Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Nasty Genie

You're spending Christmas with Mary Chapin Carpenter. Unfortunately, due to a lapse in judgement, Mary is under contract to perform a Christmas concert in southern Lebanon.

Next:

I wish I had a glass of water.

*poof* Here's your glass of water, brought to you straight from the salty Atlantic ocean.

Next:

"I wish I had a watermelon."

Granted. A watermelon the size of a whale drops out of the sky on top of you.

I wish that everyone looked beautiful when naked.

Granted. The word beautiful now means "wearing no clothes".

I wish there were no greed in the world.

Granted. The human race has been extinguished.

Next:

I wish I had a pet penguin.

Granted: A recently resurrected Burgess Meredith is now your pet, and he likes to snuggle with you at bedtime.

Next:

I wish the cute guy cleaning my gutters right now would come inside for a decent interval with me.

Granted. He comes inside and spends a very short interval, because he is very decent and would never do anything untoward .

I wish I had two more staff members.

Granted! Unfortunately, they prove to be far better than you at your job, so you're fired when they take over the company.

I wish that I'd never run out of money.

Granted: You never run out of money; unfortunately, under the Bush administration's energey policies, the price of gas never stops increasing, so you never have enough money to pay for a tank of gas.

Next:
I wish Braininac 5 would travel back in time and change the results of the 2000 presidential elections so that Al Gore would carry the state of Florida.

Done! In the procees, he accidentally steps on a butterfly, costing Gore several other key states. And the rest is bloody history.

Next:

I wish there was Peace on Earth.

Granted! After nuclear war and nuclear winter, the Earth and all her people are dead. Peace reigns supreme.

I wish to have a good, safe trip to the Dominican Republic without any hitches that is fun and educational.

Granted. There will be no fun and educational hitches on your trip.

I wish I could be in Boston for the mini-meet-up Cali and the boys will be having.

Granted, you have a good safe trip to the Dominican Republic. None of your hitches are fun and educational. Some are boring and educational. Others are just boring.

I wish I was going on a nice vacation trip to a nice place where I meet nice people and I do fun things.

Granted, but the nice people all wind up hating you, the fun things prove to have long-term health consequences, and the nice place burns down, and you're blamed.

I wish I could permanently lose another 50 pounds.

Granted - you lose 50 pounds when your chest and shoulders are removed in a freak meat-cleaver accident.

I wish I were smarter.

Granted! You have been guillotined.

I wish Farscape would be revived as an ongoing TV series.

Lance beat me to it.

Granted! You are smarter than your dog.

I wish Farscape would be revived as an ongoing TV series.

Granted. However it has been recasted. Gary Coleman is playing John Crichton, Fran Drescher as Aeryn Sun, Carrot Top will be the new Chiana, Stan Lee is D'Argo, and the Olsen twins as Scorpius.

I wish I had enough money to live comfortably and not have to work.

Granted you lucky dog you. You have enough money to live comfortably without having to work but you miss terribly your parents even as you spend the inheritence.

I wish I had been able to make it up to Montreal this summer for that Swartz' smoked meat sandwich I've just been CRAVING!!!

Granted. Unfortunately, there was a bit of salmolnella going around...

I still wish I could make it to Boston for the mini-meet-up with Cali, Quis, Cobie et al.

Granted. You make it to Montreal, and you even get that smoked meat sandwich. However, you get food poisoning from the rotten meat they smoked. man you can't even look at a piece of meat now without wanting to hurl.

Next:

I wish my Jeep was mechanically sound (again).

Granted Rockhopper Lad, you make it to Boston, but can't find Caliente, Cobie, Quis, or any other Legion Worlder.

Granted CJ Taylor, Your Jeep is mechanically sound. The engine runs perfectly. However your jeep is no longer structurally sound. The floor boards are rusting out, the doors won't stay shut, and the windows won't roll down.

I wish there were no more multiple responses.

Granted! There are no more multiple responses because everyone has lost interest and is playing the Make a Sentence Out of the Word game.

I wish I could find a beautiful, caring woman to spend my life with.

Granted! You find her, say hello to her, and are devoured by a pack of rabid wombats. Pretty short life...

I wish I had a bigger house.

(Drat those wombats!)

Granted! You have a bigger house, but you go into debt paying the mortgage and end up on the street.

I wish that I could write a comic book that would become hugely popular, earn me millions of dollars, and generate a franchise that will live on forever.