Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly The Kill-This-Thread Contest!

If I were you guys, I would've accepted Fidel's offer to send election monitors to Florida in 2004.

Just for laughs. I wanna know what they would report.

I expect I know what they would have found--though I think Ohio is the state where there was more fraud this time.

To prevent fraud they should bring back unsecret ballots where you had to announce your vote on stage.

Then at the far end of the stage the rival gangs of ruffians could be waiting with kegs of beer and casks of whisky for their supporters and baseball bats for those who reneged on their promise of support.

That couldn't possibly be worse than the mess we have now!

Ohmygod, I wish Gramps would get home from his business trip, this thread needs a good dose of his outrage.

*snerk* Hon, I don't think anyone needs that...

But it is good for a laugh!! So I approve.

My favorite lawyer joke is:

What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder. The other is a fish.

Some of my best friends are lawyers.

Really. They are useful at times.

Lawyers can be very handy. When someone asks us a legal question at the reference desk, we can tell them "You need to speak to a lawyer."

Whenever we think there is a traffic issue that could be resolved by adding speed hump to a local roadway, we say "let's get a lawyer."

AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

DIE YOU BASTICH THREAD!!

DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!

(Abin's Auto-Responses brought to you by: Evil Genius Inc, a wholly owned subsidiary of Tamper Screwed It Up Inc.)

(SO IT'S STILL TAMPER'S FAULT!!!)

Yeah, but are they not also parasites who prey on human misery?

And prey very expensively too.


Lets be honest, sewage workers can be very useful at times, but they're not quite as expensive.

Sure. But as long as I can shape their self-interest, I know the human misery they prey on will be someone else's.

Can it backfire? Yeah keeping lawyers around could be the equivalent of selling arms to a tin pot dictator but I'd like to think I'm a better judge of character than Intelligence Agencies.

In fairness to lawyers, they do tend to smell better than sewage workers. Well, some of them, anyway.

True, but they both have the ability to leave you up to your neck in a whole world of shit!

hehehehehe now I can sue you all for defamation of character

Such a suit cannot be tried by a judge who no doubt is a lawyer. I demand a jury trial for this defamation suit.

Further it must be composed of people that I consider to be peers. Thus the list is restricted to people I'm intimately familiar with and would sooner suck on a poisonous tree frog than support a lawyer's claims over me.

Originally posted by Almost But Not Quite New Kid in the classic Ongoing Tag-Team Thread:

In Space, Low Above Legion World

The Brood Battle Cruiser prepares for an assault. Instruments aboard that ship have detected the imminent hatching of the egg implanted in Space Ranger's butt by the now destroyed John A. Misnomer. Marvin the senior officer aboard the ship has decided that he is tired of waiting for his Hummer, or Yugo, as the case may be, and is preparing to take direct action against our stalwart heros.

Unfortunately for the Brood however, an unresolved plot line from the previous adventure (See LMBP The fight against Thora for details) is about to raise it's ugly head, or to put it more accurately, make a big STINK!!!

For several time parts (Time duration in these stories is only slightly less fuzzy than the plot) a mixture of Sauerkraut, 9 Alarm Chili and Bratwurst has been rumbling in the Ranger's guts. Add the fact that his recent "Talent Competition" with Danny Blane was fueled by approximately 3 cases of Michelob, and a quart of JWB, things in the Ranger's intestinal tract have reached what can mildly be described as a "Critical Mass."

Mantis is the first to notice the rather strange expression when it appears on the Ranger's face She does not understand what is happening but her cosmic awareness is screaming at her to vacate the area, FAST. Also to bury her head in the nearest pile of Bull Manure she can find. She Knows better than to argue with her somewhat vague talent. It always pops up later and says "Nah, Nah, Told Ya So!!"

Moving quickly she grabs the other LMBPers and heads for Raging Bull's barn where she knows, again because her talent has said "Git in the barn, Bitch!", the protective layer of Bull Manure will be the thickest.

Behind them they can hear the faint but very, very, extremely, drunk voice of the Ranger giggling as he says, "Pull my finger"

Marvin, the senior Brood officer, watches in disbelief as the LMBPers flee the area where his ship has just landed. Not only are the LMBPers cowards he thinks as they dive head first into a pile of Male Bovine Animal Excrement, but they left the admittedly encapacitated prize undefended.

"Go ahaid, silly, just pull my finger!"

Marvin turns to see the Space Ranger bent over with his ass pointed at the Brood Battle Cruiser and one hand with index finger extended stretched out in his direction. Curiously he reaches out and gives that finger a small tug.

As he touches the Ranger's finger a small voice in the back of Marvin's head can be heard repeating the immortal phrase "You're really fucked now, Brood Boy..."

Moments later after the Echoes of the Ranger's incredible BRAPPP, FIZZST, BBRRAAPPPP, Ahhhh What a relief that was, have resounded two and 16/24ths of the way around Legion World (twice) our stalwart heros begin to crawl out of the huge pile of Male Bovine Animal Excrement that saved their lives. They do however (On the advice of ABNQNK, who has been through the aftermaths of Rangers binges before) stuff their noses with said Male Bovine Animal Excrement in order to ensure that they will have a reasonably breatheable air supply.

The scene they witness is...

Thank you for sharing, Abin. Is there gonna be a quiz?

Just one of the many classic moments in LMBP History.

Oh Tamper Lad almost had it

OK I guess he didn't almost have it. It was only two days since he posted.

Oh, who will the lucky winner be?

Ohmygod, Me! Of Course.