Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Nasty Genie

Granted. You have a nasty genie to cater to your every whim. And you know how nasty genies get...

I wish I had a rich, hot, young, loving wife who lets me pursue my dreams and is totally faithful while also being willing to "explore".

Granted, Molten Gold Girl is now your wife. . She lets you do whatever you want and is totally willing to "explore". Unfortunately, her body temperature is 1064.18 °C, the melting point of gold. Any exploration you might choose to do will have to be done remotely with robotic fingers. Oh yeah, she has this unfortunate habit of inadvertently setting fire to your house.

I wish I had the power to undo the nasty consequences of a nasty genie wish for untold riches.

Granted, you can now undo the consequences, but having used your wish, can't ask for the untold wealth.

I wish everyone would notice that my next post will be my 100th.

Granted. Your post count will now be forever compared by everyone to Quislet Esq.'s.

I wish I could score a 4 day pass with Preview night, accommodations and airfare to next year's San Diego Comic-con.

Granted. You now have all that, but you will be working six jobs at the same time for the rest of your life to pay for it.

I wish the LMB had the powers of the Legionnaires.

Granted. Unfortunately, as the Legionnaires are fictional characters, our powers are just that - nonexistent.

I wish I could be the host of one of those Nat.Geo travel shows.

Granted. You are the host of Best Places to Visit in Antarctica.

I wish the Nasty Genie would turn into the Nice Genie.

Granted.

Alas, he resides only within the borders of Nice, Italy. You'll have to go there and meet him in person to get your wishes granted. Also, he only speaks Italian. So start saving up for that plane ticket and language immersion course veloce, Paisan.

I wish I could share today's absolutely perfect weather with everyone on Legion World.

Granted. All 1500+ LW members and alts are magically transported to your house, which means you have to provide food and lodging. (Hope your neighbors don't mind the noise, the crowding, etc.)

I wish the Nice Genie lived in Kansas City and spoke English.

Granted. In order to get there, though, he has to switch places with someone - namely, you! Hope you like Nice, Italy.

I wish I could eat all I wanted to without getting fat.

Granted, You can eat all you want and not get fat because all food goes right through you. So fast in fact that you need to eat while on the toilet. And seeing how all food goes right through you, you don't get any of the nutritional value of the food either. So you are always hungry and will die soon from starvation.

I wish that only unqualified greedy people get elected to public office.

GRANTED!

However, all of them are assassinated or ousted for being so horribly greedy, that the world governments are abolished and the world is plunged into anarchy.


I wish I only attracted people whom I also found attractive in return.

Granted. Every person you find attractive is attract to you, but they find you repulsive so they beat you up.

I wish they would do a remake of the Sound of Music starring Britney Spears and Charlie Sheen.

Granted. Britney and Charlie star in the gender bending version of Sound of Music with an all new sound track by Rebecca Black. Britney plays Captain Von Trapp and Charlie plays Liesl. Fortunately, saner heads prevail and the film is never released.

I wish I could know if there is life after death, without actually having to die first.

Granted. You don't have to die first, because upon knowing, you're stranded in Purgatory forever.

I wish I could breathe underwater, while still remaining human.

Granted. Although, with your new-found underwater breathing abilities, you are also granted the traditional "sub-aquatic human" ability of telepathically communicating with fish.

The novelty wears off very quickly as you soon realize that all fish think nothing but, "Swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, eat, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim...."


I wish the fellow at the next desk would stop talking so loudly on his phone.

Granted. You now share a cubicle and he uses your phone.

I wish I didn't have such a huge backlog of work piled up.

Granted! All of your tasks are given to a younger man... your replacement, YOU are Fired!

I wish for an end to racism, sexism and ageism.

Granted. The human race has just been wiped off the face of the Earth.

I wish they would do away with Daylight Saving Time.

(You know that's just how I thought the genie would grant the last one. Kind of takes care of Daylight Saving Time too, doesn't it? But of course he doesn't like to repeat himself.)

Granted. The genie having no concept of DST just went ahead and eliminated Time entirely. And now, among some rather basic existential problems, everyone's favorite Time Trapper stories are now out of continuity.

I wish Time would come back.

Granted! Unfortunately, it's been privatized by Government "austerity" hounds and sold off to the highest bidder: The Greyhound Bus Corporation.

If you've ever been on a Greyhound bus, I shouldn't have to explain any further. :rolleyes:

I wish I had a fantastic, novel, inexpensive homemade food item ready to take to my buddy's birthday party this afternoon.

Granted, with no magical twists. But only because the Genie knows exactly how likely it is for the tasty treat to actually make it out of the house.

I wish I had one of those with the same flavor, only with less calories.

Granted. Too bad you don't get to try it, since cleome ate it too.

I wish I were a world-famous male model and actor.

Granted! You are now a world-famous male model and actor. You are so well-known and lusted after that you cannot leave your house without people throwing themselves at you. Ultimately you become a recluse. Your fingernails grow to be ridiculously long and you walk around with Kleenex tissue boxes on your feet.

I wish Brian Unger would do an episode of How the States Got Their Shapes from my neighborhood, spot me and fall madly in love with me.

Granted. Brian Unger loves you so much; he gives you chocolate and flowers every day, takes you on these awesome vacations all around the world, and makes mad passionate love with you (and lets you do whatever you want to him!).

Too bad you just don't feel the spark, and end up seeing him as just a friend.

I wish I had a personal coffeemaker at work, that could make whatever drink I wanted it to. For free and without needing to be refilled.