Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum LMB Infinite Crisis: Infinite Crisis on Earth-4

<Nova girl turns to see HDK charging towards her. Quickly she dances out of the way. HDK is unable to stop and charges through the wall.>

Ugggggh, just like a man to miss the spot he's aiming for and not be smart enough to change course.

CB: Um eeeeeewwwww, must fight gender identity confusion. Yards per carry, Yards after catch, Runs batted in, Earned Run Average... Sports cars with no room for luggage...

Tamper sweetie what's going on? Looks like bodies sprawled all over. I'm gonna hammer that LAB kid...

IRL:What did you do to my boyfriend you-you-penguin person! <looks at Orlando Bloom sculpture> Oh my! He's beautiful!

Good ol' Orlando!

Nova Girl strides over to LAB and says

"Bigger fish to fry? Well, dont understimate me, chum!"

LAB puts both hands together, nodding like a Chinese mandarin....

"Come on, do your worst...I can..take...it."

And she is startled to learn that her very movements have been slowed...

"What...in...blazes..."
"It's called a quantum time-slower, babe"
"Don't...ever...call..me...Babe!"

The levitated LAM still hovers, blubbering, but still thinks: "Focus...focus...if this kid can use his Psyche-ability to make you cry...I...I hope MY Psyche power stil works..."

LAM sees the groggy HDK stumble through the rubble of the retaining wall and gives the big galoot a dose of....

"ARGGGGH!!!!! Fifty-yard goal line dead ahead..."

A split-second too late, LAB turns around as the marauding HDK blunders into him.

"Watch...out, you...."

As LAM had hoped, his young counterpart's concentration lapses enough for him to shake off the "blues"...

"Touchdown!" He exalts, but he groans...The punk kid's anti-gravity zap still holds him to the ceiling.

He sighs, shaking his head, thinking: "Ever get the feeling that you are having a really bad day?"

Then he spots Nova Girl flailing helplessly as she attempts to run faster, but her efforts only cause her to move ever so slower....

"That can't be good" He thinks, "But maybe, just maybe i can turn back time for Nova Girl..." He concentrates and sends forth a quantum-blast which strikes NG dead center...As he anticipated, her slowless accelerates and she moves faster - then backward...

Her accelerated state causes her to ram into Infra-Red Girl, still enraptured by the Orlando ice sculpture...

"Oh golly, he's so hunnnnnn...."

and Rockhopper sprays a sheet of ice under her feet...causing her to slip and slide across the room and right into the arms of Tamper Lad...

"Ewww, let me go you creep!"

Nova Girl feels the time-acceleration effect fade as she falls into Rockhopper Lad's arms.

"You okay, NG?"
"Yes, i'm fine!" She blurts out. "Not being in control makes me so mad!"

On the plus side, Orlando wasn't scratched!

<Closeted Boy remains transfixed by the sculpture. He begins drooling.>

CB: Duhh....NASCAR...West Side Story...John Wayne...Julie Andrews! AAAAAUGH!

********* MMMMMMRROAR *********
What's going on? What's wrong with kids today? Engaged in a fight with villains. Here at our HQ?

*Sniff* *Sniff*

********* MMMMMMRROAR *********

<Stupendous Mountain Lion saunters in from the ajoining medical bay.>

Seahorse better bring me plenty of bunnies for baby-sitting these brats. If I hadn't hurt myself against the ticks...

<Pouncing into the fray with grace and power, SML knocks the combatants apart using his paws.>

<Finally pinning Tamper and Rockhopper against the ground with his paws.>


Alright Evil Emperor Penguin and the Stalker, why have you come to SMB HQ. The sheer audacity. I didn't know the teen idol you needed a date that badly for Saturday night.

*SNIFF* *SNIFF* Wait these aren't EEP and Stalker...

<HDK walks up to Stupendous Mountain Lion>

HDK: What is it Stupendous Mountain Lion? You caught them. Why are you letting them go?

<SML shakes his head>

These aren't Stalker Lad and the Evil Emperor Penguin?

No, I'm Rockhopper Lad and this is Tamper Lad. Our friends are Nova Girl and LegionAdventureMan. Can you call off the kitty now, please?

If it isn't Stupendous Mountain Lion. Well thank you for clearing that up. Your minor league team was really beginning to make a mess.

<looks over at LAM and Nova still peeling themselves off the floor>

If I may suggest we sit down at a conference table and disscuss why we're here.

LAM feels a distinct urge to go somewhere...but has the anti-grav "whammy" worn off? He tries one hand, wiggles it and slowly lowers it, then he does the same with the other...

He feels the blood rush down to his toes as both feet had apparently "fallen asleep". LAM carefully lands and joins his travelling companions. He sees the giant mountain lion and remarks:

"You kids must have gone all out to find a proper mascot."
"Silence, humannnn." growls SML, and subtly sniffs the air, "Yessss, i sense this one is not our enemy, as well - he is NOT Brand Keller - he understands the nature of the beast and the importance the cat population has in all things."
"Ahem, i stand corrected. You with them?" inquires LAM, nodding towards the wary teen squadron.
"Yesss." remarks SML with a gutteral growl, "But i do not belong to them , i am not a "pet" or a "mascot" - I am a sentient being with rights."
"Damn straight, buddy." said Closetted Boy, patting the mountain lion's furry back, "Stupendous belongs WITH us."
"If you're straight, then I'm a shrinking violet." said Nova Girl with a snort.
"Shut up, you witch - you've got no right to speak to my guy like that - we are going steady!" cuts in IR Lass, with an angry pout.
"Sheez, IR, do you want the whole planet to know?" CB says, embarrassed.
"Hmph! You were never this hard to get....Not before SHE came along."
"Whoa, now, i'm nobody's trophy and i'm certainly not his - ask your High Density friend if im wrong."
"Ah, humminah-humminah...Dont know what yer talkin about, chick." said HD Lad, brushing the wall dust from his sleeves.
"It appears that we are all the victims of a misunderstanding." cuts in Tamper Lad.
"How so, TL?" inquired Rockhopper Lad.
"As the lion has just confirmed, our scent-traces don't match our so-called "doppelgangers".
"You mean...you aren't the Green Stalker?" said IR Lass, "but ewww you still look gross."
"It seems that this earth has evil duplicates of everyone at Legion World."
"Like im supposed to be this Evil Emporer Penguin guy." said RH Lad with a worried frown.
"Oh great." said Nova Girl, "Just great. So how are we supposed to find Lucien Lad if the general populace thinks we are all public enemies number one?"
"You want to be Number Two?" sneered LAB, "That can be arranged."
"Try lifting one digit of your scuzzy hand and you'll have nowhere and no way to scratch your ass!"
"Mutter-mutter...'bitch'..."
"Ceassse this ussselesss squabbling!" advised SML.
"If it is any comfort to you, LAB." said Tamper Lad coolly, "Nova Girl is always this way with people she just met. To have her for an enemy would be unwise."
"Ho-ho...Im so scared." said HD Lad, crossing his arms.
"Oi! Dig the attitude, will you?" said Nova Girl.
"You were like this even at their age-cycle..." TL said mildly.
"Yeah, Nova Girl, dont throw stones at glass houses." said Rockhopper Lad.
"Oh fine - what good am I if all i'm to you all is an emotional punching bag."
"Yeah - who needs you, lady? Right Closeted, honey?" said IR Lass, making obvious goo-goo eyes at him.
"You can shut your trap too, missy!" snapped Nova Girl, glaring at her. IR Lass poked out her tongue in response.
"Cease and desist - allll of you." SM Lion advised with a roar of warning. "Time is of the esss-ence. I can feel it..."

<They advance to a conference room, SML indicates that RHL is to begin the explanation>

We're four of the newer members of the LMB. We hadn't yet joined when the SMB last encountered them. We're here to rescue another LMBer who was taken here.

IRL:The LMB? Aren't they the heroes on Earth-5?

RHL: Actually, I think we're Earth-1.

HDK:No dude, this is Earth-1.

TL: Hmm. All the records I've seen refer to this as Earth-4.

NG: Tamper, dear, ever think that maybe everyone thinks of their own Earth as Earth-1?

<SML snarls and nods>

RHL: Does it matter?

LAM: Not really, so now what?

Well it all started when the Spectre seduced me and told me...

Nova: Tamper, i highly doubt the Spectre would want to do *that* with you.

Stop interrupting well she told me that we needed to come to Glamour Puss' palace here in your universe and bring back ....

<Just as the heroes had finished telling Stupendous ML and the Jr. SMB heroes about the mission to find Lucien Lad an alarm rang out.>

SMB Heroes help. There luxury liner carrying the President of United Planets and a group of dignitaries has been hijacked by unknown villains...

****Hiss****
Great, all we got left are these kids.


Nova: Maybe we can help.

TL: But our mission, the Spectre.

Nova: TL and your desire to please that hussy of a spirit of vengeance.

TL: Oh alright, but only if I get to be in charge.

TO BE CONTINUED...

ACT 2: PRESIDENTIAL STEW


The story thus far...

After capturing Gay-lipso, The LMBP Spectre seduced Tamper Lad and ordered the LMB to Earth-4 to rescue Lucien Lad. Once recovered Lucien and his Earth-4 counterpart Gay-lipso would be used as the ultimate weapon in the crisis.

With Faraway Lad's help, the team of Tamper, LAM, Nova, and Rockhopper arrived at the satellite HQ of the SMB. But the SMB were all away dealing with the infinite crisis on Earth-4.

The Junior SMB Auxillary Closetted boy, IR-Lass, LAB and HD Kid attacked the heroes believing that Tamper and RHL were the Stalker and Evil Emperor Penguin. The battle raged until Stupendous Mountain Lion arrived from the infirmary stopping the fight. During the heroes' conference an alert arrived saying that President Numf-El's spaceliner had been hijacked.

We rejoin the story with the Jr. SMBA and our team flying in the last known vicinity of the liner...

IR-LASS: Um yeah, How could Stoopid ole Mountain Lion make me follow the orders of that green weirdo. He keeps talkin about gettin it on with the Spectre. Like.... Ewwwwww.

TL: Closeted Boy, can your reality-warping powers be used for transport?

CB: Sure. Where are we going?

TL: We're going aboard the President's ship!

HD Kid: SP One?

CB:Do I have to take that Rockskipper guy with me?

RHL:I'll make you another sculpture.

CB: What are we waiting for?

<CB snaps his fingers in Z-formation. The four LMBers and the four Junior SMBers disappear and reappear on SP One.>

<Entering the Presidential Transport in the service deck the party notices that there is damage, signs of a struggle, and the bodies of several of the security detail.>

Hmmm Energy burns, be ready guys these unknown assailants are serious. Who's got the schematic of this place? We need to find a way to rescue President Numf-El. Do we have any clue who's doing this?

TL asking for a map and directions? Why don't we just we use your ever expanding right turn search pattern. I guess you use that only whe you need to get some victim alone and out in the middle of nowhere.

IRL: Are you sure he's not the Stalker?

Nah, He's not organized enough.

Here cauliflower head, looks like the main cabin is 2 levels up. Maybe we could find out how many guys we're facing if we go to the security room.

<NG leads the group to the security room>

NG: Closeted Boy, can you keep us from being detected.

CB: My reality-warping powers allow me to cast an illusion of there being nothing where there is something--or something where there is nothing.

TL: Nova, don't go there!

RHL: I think we may have found a real something!

Bah, RHL look there's the security room. It's just down this corridor. Hmmm, what's that noise? Sounds like a flock of pelicans...

<The party progresses to the security room where Rockhopper has quite a shock.>

Good heavens, those aren't pelicans, Tamper! They're penguins! Humanoid penguins like me! See? Human-like faces and hands, hair-like feathers! I don't get it! The Penguin Colonies have never participated in terrorism!

Penguin Captain: Your Imperious Majesty, we were not expecting your presence on this mission. Our orders were to follow the directives of the blue-skinned ice-vamp, Lady Frosbite.

Tamper: Ice Vamp?

No, No, No... the Ice Vamp is here to kidnap the president Numf-El, not to seduce you.

Really TL.

<whispers> RHL... They think you're their emperor or something. What's that all about? How can you look like the Evil Emperor Penguin Anyways?

Well...there is one possibility...the Emperor Penguin, the one of our world, is...a relative.

LAM: Rockhopper, just how much of your true origin do you know?
RHL: Beats me, but maybe to these finny fiends i might just blend in. Just in case the language is indecipherable, Tamper Lad?
TL: *sighs* Oh very well, Interlac lexicon interface activated. Universal translator now operatable. Rockhopper Lad, you may begin.

Wait a sec...they're just going to think I'm their emperor.

NG: Surely word has got out to this Ice Vamp that you, that is, the Evil Emperor Penguin is here.

I suppose so.

TL:If she sees you, Rockhopper, you're just going to have to pretend to be the Evil Emperor.


I will?

<Ice Vamp walks into the Security Room. She is tall, blue and, upon her entry, TL and HDK's jaws drop in disbelief of her beauty. All others are unphased.>

LAB: That's Ice Vamp! I've seen her holos.

NG:Tamper seems out of it for the moment. Closeted Boy, hide the rest of us for the moment.

<CB hides the other seven in an illusion. Rockhopper takes a deep breath.>

Ice Vamp:Your Imperial Majesty. <curtsies> It is an honour to see you.

Rise, my good lady.

IV:Good lady? My aren't we formal? What ever happened to Glazia?

Yes. Glazia. But watch the way you address your emperor.

TL (sotto voce): Rockhopper seems awfully comfortable with being royalty!

CB: Well, isn't he a queen?

LAB: Hey, dude, knock off the homophobia stuff. That is so 20th Century!

<whispers>

IR Lass: Evil Emperor Penguin killed his father some years ago.


TL: Hmmmm... Hey Nova, wouldn't that make RHL the *mumble* *mumble* back on Earth-1?

NG: I guess, I don't know too much about that sort of thing though.