Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Lard Lad's strange new power - The Game

Lardy firmly maintains that his Johnson is an eleventh finger and has mighty powers when pulled.

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Cheez It

When Lardy utters the magic words, 'Cheez It, Louie, it's the cops!' everyone in his immediately area is propelled safely but swiftly hundreds of yards in every direction, and anyone viewing them loses track of where they went.

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Continental Breakfast

When Lardy flies on a certain major airline, all the passengers are magically served a decent breakfast.

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Building Blocks

Lardy owes his small fortune to this particular super-power: The foes of ever-encroaching "Big Box" stores hire him to deliver stirring oratory to their local planning committees. No legion of Mal-Wart flacks can stand for long against Lardy's classic NIMBY speech.

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Mustard Greens

Lard Lad can cause any expanse of grass to smell like mustard.

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Water Board

Lardy can cause water to become as hard as wood and form it into a long rectangular shape. This can then be used in construction.

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Coffee Break

Lardy's specially roasted blend of beans makes a home brew so potent that it can crack any mug on impact. However, the reserved grounds can also be used to seal the fissures back up again.

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Solar Panels

Much like Superman, Lardy's solar powered. However, he must absorb the sunlight directly thru his solar plexus muscles (they're under there), which act as solar panels.

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Fleet Enema

Lardy can cause an entire navy to--er--evacuate simultaneously.

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Rumor Mill

Lardy can fix any mill wheel to turn continuously on the power of gossip alone! This comes in very handy during the dry season when the river tends to be a bit on the low side.

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Five Card Stud

This is the power Lardy uses to hang pictures and shelves.
When he throws playing cards at a wall, every fifth card will stick to the wall wherever there is a stud.
Thus Lardy knows where to drill (or hammer)

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Bark at the Moon

Used to scar particularly superstitious villains into thinking there's a wolf/ werewolf after them. Lardy uses this only on nights with a full moon.

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Fire in the Hole

Like the legendary British delicacy Toad-In-The-Hole , but much, much spicier. Lardy's version contains a clever distillation of grain alcohol and ground-up Habanero peppers.

Unfortunately, the one in a thousand villains it doesn't kill tend to become stronger after ingesting a faceful of it. (See entry on "Superboy Prime.")

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Ambient Sound

Lardy has the power to produce low-level, background noise, which is perfect for distracting evil-doers into thinking nothing is going on.

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Music of the Spheres

Lardy can make music utilizing two spherical parts of his anatomy.

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boobies

Because Lard Lad really really likes boobies, he has developed the ability to correctly guess any villainess' cup size just by feeling up her evil bazoombas.

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Mutton chops

Lardy has the uncanny ability to teach sheep karate. Cobie beware!!

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Call Forwarding

Lardy can distract the opposing team's forward during a tough soccer game, merely by shouting the word, "Notlob" once from any spot inside the stadium. The goalie for his team then acquires a valuable additional five seconds to keep the ball from the net!

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Parrot Sketch

Lardy can sketch a parrot, which will then come to life to do his bidding for exactly the amount of time it takes to quote a certain "Monty Python" sketch, at which time the parrot rings down the curtain and joins the Choir Invisible.

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In the Wink of an Eye

While hitchhiking on a starry night through the legendary citrus groves of Texas, Lardy refused a mysterious sprite's insistence that he "Go ahead and just take those grapefruits, Bub. No one's looking." Turns out the sprite was none other than Rio Star, Guardian Spirit of Domestic Citrus. In reward for his goodness and honesty, Rio Star bestowed Lardy with the power to spit grapefruit juice into the eye of his enemies at will;as well as immunity to any citrus-related attacks from his enemies, of course.



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Weekend Pass

By reaching into a pocket and producing a gold ticket that reads 'T.G.I.F.' and then breaking into a (surprisingly catchy) rendition of Loverboy's 'Working for the Weekend,' Lardy can alter the flow of time so that it immediately becomes 5 PM on Friday. The one time he did this on 4:59 on a Friday, the time-space continuum collapsed and he became the seventh incarnation of the Time Trapper. It's generally agreed that he wasn't as good as the one with the scarf.

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Inverted V.

With a chuckle, Lard Lad can change any bicycle seat into an inverted V.

Leapin' Lizards

Lardy can infiltrate swap meets and flea markets disguised as a customer. Cheap knockoffs of textured Gucci and other big-name designer bags will jump several feet, revealing their status as fakes. Whereas the genuine article will temporarily become a live lizard (or crocodile)-- all it takes is a wave of Lardy's hand. This power also works on wallets, shoes, and belts.

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Shock Absorber

Since Lardy discovered that he can absorb massive amounts of energy through his butt cheeks, earthquakes are no longer a concern for the residents of Creviceville, CA.

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Italian Dressing

Largely an improvement on a villain\'s invention. Offsets or reverses the damage borne of overly-broad Italian stereotypes.

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Jack-O-Lantern