Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum I Offically announce my candidacy for...

the boards resident Cranky Poster. I have the goods. I will deliver. I promise no sacred cows. No pork. All requests for favors will be denied. No political gladhanding.

In fact, hell, i won't even run. I AM!

Damn the Dems! Damn the Repubs!

Power to the cranky!

You should ask Lash to be your campaign manager! He's great at that sort of thing!

Well, this would be a knock-down, drag-out brawl, if I ever saw fit to contest this title! As I should, for I eminently qualify.

Since I'm in too good a mood today, though, I'll withdraw, in favor of the distinguished gentleman from South Carolina. Thus disqualifying myself from the position anyway {g}

That's too bad, Grey, we could have had nominating speeches, seconding speeches, and an election poll!

Funny, I just read a quote from Schumacher today - "The crank in the machine is what makes the revolution happen." So not such a bad position, rickshaw.

Awwww, Ricky, you're too chipper to be resident crank!

Aaaaahhhhhh horsepoop!

"Trista and Ryan's Wedding"...biggest loada horsecrap to come down the pike since Benlo and Gwyneth Craptrow. I'da rather gouged my eyes out with a rusty DNC scrapper.

Christmas songs...anyone singin' them should be legally considered fair game and its open season.

And what about advertising for christmas before halloween. Nevermind thanksgiving...Now it's damn Halloween. Bastards.

Bob Going and Mary hart...chop her damn million dollar legs off and beat him to death with them.

Cars...european sytlin'...what that really means is that they all look the damn same and have made up names like alura or optivaimamnbnran. Who the hell cares.

Knocked up single moms...keep yer damn legs together.

Men bonding around a campfire singin' songs of empowerment. this is wrong on just so many levels. MEN DONT DO THAT! We belch and fart and torture our kids by going to get the paper in our underwear.

Timeouts. Little johnny thinks it funny to paint the garage with leftover paint and he thinks he's gonna get a timeout. More like a foot upside his ass and worked like a dog til he pays for it. Don't care if he's only 10. Stomp him a new one.

And a lack of manners. How damn hard is it to say thank you to someone that holds the door for you? Does it offend yer personal space or sumptin'? Well, if it does, you can bite my hairy white dingleberry encrusted ass.

OPUS. Did Berkley have to wait ten damn years?

Peanuts. Has to be the creepyest part of the newspaper now. Shultz is dead people! It's damn creepy. Have a little dignity and end the damn thing.

Willikers! You aren't chipper at all!

Testify, Rickshaw!

You can be Cranky Guy, and I'll be Grumpy Kid. We'll wow them from Aarok to Zerox with our Surly Stylings...

Poor Little Johnny!

Sounds like one hell of a tag team!

What a coincidence -- the position of Joint Ministers of Crank and Grump in the cabinet just happens to need filling.

Everything is in order, i am in charge! (Now, who today remembers what that is from in the age of 30 second soundbite memories. If it ain't britney's wedding to Gwyneths baby at the average joe's house, todays youth don't know it)

Damn tv announcers and their chicken little reporting. How many times do we have to sit through tom brokejaw or peter jennings tryin to scare everyone to hell and gone. Newsflash local media, there has been prostitition going on since the first male female hookup. You aint revealin' anything new with the three thousand and tenth report of "Prostitution in our hometown".

Disaffected youth. Who gives a shit. Seriously. If i see one more "youth Counselor" comin into a school because kids in mogambo didn't have oj with their breakfast again, i will personally track them down, burn all their james taylor albums, and pour nair into all their orifices.

Stu, i accept the position only on the condition that i wont do a damn thing i don't want to do. I will tell it like it is and let the fallout ruin the hair of anyone it lands on.

I promise to be a voice of cranky to anyone that is overbearing, overexposed, pompous, arrogant, and smelly.

Screw building bridges to france, germany, and russia. France is to friggin dumb to remember who attacked it twice in the previous century, then they don't deserve to have anyone thing good of them.

Next damn time russia feels like being a smartass, just remember who fed yer communist asses when you were starvin' to death in the early eighties. It wasn't Iraq, france, Germany, or the united nations. It was the US.

Reep, i love ya buddy. Loved yer humor since you were Time Trapper on the DC boards, but you need to let it go. Grey's whole (hole) gist of posting was to get yer goat. Let it be, baby. Now, get yer ass back here and post some fun threads.

Cops raided the school in Goose Creek South Carolina, about an hour and ten minutes from where i live. Parents got all up in arms because they had police in the halls looking for drugs. Yet the first time their 'babies' die cause'a drugs or drug dealers, the first person they bitch at is the police. Make up yer damn minds and quit being a buncha pissy little shits.

More to come guaranteed.

"Crank and Grump" - sounds like a comic book accounting firm.

You're certainly showing zeal for the job, rickshaw!

Thank you. I have tried to be nice on the dc boards for so long, i frankly got sick of it. Not sayin' i wont be nice anymore, but honestly, some of this stuff needs to be said.

That blond chic that didn't know that tuna was fish and not chicken, did anyone really expect her to be a mensa candidate? Get over yerself. So she didn't know. Hell, til i was 19 i thought the phrase smokin grass meant the stuff in yer front yard that you cut with a lawnmower. Everyone had moments when they don't connect the dot. Yet they wanna rag on the kid. Hell, i don't even know who she is or what she did for a livin until that flop showed up. gimme a break. Let he who is without sin...sound familiar ya damn media whore jackal reporters?

That would be Alexander Haig after Pres. Reagan got shot,wouldn't it?

Very good Varalent. Go to the head of the class and now, as a reward, you have the floor.

Not at all Sir Rickshaw! The floor as always on this thread belongs to you. Simply don't like seeing unanswered questions hanging out there like that!

I said you had the damn floor, now tell us somethin' real and that needs to be said. Don't make me send Mllash after ya.

I didn't say you would be keepin it.

If you insist...

If I see one more idiotic commercial in which the actors do something really stupid, I may assualt the next Ad Exec I run across.

Example: A recent SUV commercial shows a radio broacasting a severe weather, hurricane alert in the wee hours of the morning. Father wakes up son and says "Come on! We have to get going!"

Are they going to shelter? Of course not! They're driving through howling gale force winds to get to the coast in order to go surfing!!!!!

Of all the moronic things to put on TV, that one's got to be up there. Wonder how many brilliant viewers will try it themselves during the next major hurricane and how many will get fished out of the surf days later!

Very good, Varalent. You are now officially on my "Burn the tapes for his own good!" list.

You got it!

[covers head]

If i am forced to watch david caruso give one more long soulful stare on CSI Miami, i will mail order him friggin contacts so he can actually see what the hell it is he is starin at.

Oh, dopeheaded prostitue dies, end of show he stares soulfully at the sea. Oh, cop dies, he stares soulfully at cops kids. Oh, there is a beautiful young dead female in the morgue. He stares soulfully. Don't see him staring soulfully at the dead bloated body of a 63 year old 270 male floater they found in the bayou that has bugs crawlin outta its ass.

Get over yer friggin self.

Bankin and Rass or Rankin and Bass holiday movies. I know they are for kids. Here's an idea, why not show the true story of christmas today.

Instead of Rudolph saving christmas, why not show how he gets pissed off at the reindeer, buys a friggin automatic assault rifle and santa has venison for dinner after ditchin the sleigh over the arctic ocean, beatin the hell outta mrs. Clause, and takin one of the male elf kids as a lover and wearing the catholic priest outfit.

There's yer damn reality.