Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Lard Lad's strange new power - The Game

Similar to dowsing for water, Lardy has the ability to divine the exact location to dig a well capable of yielding tasty milkshakes.

Next: Hold the Pickle

Hate it when waiters and fry cooks get your order wrong? One zap from Lardy will fix that!

Next time you ask them to "hold the pickles", they totally will.

Next: Raise Your Glass

Lardy uses this power to arrive unannounced at weddings and give inappropriate toasts about that time him and the groom went to band camp

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Dancing Queen

Lardy can whistle the 1970s Dairy Queen jingle all the way through, thereby compelling anyone in earshot to dance!

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Mani-Pedi

Lardy has the ability to control all reality - but only in Mani, Greece and in the Northern Transvaal of South Africa

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All Night Long

Lardy can cause objects to grow longer and stay that way till dawn.

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Touched in the head.

Lardy can mind-control you, but only if he touches your head first.

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Funny Bone

Like the heroine of this groovy children's book, Lardy is half-fairy. Which means he, like its heroine and unlike normal humans, can kiss his own elbow. Doing so in the midst of battle causes his enemies to collapse in the throes of laughter. At which point he can deliver them to the authorities without risk of violence or property destruction.

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Frame Drum

Lardy carries around a makeshift drum set made out of picture frames. Playing them forces anyone in the vicinity to dance uncontrollably.

As expected, Lardy is a hit at parties. Why, that one time he played at a nursing home for nuns and priests...

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Baseline

When Lardy is Ump at a baseball game, the bases stay neat and tidy. No need to have an assistant come out between innings and dust them off to make them more visible!

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Brown-And-Serve

Similar to Matlock's Hot Coffee Vision, this power enables Lardy to create and serve coffee with cream.

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The Edge of Night

Lardy can create localized eclipses. Ever wanted to catch that solar eclipse but kept sleeping through it? Now Lardy can show you what it's like.

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Take it to the Limit

When your vehicle reaches the speed limit with Lardy onboard, you'll have an instant SEXY PARTY!

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Fart Blossom

Lardy can make flowers smell like methane. Useful for pranking people on April Fools!

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The Shredding

Lardy's ass can act as a paper shredder! (Just don't ask where the pieces come out...:brrr:)

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Prime Time

Lardy can tell in an instant the exact time the 1969 film The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie will next be shown on television.

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Mashed Rutabagas

Lardy can mash any plant material with the awesome powers of his manboobs.

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Pork and Beans

Lardy's musical powers led to him creating a secret-identity-within-a-secret-identity: Lead singer/guitarist of the nation's most popular All-Weezer Cover Band!

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Cashmere Bouquet

Lardy has the amazing ability to create miniature Power Boys, with cashmere fur, and of various colors!


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Hi Yah, Ms. Dipesto!

When asked, Lardy can instantly come up with amusing rhymes with which to answer the phone at your detective agency.

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El Chupacabras

By saying 'El Chupacabra!' Lardy can cause any goat in the area to be immediately and fatally exsanguinated by unseen forces!

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Onomatopoeia

Lard Lad can translate a conversation between animals from different countries.

For example a French dog says "ouah ouah" while a German dog says "wau wau" and a Japanese dog says "wan wan".

Lardy can straighten out all this confusion ...


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Mini Apples

Lardy keeps an army of miniaturized Steve Jobs clones always close at hand, because you never know...

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Roman Candle

Lardy can transmute any amount of wax, provided it has a lit wick, into an animate Roman centurian, gladiator, or other ancient historical character under Lardy's control, but only for as long as the candle would have remained burning had it not been transformed. At the end of the duration, it resumes the shape of the spent candle it would have been anyway.

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Friends With Benefits

Whenever Lardy happens to need something, like a ride to the action in an experimental hovercar, or an expert on computer security who also happens to be familiar with nuclear regulatory protocols, or someone who conveniently to know how to get blood out of silk with common items she happens to have in her purse right this second, such a person immediately shows up, and is conveniently an old friend who owes Lardy a favor!

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Party Animal