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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 9,843
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
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Originally posted by Umber & the Boyz:
And don't forget the big shoes. Everyone goes nuts for big shoes. Don't dare walk into a party this fall without knowing you will be wearing the most humongous pair of shoes there! *chirp of emphasis* And don't forget the nose. A big, bright, round, red nose. Crucial.
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Hmmmph!
I was talking about platform stacks or stiletto thigh-highs for the girlz or all-terrain Sketchers or square-toed stacked slip-ins for the boyz, as anyone with an iota of fashion sense should know.
Oh wait, you like don't have an iota of fashion sense, Stu. That's why you read my column! *chirp of emphasis*
You go now. *dismissive hair-toss*
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 6,971
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 6,971 |
Umber, how should one accessorize a string bikini with fur coat ensamble? Umm... My wife would like your opinion.
Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 5,607
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 5,607 |
this thread confuses me ...
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 9,843
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Time Trapper
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Sharkskin pants are always in fashion.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 5,607
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 5,607 |
you trying to get into my pants?
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 379
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Originally posted by Almost New Kid:
Umber, how should one accessorize a string bikini with fur coat ensamble? Umm... My wife would like your opinion. First of all, tell her to ditch the coat completely and instead go with a fur-lined string bikini! She'll be a sensation! All the straight men in the area will be like all over her like that lying bitch Cammy Johns is all over the basketball team! As for accessories, one can never go wrong with toe rings and ankle bracelets. Solid gold ones. You've got some shopping to do. Oh, and tell her a demure tattoo is always nice, too!
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Originally posted by SharkLad:
this thread confuses me ... Sadly, fashion confuses MOST people which is why you see like, so many people running around dressed in ridiculous clothes that I wouldn't be caught dead at a, like, cockfight in! I'm here to help people like that. I'm here to bestow my natural gifts on others because like I'm a caring, giving person. Not that I've ever had to worry about it, but even the fat and/or ugly can be fashionably dressed! Or the... uhhh... be-finned, whatever.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,799
Leader
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Leader
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,799 |
Oh Umber sweetie, you try so hard. But I'm afraid to say that, well, when it gets down to it you are *so* whitebread. Fashion, darling, is what you make it. If you make it look good, then it's fashion. Actually to be more accurate, if *I* wear it (and then it *will* look good) then it's fashion.
Of course that being said there are some people who are just never going to have a clue and at least you try your hardest. Plus you have the boys and being surrounded by cute young men is something that *never* goes out of fashion.
Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(Unless Tamper Lad Screws it up...)
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 183
Substitute
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Substitute
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 183 |
Someone please help me get rid of this God-awful mullet that's left over from my lesbian phase.
Umber girl, I am depending on you to make me look fabulous!
One Legion World, under GRL.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 5,607
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 5,607 |
Originally posted by Giant Robotic Gay Man:
Someone please help me get rid of this God-awful mullet that's left over from my lesbian phase. just zhush it ...
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 379
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Mrs. Bevis, I agree that some people can make even the most disgusting, hideous outfits work. You are proof positive of that! *titter*
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 34,634
Bold Flavors
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Bold Flavors
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 34,634 |
Ever since you gave me a few fashion tips Umber, I've had even more luck with the ladies! You're a fashion guru!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 153
Substitute
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Substitute
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 153 |
*quizzical coo*
Like, where is Umber? I've got the cutest dress to show her! And I found this uber-cute top for her to wear, it'll look so fab on her!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 379
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*exasperated huff*
Will this like, heat wave thingie ever be over with? I haven't been able to leave the house for two months because perspiration is like, sOOOOOOO unfashionable! *chirp of emphasis*
So, is everyone's fall wardrobe in order yet? If not, you're like, late! HURRY!
What's going to be in this fall? Product placement! But not, like, COMMON products like, say, Coca Cola. Instead, find a nice vintage "TAB" shirt! The pinker the better! And that Spam t-shirt? PASS-SAY! Find you a kyoot "Chicken of the Sea" shirt instead! It's precious on multiple levels and stuff!
Also, it, like, might be a good idea for you to lose 10 pounds.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 5,452
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 5,452 |
Please, are you the fashion expert who advises the wearing of Hawaiian shirts as sooo un-cool? I was trying for a Magnum look...but instead it turned out like i ate too many Magnums (ice creams)....
Another thing, i do wish the Queer Eye crew would instead gravitate into making a gay man look shagalicious...
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 379
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Those "Queer Eye" guyz are, like TOTAL posers! Plus they're too old. Well, that hairdresser one is still kyoot, though, even for an old dude.
Hawaiian shirts? Only acceptable at costume parties.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 34,634
Bold Flavors
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Bold Flavors
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 34,634 |
Umber, your reccomendation last year for my fall 'bad boy and completely happy with it' look ensured that my charms were near unbeatable. Any ideas to update for this fall?
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,074
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,074 |
Bah how die I post twice?
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,074
Wanderer
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Wanderer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,074 |
Dear Umber,
I am surrounded by people who do not feel it is necessary to match their shoes, belt, and handbag/wallet... It pisses me off, some advice please.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 379
Active
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Tamper Lad,
I feel your pain. I SO feel your pain. *coo of understanding*
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 379
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I can see my, like, help and stuff is needed around here more than ever! *chirp of readiness!*
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 538
The Green Queen
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The Green Queen
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 538 |
Where is the genius known as Umber? Oh, she and I could have had a beautiful friendship...
Why must power be so elusive?
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 29,256
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 29,256 |
Apparently, she's evolved into Calm Yo Tits! 
Still "Lardy" to my friends!
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 10,929
Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 10,929 |
Now THAT is ironic. It is like an Crisis of Ironic Earths ... in fact.
Calm Yo Tits + fashion advice = hysterical reality punch.
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