Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum LMB Infinite Crisis: Infinite Crisis on Earth-4

Previously... in Gay of Vengence.

... in the LMB Command Centre

The heroes blinked as the room was suddenly full of bright light and laboratory equipment. They were on Earth 4…..


<span style="font-size: 18px;"> LMB INFINITE CRISIS PRESENTS: CRISIS ON EARTH-4</span>

<span style="font-size: 16px;">Roll Call</span>

LMB Heroes of Earth-1
Legion Adventure Man
Nova Girl
Rockhopper Lad
Tamper Lad

Introducing the Junior SMB Auxillary
Infra-Red Lass
Closeted Boy
Legion Adventure Boy
Hyper-Dense Kid

and with a special guest appearance by a mystery member of the SMB Heroes of Earth-4

<span style="font-size: 16px;">Act I: Enter the Junior SMB Auxilary </span>

A laboratory in the SMB satellite HQ.

The shiny new laboratory was still pristine white, a symbol of renewed vigour in the SMB. After years of funding cuts a newly elected President Numf-El former member and friend of the SMB had delivered on the promised funds in the wake of the Ekron saga. Enough that we find two new recruits in working away...

IR-Lass: Jeepers! Closeted Boy that stings.

Closeted Boy: Sorry. Weird, it says that you aren't a product of natural conception. You seem to be a hybrid fusion of two individuals. You're an orphan right?

IR-L: Yep. I won the UP-SMB Idol contest for this hero gig outta the orphanage.

CB: Yeah that sicko the Stalker was infatuated with you from the holoshow and...

IR-L: Don't remind me, but you saved me.

CB: Er.. Um.. It sure is quiet with most of the SMB gone to help with the crisis. People are saying it's the end of the universe. Must be big to call away the entire SMB. We're suppose to be at the academy...

Just then a flash of light filled the lab and four individuals appeared.

IR-L: EEEEEKKKKKK, That green man, it's the Stalker. He's come to kidnap me again...

CB: And the Evil Emperor Penguin. I'll sound the alarm


A moment later the alarm sounds summoning the Jr. SMB Auxillary members Legion Adventure Boy and Hyperdense Kid, who come barelling through the door.

Tamper Lad, are you sure we're in the right place? The natives don't seem particularly friendly!

LAB: Jinkies! What's going on, guys?
HDK: Errr...is this the right room? I wuz looking for the john!"

The four auxiliary members look puzzled as the four newcomers from the adjacent parallel universe stand before them...Tamper Lad, Nova Girl, LAM and Rockhopper Lad....

"Faraway Lad was right on the mark, people" said Tamper Lad impassively.
"I never thought i would hear you compliment anybody's genius but your own, Puke Boy" said Nova Girl, grinning coldly as her hand reaches for her trusty riding crop.
"That is beyond the point, Nova Girl" retorts TL, "Faraway Lad knew that the Seven Stones of Sotcala would provide the nexus to pierce the dimensional barrier, for his expertise with divining the whereabouts of Bevis from the clues he left behind, would be useful."
"As always, stating the obvious." said Nova Girl dryly.
"Who'd'a thought that seven mismatched socks would amount to a hill of beans?" mused Rockhopper Lad.
"Hey! Hello! Private property - go compare notes somewhere else!" said one of the SMB auxiliary.
"Why you insolent flea, dont you know who you are dealing with?" snaps Nova Girl, as her Thora-genes well up inside her.
"We know!" said Infra-Red Lass "We know who you are.."
"You do?" said Rockhopper Lad "But how...."
"You are followers of the Green Stalker! And thus, are our enemies..."
"Green Stalker?" said Tamper Lad, "That is not logical."
"The kid obviously has you pegged, Gangrene-Guts." said Nova Girl with a slight smirk.
"Please, Nova Girl, this is not the time to re-infect old wounds here." said LAM, with a grimace.
"Stay out of this, LAM, this doesn't concern you."
"Something else else is not kosher here - these kids look scared to death of us."
"Yeah," said Rockhopper Lad, "The way they looked at me when they said something about an evil Emporer Penguin..."
"I had researched the history of Earth-4...Once there were a quartet of super-beings Power Ring, Johnny Quick, Super-Woman and Ultra-Man." explained Tamper Lad, clearing his throat (oblivious to the subtle groans of his comrades) "And they had served as the main driving force behind the prevalence of crime on this world."
"Hey, mister - don't u realise we have an alarm going here? And Im supposed to be the hyper-dense one - sheez." said HD Kid, picking his nose and looking at what was on his finger.
"Well, shut the alarm off." said Tamper Lad, a little miffed that his report was interrupted.
"Not so fast, Green Stalker..." said IR Lass, "We are on to your sick little games, you can't talk your way out of things - this time."

Her reddish eyes glow as she steps forward. Closeted Boy drives her back with a shove.

"Hey..." she exclaimed, "That hurts"
"Don't you recognise the bearded one with the amulet? He's Brand Keller - the most notorious mind-thief in the cosmos."
"Oh gosh..."

LAM remarks: "Hey, look here, lad, you have the wrong dude, i..."
"My name is Closeted Boy. Not Lad and not Kid. Im not stupid - I come from a long line of superior beings that call themselves Drens. I know who you all are - and you are not welcome!"
"But our friend is here." exclaimed Nova Girl, hotly.
"Sure he is....Right where you creeps should be - get them, SMB-ers....Heroes United!"

And as the colourful quarter of youngsters advance upon the Legion Worlders, the other four form a tight circle...

"Any more bright ideas, Mucus-Breath?" muttered Nova Girl.
"I will not stand here and be subjected to your disloyalty, Nova Girl...I would prefer to be doing other things than play hopscotch with these underage lunatics."
"Who are you calling lune-a-ticks, mister?" said Hyper-Dense Kid "Im no scuzzy termite!"
"I think he just did, Kid." CB declared. "They have to be our enemies!"

The circle then breaks as the eight beings face off in battle...

*To be continued*

That's it I'm going after that the Big Dense Dude.

Hey you! HD Kid maybe you should be called no-neck kid. Well at least you don't smell like Hrun, so I can breathe while i've got you on the ground.

<angered HD kid charged Nova Girl, tackling her like she was a quarterback, only with nicer shoes of course.>

Oooff Hello there big boy, this is gonna be fun.

Tamper don't you read the case files these guys think you're the Stalker. You know Super Bartender, Nelly Cap of Ekron and all that.

<Infra-Red Lass attempts to zap Tamper Lad with a heat ray from the fingers of her left hand. Rockhopper jumps into the fray, firing blasts of cold, neutralising the heat.>

IRL: You slimy bird! It figures a tyrant would jump in to defend that stalker! Wait till you see my right hand!


<IRL blasts cold from her right hand, but Rockhopper is ready and blasts even more intense cold in its path, neutralsing it.>

Rockhopper: You're new at this, aren't you? *mumbles inaudibly "never tell your opponent what you're going to do"*

IRL: I was UP-SMB Idol champion, you Antarctic turkey!

<IRL alternates heat and cold; never the two at the same time, Rockhopper continues to deflect.>

Rockhopper: This could go on all day!

Ugh, you big lug. I better not be feeling what I think I'm feeling down there. Because these boots were made for kicking... *Whap*

*Bing*

his nads... dense and invulnerable... My foot in pain.

HDK: Tee Hee, I love it when they get rough below the belt.

<HDK Grabs Nova by the hair and into a headlock trying to subdue her>

Um so what might you be you teenage Closetted Boy.

CB: I have the power to create a reality distorting field, that negates the truth. You'll pay for escaping from jail and stalking my er... girlfriend IR Lass since she was on UP-SMB Idol.

Distort reality indeed. IR-Lass is naive to the truth as are you, as long as you remain in that closet of yours.

CB: I don't know what you're trying to say villain but you'll never harm IR-Lass again. Ever since I was recruited by the SMB from hair stylist school, I've taken down dozens of you scumbags.


Next thing you'll tell me that it's your reality distortion that allowed you to create those gravity defying hairstyles, not your inherent artistic elan. We'll see after I hit you with this.

Tamper fires at CB with his defaboolizer gun but CB's power to defy reality negates the ray as it hits the closet field.

CB: You can't harm me Stalker. Not as long as I stay in the closet of my protective field.


WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK OF ME BEING A STALKER??? My Genius has never been used for those purposes. Hey guys is it just me or does IR-Lass remind you of some people we know?

IR-Lass: Duuuude, of I course I remind you of someone. The final episode of SMB Idol. You attacked and kidnapped me on live galactic holovision? Remember the taping studio was on a secret planet... and then you used your stalking powers for months. If CB hadn't saved me twice...

You deluded fool.

Ugh get off me...

<Flings HDK over her back and looks over to TL>

SHUT UP TAMPER, unless you want those two kids to kill you in your sleep years from now.

<NG looked over at RHL still trading blasts with IRL and LAM, and LAB who appeared to be engaged in some titanic struggle facing off against each other>

How ya doin' LAM, RHL?

<Rockhopper takes advantage of
TL's distracting IRL, and takes her by surprise, freezing her solid.>

I think I've got her, for the moment, NG. She'll probably only stay on ice for a short time before she thaws out.

As for her seeming familiar, I think I know what you mean. When Frio and I were doing ice sculptures the other day, I could feel that her powers aren't magic-based as mine are. It didn't feel like when one of my people freeze. This girl's ice is just like Frio's.

HDK: AAAAAAAHHH

<Gets up flies across the room and stomps NG into the floor>

<Tamper Looks at RHL and says>

I can't remember if Nova is invulnerable or not, I don't think I've ever asked her.

Tampeeee.... Ugh

< , passes out>

LAM remarks: I am fine, Nova Girl, if i may surround you all with a human-sized force-shield, these pesky kids won't get the upper hand!

And so doing, the four LMB's forge ahead...

"Rockhopper", says LAM, "it is so weird that these punks think you are some Emporer Penguin dude.

LAM what about the LAB kid with that full head of hair?

Uh guys the big guy's on a rampage could be trouble...

Nova honey... get up....

Ah...well...perhaps the Emperor Penguin of this world is younger than the one in ours. I suppose you've all seen holos of my Emperor. He's a goodly bit older than I. But he's a peaceful ruler, beloved throughout the UP. Why would she call him a tyrant?

LAM! Look out!

LAB approaches his older counterpart, with a contemptuous sneer....

"Yeh, right, you are my better half? Look at you - youre bald, youre chubby and youre full of hot air i'll bet."

With a wave of his arrogant hand, LAB levitates LAM off the ground....

"G-Great Scott...G-forces are tearing me apart - must use Psyche-power...."
"Aw, you wanna be a cry-baby about it? Be my guest!"

LAB's grinning features crease into a mask of sorrow...and LAM is overwrought...

You okay LAM?

Oh great the teen idol seems to be thawing out. Now she can accuse me of being a stalker again.

<Rockhopper bends over Nova Lad and places an ice pack of his own making on her head>.

All, right, Mr. Density, that wasn't a very nice thing to do to a lady!

<HDK lunges at Rockhopper who freezes the floor below HDK, causing him to slip and land with a resounding *THUD*>.

Wow! Right through the floor!

Oh my aching... *koff* *koff*

When I get my hands on you HDK I'm gonna pound you through the floor.

Oh look already done... *koff* *koff*

<IR-Lass encases TL's hands in condensed water ice>

IR-Lass: Not so tough Stalker without your dirty hands to touch me eh.

Blast him CB.

Hey what'r you talkin about Califrio?

Hey Spicy Chilly, tell me Do I look like someone I know you look like someone, well two people anyways?

<Something else else stirs in the pit below where RHL had sent HDK through the floor>

Closeted Boy, is it? Ever hear of PFLAG, girl? They could help.

CB: What are you talking about?


Here, let me show you. <Rockhopper makes an ice sculpture of Orlando Bloom; CB is momentarily stunned>

Gets 'em every time! Now, what's up with LAM, and I mean that literally?

"Dont worry about your blimpy buddy, Stalker..." said LAB, "I've reduced him to wuss-level - how about I try something with you?"

He spots Tamper Lad's force-field belt and as he attempts to short out the components within, he is astonished to learn:

"Holy Horns of Gryxus! That old dude has you protected!"
"In a manner of speaking." remarked TL, "and so long as we are "protected", your very best could be your very worst..."
"Darn! HD! take over for me...I got bigger fish to fry..."

Protection, thanks LAM. But the protection better not be of the latex variety. You know how that I'm deathly allergic to latex. I need urethane prophylactic protection. Those latex proteins make my *ahem* break out...

IR-Lass: Ewwwww, Too. Much. Information.

Oh my goodness, What did the birdman just to Closetted boy?

<HD-kid emerges from the hole looking confused>

Nova Girl as much as I've anticipated this moment for 10 years, I do love seeing you on your knees but you need to... Get up... Get up... He's going to...

<Closeted Boy stares at the Orlando Bloom ice sculpture, entranced by Mr. Bloom's loveliness.>

CB: It's--It's beautiful! Oh! *ahem* I mean, this penguin guy does real nice work. Lots of detail. Good stuff."

Uh-uh, whatever, girl.