Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board The Banned'em Zone

<Numbnuts the Semi-Incomprehensible stands facing the massive Sentient Pearwood Doors that separate the Banned'em Zone from the tesseracts.

Behind him ensnared by mystic energy tendrils eminating from his aura are Cobalt Kid, JailBait Lass, LardLad, Yellow Kid, Rockhopper Lad, Space Ranger, Everyday Girl, My Wee Fem, Lard Lad Prime, Sir Roy, Triple G, Shark Lad, and Gary Concord.>

<span style="font-size: 20px;">My time among you grows short. When the noble Rockhopper Lad opens the doors to the Banned'em Zone, Stoopid Cat will reclaim his rightful place on this plane of reality...</span>

<Pauses, turns, and looks directly at My Wee Fem...>

<span style="font-size: 20px;">...As will Pagan Lass, even though she desperately wishes there were another way to resolve this issue.</span>

<Looks at LardLad and the Space Ranger, a motion heals LardLad's jaw.>

<span style="font-size: 20px;">When these doors swing open a vile horde of nefarious beings await you. For years STU kept them contained and Legion World safe. But their leader --through unknown means-- tricked STU into believing that the threat had ended. When STU retired... Pagan Lass attempted to replace him as Legion World's Guardian. But as a disembodied spirit she lacked the strength necessary. Now she must reclaim her physical existence or she will die... and you must help her to stem the tide until the doors are re-shut!</span>

<A wave of his hand releases Rockhopper Lad, My Wee Fem, and Triple G from their mystic bonds...>

You three must perform the spell...

What happens to me when Pagan Lass returns?

Do I just cease to exist... or what?

You pass on to the next plane of existence child...

Beyond that... it's not my privlidge to know...

Crap on a Stick!

<Grabs the book and holds it open for Rockhopper Lad. Triple G moves behind Rocky and places both of his massive hands on Rocky's shoulders, He is for the moment a tower of strength for the trio...>

Do it Rocky, Before I lose my nerve...


I... I love you guys...

<As rockhopper Lad reads the spell a dark glow begins to radiate from the cracks in the doors. The massive bar lifts and the doors swing slowly open.>

Good-bye LMBPers, may Bast be with you...

<Numbnuts and My Wee Fem vanish, The big red book of magic falls to the ground, and the mystic energy tendrils holding the LMBPers in place dissapate.>

<once released, makes sure to give Space Ranger a Lard Force-powered sucker punch>

I owed you that! <grins>

<smile fades as he spots Lard Lad Prime>

Now, who the **** are YOU?!?!?

Oh, you KNOW who I am! I'm the REAL Lard Lad! The real question is--who are YOU?!?!

<flies towards Lard Lad>

I'll take great pleasure in beating it out of you!!!!

<just as LLP's about to make contact, the door to the Banned'Em Zone opens and sucks everyone in>

Wait a minute ... we're getting sucked into the place where the "vile horde of nefarious beings" await us?

<grins>

Alright ... it's frenzy time!

<the "vile horde", the RMBers and Security Officers notice, consists of twisted versions of practically every LMBer imaginable with two notable exceptions: Cobalt Kid and My Wee Fem>

Holy Crap! They're coming for us!!

<looks over those assembled, friend and foe>

Triple G--you and I have gotta block the door and keep any of them from gett--oof!

<punches Lardy in the face before he can finish>

You will do NO SUCH THING!!! We have unfinished business!!!

<punches him again>

You guys are like mental ...

<opens his mouth, unleashing his 'Shark Bite' [trademark recently granted] - a flurry of razor-sharp projectile teeth>

Yeah, I nailed the twisted versions of Furball and SMASHFACE ...

<turns and unleashes the 'Shark Bite' again>

<to LLP> Damnit! We've got bigger things to worry about!

<grabs LLP by the head, pulls it down into a devastating knee blow, breaking LLP's nose and stunning him>

Rocky, you might have to help Triple G guard the door!

<dives into battling the hordes>

<Rocky is quite groggy from the spell> I'll do what I can.

<He erects an ice screen in front of the door; as he does a female Pyngwyn and a fierce-looking hound eye him>.

<Rubs jaw & stares at LardLad>

When this is over with Lard Butt...

<Turns and flies into the vile horde of nefarious beings, scattering twisted versions of Kent Shakespeare, Quislet, ESQ, cleome, and Caliente as he heads for a small patch of green in the distance, the only sign of anything growing in the bleak, barren landscape.>


Truth and Justice shall Prevail!
(That's where she'll be...)

<Concord flies directly to the Book of Magic as soon as the mystic energy releases him...>

This is not something to be left laying around...

<suddenly, a lithe form wraps his legs and arms around Lardy>

Whuh? Get offa me! <blasts him off>

<a super-skinny gymnast with a huge white-man-'fro stands before him>

Who the hell are you?!?

"I am Fitness Freak Fred, and you will bow before the might of my...Fitness Force!"

Fitness Force?!?! <looks at the face beneath the 'fro> You're my evil doppleganger! <fires Lard Force blast at him>

<dodges beam with uncanny flips and tumbles> "Evil? Oh, yes! Doppleganger? Debatable!" <fires Fitness beams>

<erects Lard Forceshield> Argh! Having trouble holding back his fitness barrage!

Ohmygod! Nooooo! Myyyyy!

<Tears stream down her face and her twin Beretta 9mm VLK pistols appear in her hands.>

Nobody! No-One! Find Gram and Fuzzball...

<Click-Click> <span style="font-size: 15px;">Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam!</span>

<A hulking form reminiscent of a bizzaro Doc One is blasted backwards into a hatchet wielding nurse.>

Then find the "Leader" Numbnuts mentioned... GO!

<Lard Forceshield suddenly starts to strengthen>

That's better! <hits Fred with a Lard Force beam> Like that? Did it taste like chocolate pizza burrito brownies a la mode?

Lemme guess...you were a fat kid who looked for an easy way out and found some pimp daddy peddling this "Fitness Force"?

"NO! I am FIT, damnit! And YOU will be, too!!!" <musters all of his might into a massive Fitness blast>

<Lardy swats it away> Sorry, kid...yer a fraud! <pulls something out of his cape> Here's a King-Size box of Little Debbie's Swiss Rolls I keep in case of emergencies! <tosses it to Fred>

"No...I-I don't want them! I-" <starts drooling> "MUST HAVE THEM!!!" <rips open box and starts devouring>

Poor kid...gotta be who you are! Now, who's next?

<spots another group, grins and charges in>

<firing teeth in every direction>

Now this is my kind of party ...

<spots a twisted version of Psychotic Beaver>

Aw, sprock! Figures the twisted versions of practically every LMBer imaginable (with two notable exceptions: Cobalt Kid and My Wee Fem) includes my already twisted sister ...

Hey Lard! Got your shotgun handy? I think it's time to get a little hard on the Beaver ...

<tosses Sharky the shotgun from a secret compartment in his cape>

Here, take it! I'm not chasing beaver in this adventure! <grins>

<returns to battling the Permed Coiffure Groomers>

Not the hair!

-----------interlude----------

Aw man, you guys are doing this on a Saturday? I have time for one post...

---------end interlude---------------

<flies over, erecting a magnetic shield to protect Everyday Girl and Jailbait Lass>

Brit, wait, be careful! Dammit, I know you're upset. Lolita, be careful. But watch her. No more worrying about me now, I need you to make sure Brit is safe.

<turns as Prude Dude, the evil version of Lash Lad leaps at Cobalt>

I don't think so pal! <magnetically adds force, hurling him forward and causing him to miscalculate the angle so he lands smack into an upper-cut> You look fat in those pants by the way (hey, if he's anything like Lash, that's pretty insulting...)

<flies forward>

Everyone fan out! We need to keep them all back! Where's Pagan? I wish we'd found a way to help My...

<sees he's next to Ranger>

Hiya Ranger .

I told you we'd be fighting side by side again...see, forces are at work here beyond everything we've been dealing with.

<nails doppleganger of Harbinger about to hit Ranger while Ranger takes out others>

Whether you like it or not, I've got your back--always.

ENOUGH!

<blasts the PCG's heads with a specialized heat beam--leaving them utterly hairless, they all go into the fetal position>

<turns to Lardy> We have a score to settle!

Dude...<looks at LLP's handiwork against the PCG>...I've never been able to do THAT! Who the **** ARE you?!?

You KNOW who I am, imposter! It's time for me to take my life back!!!

<charges Lardy and the two start brawling>