Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Lard Lad's strange new power - The Game

Lardy has the power to travel through time by spinning a table in his presence. He can travel to any point in the past or future where a table occupies that same general area, allowing him to leave a boring modern restaurant and go visit the swinging speakeasy that sat on that spot in the Roaring 20s.

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Slap Happy

Lardy has the power to make people happy by giving them a good swat. This power is especially effective on masochists.

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Mancrush (you knew it was coming)

When Lardy hugs a woman, he only has normal strenght. When he hugs a man, he gains super-strenght, resulting in a man crushing bearhug

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yellow pages

Lard Lad has distilled the powers of our own yellow sun into specially-designed "pagers." He always has one on hand in case the nearest Son or Cousin of Krypton is headed for a red sun and needs portable super-powers to fight evil.

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Double Joints

While his detractors claim that this refers to Lardy's ability to be the life of the party, and make giggling references to something called 'Reefer Madness,' in truth, Double Joints refers to Lardy's ability to add joints to any object he touches, allowing him to fold it in half for convenient storage.

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Impeccable Timing

Lardy knows when a simple peck on the cheek will be enough to drive a woman wild.

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Hypno-Manboobs

It's not the manboobs. It's the tassles. Once he gets them spinning in opposite directions, people's eyes glaze over and his accomplices can tie their shoelaces together while they are entranced.

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Double Vision

Lard Lad is the only man in the English-speaking world who can do a Karaoke medley of Foreigner songs without inciting mass revolts. Yes, even "Double Vision" and "Waiting For A Girl Like You" are spun into gold owing to Lardy's way with a vintage Top 40 song.

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Shonen Knives

This is easily the power set that confuses evil- doers the most. Lardy splits into three women. while simultaneously speaking Japanese.

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Buy one, Get one free

Lardy has the power to duplicate an inanimate object he purchases. There are limits to this power. Sadly, it does not work on cars, houses, airplanes, rare comics or grilled cheese sandwiches.

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Word for Word

Similar to Letterman Letterman video

Lardy can exchange any single word in a sentence for another. This comes in handy in a wide variety of ways, such as changing "Fries will cost extra" to "Fries WON'T cost extra."

Bungle in the Jungle

Whenever Lard Lad makes a forey into the jungle, the music of Mr. Bungle mysteriously emanates from his ass.

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Potent potable

Lardy has the power to turn water into wine. Unfortunately the wine is always Boone's Farm Sangria.

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Potpourri

Lardy can reach into his pockets and produce any of a bewildering array of small items. He once was tipped over and a pile of items large enough to bury him poured forth, leading to onlookers using terms like 'Fibber McGee's closet' and 'plethora' and 'potpourri of junk.' Potpourri was the name that stuck.

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Cunning Linguist

Lardy is a suave master of 27 languages, and as a master spy has charmed the pants off many a woman with his silver tongue.

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Soap Scum

This is an involuntary power of Lardy's. If a dirty person (defined as someone who hasn't bathed or showered in the previous 24 hours) comes within 1 foot of Lard Lad, they are instantly covered with a soapy lather. The lather disappears in 45 seconds, leaving the person clean, but smelling like they have been soaked in beer.

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Red-eye

Lardy's other powers are at their most effective between the hours of 9 PM and 7 AM. It is during these hours that villains are least inclined to tangle with him, as he can pretty much use all his other powers at once, nonstop, without tiring appreciably;And without requiring food, sleep or trips to the bathroom.

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Noble Blood

With a wink of his eye Lardy can transform the blood of his opponent into a Noble Gas

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Total Static Head

Okay that's about the coolest power so far!


Re: Total Static Head
Lardy can emanate waves from his head that cause all communications devices within two miles to get nothing but static.

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Dance Break

Dance with Lardy at your own risk--bones have been broken, man!!!!

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Skid Marks the Spot!

This power is used for searching for buried treasure. It starts off with Lardy running in an increasingly widening circle. At just the right point, he starts to slide or skid along the ground. He will keep skidding until he comes to rest on the next hidden "treasure" in the direction he was skidding. Unfortunately, it usually just turns up discarded pennies.


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A Touch of Mink

With a touch, Lardy can turn any object into a mink coat. The object must be touched with his left elbow while he is standing on his head and singing the theme to The Patty Duke Show, but some of these powers do have rather odd limitations.

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Wine Press

Everyone knows that those swanky glossies like Wine Spectator just make stuff up based upon how much advertising dough they get from the vintners and restaurant owners. If we only had Lardy's superpower, we could tell by sight alone which wine was worth the $60 price tag and which wine was just Franzia in a cooler package. As a bonus, we'd always have the power to verbally one-up those irritating culture vultures in black who always show up at wine tastings to make everyone else feel low-class.

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Poke Salad

Just by poking any leafy green vegetables, Lardy can instantly animate them into a flurry of flying leaves and stems, ably providing confusion to any foe. Obviously a salad would have a lot of these, and as such is a formidable weapon.

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Crotch Rocket

By humming any tune written by late-18th/early-19th-Century English composer William Crotch , Lardy can turn any object into a rocket.

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Mood Music