn more about my evil doppelganger...

<Closeted Boy lets out an excited gasp>

...but I know we have to finish our mission.

Just as the group and the President leave the premises, LAM doubles over, breaking in a sweat...

"LAM! You look terrible - what's wrong?" said Nova Girl.
"Im receiving psychic emanations....By the Lords of F'inb'r-Fu-ri...Space Ranger has been...killed..."

Space Ranger is dead? Oh no!

<Closeted Boy puts an arm around Rockhopper>
CB:Are you okay?

<Rockhopper calls CB over to the side> Closeted Boy, I appreciate it. Look this is just the absolute worst time to talk about these things, but I've got to tell you this.

CB:If it's about my being too young, I'm 18.

Well, you are a bit young for me. That's not to say that I'm not attracted, but we live in different universes. Quite literally.

CB: I guess you're right.

There's one other thing. You need to really face something.

CB: You mean?

Yes.

CB: Okay. <They rejoin the group>

CB: Everyone, I have an announcement.

IR Lass: What is it, sweetie?

Well. I'm gay.

TL: Oh, is that all?

IR Lass: What?

CB: Nothing will change between us, Infra. We'll still go shopping together and decorate stuff and bake and sing karaoke.

IR Lass: Good Lord! You are gay!

CB: That's the other thing. From now on, I'm Openly Gay Lad.

Congratulations. <hugs CB> I know it's a big step.

<HDK and LAB enter>
LAB: Okay! We've landed the transport and the authorities are on their way!

HDK: Did we miss anything?

LAM : Apart from Not-so-Closeted Boy's epiphany of the heart?
HDK: Aw dude, you didn't...come out?
(now) OGL: Yes...yes it was inside of me, wanting to get out, but i was so conflicted - it was driving me nuts."
HDK: You too, I-I thought i wuz the only one...
IRL: Oh Ryndylph*, i am so dumb...All the time I thought that that Nova Girl tramp was coming on to you, you were trying to come out...

ED: Ryndylph is OGL's real name.

OGL: Sorry for being such a pill to you, Mari'allis. We can still be buds, right?
IRL: I-I guess so...
HDK: Group hug?
NG (aghast): Spare me...
TL: Ahem, i hate to break-up this encounter session, people, but we have a rescue mission to plan.
LAM: But...Space Ranger...Tamper Lad, we must go back to our Earth to pay our respects.
TL: We can send flowers after Lucien Lad is found, LAM. Our duties here must take precedence over what is happening at Legion World.
NG: You are a cold bastard, Urkyl Drox.
TL: (shrugging indifferently) it can't be helped, Nova Girl.
NG: Don't play any more of your mind-games, mister...
LAM: Right - It may have sucked me in once...but fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Fine we know that our Lucien is here doing some minor redecorating.

Well let's find Faraway, the mountain lion should know where he's been off to.

<While Tamper Lad attempts to locate Faraway Lad, Openly Gay Lad and Rockhopper Lad go off by themselves for a moment>

OGL: So, I guess you're gonna go back to your world, then.

RHL: I belong there. I represent the Penguin Colonies to Legion World. I don't want to think about what the Penguin Colonies of this universe are like.

OGL:Back when Eudyptes XXVIII was Emperor...

RHL: Father...

OGL: Things were very different.

RHL: Someday I'll come back and help make things right.

OGL:Will you see me when you do?

RHL: Of course I will.

OGL: Look, I'm new at all this stuff. Maybe this is a crush, but can I get a good-bye kiss?

RHL: Of course. <they kiss>

OGL: Your teeth feel funny.

RHL: I don't have teeth. Inside my mouth is a bill. What looks like hair--even my goatee--are actually feathers. Oh and I was hatched from an egg.

OGL: So you really are a bird? Why does that make you all the more interesting

RHL: Oh you mammals!

Bah enough of this innappropriate fraternization. The penguin and their confused boy. Nova and the confused boy's girlfriend. I'm getting a headache.

We must get home immediately. I've located Faraway Lad of Earth-4. He his preparing as we speak. Those Faraway Lad's and their lists of strange exotic drink and furniture. I think those things e requests are just a front.

Alright let's go... <The E-1 group leaves to rendevous with FL and return home.>