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Bad jokes
by Invisible Brainiac - 05/17/25 02:29 AM
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Welcome, Legion Worlders, to a new era of law enforcement! LWGov has seen fit to appoint me as Cobalt Kid's replacement as Chief of Security, following his recent resignation to pursue other interests. During my recent term as Leader, Cobalt and I worked very hard to clean up Legion World of all its lingering issues left in the wake of the INVASION!, the Omnia Crisis, the Five Faces of Death and the Crimes of Justin Thyme. Yes, Legion World is now a safer place, largely due to the efforts of the Security Office's departing Chief. But I have come not to praise Cobalt but to bury his era and pave a brave, new path to making an even safer and more secure Legion World. We still have at least one lingering threat out there, and there are always a handful of others that are on our radar. Our intent is to be more proactive in our approach and to reinvent the Office to make that more possible. With that in mind I am imposing sweeping changes, effective immediately: 1) The Security Office, as it stood yesterday, is immediately dissolved! All elite Security Officers are hereby relieved of their commissions and all privileges those entailed. 2) I will immediately be taking applications for an undetetermined number of vacancies for the new Security Office's Elite Guard. All former Officers may apply for the Elite Guard as well as anyone else who feels they may offer the skills to assist in making our world more secure. No former Officer is guaranteed an Elite Guard position. 3) The Redshirt Corps will retain their jobs and continue to handle day-to-day security matters during the transition. There will be restructuring among the RC to come, but that is not the current priority. 4) The Security Office building will be looking for a new location. A new outlook demands a new look. We're currently scouting new locations, and I anticipate an announcement before long. Those are the preliminary changes. Many more are to come, including a new dress code! I will be taking applications on this thread beginning immediately. A simple post of interest will suffice, and I will get back with you and ask you a few interview questions. Of course, background checks will follow, but spots on your record will not immediately disqualify you. I hope you will all join me in ushering in what is surely to be a new era of peace and prosperity for our very own Legion World!
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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Cheese it, it's the Fuzz!
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Bold Flavors
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And here I thought it'd be easier to get away with stuff now that Lardy was in charge.
Just spouting off.
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I can solve your real estate needs, my friend!
tell me what you need and where you need it, and I'll hook you up. a personal favor from me to you!
The childhood friend Exnihil never had.
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and if you're short on staff, I can loan you a few tough guys.
The childhood friend Exnihil never had.
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Chief Taylor, congratulations. I have complete confidence in your ability to reorganize the Office of Security. I also realize that your absolutely committed to making Legion World a safer place for all of its citizens.
However, your ability to update the dress code mildly concerns me. I hope that any uniform you choose will either conform to or exceed the level of decorum and dignity we of Legion World have come to expect from our law men.
Again, congratulations.
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Originally posted by Ram Boy: However, your ability to update the dress code mildly concerns me. I hope that any uniform you choose will either conform to or exceed the level of decorum and dignity we of Legion World have come to expect from our law men. Oh Fearless Leader...we'll be seeking to make the dress code reflect this new era so that the citizenry will have the upmost confidence in what will be a new and open era! 
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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Originally posted by Ram Boy: However, your ability to update the dress code mildly concerns me. I hope that any uniform you choose will either conform to or exceed the level of decorum and dignity we of Legion World have come to expect from our law men.
I called Space-Mart. They're currently out of clown suits.
Legion World's Badwill Ambassador
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Originally posted by MLLASH: moob windows!!! Can I take it that you're interested, Mr. Lash? 
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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Originally posted by Chief Taylor: Originally posted by MLLASH: [b]moob windows!!!
Can I take it that you're interested, Mr. Lash? [/b]InDEED!
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Crap. It seems I'll be calling the cemetery soon and making arrangements to bury both Decorum and Dignity.
(please, no funny animal-shaped codpieces at the funeral...they really, really, REALLY would have wanted it that way)
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Originally posted by MLLASH: Originally posted by Chief Taylor: [b] Originally posted by MLLASH: [b]moob windows!!! Can I take it that you're interested, Mr. Lash?  [/b] InDEED![/b]Wow! Lash in the Office of Security? You're IN, my friend!
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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Originally posted by Chief Taylor: Originally posted by MLLASH: [b] Originally posted by Chief Taylor: [b] </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by MLLASH: <strong>moob windows!!! Can I take it that you're interested, Mr. Lash?  [/b] InDEED![/b]Wow! Lash in the Office of Security? You're IN, my friend!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Oh, as in, IN the office? I meant I was interested in seeing guys in moob windows and daisy dukes. Still, though, this might be a good way to get lucky.... Okay, give the kid (me) a trial run! But I have to bring Thunder Girl along too.
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If two-for-the-price-of-one is what it takes to get you aboard, so be it!
(Now, who the Hell is Thunder Girl?!?)
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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Oh, TG's one of the minions I had back when I briefly went evil recently. She's now reformed, of course... Oh, here she comes now... ![[Linked Image]](http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f185/MLLASH/gaultier20fat20model.jpg)
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Er...what's her special power or talent? Or would you just like her to be your assistant/hanger-on? (either way, I'm cool with it!  )
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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I think the power might have something to do with eclipsing things.
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Heh. Heh heh. Think Gorgon of the Inhumans. When she stomps, it's shake rattle and roll time!
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AW YEAH, Security Office!
The first two recruits are LW's Most Beloved of All Posters and the Gen-char du jour!
Who's next, baby?
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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Originally posted by Kent: I can solve your real estate needs, my friend!
tell me what you need and where you need it, and I'll hook you up. a personal favor from me to you! So the sky's the limit, I take it? What's the best place ya got? Nothin' but the BEST for my Security Office! 
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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here's one I've been thinking of moving into myself, but nothing is too good for our security team! my recent digs . kinda outgrowing it: a couple newer locales. a couple more options - tasteful but old fashioned, but worth a gander. maybe an Asian theme? I've got a place on a hill , too. or something a little more modest that's for starters. if you have specific criteria in mind, we can fine-tune the options.
The childhood friend Exnihil never had.
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Originally posted by Kent: here's one I've been thinking of moving into myself, but nothing is too good for our security team!
AW YEAH, Security Office! That's the one! LOVE the pool! Make it so, Mr. Kent! 
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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