Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Inside the Legion World Tesseract System

<swatting a bug from his head>

Ah my beautiful brain, jeepers. LAM, IB, Frio protect my intellect.

<A large mass of ticks gathers round the TL's lower body, writhing about his groin.>

Dern it, OWWWW that smarts, my NADS. Oh well I guess I'll have to go without for a while.

Oh cripes, the monstrous blood-suckers!!!! IB, Hrun, to arms...we need more arms to battle!

<swatting the bugs away from his groin>

Dern it, I'm bleeding down there. Did you guys ever wonder Coluans have green blood? Mmmm that's a nice coppery smell, isn't it?

Maybe I should use the Britishizher... no too risky wouldn't want to turn THAT into bangers and mash.

<Frio blasts the tick draining blood from TL's groin with an icy blast>

HEY watch it CHILLY, if you freeze that, and it becomes brittle and breaks off when am I gonna get my turn in the closet with you.

Tamper Lad, we are in deep trouble...Furthermore, it's going to take some fancy footwork and manuevering to protect Connie and the other Super-Pets from being overcome...

*LAM does a back-flip, sending the energy-net careening towards another cadre of albino ticks...

<Tamper swats frozen bug away from his groin and once more sticks his hands into the machine to extract the data recorder.>

Bloody Nass, what was I thinking when I designed this bloody thing.

Hrun!

Can your energy axe tear a hole in the wall so we can get out into the open?

IB, we need some assistance in making sure that hole is wide enough to get us out....even if the albino ticks follow us into the Plaza, Tamper Lad needs time to extract the data recorder!

Quickly! time is of the essence!

Oh Great Kortoros - where's Connie and the other super-pets?

The pets are fine LAM, last I saw they were back at the plaza.

Bloody nass it's so hard to do delicate work when my hands are covered with this slimy green goop called blood. MY BLOOD, at least my brain is still okay.

I'm feeling a litte faint...

How 'bout a kiss CHILLY, I think this green goop would look nice in that white hair of yours. Ever think of getting it streaked? Green is all the rage on Legion World these days or so I've heard.

<IB, LAM, and Frio look at each other in disgust>

LAM: "Tamper Lad, you saved our bacon! But the ticks are still rampant throughout Legion World and frankly, we need re-inforcements like Kid Prime, Cobalt Kid, etc. Surely their mighty abilities will aid us in our time of great peril?"

Last I heard, those guys are busy, LAM. Guess those other crises are more important than this. (shrugs) Besides, I think the four of us will be able to handle this.

(shields Tamper Lad from the ticks while he works on getting the recorder)

This should keep you from getting any more wounds. And just in time too. Coluan blood and evil ticks don't smell good together. I was about to gag.

Haven't saved anything yet here comes another swarm of them. Vector (1.25,1.74,1867)

Keep em off me. Frio that offer's open anytime you know?

Hrun appears, buffeted by the winds of alternative reality (and a heavy night of mead drinking)

“Ah Môn Cheri I saw your act at les cage au follies tonight, you were divine”

Plants huge kiss on Tamper lads lips.


“oh look at these icky ittle bug thingies”


And he uses his axe to swipe all the Lune-i-ticks from the recording machine, and Tamper Lads groin

(rolls eyes)

TL, you're starting to sound a little desperate there.

(blasts another swarm of ticks heading their way, almost hitting Tamper Lad's groin)

Oops. Sorry about that. Not that I think Frio would mind particularly. Besides, shouldn't you be making that offer to Caliente?

Ah it's just the lightheadedness. And regarding the girls, they all tend to feel kinda the same in low light conditions.

EWWW Barbarian drool.


Whoa really lightheaded, Hope Frio didn't hear that.

Double EWWW. Let's hope Hrun doesn't feel like jumping into any closets with you anytime soon.

(suddenly, a particularly large tick jumps on IB's shoulder)

Ah, crap! As if I didn't have enough goo on me already.

LAM remarks: "Get a hold of yourself, Hrun! Tamper Lad has plenty to worry about than your sudden conversion to this unnatural pattern of behaviour"

He strides up to the Barbarian, forcing him to his knees as he places either hand to the inbred oaf's temples. With a perceptible and brief glow, Hrun's temprary mead-induced insanity is but a faded memory.

The Barbarian glares as he brushes away LAM's helping hand:

"Bah! You will not turn me into a snivelling weakling much less diminish my appetites for the comely female form...I may have lost Luna's respect - but if you - any of you plan to tell of my behaviour to the Good and Bright Lady herself, I promise you...you will lose more than Hrun's respect"

His axe swipes at the faintly ozone-rich air and the assemblage steps nimbly out of its deadly path.

"Is that understood"? He mutters, his handsome features contorted with fury.

Without a thought, the group of adventurers nod eagerly...

Whew. Touchy, aren't you?

(blasts at the particularly large tick on his shoulder)

Is it just me, or are the ticks getting larger? And before you, predictably, answer, it is NOT just me.

(blasts at another particularly large tick on his chest, then at another one behind Frio)

And I could swear that it's getting darker in here. Hey, TL, did you do accidentally blot out the light? Or maybe it's just our luck.

(looks up and gasps)

Oh, we are so sprocked. Uh, guys, it looks like the mother of all alien ticks is coming! And it's as big as the sprocking Office of Security!

<arms reaching in the machnine, covered with green slimy Coluan blood, stinking of bug juice and copper oxide>

Ooooo boy, it's stuck. Bloody Nass, I didn't have this much trouble looking for Caliente's... <TL remembered his gentlemanly manners and did not verbalize the word he was thinking of> when we were an item...


<looking up, at the mother of all ticks>
We are so sprocked...

<From behind - A Lun i tick managed to attach itself to the base of TL's skull. His world melted in front of him.>

***** Tamper's interlude ********

When next he was conscious TL was no longer in the tesseract system. He sat upon a throne. Before him was a chamber of unimaginable wealth.

But there was more, not only was it apparent that he ruled this place, it dawned on TL that he WAS this place. His very conciousness was Legion World.

Kneeling, at the foot of his throne were Frio and Caliente evidently property of TL. LAM stood at his left, dressed as a butler. Hrun the barbarian stood guard at the door.

"Wait the tesseract? This can't be real," said TL

"Your Omniscience, I don't follow," said Frio

"Ack Chilly, let me think. This is real, I feel it but it's not my memory. The tick, it's on... tapping on my brainstem."

Raising his Britishizer to the back of his head he fired into the at his brainstem to the horror of Caliente, Frio, LAM and Hrun.

"OH MY GOD, HE'S COMMITTING SUICIDE, stop him the universe can't live without his brain." said Caliente.

**** End Tamper's vision of the perfect alternate reality*****

Disoriented Tamper tried again to reach the release for the data recorder, but the blood again made it too slick.

Come on, Hrun, LAM, let's get this sprocker. If I die, I don't want it to be here.

(IB blasts at the tick's legs while evading the swarms of tick around him)

Hey, Hrun, you'd better hurry and keep up. Just because you kissed TL doesn't mean you can sit there and daydream. Oh, yeah, LAM, Frio, I think one of you should go check up on TL. He's been in there too long, and even though he might have started gushing over that machine it probably wouldn't have taken that long.

<Slip sliding his hands on the controls, the data recorder was finally released
Just then Frio flew through the opening of the maintenance Hatch.>

Frio: Tamper, We're in trouble. We have to go now!

Tamper: All Done, Let's go Chilly

Frio: DON'T CALL ME CHILLY! I've been looking all over for ya.

Frio: CALI!!! I missed ya, been hiding out with the Super-Pets since that creepy stuff about being created.


Tamper: How touching, there's a giant tick coming this way, I'm bleeding profusely from the groin. Can we get on with our escape? Cali some fire, please.

Caliente: Dude, *snerk* it looks totally like that Rigellian STD is flaring up again.

Tamper: HAHA how droll.

<The two friends attacked the giant tick but only managed to draw its attention. In one smooth motion, Caliente was knocked out by the a kick of the tick's insectoid legs.>

Frio: Got ya Cali.

It's no good IB we can't hold it off. I'm gonna have to detonate the revenue collection stations. The space inside the tesseract will osscilate like a spasmodic colon, but I've worked it out. We should arrive back at the Plaza.

Those ticks will be blown into the black hole in the distant sector 1958... of space. Hold on to me Frio, we're too far for IB to put the shield around us.

Stand by Everyone.

<With that TL hit the button activating the first explosion. The tesseract began shaking.>

<IB's bubble containing LAM, and Hrun rode the vibrations and the concussive shockwave effortlessly, as the Ticks were sucked away by powerful gravitational forces. However Tamper Lad and his two companions did not have such an easy time of it.>

Frio: EWWWW, GROSSS!!!!! My costume is white and holding on to your waist has just stained it with your stinky green blood.

Tamper: Hold on Tight.

Frio: TL what about Cali? I can only hold you with one arm.

Tamper: Sprock!!! Forgot about her.

Frio: Figures, you and your complicated plans, never time for Cali... Sprock, you're slimy, my grip is slipping...

Tamper: Got ya... Oops maybe not.

<Tamper tried to hook Frio with his arm but missed managing only to smear a huge streak of green blood on her neck face and hair.>


Frio: *Snerk* figures. S'okay loser, looks like Cali and me'll have to look after each other. *sigh*

<Frio grabbed Cali securely as they were pulled away from the others. >

Caliente: Huh... Frio, boy we've never gotten this close together...

Frio: S'okay Cali, you're slimy green Ex messed up, but I gotcha.

<A moment later they were caught in a collosal spatial distortion wave and dissappeared, from Tamper's frame of reference.>

Tamper: SPROCK IB, they're gone. Compy where are they?

Compy: TL scans indicate that the spatial distortion they passed through ripped them apart. Chance of survival based on scans 0.01%.

Tamper: NOOOOOOO.

<The team emerged at Legion Plaza>

Damn! Figures that something like this would happen. And it figures that the prettiest ones present would be the first to go.

LAM picks up the fading vestiges of life emanting from Frio and Cali. He shudders quietly, trying not to weep as IB rises up in the air, carrying the force field containing him and Hrun.

The Mother-Of-All-Shadows looms over them, completely blotting out the reddening skyscape...

<message to LAM, via omni-com>

LAM, do what you can to preseve whatever essence is left of Frio and Cali. My healing powers might be able to bring them back--they're very spiritual in nature and have not been truly explored yet.

There may still be hope! Get to the command center quick with them!

-Cobie