Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Lardy's Lair

At least you do it with a velvet glove and in a pleasing manner.

You what euphanism for a penis I hate? Tallywhacker.

What-e-whoder?

Never heard that one before...

Personally I hate the "Big Johnson" references, it was originally supposed to be "Big Quank!"

That Johnson guy paid off some ad agency to get his name out there, and now I'm left with a few thousand unsold t-shirts...

In the '80s, they called it the Don Johnson. Or maybe that was just the Miami name for it.

Lash, isn't "tallywhacker" a song from the Carribean?

Tallywhacker come,
Come carry me bananas...

Daylight come and I wanna go home!

My mom always refers to it as "the job," and, yet, strangely, I still look forward to one day being "employed."

*tee hee*

You're fired!

But I haven't even been "hired" yet!!!

Just some "temping" here and there.

Must resist temptation...

Was it something I said?

Apparently Annoying Janitor Boy is in no hurry to clean this place.

Oh, well, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing yourself!

<waves hand and pizza boxes, empties, and assorted trash all begin to hover and gather in a swirling vortex. Suddenly they shunt into the tesseract system. A hover-vacuum appears and begins cleaning.>

Now, I believe I'll fix myself a drink, and see what's on the monitors.

<a figure strongly resembling Lard Lad lies on the dusty floor...or at least pieces of it do...>

{Hyvvie the Wonder Beagle runs into the abandoned building, followed closely by Rockhopper Lad and Time Teller Lad.}

Hyvvie: Here it is! Here's the robot!

RhL: Or at least little bits of him. What is this place?

TTL: It's been abandoned for two years, ten months and seven days.

RhL: I think this is Lardy's old lair. He was away from Legion World for a while when I joined the LMB, but he told me about it. He used to live here.

{Hyvvie moves into the next room}

Hyvvie (sniffs): Hey, guys, here's his head.

{Rockhopper Lad picks up the robot's head.}

RhL: Yeah, I remember him. He was a bit clueless, but a nice enough robot. Poor thing. I wonder when this happened.

TTL: Three months and twenty-two days ago.

RhL: Thanks, Tim. {RhL takes out his Omnicom} Rockhopper Lad to Lard Lad. Lardy, you gotta get here.

pop

Hey, Rocky! I homed in on your sig...

<looks around>

Hey! My original Lair! I haven't been here since...

<sees remains>

no

<bends down and examines them>

NO!

<holds the head up>

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I'll get whoever did this!

{Rockhopper Lad approaches Lard Lad}

RhL: Lardy, take it easy. We'll find who did this.
{turns to Hyvvie} Hyvvie can you smell anything about who might have done this?

{The Wonder Beagle sniffs around}

Hyvvie: It's hard to say. It's been a few months. There's something, but it's very faint.

Lard Lad: No one does this to my robot! {Lardy pops off with the robot's head.}
pop

RhL: Now where did he go?

{Hyvvie sniffs at the floor}

Hyvvie: Back to SHAKES.

RhL: Let's head back then. Something else else tells me things are about to get pretty interesting.

Welcome back to my old Lair--the official campaign HQ of Caliente in her bid to run for LMB Leader!

What have we to offer you while you visit? Well here's my old ad:

We're guaranteed to be the most morally decrepit Election HQ, or your vote back! We'll fight damn hard to keep it that way, too!

And if all this still doesn't satisfy your appetite for excess, consider this:

If you're a dude and have fancied me in the past, but felt I was unattainable (if you get my drift)--well, now I'm open to all[/i] the possibilities !

So come one, come all [natch!] and indulge yourself while reading Cali's pamphlet's and hearing her message! Her slogan is:

"Hey--you're not throwing away your vote...second place gets me Deputy!"

[i]Disclaimer: The campaign manager runs his candidate's campaign as he sees fit. His methods are not necessarily approved or condoned by the candidate. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited.

Lardy, some days you make me wish I was single again... others, thankful I'm not.

All right, let's get to the drinking! Anyone fance a game of beer pong..?

So which is it at this particular moment?

Beer pong?

SWEET ASS SWEET!!!

And that was Post 2500 for me!!!

[Joygasm!]

Well that alone deserves another round!

Listen to me fat man. It annoys me to no end that I must converse with an LMBer of any kind, but this I do because you owe me. Do not think I will ever let you forget what I did for you following the Dark Oval Invasion of Legion World and the United Planets. You’re here with no legal complications because of me.

Caliente must not be leader. You must cease this campaign immediately.

<looks at him with disgust>

Cease your ‘joygasm’ as well.

DO NOT let Cali know I visited you…

Tonight, we're serving porn bisquits!

What are porn bisquits?

Well...try one and find out!

And don't forget to vote for Cali come election time!