Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION The Anywhere Machine Warning Signs Your Child May Have Gone Astray From The Lord

A friend sent this to me saying that it was supposedly issued by a church in her area. Sounds more like internet fodder to me. Anyone that doesn't fall into this list in some way, you're dead already.

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

• Frequently wears black clothing.
• Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
• Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
• Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
• Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
• Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.
• Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
• Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
• Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
• Takes drugs.
• Drinks alcohol.
• Is suicidal and/or depressed.
• Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
• Complains of boredom.
• Sleeps too excessively or too little.
• Is excessively awake during the night.
• Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
• Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
• Spends large amounts of time alone.
• Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil spirits through meditation.)
• Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
• Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
• Misbehaves at school.
• Misbehaves at home.
• Eats excessively or too little.
• Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
• Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and
  should be stopped immediately.)
• Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
• Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
• Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
• Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
• Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
• Expresses an interest in sex.
• Masturbates.
• Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
• Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
• Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
• Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it.
If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

The scary thing I can fully believe that a church did issue that even with some of the more bizarre warning signs.

Almost all of those 'signs' apply to pretty much every single teenager, ever. Even ones that are good a clean and whoelsome and worship the Lord (yadda yadda yadda). My favourite warning signs are the ones about 'goth-related foods' ( just like the idea that goths might have particular foods that make them more gothy) and the one about drinking blood. Yes, yes I would admit that if your child has started drinking blood then there might be a bit of a problem there.

Oh, and the list of dangerous 'cult' religions is great. Scientology and Satanism, fine. Paganism and Wicca not so much but they're not really major accepted religions or belief systems but still... Hinduism and Buddhism aren't exactly cults and have longer histories than Christianity. But Philosophy? A cult? Although I guess this could easily be from a church that thinks that any form of science is a cult, especially one that can be used specifically to question the existence of God.

Crap! As if I didn't have enough to worry about. Now I'm apparently becoming a Goth...

Poor Count Chocula.

I wonder how they feel about the Count on Sesame Street?

She replied back to Caroline saying someone added Boo-Berry cereal to the list too. If I were to take this list seriously with as many items I can check off I'd be in serious need of an exorcist.

I love that the list of "wholesome activities" includes "the Bible, prayer, church, and sports".

Because sports is so wholesome. Just ask Tonya Harding.

Read the list closely. It is Count Dracula cereal, not Count Chocula.


The "Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music." reminded me of the Code of Conduct in the movie "Pleasantville". FOUR: The only permissible recorded music shall be the following: Pat Boone, Johnny Mathis, Perry Como, Jack Jones, The marches of John Phillips Souza or the Star Spangled Banner. In no event shall any music be tolerated that is not of a temperate or "pleasant" nature."

Yes but they did mean Count Chocula. I just didn't correct their original list.

I'm thinking that if your child is doing these things, the Lord might be the least of your concerns...

I knew that. But if they want to put out such a list, I am going to hold them to it literally

Therefore, if their child is gay or bisexual and no more than 3 of the other things on the list, then the child is right with the Lord.

Left off the list are these MUCH more troubling signs that your child has strayed from the Lord:
Giggling Elmo doesn't giggle around him.
Loves to sing the Barney song....backwards.
His nannies mortality rate is unusually high.
Large black dogs accompany him everywhere...and you don't own any large black dogs.

For the Goth stuff, that's most likely a kid just turning to a fad. Everything has its extreems. They might as well add WOW to the list. The local public high school probably has the only "Goth" band in the state. More black lipstick in that crowd than a Dracula Convention. The band at church would get disqualified on some of those.

It's not just internet fodder. The Goth fad, is a new thing to many in the church community and new things cause introspection. A tiny few will take it over the top and most will measure, like the halloween thing and the Santa Claus thing...


Our church, a rather fundamental church, I'd say is taking a measured approach. Piercings are causing some concern, both defining "excessive" and reasons for doing so, but no talk about "devil worship" or turning from the Lord...

Isn't every group with a nit is going to use any lame opportunity to pick it?

This is just lame fodder for those looking to pick a nit with the church. They'll concentrate on the few church communities taking rash response and forego any intelligence at all to indict an entire community. Bigots wear many disguises. They're not reserved to the white shirt, tie, and shaved neck hair crowd.

I think Goth Kids are cute!

A few more:

Likes to walk around muttering "redrum".
Loves to sing the Barney song ... forwards.
Videotapes Mommy kissing Santa Claus and puts it on Youtube.

and handy to have in the classroom when I need more space to post memos.

I think I'm a Goth, then...

Frequently wears black clothing. -- I've worn black slacks, and black t-shirts. Not both at the same time, but they didn't specify that you were wearing all-black clothing?

Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. -- I know that the Beatles and Elvis were condemned by a whole lot of preachers when they came out. Guess that counts.

Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. -- Since they don't say what's "eccentric", guess this counts.

Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. -- So now "The Waltons" and "Little House on the Prairie" are corrupt? I used to watch those in the morning on Hallmark Channel.

Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. -- Does Pokemon count? Not the show, though; Ash is an idiot.

Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. -- I couldn't answer this survey if I wasn't online. So they got me here.

Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: ... Philosophy -- Descartes revised: I think, therefore I am (considered dangerous by hyper-conservative churchgoers).

Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. -- No, just a declining interest in the hypocrites in the church...

Well let's see, I wear band shirts, watch cable television, and talk to "eccentric" people. I guess I should pack my bags, because I'm going to hell..

But seriously, as a teenager and a Catholic, this list is complete bull, and that's basically all I have to say about it...

Oh yeah, and I don't know about the church or anyone else, but the goth lifestyle is a FAD, not a mental illness!

What always cracks me up is that satan worshippers are fervent believers in God. After all, Satan was/is a fallen angel. Angels are god's will manifest. Therefore, if you believe in angels, even the fallen variety, you must have God in the equation. And at that point, all you can be is rebellious towards God or the belief in God. therefore, he is always with you.

Goths on the other hand...thats just another way to be...like a country boy, or city girl, or biker, or skateboarder...I don't put to much thought into it.

Man, it sure is going to be lonely in heaven with God, me and Donna Reed.

Actually, that sounds like it'd be kind of fun, and would be the cool name of an album or story. Chapter one would be me trying to save you all...but ultimately failing (*choke*--should never have mistakenly mentioned how you all dislike sunlight!).

Great Scott! Donna Reed is one of my all time super-crushes!

Fortunately, Hell still has Martha Quinn and Judy Dench!

NO!!!

Donna Reed is one of my all-time super-crushes too!

*choke* Will our friendship be torn apart as we fight to the death over her--and thus start the ultimate Heaven/Hell War?

Reminds me of a Judy Tenuta bit.

"Guess what? Guess what?
I'm dating the pope!

No, no, I'm just using him to get to God."

Wouldn't you already be dead at this point?

Don't confuse Cobie with facts.