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 Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 54
Honorary
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OP
Honorary
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 54 |
My master would like the humans which post on this message board to know that as an experienced guidance councillor he is prepared to listen to the problems which the humans which post on this message board may have, and that the humans which post on this message board should not feel ashamed or embarrassed by the situations which plague them. My master is used to dealing with troubled youths who have faced rejection, and believes that his experience in this field may be of benefit to the humans which post on this message board. My master would also like to assure the humans which post on this message board that in order to ensure confidentiality, he will be dealing with the humans which post on this message board personally, and not through his android companion. My master assures the humans which post on this message board that the utmost care and diplomacy will be used in dealing with sensitive issues, and that my master will not betray the fragile trust which the humans which post on this message board may place in my master.
The opinions expressed by Tarik the Mute do not necessarily reflect those of Tarik the Mute's Android.
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
Tarik:
When is your withered old husk of a body going to keel over already so that I may take Andrew away and turn him into a replica of Matt Damon?
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13
Applicant
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Applicant
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13 |
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,723
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,723 |
Sorry, too late. I got over my troubled rejected youth years ago with indiscriminate lust and poppers. 
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
Stop your nonsensical babble already, Tarik! Or it's The Nuthouse for you!
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 16,670
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 16,670 |
OK, I finally have a .sig line.
Legion World's Badwill Ambassador
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 54
Honorary
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OP
Honorary
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 54 |
My master would like the humans which post on this message board to know that as his time is very valuable, he chooses only to respond to those humans expressing a need for guidance. My master would like to ask the humans which post on this message board to please defer from insulting attacks upon my master's person, and to substitute their need for an android companion with their many inflatable companions which they keep in their closet.
The opinions expressed by Tarik the Mute do not necessarily reflect those of Tarik the Mute's Android.
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
You can tell Ms. Thing the Mute that I don't keep ANYthing in MY closet... except the skeletons of those who have attempted to deny my wishes in the past... 
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 54
Honorary
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OP
Honorary
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 54 |
My master would like to ask the humans which post on this message board the following question: why do the humans which post on this message board seek to alter the appearance of my master's android companion? Do the humans which post on this message board not accept my master's android companion for what my master's android companion truly is?
The opinions expressed by Tarik the Mute do not necessarily reflect those of Tarik the Mute's Android.
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
Oh CRIPES!!!!
Seriously baby, I love you for YOU y'know? But would it KILL ya to, I dunno, dress up like Matt Damon a little...? Maybe lose 5 pounds...? *tee hee*
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 Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 4,322
Legionnaire!
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Legionnaire!
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 4,322 |
Dear TMA,
How does one politely get rid of a "date" the next morning w/o having to make them breakfast or promising to call them soon?
Signed,
Indiscriminate in Iowa
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 90
Substitute
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Substitute
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 90 |
Where's the Tarik the Mute's Android we know -- the one with a personality and, more importantly, a grasp of paragraphs?
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,723
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,723 |
Originally posted by Triad Neutral:
Where's the Tarik the Mute's Android we know -- the one with a personality and, more importantly, a grasp of paragraphs? OOH! You are wicked, 10th grade english teacher super heroine type. You have surely caused a logic anomally in the Android's circuits. Imagine trying to codify English grammar.
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 90
Substitute
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Substitute
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 90 |
Tarik the Mute's Android did, back on the old DC boards. It had an advice column and everything.
Either this "Tarik the Mute's Android" is an impostor or it needs to be liberated!
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,723
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,723 |
Originally posted by Triad Neutral:
Tarik the Mute's Android did, back on the old DC boards. It had an advice column and everything.
Either this "Tarik the Mute's Android" is an impostor or it needs to be liberated! Finally, someone comes lose to saying what needs to be said. TN, add an "ob" to liberated, and we've made an honest woman of you.
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 90
Substitute
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Substitute
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 90 |
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,704
Trap Timer
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Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,704 |
Originally posted by Triad Neutral:
Either this "Tarik the Mute's Android" is an impostor or it needs to be liberated! Hmm... an imposter "Tarik the Mute's Android", eh?
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,723
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,723 |
Well, no. But it would be a good excuse for my blunder. Could you please go back and correct your earlier post to say he should be "literated". That would serve a dual purpose: (1) You would appear enigmatic; and (2) more, importantly, I would have been correct.
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,704
Trap Timer
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Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,704 |
In fairness to STF, literated probably would work in those circumstances...
You know, the android's having problem with his grammar, so he needs to be literated... it doesn't sound so crazy, does it?
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 16,863
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 16,863 |
Perhaps the conspiracy is backed by the Illiterati, helped by the Freeandroids (similar to the Freemasons).
Holy Cats of Egypt!
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
The carbon-based unit that built me abandoned me because of my lack of resemblance to the carbon-based unit known as Matt Damon. Can you spare a dime?
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 16,863
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 16,863 |
How cruel! Do you long for vengeance? I could smuggle you into the Academy; you already have proven poetry skills.
Holy Cats of Egypt!
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
The carbon-based unit that built me included an angstometer for the writing of poetry. Observe:
Once I had a carbon-based unit
That doted over me
Until I ended up not looking like Matt Damon
And then he ran off and left.
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
REJECTION, a poem by this unit
Rejection by a carbon-based unit
Is not a pleasantry
Therefore logic dictates
That I destroy all carbon-based units
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Re: Ask Tarik!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
DIE HUMAN DIE, a poem by this unit
Crush your skull, poke your eyes
Kick your testicles, scrape your thighs
Puny human, so inferior and carbon-based
Die, human die! Die human, die!
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