Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Nasty Genie

Granted: Life is as tasty as a [Forest Gump] box of chocolates [/Forest Gump] and everybody rushes through it taking only nibbles looking for the life with a cherry missing out on the true delicacy of the diversity.

I wish wish granting were easier.

Granted. Granting wishes just got a whole lot easier with NASTICO's all new WISH GRANTER 3000! Just type in a wish and press the granted button! PRESTO! You're DONE! It's so simple, even a "Block"head can do it! And if you act now the NASTICO WISH GRANTER 3000 can be all your's NOT for $20.99 NOT for $15.99 BUT for the AMAZING price of ONLY $2,500,000.99!

<span style="font-size: 10px;">(East Toledo residents add $500,000 for shipping and handling)</span>

I wish I was an Olympic athlete.

$500,000 seems a bit steep, we just put in a pony express stop.

Granted! Chicago wins the 2016 summer olympic bid and as host selects for demonstration sport belly flop brat eating. You place fifth of five behind Poland, Samoa, Japan and a recently discovered pygmy nation.

I wish I had had a more nutritious supper instead of two bags of candy and a candy bar.

you won the bronze medal in curling ... in 1948.

I wish the Olympic biathletes were as much fun to watch as their name leads my mind to imagine.

BB:

Granted, you had a more nutritious supper. You had three bags of candy and four candy bars, thus consuming more of the trace nutrients in the candy. After all that junk food, you may be getting just a tad bit ill.

LB:

Granted. Olympic biathletes are as much fun to watch as their name leads your mind to imagine. You now suffer from acute aphasia and when you say "biathlete" you really mean "snail".

I wish Lad Boy would post a picture of himself in which he is wearing his running shorts.

Granted: [img]http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1390/1114470912_b0b88be8a0.jpg?v=0[/img]

I wish running shorts were considered appropriate office attire, here at my office, where I am now employed, and will continue to be employed for the foreseeable future.

Granted, however there is a re-arrangement of cubicles and desks. You are now surrounded by all the old ladies who work in you office. The running shorts show off their varicose veins and cellulite perfectly.

I wish I could take a year and travel throughout the world.

Granted: you get to travel the world throughout the year 5,000,000 b.c., shouldn't be too crowded at the airport.

I wish the construction-labor protestors picketing outside my office could sing and chant better.

Granted: They all join the moonies and construct a tofu and lactose tolerant limberger cheese office complex just outside your window.

I wish I would get to work on those lesson plans and stop exploring message boards.

Granted Your computer has just picked up a NASTY virus and will self destruct in 10 minutes. You'll have no distractions to keep you from working on those lesson plans now (providing they weren't ON your computer).

I wish I had butt loads of charm and grace.

Granted, your butt is full of charm and grace. The rest of you now repels people.

I wish I had a cleaning person for my apartment.

Granted. Your new cleaning person, Alice DeHazel, is the best in Boston. She’s quick, thorough, kind and considerate. And she’s almost completely put those years with the Manson family member behind her .

I wish I could be a shape shifter and thus shift shapes.

Granted. You are now quality control for those shifting square (that's a shape) puzzles. Your title is Head Shape Shifter.

I wish I had a cook who makes wonderful, tasty, & healthy meals for me.

Granted: Hannibal Lector is your new cook. Avoid the fava beans.

I wish I could come up with some fun NON-math lesson plans for the first couple days of class.

Granted. However, your new lesson plan, "How to Explore the Universe Using Mind Altering Drugs", though both fun and informative, sends parents into a uproar and gets you canned.

I wish I had a wise and noble Kung Fu master to teach me about Kung Fu and stuff.

Granted. A wise and noble Kung Fu master teaches you all about a certain 1970s TV series starring David Carradine.

I wish I had been popular in high school.

Granted. The week all the other students were home with the flu, your popularity soared.

I wish I could time travel to 1776 and meet the founding fathers of the United States.

Granted:
One way trip!

I wish an attractive, generally shirtless, man would buy a home in my neighborhood and take great pleasure coming to my home to work, competently, relatively quickly, and totally for free, and, again, while generally shirtless, on my bike and my VW.

Granted. Your wife makes sure you have many errands to run when he is over. She enjoys watching him though.

I wish I had powers like Samantha Stevens.

Pardon the interruption

In my neighborhood, only if I was cutting into their business.

Granted: you sneeze and wipe out a kleenex factory and a small Kansas town.

I wish this back pain would go away!

Granted. After Ram Boy leaves on a one week luxury cruise to West Toledo, the pain in your back disappears. However, after he realizes how much he misses his fellow Legion Worlders and returns early, strangely enough, so does your posterior pain.

I wish for a delightfully delectable Dilly Bar from Dairy Queen.

Granted. You make wishes that are given to a delightfully delectable Dilly Bar from Dairy Queen. That really wasn't a wish so much as a statement.

I wish a very handsome, well-built, shirtless man would take care of all my housework.

Granted: A very handsome, well-built, shirtless man just blew up your house.

I wish everying being hit by floods safety and a return to normalcy.

Granted.

Every "Ing" that was hit by a flood has now gone safely back to Normal, Illinois.

I wish all my friends on Legion World could celebrate my birthday with me.