Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Cobalt's Office of Security - the 80's Power Years

*anvil with telegram attached pops out of mid-air and very nearly lands on Cobalt's foot*

Telegram reads:

<font face="MONOSPACE">WISH PRIOR MESSAGE RECEIPT CONFIRMED STOP IF SO REPLY THROUGH SAME CHANNEL AS ORIGINAL MESSAGE COMMA AT EARLIEST CONVENIENCE STOP DUPLICATE CHARACTER NOTED STOP REBOOT FULL STOP</font f>

<ahem> May I hear from a real Security Chief on the matter now?

Clive, you're not thinking strait. Ever since Babette broke your heart, you haven't been able to consider everything you've seen around here.

You can't afford to overreact. You need to act firmly and the right way.

Consider your options. Let this office run wild, moving from one new chief to the next, becoming a branch of the LMB leadership that could one day be used as a weapon against the people of Legion World? Or let this office come to its logical conclusion, bringing an end to it and helping move the transition to the next phase of the LMB and Legion World.

Are you an advocate for change Clive? You, who has tranformed as a robot duplicate to a human being? Or are you an advocate for the status quo? For business as usual?

Because if its the latter--you truly still are a robot.

Mr. Cobaltus, I am simply an advocate for averting what may possibly be the apocalypse! All I propose is that we investigate the Lard Lad algorithm and find out whether it poses a threat. An injunction on its posting seems fairly reasonable given the possible alternative.

The facts are this: I was warned that the algorithm's reaching its 3500th post boded ill. Sure enough, when it reached 3500 on 01/11/08, all existence on Legion World apparently winked out for a day, taking with it all record of what happened.

Shortly afterward, another portent warned of post 4000. If reality was endangered on 01/11/08 after post 3500, then what awaits us with post 4000?

I don't want to have you arrested, but you've asserted you have information on what truly happened on 01/11/08 but have refused to share what you claim to know. And, coincedentally or not, you have suddenly cut your ties with the LMB and the Security Office and started a counter-culture!

I implore you...you were my father's best friend. If you know anything that can help us avert a cataclysm to the only true home my father ever had, then share what you know with us.

Is that too unreasonable...or robotic...of a request to make?

Know that everything I ever do is for the good of Legion World. On that, you'll have to trust me.

But the medicine cannot be worse than the disease. I struggled with that for many years, Clive, and its a burden I'm sorry to see you now contend with.

There's a room in this office I've kept secret from all of you. Space Ranger knew of it as well. Matlock, the greatest detective in existence, uncovered it. Everyday Girl was given the information by her uncle Space Ranger. But they do not know the full extent of the room. The day is coming when that room will open. And on *that* day...you'll have some answers.

Ohmygod! The only "secret room" Uncle Spacey told me about is the High Eschalon Liquor Cabinet, and Gram made it impossible for me to go in there until I'm 21.

Unless you're like talking about... Ohmygod! That is what you're like talking about.

'Scuse me, I gotta like go now...

Is that the secret room full of flying lemurs of space?

So, Mr. Cobaltus...reading between the lines, you apparently have reason to believe that post 4000 poses no threat. If you would share that reasoning with the LMB administration, it would be most appreciated.

Clive, what do you know about Algorithms?

I assume your former life as a robot taught you more about them than I know. So tell me, what would this mean: well-defined instructions for completing a task, when given an initial state, will proceed through a well-defined series of successive states, eventually terminating in an end-state.

The Lardlad algorithm isn't the apocolypse, Clive. Its the countdown. And it keeps counting down every 500 posts. The only way to stop it--is to well...no, you're not ready to learn yet.

Come with me Clive, and I can show you secrets you never dreamed up. The algorithm must be reset every 500 posts, or its the end of everyone on this message board--and all message boards.

<cue dramatic music>

Are you willing to take that first step toward our salvation. You know where I'll be...

<exits>

<considers what Cobalt has said>

I can't help but think that Mr. Cobaltus is wrong...I think 4000 isn't just the next step but an ending of some sort.

But he's my only lead.

Time to go to his RMB "non HQ"...

<'ports out>

Non Sequitor searches desk drawers for 3 pennies, a nickel, and some colored paper clips

I don’t know you go away for a few weeks on a diplomatic tour of the beach resorts of the hidden nebula and when I come back I find someone let Cobalt Kid near the whisky again. This kid is going to be the death of me (again).

Ah well let’s see what he’s up to now with this RMB malarkey

I see the Security Office is being run in accordance with Legion World Tradition...

Which means it's deserted, except for the Drunken Disco Ball.

Hello Gladys, here, have some Rainbow Schnaps...

Hello.....anyone here??


oh wow a disco ball!!!!

Icey, allow me to direct you to the new Chief of Security: Hrun the Barbarian. I promoted him right before I resigned.

And you were going to tell Matlock and I about this, when?

You know, I was considering resigning in favor of someone else. And I think I might just do that.

But that person isn't Hrun...

Oh Abin, Everyday Girl and I figured she could move into your role when you resign too. We were just waiting for the right time to tell you, given how over-protective you can be sometimes

The Door smashes open, A huge battle axe flies through aiming straight for Abins head.

From outside comes the sound of drunken carousing.

A large shadow fills the open door frame.

“Now join with me, drink deep from the horn of victory and live. I return with much treasure and these nubile slaves for my friend Lord Cobalt” booms a familiar voice.

Hile Noble Barbarian!

Perhaps another old friend can join you? Probationary LMBer I may be, but I'm a Legion World citizen nonetheless, and that's all thats ever been required to be a security officer. Mayhap I'll have a few laughs and some song, even if I pass on the drink and nubile young ones who I see now are entirely not slaves.

<notices them fighting for Hrun's attention>

Removing the arms of one nubile handmaiden from his neck and the lips of another from his neck, Hrun strides forward and embraced Sir Roy in a bear hug that almost cracks Roy’s ribs.

“Noble one”! He cries “well met. Shall we repair to a tavern to celebrate?”

Hrun raises a goblet and drinks deeply. He staggers a little.

<'ports in>

Roy! Hrun! Great to see you guys again...it's been a long time!

Oh, Tim and Mr. Rocky will be by shortly.

<looks around>

Hm. I thought dad might be here...I heard he recently checked himself out of the hospital...anyone seen or heard from him?

I have, Clive. And it pains me to say, that I worry about him. He seems intent on pursuing a path that all of us in our hearts can agree is untrue and wrong.

Let me tell you what he said...

<listens intently>

What?!?!

Dad must be sicker than I thought!

Cobalt is Legion World's greatest hero and Dad's best friend. Everyone knows that Cobalt's judgement is above reproach--he's proven himself hundreds of times over!

I'm sure that Cobalt would have a good, pure reason for any action he ever took, no matter how unseemly it may appear!

Heck, Dad even told me so himself back when Dad was...well, when Dad was Dad!

I never, ever though Dad was this bad off! Only someone evil or really mentally off would ever question Cobalt's actions or his heroism!

<shakes his head>

Maybe I should have Dad committed before he goes too far.......

<puts hand on Clive's shoulder>

Its a lot to take in, Clive, but you need to think things through before you do anything rash yourself. I've heard him speak on these matters and he seems to truly be looking to do the right thing, no matter how misguided it is. I don't sense anything sinister in him. Yet, the path to hell is paved with good intentions, as I know better than anyone.

There's a part of me that always worrries that something larger is amiss here. Yet, it may be a breakdown in communication has finally caused the long history of the LMB to catch up to itself in a very tragic way.

Perhaps Lard Lad suffers from a mental or psychological handicap? Or perhaps he is not Lard Lad at all? Whatever the case, Gary Concord's influence will most likely do more harm than good.

{Rockhopper Lad enters with Time Teller Lad and Hyvvie the Wonder Beagle}

Hi everyone! We're here!

Sir Roy! It's wonderful to see you. {Sir Roy bows to Rockhopper Lad in the manner of Pyngwyny knights; Rocky returns the bow}.