Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Lard Lad's strange new power - The Game

The prophecy of the McPalardy clan had come to pass. Finally, the special one had arrived. The one who did not go blind after years on the backward mountain clan's moonshine.

Lardy would take his amazing ability to see and forge a backwater crimefighting career as The Shiner.

Next:
Cushion Stuffing

Lardy can turn ordinary seat cushions into tesseracts. He commonly uses them to store weapons, first aid kits, Hostess Fruit Pies, a very cool motorbike, and his porn.

Next:

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

Life is wonderful and the world is full of happy, fluffy people. NO! YOU'RE AN IDIOT! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!

Whew! It's lucky we have Lardy to see what's really going on and shake us out of our complacency.

Next:
Later Is Now!

Lardy can fast-forward time.

Next:

RHinestone Cowboy

He can switch minds with his second cousin on Aunt Matilda's side ... which may or may not be an aunt or a person named Matilda, or even a person ... anyway the second cousin's name is Lorenzo and Lorezo dresses like a Rhinestone Cowboy. At least I think it's his second cousin.



Next:
Cousin Larry

Lardy can establish a psychic rapport with anyone named Larry who has at least one cousin. He can access the skills of these people. The athleticism of Larry Bird, the public speaking skills of Larry King, the sense of humor of Larry the Cable Guy...

Next:

Shark Bait

Sharknados are a growing threat to many coastal towns. Brutal storms bring terrifying storms of sharks down on the heads of residents. Clearly a champion is needed. One reluctant hero stepped forth, at gun point, to stand between the towns and the sharks.

Wearing only a life preserver and an "I love Jaws!" T-Shirt. The rest is as pantless as Pov to provide...Shark Bait!

Next:
Hothouse Flower

Lardy likes it hot. So hot that global warming is good for him - he draws energy from the heat, converting it into harmless, life-giving energy that he can channel into other living beings.

Lardy travels the barren deserts and impoverished countries of the world to use his powers to make plants and food grow everywhere.

Next:

Click-bait

Top Ten Lard Powers!
You won't Believe what Lardy did to Cobie!
Lard Power can take you to these secret places!
Earn $$$$ using this simple posting trick!
The All-Lard Diet Revealed!
I Can't Believe It's Not Lard!

Despite global superstardom, few realise that this persona doesn't exist. It's just Paladin in an office with a pot plant and visits from Mrs Miggins the cleaner. His powers of Self-Marketing are legendary. But his career ended when people realised it only worked when he marketed himself. Beware the power of Click-Bait!

Next:

Carbon Footprint

Lardy can turn himself into pure carbon. Useful when you need a diamond or some coal.

Next:

Smart-Ass

Faced with an alien of vast intelligence, Palardy knew he could only thwart the fiend by increasing his own intellect.

Fortunately his years as a border patrol avoiding mule had resulted in him being given the Elixir of Comet. One swig would increase his brainpower and turn him into a super swift flying horse.

Unfortunately, the bottle had been around since it's first appearance in a poor back up feature of Action Comics. Palardy got the intellect, to a point. But he took the physical form of an ass.

Earth was saved. Palardy the Super-Ass haunts the Legion World forums certain that one day Comet will post with a cure for his affliction.

Next:
Smooth Operator

Lardy can generate copious amounts of lubricating oil to help him operate any machine smoothly.

Next:

Clock Watcher

Who Watches the Watchmakers?

Secret Agent Lardschach has infiltrated secret Swiss talks, aimed at carving the world up post WWII.

Empires are to be swept away for a new world order. When he discovers that his own country will be behind many deaths to get what they want, can he stand back? Or can he stop them knowing that the alternatives are so much worse? The second hand sweeps the face of the clock at the summit and counts down the future of mankind...Lardschach takes on a new role as ...The Clock Watcher.

Next:
Straw Grasping

You know how Gambit (ok bad example) was really good with a bo staff? Lardy is a master at twirling anything. His favorite is to put straws together and beat people silly with them.

Next:

Flawless

The Justice League were trapped. Only Green Arrow could save them, with the bonus that he'd get to join the team. He concentrated. He had to find the weak spot in the villain's diamond form.

In another universe, the assassin aimed his gun at the diamond form of the ex-villain Hellfire club member, and now X-Mansion head. The would be killer had been told of a flaw in the diamond form.

But both were wrong! For both DC and Marvel Dialardies were flawless, and therefore immune to improbable plot developments!

Next:
Counting Crows

Lardy lends his ability to count the number of birds in a flock to science, as a researcher on bird behavior!

Next:

Savage Garden

Chlorophyll Kid goes Vertigo when new gardener Pal McLardy turns up to show him the true source of his powers.

See the two go up against the usual suspects: Swamp Thing, Floronic Man and Poison Ivy as they fight for The Green against umpteen other colours when Johns appears as guest writer.

Gasp as villains meet various horrid demises at the leaves, stems roots of various deadly plants.

But then feel a bit more knowledgeable as every issue comes with Pal McLardy's Horticultural Tips Page. The sub-genre started by Cap's Hobby Tips is revived and continues with Shade the Changing Man's Therapy page and John Constantine's How to be a Geezer page. The tips are later collected in a Who's Who format edition.

Next:
Cladding

Lardy is gifted with a superb sense of fashion and telekinetic powers like Kinetix's, so he can whip up a brand new outfit for anyone in a snap.

Next:

Fair-Weather Friend

He's the star of solo books. He's also the star of every LW team book. Wise and honourable in some (mainly through the writer having read a book on samurai once), abrupt and rude in others and an unbearable psychopath in many more!

All things to all people, with no consistency or real character. Lardy McPsycho or Fair Weather Palardin. Which Lardy will you get today for your sales boost?

Next:
Stereophonic

Lardy can play any kind of music or recording over phone lines. Kinda like Antennae Lad, only he needs a phone.

Next:

Kaleidoscope World

Hey! Swing Out Sister With Lardy!

All-Here! All-Hip! All-Gear! It's Lardy Luvs!

It's luscious Lard Power vs Malevolent Mayavale mayhem in our scintillating psychedelic sure fire hit!

Get your free psychedelic specs when you enter The Kaleidoscope World! Groovy!

Next:
Margarine Substitute

Lardy continues his crusade for authentic eating by transmutating all margarine into lard! It tastes better too.

Next:

Punch-Drunk

Do any of these situations sound familiar?

"Gee, this party is more boring than a '50s romance cover. But I'm stuck."

"Gee. This conference with Al Gordon is into it's fourth hour. But there's no escape."

"Oh, not another event comic. It's only been 2 minutes since the last one. How can I get back to my own story?"

Fear not! Because the solution is at hand. And it's a hand with a punch. Yes! just take along your inebriated pal Lardy to any and all social occasions! Watch and laugh as he mishears or gets offended at the slightest thing. One assault later and your Punch Drunk Pal has freed you for the rest of the day!

Buy your Punch Drunk Paladin now*!


*kegs not included.

Next:
Beat Generator

The energy crisis is solved! Lardy can generate energy by beating on things. When nothing's around all he has to do is drum his fingers on his arm.

Next:

Professional E-Gamer

Like a bad early 1980s movie, Lardytron is connected to E-Space (hey, there ain't no web browsing here!).

In E-Space Lardytron infiltrates military networks. Getting his friends involved from across the world, they play war games (in a way not to get sued by the makers of War Games) for keeps. They play for the money they blackmail out of the countries.

Next:
Bell Ringer