Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Lard Lad's strange new power - The Game

Lardy can summon any animal, fictional or real, but only when such animal is requested by 50+1% of the attendees at a party.

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Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give a Damn

As Proty was to Chameleon Boy in the Silver Age, as Tige was to Buster Brown in the heyday of children's shoes, and as Billy Martin was to George Steinbrenner in the 1970s, so there's the team of...

Lard Lad and Frankly. Frankly the animate tube-shaped meat product lives most of the time in a magic ring on Lardy's left pointer finger.

When Lardy is being menaced by a mad scientist's pack of wild dogs or hungry monster mutant toddlers, however, all he has to do is say "My Dear" into the ring.

Out springs Frankly, discreetly clad in a delicious bun and all required condiments. His job is to lead the menacing carnivores away from Lardy, to their dooms. (Over a nearby cliff or into chopper blades, for instance.)

By adding the phrase, "I don't give a damn," Lardy can create an additional Frankly, as many as needed for a particular battle.

(Frankly's spirit is the ring itself, so loss of one or several corporeal bodies in battle does not mean his actual demise. He gets annoyed if Lardy accidentally leaves his ring in his uniform pocket when it's being laundered, however.)

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G-Clef

Lardy can deepen the cleft on his chin, making all the girls go "Gee"! it makes his already handsome face even more handsome.

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Nacho Libre

Lardy can make anyone who has eaten any sort of Mexican food (not just nachos!) in the last few hours vomit uncontrollably by shouting 'Vive la revolution!'

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Glee club

As soon as Lardy starts singing, all people within 20 feet of him will feel the uncontrollable urge to join a flash mob and follow his every dance step.

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Yogi Bear

Lard Lad can boost his intelligence to slightly higher than the average bear.

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thothkinesis

Lard Lad can clearly and concisely articulate his reasoning for making guesses on trivia threads.

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Twinkification

Lardy can transform any object into a cream filled, penis shaped snack. All super villains are strangely captivated by the snacks, allowing easy capture and abuse in prison.

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Director's Cut

Whenever someone tells a story, Lardy can compel them to include all the juicy, secret details that they never ever wanted anyone to know.

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Salad Tossing

The envy of the food industry, Lardy can take any number of raw ingredients and combine them instantly into the correct dishes. Some cooking may be required, but what a timesaver, leaving Lardy to work out what...

Spectral Sneezing does.

Lardy can summon ghosts with a sneeze. They are always, however, accompanied by large amounts of ectoplasm.

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Twinks and Bears

Using his Hostess utility belt, Lardy uses cream filled (optionally penis shaped) snack that never fails to attract wildlife.

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Disco Diva

Lardy can make anyone dance by glancing at them, but only if disco-era hits are playing.

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Calm Yo Tits

While this power could technically be used to prevent war across the planet, Lardy only ever seems to use it in the middle of cities.

Drunken brawls, dug fuelled rampages and domestic abuse all seem to attract this power like a magnet. All are instantly calmed, and pause mid hair pull, by Lardy saying this phrase at full volume.

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Choose Your Approach

When someone is walking toward Lardy, he can move them so they approach him from a different direction.

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It All Comes Down to This.

By uttering the word "This", Rocky can cause everything within a six foot radius to collapse on top of whatever object he is referring. Kind of like turning that object into a black hole.

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Off To See The World

Whenever trouble is afoot and someone goes to see Lardy for help, he is always conveniently on vacation and leaves a note tthat he's "off to see the world".

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Encore performance

When Lardy claps his hands, he can make people repeat their last action.

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Might Need You To Hold Me Tonight

Daring espionage agent Lardy may be trapped at night in a foreign city. He may be surrounded by deadly enemies (and some comic ninjas thrown in as part of a package deal). He may never have set foot there before in his life.

But he will always, always have a safe house lined up. He'll always have someone to protect him.

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Ventriloquist's Dummy

Lardy can make anyone say anything he wants.

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Backpacker Blogger

Lardy gets all the credit for foiling foreign spies, femme fatales and evil super geniuses. But it's all down to the small action figure he can bring to life.

Lardy used to call it his Pocket Rocket before being embarrassed into stopping due to rude remarks. Now it is his Backpack Blogger, since it mainly lives there and also doubles as his publicist. It tweets updates as Lardy trudges back to civilisation after another successful mission.

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Civic Pride

Lardy's Honda Civic fills him with such pride that he drives it everywhere he goes. Criminals and bystanders alike are so awed by it they stop whatever they are doing to bask in its glory

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Around the World

Lardy knows long term, successful marketing when he sees it. That's why, when he adopted his superhero identity, he went with something that was sure to be timeless.

Following in the footsteps of his idols Dazzler (disco) and Vibe (Breakdancing) Lardy became Ya Kid Yo-Yo!

Villains would double over from yo-yo strikes: The Shockwave (smashed onto ground to create mini earthquake), The UFO (super flight) and of course his coup de grâce Around the World (combat teleportation)

Next: Baffling Premise

A successful argument depends on its premises. Lardy can cause even the most logical of premises to become so baffling that nobody understands the argument.

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Fleabag

Lard Lad is so tough that he makes Chuck Norris look like a common fleabag. Without even trying!

Next up: moonshine