Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION The Anywhere Machine Family Issues

Nothing still.

The past few days are alright, but I fear that this might be the calm before a storm.

The only problem today was my dad trying to use my phone to call my godmother, and he kept asking me if the number I dialed was her cellphone number, no matter how many times I told him 'yes'.

Still nothing.

Cept my dad complaining about my brother not calling him.

Crap's slowly started rising again.

Lemme ask you something.

If some dickweed owes you 900 dollars, is it unreasonable to suggest they pay you 5 dollars a day if they can't pay a bigger amount?

The question back to you is, unfortunately, do you honestly believe at this point you will ever see that money?

I'm in-between. And I'm feeling right now that instead of having to resort to bringing him/them to public claims court, I'm gonna have to threaten to publicly shame him.

Do you think either of those options is wise? Not trying to talk you out of, or into anything...just playing devil's advocate here.

No, no I don't. I didn't think the court option was smart when everyone suggested it, and I DO NOT like the idea of having to shame my dad in front of everyone.

But it's quiet obvious he's not listening, especially the argument between my mom and him a half hour ago, which I do not feel like typing about, and I am honestly hoping I can knock sense into that addled head of his next time we talk.

All you can do is try your best, and make the decisions in life that will lead to the best you possible.

Sooner or later you will be out of there, and on your own. One day you will have the actual choice to interact with your family or not.

I wonder how that long till then...

Okay, Sarcasm Kid - Here's my opinion. Your dad will never pay you the money. Your dad has a mental illness that you will never be able to fix or change. The only thing you can change is how you deal with it. You are not dealing with it very well. You've received lots of good advise these past few pages regarding getting support and mental health services for your family.

Time to make some choices. Are you ready to get the support and mental health services you need for yourself? Honestly, dude, if I were you I would get out of there. Move. Get a job that has nothing to with your family. Move across town or across the country. You can't help your family unless you can help yourself first. I've known people who have moved away from their families for decades until they thought they were strong enough to give it another try. That might be you. Start planning. Start saving. Don't engage in the meantime. It will just make matters worse.

Agreeing with Jerry here.

You need to be a duck on the pond in a rain shower. It's okay to have all that going on under the surface, but outwardly you have to be calm and act like a man. Don't take that wrong, I'm not saying you aren't a man, I'm saying that at a certain age, the little things don't get to men. Thats usually because they are worn down by time, experience, and frankly are tired of the ups and downs that come with being young and full of hormones. When you are young, a teenager to a young adult, everything is magnified.

Make a plan. Find a direction you want to go in, and then start working towards that direction knowing that the only person that is going to get you there...is YOU! It will not be family that is obviously incapable of helping you. It wont be strangers that will magically come along and make everything better. It will be you and you alone.

Once you've made that determination and are working towards it, you'll find that the things that seem so outrageous and unfair will have very little relevance in your life at that point.

Your family cannot and will not change. That much is obvious from your postings. The only thing that YOU can control is YOU. You keep expecting that "This" will be the thing that straightens them out and life will be so much better with no problems at all. That isn't how life works.

You will always have problems to handle. First, though, you have to learn how to handle yourself in those situations. Find someone that you admire and emulate them and the way they handle things until you develop into the person you want to be. In other words, fake it til' you get there. And in the process of getting there, you will build your own strenght and sense of self.

The money is gone. Accept that as a cost of learning and growing into an adult. Badgering them isn't going to work, publicly humiliating them will not work, it will only backfire on you. People that you may like and respect will think much less of you. People expect people to handle their own problems and don't like it when people air their dirty laundry in public. So if you do "shame" them, the people that see it will avoid one if not both of you, and think less of you.

Again, Jerry is right. Find a direction, even if it isn't the one you see for yourself in the long term. make it simple....find a way to earn the money to move out on your own. You may have to have a roomate. You may have to work two jobs...whatever it is, find a direction, and start walking the path. If you do that, you may find that the time spent walking will distance you from the problems that you are dealing with in the immediate.

Another benefit...chicks dig guys that can stand alone.

Funny, I just gave a kid similar advice earlier today. He works for me, and he's been visibly upset the last few days. I cornered him, and he admitted he's been upset about his mother who has a drug addiction. He's been living with his dad for over two years now, but news came that she's fallen off the wagon big time. He told me that he's saved her life more than once and feels like she needs him.

I told him I would never tell someone to stop caring, however...her addiction is not his fault! I told him he has to wash his hands of her situation because he's already done all he can. At this point if she can't beat it on her own, she never will.

I related his situation to how my mother continually takes my brother in even though he's drained her dry of her finances and has literally stolen from her repeatedly while also abusing drugs and alcohol. You can only tell a person so many times that they're making a bad choice before you have to just walk away and wash your hands of it.

I noticed that for the rest of the day, there was a noticeable spring in his step. I think he needed someone to say that to him. He's a good kid, and I guess that's the dad in me that couldn't help but try to find a way to help him.

They're right, Sarky. It's time to wash your hands of them if at all possible.

You'll have to forgive me, you guys. I'm an optimist by nature.

Next week, after finals, I'm gonna see about spending the week with my cousins. I don't care about the classes, I'll try and do whatever assignments I'll miss, I just, I need out of here. Despite my brother and my grandpa.

Uh, yeah. I'm with the hand-washers here.

I know somebody whose relationship with her Mom was so toxic that she literally pulled a disappearance with the help of sympathetic relatives. Periodically, Mom still tries to find her with the help of P.D.s and such. So far, the rest of the family has been a solid wall, luckily.

This kind of thing sucks mightily, but it's not at all uncommon, unfortunately. You're not alone, SK. It's not your failing. Really.

The sad thing is, chances are when I start writing comics I'm gonna be channeling whatever psychological impact this is having on into my writing.

Dude, welcome to the club.

I look back on some of my old work and there's this intense undercurrent of rage in it that has f*ck-all with whatever I really meant to say in the story-- and everything to do with ugly, ugly things that were happening in my RL at the time. Somehow that stuff comes out no matter what. It's just being human, you know?

So if you know it's there you can control it, instead of being in denial of what everyone else can see. If you're conscious of its presence, your work will actually be better, I'm guessing.

The truth is, with something I'm hoping to write, the dad's the sane one and the mom's the psycho.

From my DA journal.

I hate them! I hate them so goddamn much! Well, currently my dad more than my mom. Still.

So, anyway, today my dad kept trying to call my mom. He left me a message on my cellphone before I left for the nursing home at 11 today. I get there, I tell him I'm not interested in hearing what happened because I didn't want to get dragged into me. My mom calls me, and she says the reason why is because my dad said he was going to stop paying her money and she's taking him to small claims court. Which also means no money for food, and none for my brother and I. So, that means I'm involved and so is my brother. I drag him aside at the nursing home, we argue, he calls back mom and tells her he'll give her the money.

My father is a spoiled brat. He doesn't care about anything but himself. So he's bipolar? Well screw that! He should've already known that by not giving her money he was instantly not paying for stuff my brother and I need. All he cared about was sticking it to my mom and it was a really mean thing to do. He didn't consider my brother or I. We're nothing but an afterthought to him! The only reason he cares is because he wants our attention, which is why he's been trying so hard to get my brother's attention. It's the same way with everyone else he's friends with. No one asked how we are, all they worry about is what a giant bitch my mom is and what it does to dad. They only ask how we are when they see us.

I can't stand this! And then he says stuff like he loves me for taking care of his mom during the day, and he knows! I'll bet you he knows exactly how much that gets to me! He pisses me off with this crap between him, my mom, and my brother, and he says stuff like that because it gets to me! And telling me where he lives now and offering to let me go over whenever I want, even when he's not there, just to act 'fatherly' or get on my good side. I know that's not all it is, but at this point that's what it seems like. And God help me for thinking that's all it is.

And then with me going away this week to my cousins means I'm leaving brother and grandpa to deal with this by themselves. But, if my brother can stay with his friends, why can't I go away? I'm a selfish bastard just like my dad. I'm only thinking of myself. How many times does the letter "I" appear in this entry? But I'm still going to my cousins, and if anything happens between my parents that affects my brother or grandpa I swear to God I'll have my name changed.

I admit it, I'm ashamed of my own dad.

Three or four hours ago, I basically told my mom (in front of my brother), that I hate her, my brother, and my dad, and that I wished they were dead.

I learned something quiet disgusting about my dad. Or rather, one of my dad's friends.

...

Years ago, maybe, this friend asked my dad if he could get a urine sample from my brother or myself for his drug test.

I've got a manic depressive for a father, and for years life was pretty much a living hell. From the years of verbal and physical abuse that he inflicted on all of us, it has definitely left a rather large scar. Even in the fact that I've dated guys just like him, because that's all I've known my whole life. It's only been recently that I've started to actually deal and handle what he's done. I think you need to be selfish. You need to think of yourself. It shows that you are aware of who you are, what you are feeling. Be angry, and channel it into your writing. Try and keep positive about where you want to be in the future, and just know that there will come a day when you don't have to deal with other people's issues again. I have seen some of your writings on fanfic, and you have an amazing way with words. Keep your chin up.

I have a way with words?

Yup. I know a few writers, and battle to keep interested in what they're working on when they let me read what they're working on. I'm a very visual person, so I like reading things that set my imagination into motion. So, you have a way with words that actually make it really easy to visualise what your story is about.

Oh. Um, thank you.