Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board The Tobacconihilist Smoke Shop

I bought 80 cigars for my bachelor party and 77 of them were smoked. Not bad, not bad...that's a lot of drunk fellas lighting up. It ended up being a hit too, many compliments all around.

What did you do with the remaining 3 cigars?

A Taltaran cigarillo for the lady, please, Exnihil.

Coming right up. No need to get "Thora"-bout it. Get it? "Thora"-bout? Like "Sore about"? Because... you know... Thora... and Taltar... and... and...

...sorry, ma'am... that'll be 75 cents.

That was breakfast the next morning! With coronas!

How 'bout some of that Kathoonian pipeweed?

Do you only smoke that after dark?

Well, you can smoke it during daylight hours... but only at half-strength.

I wonder how Bismollian chewing tobacco is? You chew it for hours, get it all disgusting and sticky and then eat it?

Or you eat the package and throw away the tobacco.

< in a wink, Exnihil appears >


...No, wait... !!!

What...?

I'm in... my Tobacco Shop? But this place... burned to the ground!


<looks around, completely perplexed. He spies a calendar hanging on the wall>


October... 9th? That's five months ago. Oh my God, he sent me back in time!

Screw this! I'm not doing it!!!


<attempts to walk toward the door and is suddenly gripped by a horrible stabbing pain through his skull>


ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! OK! OK! Fine! I'll do it!!!


<the pain ceases. Reluctantly... almost with sorrow... Ex kneels to the floor and loosens a floorboard. He reaches in and pulls out what looks to be a very aged pocketwatch. He considers it for a moment... but even the memory of the pain brings him back to his purpose. He winds the watch and, as it begins to tick, he replaces it back in its hiding place. He raises his face to the ceiling and shouts.>


OK?

IT'S DONE!

HELLO?

ONE O'CLOCK!!!


<in a wink, Exnihil disappears >

<enters, with Jailbait Lass following>

Found this place not too long ago. Best darn place on Legion World if you ask me. Its where I been laying low. Evidentally the owner got himself mixed up in all the trouble going on these days so just a skeleton crew is running things.

Its how I like it. No one pays me no mind, and I drink my whiskey and smoke my cigars waiting things out.

<treading water in an underground spring beneath the Tobacconihilist>

what the sprock is Lolita doing trying to take on Tomahawk by herself ... still, this is probably one of those times when the perp is likely to talk himself right into custody ... I'll hang down here until the time is right ...

hey cool, a dolphin!

<chomp>

--------------Interlude-----------

Shark Lad's Security Office omni-com suddenly gets this information:

Shark Lad theory on John Doe proved to be correct! See for more details...

-------------------End Interlude-----------

Alright Tomahawk, I came here with you. Now I want you to start answering some questions I--no, I don't want a cigar--what in the world happened up in those mountains during that trip. You, Cobie, Clive, Time-Teller and Raging Bull went up there and now odd things are happening to all of you. Apparently, Time-Teller's memory is gone regarding these events. Cobie has been shot. Clive is dead. No one has been able to get any information from Raging Bull.

And you say you have no idea how you ended up in the 31st Century. You'll have to be a lot clearer than that. What do you remember?

And no, I don't want any whiskey!

<reads through manilla folder as she talks to him>

(There it is again, mention of this "Traveler"; and what is this "resurrection machine"?)

I’m sorry ma’am, but it is as simple as you think. I went to sleep one night, in 1772 and when I woke up, I was here, on Legion World, in the 31st Century. It took me a long time to accept that—I thought I maybe had taken one of those funky mushrooms the Injun shamans sometimes to use.

Funny thing is when I came to this main city here, no one seemed to think it was odd I was here. Apparently y’all get quite a large amount of unusual visitors from different places, even through time. It was that Cobalt Kid feller you’re so sweet on that helped me out. Set me up with a place to stay, and made sure I was welcome. He seemed to be real interested in why I was here on Legion World. So I guess yer a bit behind the times on solving that mystery.

Part of the reason I went up into them mountains was ‘cuz they needed a guide into that type of terrain, and because Cobalt Kid wanted to learn more about why I was here. Seemed he had lots of reasons for going up there, since that Clive fella seemed to start flipping out shortly after we left.

But once we were there…and ma’am, you got to believe me—I don’t remember nothin’. My memory is gone for about two months worth. Next memory I got is well, bein’ here, having a cigar and a whiskey with Raging Bull. No word of the others, I just figured I got too drunk and forgot how the night ended. But no, quite a lot of time had passed. I never did find out what happened, and never got a chance to ask Cobalt Kid ‘fore he got shot. I know Raging Bull don’t seem to remember neither.

But I’ll tell ya—it scares the hell out of me. It truly does.

<orders another whiskey>

'An I don't know nothing about no Traveler or no ressurection machine. Or no second shooter or Justin Thyme or Numbuts something-or-other.

<gets whiskey, prepares to chug it>

<Lolita looks through the folder, not looking up to see Tomahawk>

There's that reference to 'genuinely part of liberty' again...

<looks up, and suddenly is filled with alarm>

Wait, no! Tomahawk, NO!!!

<suddenly slaps that whiskey out of his hand and knocks drink to the floor>

Look! <points to a little monkey that was taking a sip of the whiskey too; it now lies dead on the floor> That whiskey is poison! Someone is trying to kill you!

Or...maybe they're trying to kill both of us?!

<suddenly, the lights go out!>

<swallowing the last bite of a dolphin fin while checking his Security Office omni-com>

Sweet! I was right about "John Doe" ... Mom always said I was more than just a pretty face ...

<hears a glass shatter on the floor of the Tobacconihilist>

What the? Lolita could be in trouble!

<leaps out of the underground spring, bursting through the floor boards of the Tobacconihilist>

Stand down, Tomahawk!

Say, who turned out the lights?

<jumps out of the way of Shark Lad>

Tarnation! I knew that Shark fella was nearby! You tricked me, you--

<the lights go out>

Okay, everyone remain calm. We're about to be attacked, everyone stay close together and maybe we can take this creep out. I'm a little sick of being blamed for this fella's crimes.

By the way Shark Lad, sorry 'bout that punch back at the brawl them months ago...

<quiet in the darkness>

Did you hear that? <hears someone hit the floor, likely one of the other patrons>

Tomahawk, I'm sorry...I believe Sharky and I may have led them right to you!

<suddenly feels something crawling on her legs>

OH NO!!! <kicks legs in a panic, moving closer to Shark Lad and Tomawhawk> I can't see a thing! Its...not just a person--its some sort of monster...

<pulls out blaster>

<suddenly multiple 'somethings' start slithering on them all>

LMBers, start thrashing anything you see!

<starts blasting>

Hey Lolita! Watch where you're blasting that thing! Get behind me ...

<opens his mouth, unleashing his 'Shark Bite' [trademark pending] - a flurry of razor-sharp projectile teeth>

<a booming "ROWR!!!" fills the darkened Tobacconihilist>

Well, I hit something ... anybody got a light?

<feels something brush against his legs>

Whoa! Something else else is still moving in here!

<a click... then a small flame lights the room>

<the flame is drawn up to a face as a cigarette is lit>

<even by the small glowing ember, the room is able to see the face of the owner of this establishment>


Yeah, Sharky, something is still moving... me!

Now... somebody mind explaining what the hell is going on in my shop?

Exnihil--at last!

<looks around>

Something else else was here, just a short time ago. We thought it was a person, but now I'm not so sure. Something else else was crawling all over us...either a monster, or someone with a very disgusting power.

<blaster still out>

Still, one can't be too careful. Shark Lad and I were questioning Tomahawk here.

<turning to Sharky>

Sharky, I don't believe Tomahawk did anything. It was a good lead, but no luck--if anything, he's in danger too.

<back to Exnihil>

If anything Ex, I'd like to talk to you a little. Let me say up front, I am not here on behalf of the Office of Security. I'm not here as part of the LMB either. I'm here because Cobie was shot and lies on his death bed, and I'm going to catch that killer.

I don't think you did it...and I have no intentions of incriminating you or anything of the sort. But please...please help me. Can you tell me your story again, about the Second Shooter...Justin Thyme.

<mind wanders as Jailbait Lass questions Exnihil>

(This has just gotten crazy ... I feel like a dogfish chasing its tail ... been looking to haul off on Tomahawk ever since he sucker punched me back at the OK Corral ... now he's on our side? Sprock! I'm used to thinking with my teeth, not my head ... maybe I should just get out of here ... )

<sees something slithering on the ground in the corner of the Tobacconihilist>

Lolita! Ex! Behind you! It's back!