Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum Legionnopolis General Hospital

<Clive arrives with the naked, unconscious body that appears to be a pre-"Smoke and Mirrors" Lard Lad....>

<looks around>

Dr. Expletive! I've got a patient that needs help!

<the doctor rushes over>

"Holy sh!t! Is that who I f@#$ing think it is?"

I...don't know, doc...

<examines him>

"Well, whoever the f@#$ it is, his vital signs are f@#$ing weak! Let's get this f@#$er to the emergency room, STAT!"

<orderlies come and scoop the man into a stretcher. Doc Expletive rushes after them...>

"Let's get his ass hooked up to an I.V. of saline!"

<Clive follows behind>

<later>

"He's f@#$in' stabilized now, Deputy Clive," says Dr. Expletive. "His ass should wake up any f@#$in' moment!"

Thank you, doctor.

<Clive takes one of the unconscious man's hands into his>

Gods...if it's really you, this is a miracle, one that--oh, god--I tried to prevent! I had no idea...

<suddenly the man stirs...>

<opens his eyes, looks at Clive>

W-where am I?

Tearing up a bit, Clive answers, "you're in Legionnopolis General Hospital! Y-you're alive!"

Legionnopolis? What's that? Who are you?

"I'm Clive! We've never formally met like this, but...I'm kind of--you're son!"

Son? I have a son? I...

"What is it, father?"

...I...don't know...who I am...

<Clive's jaw drops>

<the next day, Clive consults with Shady, reserve Legionnaire and practicing psychologist>

So...what do you think, Ms. Shady?

"Clive, sweetie, he's either severely amnesiac or, worst-case scenario, he's a blank slate. Whatever trama he's been through did a number on his memory."

Best guess?

"Well...having known him a long time, sweetie, I can see signs that his speech patterns are still about the same...his mannerisms, too. I believe that in time he may regain most or all of his memories...but it's still very early."

So you...think it's really him?

"Yes...yes I do. Obviously, they've done DNA testing--perfect match. No cloning tell-tales or anything. And his Lard Force readings are right where they've been in prior readings...I don't know of any way they could be faked."

<Clive hugs her>

I...I can't believe he's alive!

"He is, sweetie, we've got our Lardy back. Now, we have to concentrate on getting him back all the way."

How can I help?

"Well...not you so much since he really never got to know you--not saying your presence is a detriment, of course--but we need for people he was close to to come by and visit...talk with him and see if those memories can be jarred. Obviously, I'm one of those people, but if more come, it can only help!"

I'll put the word out, Ms. Shady!

<'ports out to do just that>

Hi, Lardy. So glad you're back. Remember me? Uh...I'm the one who informed you how the original Transformers cartoon ended, and...we chatted at Quislet's Table, I was the one scarfing down pizza.

Transformers? Huh?

Pizza..? What's that?!?!?

Pizza is...

- My greatest weakness.

- Basically, flattened dough with tomato sauce and cheese and some kind of meat-and/or-vegetable topping; trust me, it's soooooooo good.

- A little piece of heaven.

And these are the Transformers.

Interesting...but doesn't seem familiar.

May I...try some?

Hey Lard Lad! You don't know who I am, but I knew your algorithm. People seemed to like you much more than they liked him, so I guess that's good for you.

{Rockhopper Lad enters}

Clive! There you are! I came over right away as soon as I got the news! Your father is alive? Where is he?

Remember me, I'm the person you assigned responsibility to in your living will.

Hey Lard Lad! How are you doing? It's your old pal Quislet, Esq. You know, the guy you owe $100,00 to.

*Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, and Jack Haley show up in Lard Lad's room*

"Sure. Remember me, your old pal, Hunk?"

"And me, Hickory?"

"You couldn't forget my face, could you?"

Hi Anthony how’s it going? I heard you were back. Here I brought you some stuff”

Throws a large keg of beer and huge packet of crisps on the bed and as he does so he draws up a chair in a swift fluid motion.

“Well? you do remember how to open the beer don’t ya buddy”

Of course you may. It just so happens I brought a pizza in case any of us felt hungry. Here you go.

Um...hello. What's an algorithm? What's a living will?

?!?!?!

Beer?

<manages to pop it open>

<sniffs>

You...drink this? It smells like urine!

<gasps>

Is 'beer' urine?

I...I'll pass!

<takes a bite>

Mmmmm--this is great!

<glares at Faraway>

Geez, I wish I had something non-urine-based to wash it down with...

<turns back to Stealth>

Thank you so much for this...pizza, was it? Please, have some with me.

<after finishing another piece...>

You seem very patient and caring with me, Stealth. These others...I don't know, they're nice, but they seem to expect so much out of me.

Are you sure we didn't know each other better than you say? This just feels so...natural, I guess.

<outside the room>

He's in there, Rocky...

<lowers his voice>

...I think he's a bit overwhelmed. A lot of them expect him to be his old self already, but he's got none of his memories at all. They have good intentions, I know...and they all missed him terribly--they just can't help themselves.

Stealth seems to understand this best...I know you would to. I'm thinking of running them all out for awhile except for Stealth...and you.

Come on in, Rocky. I know you're dieting, so I also brought a salad.

A lemur-hating scheming bastard, but I'm sure you're much nicer to lemurs than he was.

Oh and I'll have a slice of that pizza, if you don't mind.

<Takes a slice>

Mmm, pepperoni.

Ohhh-kay...is 'lemur' a pizza topping like these pepperoni things?

[aside]Gods, is that how dim I was when I was a robot?[/aside]

Lardy, thank Dywh you're all right! It's so good to see you. I'm Rockhopper Lad--Rocky. They'll take good care of you here, but if you need anything--and you too, Clive--just let me know.

On some planets, perhaps. I find them rather chewy and unappetizing myself.