Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Nasty Genie

Granted: Nasty Genie hasn’t seen “Brokeback Mountain,” but brings you direct to cable, “Lojack Fountain.” Set in a high-end Macon, Georgia chop-shop, it was the love affair they wouldn’t admit but couldn’t hide. DL Whitney and Ann Heche star….

Git’R Duuuuuunnnnnnn

I wish I’d never seen “Carrot Top Rocks Las Vegas.”

Granted: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. You are back in East Toledo. Carrot Top never happened.

I wish my dog would stop peeing in the house.

Granted. Your dog now pees exclusively inside your neighbors house. They're not thrilled about this and are consulting an attorney.

I wish I was an acrobat with Cirque du Soleil.

You are a featured acrobat in the return of Cirque du Soleil to the Beau Rivage Casino/Resort in Biloxi, Mississippi. And though that, alone, should be nasty enough, I'd like to point out that there is no suitable housing in post-Katrina Biloxi. You live in a FEMA trailer with a redneck drifter named Jim Bob.

I wish my shoes were more comfortable.

Granted: Nasty Genie has been looking for a pair of comfortable shoes and thanks you. Please do not step on any glass.

I wish the guy next to me would stop talking to himself outloud while slowing up the computers watching some stupid movie over the network. I've got important posting to do!

Granted, He stops talking to himself and starts talking to you. And while talking to you manages to crash your whole computer system.

I wish there were always enough seats on the subway so that everyone could sit comfortably and not intrude upon other passengers' personal space.

Granted:
The subway system is bankrupt and the trains never move -- lots of empty seats.

I wish I didn't have this annoying thorn in my right index finger and that its disappearance would not result in any loss of body parts of extreme expense.

Granted: You never contracted that thorn by pulling it out of the lion's paw and you joined him for lunch.

I wish the Nasty Genie a little love in his/her heart.

Granted. I now have a little love in my heart. Whereas before being nasty was only a job, I now looooove being nasty.

I wish my neighbor wouldn't mow his lawn every other day.

Granted and Nasty thanks you for the slowpitch, your neighbor now mows his lawn EVERYday, at 8am, rain or shine.

I wish last night's thunderstorm hadn't knock a branch down in my yard and flooded the back seat of my car.

Granted. Last night's thunderstorm knocked down the entire tree and flooded your house. Your car is dry though.

I wish East Toledo had a fancier name.

Nasty Genie objects to being given a nearly impossible task but grants your wish by renaming all turnpike signs to
<marquee behavior=alternate> East Toledo </marquee>
which distracts your Grannie as she's driving west to Chicago causing her to end up in De'troit where's she's never heard from again.

I wish the hot dog stands in Chicago delivered to Toledo.

Granted. The deliveries are made by senior citizens on Segways. Your hot dog is guaranteed to arrive in 60 days or its free. The mold growing on the bun can be picked off.

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner...

Granted. You are made of:
Turkey parts, pork parts, chicken parts, water, salt, flavor, sodium lactate, corn syrup, sodium phosphates, dextrose, sodium diacetate, sodium erythorbate (made from sugar), sodium nitrite.

Doesn't that sound lovely?

I wish I could lose my remaining 20 pounds in one week.

Granted. Doctors discover that resistant strain of tuberculosis and have to remove part of your lung. In addition the hospital mixes you up with another patient and amputates your right arm. You are now 20 pounds lighter.

I wish I had a watermelon

Granted. An award winning 2000 lb watermelon on it's way back from the 1st Annual Boston Watermelon Growers Championship has just rolled off the back off it's flatbed truck and on to you. It was seedless.

I wish I could come up with a billion dollar idea for an internet business.

Granted: Marc Cuban makes a billion dollars off your idea, buys the White Sox and turns them into the Yankees.

I wish I could make up my mind between going to Stratford, seeing a show and doing a bit of touring or staying home and going to the new Polish restaurant and doing other local things.

Halfway between Stratford and the Polish restaurant you made up your mind to wear women's undergarments, eat only raw onions and live in the burned out hull of a '68 VW camper. Congratulations on your freedom from indecision.

I wish I could write a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem that most math undergrads could understand.

Halfway between Stratford and the Polish restaurant you made up your mind to wear women's undergarments, eat only raw onions and live in the burned out hull of a '68 VW camper. Congratulations on your freedom from indecision.

I wish I could write a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem that most math undergrads could understand.

Granted! You right a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem that most math undergrads understand. Of course no one else, including you, has any idea what it means.

I wish all Legion Worlders lived in the same city.

Welcome to Waveland, Mississippi. We're all crowded into 5 FEMA trailers. Hey, Ram Boy! Watch it with the hands!

I wish at least one more Legion Worlder would move to Washington, DC.

Granted. Ram Boy (and his gropey little hands) have now moved to Washington, D.C. and into your home. Unfortunately, because he left his business behind, you'll be responsible for his upkeep.(word is he's very high maintenance and insists on being served breakfast in bed....everyday)

I wish (this) Legion World was a television reality series.

Granted: You're fired!

I wish I had a bottle of Snapple Tangerine White Tea.

Granted, I have one right here for you Lad Boy, now just get on a plane and fly over here to Scotland to collect it. (let's hope that I don't get thirsty and drink it before you arrive though)

Wish I could fly!

Granted: You can fly but as you're entering DC airspace to drop off Lad Boy's "Snapple Tangerine White Tea" your "identify friend or foe" is still set on Gaelic and you get an ICBM right in your haggis.

I wish I knew a program for converting pdf files into word documents.