Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Nasty Genie

Granted, a constant storm of rain keeps the temperature in your backyard, now also known as your pond, between 65 & 75 degrees Fahrenheit.


I wish I had attend the gay pride parade in Boston today.

Granted! You did go to the parade. You're still there, meaning you can't be here to wish for it, meaning you're trapped in a time paradox forever.


I wish softball was more than one day a week.

Granted! But they only show replays. Slow motion replays.

I wish I had a constant source of money, one which does not require me to do any work whatsoever to maintain it, which does not involve me selling my body parts or any personal possessions, and which does not come from the death of anyone.

Granted! But it's an endless supply of pre-1990 Romanian dinars, which are now worthless.

I wish I had more energy and motivation to get projects done.

Granted! You're a coke fiend who owes the mob fifty-thousand dollars...or else.

I wish that I had an electric car.

Granted, it runs on 5,000 AA batteries. All the batteries need to be changed every 5 miles.

I wish there weree more, better, and cheaper sugar-free snacks.

Granted: Teuscher chocolate of Switzerland (230 Newbury Street, in Boston) just announced it has created a new line of calorie-free Champagne truffles. They taste exactly like their world-famous sugar-saturated confections and have no harmful side effects. They are absolutely free and available exclusively to the first 10,000 customers who come to the grand opening of Teuscher's new retail store in Antarctica.

I wish Macy's was having a 90%-off sale on all merchandise today.

Granted. Unfortunately Macy's 95% off sale yesterday leaves only Irregular womens Oceans Thirteen gardening gloves as the only merchandise.

I wish I had a live-in house boy to do all the cooking and cleaning.

Granted:

Thanks to Ramon your home, filled with the scent of lysol and cordon bleu cooking, is regularly featured in Wine Spectator, Martha Stewart Living, Better Homes and Gardens, Gourmet and Architectural Digest. There are so many reporters and photographers in your home, you never get to act on the sexual tension that's been building between you and Ramon. In fact, you never get to act on any sort of sexual tension because you're always surrounded by reporters and photographers.

<strike>I wish I had bicycle shorts/shirt based on Dave Cockrum's Lightning Lad or Element Lad costumes.</strike>

I wish I had bicycle shorts/shirt based on Mike Grell's Lightning Lad or Element Lad costumes.

Granted. Your new bicycle togs are forest green with a bright yellow lightning bolts coming out of your butt. (Bonus: You're now the talk of bike trails everywhere!)

I wish Lad Boy hadn't asked for that last wish.

Granted: see edits above

I wish I were the talk of bike trails everywhere.

Granted, on all the bike trails there is talk of your skill at riding, your rugged good looks, your daring fashion sense, etc. And when you say "Hey, that's me you are talking about." No one believes you.

I wish I had a week long vacation on a South Sea island.

(Come on Genie, let's get real creative with the nastiness - no restless natives, bad weather, too expensive, etc.)

Granted!

You have the most fabulous vacation on a South Sea island. It's relaxing and fun. The service at the hotel is great. You spend all your time lying on the beach with your every need catered to by handsome, buff, shirtless waiters.

Then Pam wakes up and goes to the shower and sees Bobby and says "I had the strangest dream!"


I wish they would show Bewitched on TV again.

Granted, Bewitched is now being broadcast exclusively on the island nation of Zambwana. Unfortunately, according to Zambwanese law, watching witches on television is a crime punishable by death. (they're just funny that way)

I wish I were Canadian.

Granted. You are Canadian. You're are so Canadian, you are chosen as the Canadian ambassador to the entire south Pacific. There you meet a tribe of cannibals hungry for pizza with Canadian Bacon.


I wish I could meet Quis, and to quote him, "Come on Genie, let's get real creative with the nastiness - no restless natives, bad weather, too expensive, etc."

Granted. You get to meet Quis.

I wish the grass was blue, the sky green, and the lake purple.

Granted! You now live in a colouring book coloured by a four-year old.

I wish all of DC's super-hero characters would wear variations on the Cosmic Bustier and the Saturn Bikini.

Granted. Victoria's Secret purchases DC and uses their characters to promote the latest Mike Grell inspired lingerie line. Unfortunately, the image of Power Girl in a push-up bra pushes mothers everywhere over the edge, who then form the Not Our Boys Ogling Over Bosoms Society which petitions Congress, which passes a bill that prohibits the display of superheroes in anything other than loose fitting muumuus.

I wish Anne Murray would join Legion World.

Anne Murry becomes the leader of LegionWorld.com .

I wish I could find my black shoes.

Granted! You've found the black shoes you lost when you were eight. Bit snug now though, huh?

I wish I were less cynical regarding romantic relationships.

Granted, you're now so extremely optimistic about romantic relationships, that your idea of a first date is moving in together. Good luck with that, you ol' love muffin you.

I wish I werz a reely gud speller.

Du fehlbuchstabierst nie ein Wort -- auf Deutsch.

I wish I could speak German fluently.

Granted, you can speak German fluently in a high pitched girly voice.

I wish I had a magic window in my apartment that let some of the cool air of winter in during the summer and some of the warm air of summer in during the winter.

Granted: In the summer your magic window lets in cool air with a rotting-flesh aroma from a New Jersey meat-packing plant. In the winter you get the warm sulfur-laden exhaust of a Mississippi paper mill.

i wish I had a pristine copy of Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #205.

Granted, it is sealed in a block of Lucite so as to remain in pristine condition.

I wish I had two BMW Z4 Roadsters, One in Montego Blue Metallic and one in Bright Red Non-Metallic