Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum Cobalt's Office of Security - Original Silver Age Thread!

Oh, don't worry, Cobie gets MORE generous with the money if he's been satisfied.

TOP SECRET MEMO

TO: Cobalt Kid, Head of Security
FROM: Fat Cramer, independent agent

It appears that the stress of command is affecting our leader. He has recently appointed himself leader for life. Furthermore, he has shown a shocking inconsistency of persona and is now affecting to be a bulldog. Despite attempts to curb his delusional power ploys through banning, he continues, devoting his days to unending construction of a mansion and his nights to fantasies about various "crushes".

I strongly suggest that you instruct your staff to be particularly vigilant in surveillance.

FC

I'm assuming that you aren't speaking from personal experience...

Secret Memo back to Fat Cramer:

It appears that you are right: Stu has begun acting out of control. Where power once corrupted the Emperors of Rome and Tzars of Russia, it appears our current Legion World leader has begun believing in notions such as a permanent rule and his divine right to 'crushes'. With Kid Prime's recent resignation, it is becoming more clear that there is a disease spreading through Legion World, and sadly, Stu seems at the heart of it.

As Head of Security, I have two things going for me. First, I've been appointed Head of Security for life, first by the original LMB founders (Lard Lad, Lash Lad and Shady) and then by Princess Crujectra, the first Legion World Leader. This is a position that can never be taken from me, unless I resign or die. Therefore, this office may be one of the few ways to search for some form of resistance should Stu's tyranny increase.

Secondly, the position of Legion World leader has never been given structured powers, and like the old laws of Rome, relies on precedent and tradition. However, the LMBP leadership position had very strict guidelines in that it had no power at all, so when a leader would go on a violent path, such as the notorious Loser Lad incident of '01, LMBers could point to the LMB constitution as a reason for not having to listen to any leader.

Mainly, I now fear for the lives of the Legion World founders. Could it possible that Lightning Lad and Nightcrawler are now in serious danger? Is the Office of Security, which cannot be removed, the only source of resistance? Should I swear in as many Legion Worlders as possible as Security Officers to make them stand outside the laws of Legion World? And lastly, should I call upon Eyrk Davis Ester and Greybird to ressurect the armies of the Legion World triumvirate?

FC, I urgently await your advice...

Memo to all Security Officers:

Officers, there is a terrible problem arising on Legion World. Where once there stood a man of great integrity, there may now be a tyrant. Although he is our great friend, we must now be wary of Iron Rat aka Stu, and his intentions of ruling Legion World forever.

Please begin acting vigilant on Legion World and ready to do what you must to uphold the ancient laws of order and justice, and the LMBP. I urge you to report in and show your support in times of trouble. It is usually times like this that the crazies on Legion World begin showing up again...

This is perfectly normal behavior.

A certain Mrs. Winchester devoted all her days to unending construction of a mansion out in San Jose, and no one ever called her crazy or anything.

[raises an eyebrow]

[raises other eyebrow]

[raises, um, third eyebrow]

EVEN MORE TOP SECRET MEMO

TO: Cobalt Kid, Chief of Security
FROM: Fat Cramer, Independent Agent

Further investigations have led me to conclude that the situation has indeed worsened. Not only is STU now claiming imperial powers - suggesting a covert plan for armed expansion - there has been no sign, for some time, of certain members of his Administration, specifically Jinx the Cat. Given STU's previously stated antipathy to felines, I do not think I am remiss in suggesting that Jinx may have gone to swim with the fishes.

Furthermore, he now has delusions that he is Nardo, a fictional character from children's popular literature, best noted for his hatred of law enforcement agents and forced labor camp.

Watch your back. Come to think of it, where are your other security officers? Hmmm....

FC

**Purr**

Would this be a good time for me to say, I told You So?

**Purr**

TO: Cobalt Kid, Chief of Security
FROM: Fat Cramer, Independent Agent

RE: ADDENDUM TO EVEN MORE TOP SECRET MEMO

Just received this summarized report from one of our special consultants on the Imperial STU case:

" Appearing before the World Economic Forum in Davos,
Mr. (Bandy Xenobia) Lee read aloud the standard medical description of
'narcissistic personality disorder.' The sufferer:

** has a grandiose sense of self importance, e.g.
exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be
recognized as superior without commensurate
achievements

** is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success,
power, brilliance

** requires excessive admiration

** has a sense of entitlement, i.e. unreasonable
expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic
compliance with his or her expectations

** shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes"

Sound like someone we know? The only thing missing is impersonating a dog. To think the situation has come to the attention of the Davos set! Be very afraid.

Top Secret Code Red Memo

To: Fat Cramer
From: Cobalt Kid

It appears that you're initial feelings were correct, Stu is now even more tyrannical than he was just mere days ago. He now refers to himself as "His Imperial Majesty", invoking memories of Caligula, Nero and Ivan 'the Terrible'. Further, his delusions have only increased and he refuses to stop working on his mansion (similar to Nero's continued work on his 300 yard mansion of solid gold). Your list of personality traits fits him exactly.

Now Stu has obtained Moderator status on every board on Legion World, causing me to worry about the safety of Nightcrawler and Lightning Lad. I can only wonder what damage Stu has done to obtain such status. In addition, he seems to have bought off his deputy leader, He Who Wanders, a man usually known for his integrity.

I believe your fears over Jinx are correct. Stu has never hid his distaste for felines, although some of us in high positions have tried to curb the institutional racism against felines that is so rampant. Now I fear that the felines will feel his wrath. I am considering deputizing you and Stoopid Cat for your own protection against any purges on Legion World. Perhaps this will offer you some power in return.

I have not seen any of my Security Officers in some time, and I am now afraid. While I know that Invisible Brainiac is around and Emerald Empress and Shark Lad are on deep undercover missions, I still fear for their safety and could use their help. I haven't heard from Space Ranger, Super Lad Kid, Arachne or Blockade Boy in quite some time...

With the reappearance of the Royal Inquisitor, I also now fear that the alt Id's may try to make a ressurgence on Legion World. Could Brainiac4, Giant Robotic Lesbian, Tark the Mute, his android or Winema Wazzo be far behind?

I am now beginning to grow very worried and am concerned about my own safety, even with my high rank. I have a feeling that the reporter, Giant Squid, has now placed himself in serious danger. As well as Kid Prime. And just where are so many prominent posters? Has Stu gotten to them? Be very careful...

Luckily these memos are marked as Top Secret so that no unauthorized people can read them

Luckily

You know you have access to whatever you want in my Security Office Princess !

You're always so gracious to allow me to rummage through your drawers, Cobie Cakes

LETTER FROM ERYK DAVIS ESTER TO COBALT KID

Cobie,

While I have generally tried to avoid Legion World politics since the dissolution of the Triumvirate and the end of my term as Deputy Leader, I do believe that there are certain reasons to be concerned. You should be reminded that I always suspected STU as the true mastermind behind the Tarik the Mute and Winema Wazzo incidents as part of an elaborate plot to discredit Her Highness.

I have begun the process of outfitting my armies in stylish new uniforms and hip but combat-practical hairstyles, just in case they are needed. I hope it doesn't come to that, but keep me informed.

In regards to your inquiry as to Jinx's whereabouts, all I can say is that I haven't heard from my former pet since shortly after his appointment to the STU administration and his moving in to the Mansion. Every time I've tried to call or drop by and visit, I've been told that he's in an important meeting or otherwise occupied. And while I *do* remember how busy one can in these important leadership positions, I certainly always made time to feed him milk and scratch him behind the ears when I was Deputy Leader, so I'm a little surprised that he seems to be snubbing me now...

--EDE

REPLY TO ERYK DAVIS ESTER FROM COBALT KID

To: Triumvir Eryk Davis Ester
Copy: Triumvir Greybird of Starhaven
From: Triumvir Cobalt Kid

Thank you for getting in touch with me, I'm glad to know that others are as concerned as I and other fellow LMBers are. I know that you've tried to stay out of Legion World politics, but I agree that now might be a good time to return.

Although the LMB triumvirate has been dissolved for the time being, now may be a good time to begin mobilizing our armies once again, in case things should begin to grow rapidly out of control on Legion World. I've refurnished them with golden armor and helmuts similar to the Ancient Romans.

Your news on Jinx is disturbing and only makes our inquiries to the felines whereabouts more justified. I hope you are wrong about Tarik the Mute and Winema Wazzo, the same two who tried to undermine Princess Crujeckie and your term, but Royal Inquisitor has already reappeared, so who knows who else is going to show up.

Please stay in touch, once our armies are moblized again, I fear they may be needed...

Strength and Honor,
Cobalt Kid

Alas, poor Jinx. I am filled with remorse, having recommended him for the job. I only sought to enhance his life experiences and to contribute to the general betterment of Legion World.

But we must not give up hope. Perhaps he is confined in some dank corner of the Torture Chamber and can be liberated! And possibly even STU, once beloved and now feared leader, may be brought to his senses.

This could be a case of possession; STU could be under the mental control of some evil doer. Such a thing has been known to happen before.

Very true, we definately need to keep an eye out for such a thing. That could mean that Stu isn't the problem after all...

Poor Jinx, perhaps he's somewhere deep in the ever-growing mansion?

Security Alert, Code Red:

Kid Prime has dissapeared from SHAKES, kidnapped through some kind of portal. He spoke of the possibility of the End of Legion World when a large Metallic Hand pulled him through. There were hints in the conversation that may have to do with Stu...

End Update

<leaves out part about an Item>

I only hope that a Security Officer will show up and help. Hopefully FC will learn something from Vee at his Villa.

And now I have to prepare for two parts of this problem. One, as Security Chief, and two, as a Triumvir, moblizing my army as Greybird and EDE are moblizing theirs...

Come to think of it, Icefire is missing as well.... Who else was in the Administration? This is going from bad to worse.

Perhaps we should all take refuge in the Psyonian Embassy. Of course, I understand there's only room for one extra person in Her Highness's bedchamber, but I'm sure the rest of us would be comfortable in the Rec Room.

I agree FC. The Security Office, Kid Prime's Room and Vee's Villa are all necessary places to work from, but we might be safer staying at the Psyonian Embassy, at least to sleep.

Naturally, I'll be in the bed chamber, but there's room for others elsewhere.

Icefyre missing too? First Jinx, now Icey, and now Kid Prime has totally dissapeared out of thin air! Arachne seems to be missing, as does Harbinger. Stoopid Cat seems to be around, but maybe Abin Quank and definately Space Ranger might be missing too. You're right, things have gotten worse.

Before I even finished my last update, I have more bad news:

StuBot #129 has appeared on Legion World. Who or what this is remains a mystery. But if it's #129, then there must be a ton more.

We lose Kid Prime and now a Stu Robot is running rampant, although it's been silent so far.

And the Royal Inquisitor has come out of hiding and supposedly taken refuge at Stu's mansion, where I once lived myself...

Maybe I should be glad Invisible Brainiac isn't around, I'd fear for his safety...

VIA TOP SECRET WINGED MAIL
Encryption Key: "Reep Was Definitely Not Right"

To: Triumvirs Cobalt and Eryk
From: Triumvir Greybird

As noted in my earlier transmission, responding to Cobalt's urgent appeal, the winged warriors of Starhaven are in readiness.

We have only manufactured some spears recently, for strict Homeland Security purposes. But when thrown by someone moving at 16 light-years per hour, even their effect can be mildly devastating, to say the least. Certainly to someone whose hold on the Legion World Populace is as flimsy as that of the foul usurper and dilettante STU.

Other armaments need to be brought to bear. Withering, blazing satire? Explosive ridicule? Earth-shaking denunciations? We need to have a discussion of tactics and methodologies ASAP. Contact me for a rendezvous time in the attic of Crujectra's former palace.

Down With STUpid Tyrannies!
Hail the Triumvirs, Paladins of Liberty!

I bring a message from the inexpressible, the overwhelmingly gracious, and the devilishly handsome Leader-of-Legion-World-for-life, STU!

Cobalt Kid, you are hereby ordered to resign your post as Legion World Chief of Security IMMEDIATELY. Also, you are ordered to clear out this office, so that the new Legion World Chief of Security, the Royal Inquisitor, may move in with all due speed.

And for those of you who harbor delusions of overthrowing STU the Unstoppable, let this be a lesson to you! STU the Beatific rewards fealty with love, and treason with swift vengeance.

Cobalt Kid, we expect to see you soon at the mansion for your public flogging.

I'm off for tonight, can't say where, but rest assured I will be prowling into the darkest and most dangerous realms of this crisis. I pray I survive to greet the dawn tomorrow.