Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum The Vagina Dialogues

Thora, what's your opinion of gender illusionists, like Minty Fresh?

lil'rhino

Thora, don't you have more important things to do than dispensing advice like some celebrity conquerer? What's the status of the feminist revolution you were leading?

Still waiting for the matriarchy, FC

I don't know where this came from originally. I just wondered what your thoughts on it are.


MAKING COFFEE
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir...gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.


LAYING A CARPET
Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.


HANGING WALLPAPER
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.


PUTTING UP A TENT
Putting up a tent is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'...slip in to the old bag.


WASHING A CAR
Washing a car is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.


BEING IN THERAPY
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.


BEING IN A CRASH
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.


GOING FISHING
Of course. As you know, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear, particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

li'l rhino,

Males who perform gender illusion realize their inferiority and are trying to better themselves. I admire their desire and would be merciful when flogging them.

Fat Cramer,

Patience. Too many of the women here are still mesmerized by the male who dominate them. Wait until those males do something stupid. It shouldn't be too long a wait.

Numf El,

I wonder what the author of your post would compare making love with an ugly woman to? Strangling kittens? Beating puppies?

Numf,

surely that is the great guru of the second hand car market, Swiss Tony, from the Fast show?

Oh, Thora!

Dear Thora,

It's is my first time posting on your thread and to tell the truth, I found it consuming my attention. I am a woman who likes to toy with the men, but in truth, I bend them to my will. Is this wrong or is it natural?

KGZ

dear thora - boo!

Dear Thora,

I am a cretinous male who is badly in need of some sweet, sweet punishment. What can I do to catch the eye of my special lady and insure a quick, harsh reprisal?

Signed,
Brainless in Buffalo

k-g-Zoe,

It is never proper for a superior female to toy with a male. I would suggest that you stop being man candy. Bending them to your will is more fun if you first bend them over a punishment rack and punish them until they are little more than a docile, servile lapdog.

Brainless,

I-- Thora of Taltar-- have seen the picture of yourself you posted on another thread. I found myself both disgusted and aroused by your handsome visage.

For disgusting me with your face, you have earned a merciless flogging. For arousing me with your face, you have earned a merciless flogging.

It also pleases Thora of Taltar that you in fact recognize that you are a cretin.

Thora,

I regret to inform you tha until your janitorial bill is brought up to date further services will not be rendered.

Clean up your own messes.

Abin

Abin,

I shall pay you the credits you are owed, but have decided to allow some of my male manservants the honor of pleasing me by mopping the blood and assorted bile and gore from my flogging chamber.

It also serves as a reminder of what they are in for if they act even the slightest bit cretinous.

Thora,

I regret to inform you that the use of slave labor for menial non-sexual tasks is strictly forbidden by the Legion World Charter. I don't regret informing you that the threat of using non-union labor to replace my services has resulted in the tripling of your bill.

Have a nice day.

Abin

Thora,

You seem a bit cranky and lonely. I can kick out your manservants for a few minutes if you want me to help you get some of that aggression out.

You get cute when you get angry at me for trying to make *you* submit to *me*...

Abin,

I am not bound by the policies of the male-dominated Legion World.

And you would do well to watch your tone, cretin, and pay your female superior the respect she is owed.


Cobalt Kid,

See the above sentence.

Dude, just tell her you think you're a cretin. She eats that stuff up!

For the record, I think Thora is mad hot. She's like a Romulan supermodel!

Thora, given our history, I thought you and I were on better terms. I admit my cretinousity is high, although I remember it being lower than we expected.

Is it because I'm generous in the sack?

Meaning you pay for it?!?

<Green energy flares, all of the trash previously cleaned out of Thora's various apartments, offices and flogging rooms is returned.>

Thora,

Consider your bill canceled.

Have a nice day.

Abin

You cretins have made a mockery of The Vagina Dialogues! A thread meant to offer my superior female advice, now overrun by imbeciles! Bah!

There are people here who need the advice I offer.

like who?

Like those that have already asked for my advice, cretin!

They require my guidance.

on whose planet?

<opens beer>

I'll also answer any questions about vaginas if you guys have them. Thora and I are kind of like Starsky and Hutch, except one's a girl and I'm not gay.

Yeah as if

dont forget I seen the cardigans you wear