Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Lard Lad's strange new power - The Game

Lardy has his own power ring. Its power source is a lantern charged with Michael "Jack-o" Jackson's essence and music. Should you be hit by the ring's beam, you will instantly become sexually and racially ambiguous, be the subject of endless tabloid rumors and be able to perform a flawless moonwalk!

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Fall Colors

<span style="font-size: 11px;">Ahem. Sorry.</span>

Lardy has a thorough knowledge of those "What Season Are You?" fashion 'n makeup charts that first took hold amongst the masses about twenty years ago. With a simple wave of his hand, he can turn any woman or man into a temporary "Autumn," so the person in question can wear those lovely rusts, deep golds, and bright oranges that s/he always wanted to.


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Grab Bag

If he is otherwise incapacitated, Lardy's scrotum will expand and take the shape of hands that will grab the nearest potential weapon...

Next: Pin the tail on the donkey

Lardy immediately can come up with an innocuous sounding euphemism for any of his seedy Tijuana adventures.

Next: Univision

With the merest glance, Lard Lad can translate any language into Spanish. Too bad he flunked out of Spanish in high school.

Next: Clear Channel

The ability to create the effects of a laxative in his most backed up enemies...

Next: Swizzlestick

Lardy has the ability to stir your cocktail from across the room using an appendage you'd really rather not have in your drink at all. Shaken drinks take a bit longer.

Next: Kodachrome

Lardy can morph at will into Yoda's hotter, younger sister: Koda. Her Jedi powers are similar to those of Color Kid, but they only affect photographs, holos, and other likenesses of the three-dimensional world.

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Ground-to-Air

Lardry can transmute any piece of terrain into a noxious fart.

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keyboard cat

Lardy's mental powers include the ability to detect "cat-like typing" in internet exchanges with others, thus averting misunderstandings online and their attendant flamewars.

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Jumbo Shrimp

Lardy has the power to create living oxymorons. Unfortunately, the accent is on the "moron" part. They're never very bright.

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Chips and Salsa

Lardy has the power to make California highway cops dance to Latino music.

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Holy Guacamole!

Very specific subgenre of "Super-Disguise" under which Lardy has the ability to convince primitive cultures that he is a god... simply by covering himself with avacado dip.

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Six of One, Half-Dozen of the Other

Lardy's anti-coluan power, which allows him to make to identical numbers appear to be different.

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Laser mouse

Lardy has the power to shoot lasers from his eyes, but only at images of Mickey Mouse.

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Flying Buttress

Lardy has the ability to disarm opponents by hurling foam donut pillows with unerring accuracy. (What? You mean "Buttress" isn't a contraction of Butt Mattress?)

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One if by Land/Two if by Sea

Lardy has the ability to duplicate items, but only if he's in the middle of the ocean. It does come in handy whenever he's stranded on a deserted island, though.

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Nelly Hat!

Lardy has a miniatured version of the N.L.E, aka \'White Rabbit Number Six\' , stored in his hat, and can use it to tunnel through the earth.

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Mammaltoe!

Lardy has the ability to transform into any mammal's toe. He most often uses it to turn into an elephant's toe to give people a boost when they need to reach something high up.

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Tennis elbow

Lardy can zap old, dead tennis balls with a magic ray, transforming them into delicious elbow macaroni casseroles! A terrific power if you're visiting relatives in the Midwest.

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The Bump!

Lardy has the power to create threads that had never existed with a start date of three years earlier. He then bumps them and says "remember this thread?", which everyone does.

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Forever in Bluejeans

Lardy has the power to curse anyone to always have to wear Blue Jeans only. No changing into slacks, boxer shorts, bikinis, mankinis, gowns, dresses, skirts, minis, body stockings, bermuda shorts...

Poverty Lad is his next target.

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Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum

When faced with less than potent holiday eggnog, Lardy has the ability, by shouting the phrase, "YOHOHO," to summon the "Noble Spirits of Christmas Past" to promptly remedy the situation.

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Jingle All the Way

If you're at the Laundromat, and find yourself faced with insufficient quarters in your pockets and an unresponsive change machine, just clap your hands once and say Lardy's name. He'll appear instantly, bringing change you really can believe in.

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Nut Assortment

Tired of eating only peanuts, or pistachios, or walnuts?

Lard Lad can transmute nuts into any other nut. It only works on every 3rd nut, though.

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Shake Well