Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board The Omnichronal Orrery of Phineas B. Fuddle

<feels energy pulsing through him> Ah, yes...this will be FUN! <laughs evilly>

<places his hand on the DARK LARD's shoulder in gesture very nearly resembling friendship>


Godspeed, DARK LARD... you know what must be done.

When all of this is over... I swear... we shall rule this world together!


<sharing a momentary triumphant glance with the DARK LARD, Phineas smiles to himself at how readily the physical world lends itself to lies>

Now.. to the task at hand...


<looks at the celestial mechanism, which is now grinding badly>


...can I just let it be?

STATUS!!!


<the soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>


Currently at level eleven of twelve. Regressive chronometers retroactively engaged at:

The Tobacconihilist ,
Cafe Cramer ,
Quislet\'s Law Firm ,
SHAKES bar ,
Rockhopper\'s Rookery ,
The Office of Security ,
Medicus Two ,
The Statue of Cobalt Kid
and Stuart Rathbone’s Masterpost Theatre

and actively engaged at:

Shark Lad\'s Tank
and The Former LMB Clubhouse


<Phineas is apoplectic>


Another one in the Present?!!! What is happening here?!!!

No... I can't wait for Exnihil to get to the twelfth, I need to address this now!


<Phineas fades away >

<having accomplished his chronal erasure of Shark Lad and been weakened far less than when he had erased Jailbait Lass , Phineas fades back into the Orrery in high spirits>


Oh, what a beautiful Mooooooorning....

Oh, what a beautiful Daaaaaaaay...

Well, hello there, chronally static Kent Shakespeare apparition...


<pats him on the head>


Hello there, soothing electronic voice...


<the soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>


Hello there, Master


Hello, my wonderful, now fully-righted celestial mechanism...


<the celestial mechanism grinds horribly, four of the orbs are rotating backward, and one has broken off entirely. Phineas stops in his tracks>


WHAT NOW????


<he inspects the mechanism>


Mary Hatch... trace back to her grandfather... yes... genetic experiment... Naked Mole Rat Lad... and forward... wha.. oh, for the love of...!


<Phineas shouts>


VISUAL ON TIMELINE 41 MARK 9! TRACEBACK AND DISPLAY!


<the vaulted ceiling lights up and a scene from years prior plays out>

<protesters are standing outside the research laboratory angrily waving placards. Shouts of "MAD SCIENTISTS GO HOME" and "BE NICE, DON'T SPLICE" are heard as the creator of the human/animal hybrids is led out by security. Following her are a group of animal rights activists carrying her tormented creations away for "renaturalization". Through one of the crates a small naked mole nose peeks>

<months later, the manimals are released into the area of wetland that has been designated by the UP as "protected from further development." This comes as a crushing blow to a giant mutant named Robert who had been nearly ready to close a sale for that very land upon which he planned to build his Supervillain Outfits and Accessories Emporium. His dream crushed, Robert quietly slips into obscurity, later covertly forming a Survivalist Training Camp in a hidden corner of those same wetlands>

<the visual shuts down. Phineas is at a loss>


So...

Let me think...

Bob didn't become the Gay Green Giant... so... no Primary Color Gang? Or... they still were there but... during the clubhouse attack, he wasn't there to destroy it... and therefore they were captured?

What does this mean to Vivian? The Witches of Avalon? Yellow Kid's fortune?


<phineas shakes his head violently>


Ex has only activated 11 of the 12 chronometers... so I can't wipe the whole thing clean... I... I've got to go back out there.

DISPLAY SUBJECT GGG!!!


<a ceiling panel lights up and displays an image of a Legion Worlder>

<'ports in from battle with Lard Lad as Phineas watches his latest images>

I...I've failed, Master. It seems my younger self is invulnerable not only to your timeline alterations, but also to chronal power enhancements.

<bows head> I am sorry.

<Phineas seeths>


Oh, stand up, DARK LARD! Now is not the time for deference... well... perhaps a small bit. Thank you.


<collects himself>


What is it about him?!!!

Immune to timeline alterations... to chronal enhancements... it makes no sense.

DARK LARD... you lived his life, is there anything... any time you remember that he would have come in contact with a large degree of chronal power?

Chronal energy? That sounds vaguely familiar--there werer several of us...we fought hard against all these time fluctuation...until, one-by-one, everyone was eliminated...until there was only...me. I--that's as specifically as I can remember....

<sarcastically>


You fought hard against time fluctuations, did you?

And, one-by-one, everyone was eliminated?

DARK LARD, YOU FOOL, YOU ARE REMEMBERING THIS BATTLE!!!


<phineas settles>


Oh, I'm sorry, DARK LARD... it's not your fault, the way the timeline is fragmenting, anyone could be guilty of memory lapses... well... not me... but, anyone else, certainly.

Come... let us strategize about what must be done with the Triple G situation...


<they retire to the war room of the Orrery>

<steps in, slowly becoming less transparent but not tangible. The security systems do not hinder or even record this visitation>

The Orrery!

Do I remember this place? Or did I dream of it while suspended between life and unlife?

I remember this Phineas... but does he remember me?

I...

do not know.

I must have answers before I face Phineas, whoever he is. or was.

But where?

<walks out, fading away just as Phineas glances behind himself, glimpsing no more than a momentary blur out of the corner of his eye>

<Phineas emerges from the war room of the Orrery with the DARK LARD, laughing with affected camaraderie>


Hah, thank you, old friend... that was such a simple, yet elegant, solution to the TripleG dilemma!


<the celestial mechanism begins to make an awful sound, almost a moan, as several of the gears begin to seize up>


But... I must wait no longer... the clubhouse beckons...


<Phineas fades away >

<fresh from his erasure of TripleG\'s role from the new timeline, Phineas fades back into the Orrery. He pauses, just a moment, warily, and listens to the sound of the celestial mechanism. It's smooth... no grinding. The orbs flow in smooth arcs, the pendulums sway at an even pace. He begins to laugh... quietly at first>


Hmm... hahmmm.... haha... haHA... HA HA HA HA HA!!!

It worked!!!

DARK LARD, you were right... the answer was not to wipe him from existence, as I did with Jailbait Lass, or kill and replace him as I did with SharkLad, but leave him be... and change everything around him!

Once the land where his Supervillain Outfits and Accessories Emporium once stood was gone, Bob never rose to prominence... he never joined the Primary Color Gang... never destroyed the Club House... never reformed. There was no need. He lives in some dank corner of a swamp with his Survivalist comrades.

In his place, a new fellow entirely was woven, a MetroMicro-Man, or somesuch.

...And the ripples!!! Oh, the ripples were beautiful. There is a whole new crop of LMBers woven into the fabric... oh, don't worry, they'll be wiped themselves as soon as Exnihil activates the final chronometer... but for now, the timeline is stable.

Go get some of Shakespeare's ales, DARK LARD... I don't think he'll mind <knocks on the chronally static head of Kent Shakespeare>... I think a celebration is in order!

My poor, poor Phineas.

With everything you think you accomplish, your ultimate goals slide father from reach.

You have earned my pity.

<the next day, after having celebrated with the DARK LARD, having finished off all of the anomalous ale brought by Kent Shakespeare, Phineas is sleeping in, taking a well needed rest after his week of non-stop physicality>

<suddenly, he is awakened by a huge boom>


Snnnxxxtt... huh... what was that?


<BOOM>


What is going on here?


<BOOM>


EXTERNAL VISUAL!!! NOW!!!


<the vaulted ceiling lights up displaying a chaotic scene of attack just outside the Orrery>


What... what is this insanity?


<a soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>


It is the usual weekend strafing run of Bob's survivalist speed bikers, master.


Usual? How long has this been going on?


For the past five years, master.


Five years?!!! What are they doing? Attacking? Have we sustained any damage?


Negative. The gang is unaware of the interior of the Orrery. The believe this is merely a small moon. This is their form of entertainment. Though they have recently graduated to plastiques, as yet, they do not have nuclear capability. Their attacks have never dented the Orrery's exterior.


And yet they keep it up... why???


Their leader, Bob, has described it as such: <the voice of the man who would had been the Gay Green Giant in the original timeline is heard> "Boys will be boys"


<Phineas sighs>Time alterations... it is not all gravy...

<BOOM>

<A tile shifts slightly on the floor of the Orrery. Naked Mole Rat Lad pops out of a hole underneath>

Oops! This isn't the Library.

<looks around the impressive structure>

Wow! This is really something! I wonder who lives here.

<BOOM>

Gosh! What was that?

<NMR Lad hears the master of the Orrery barking orders to a computer. He listens for a while.>

"Time alterations?' Golly, I better get out of here!

<burrow>

<suddenly, a soothing electronic voice sounds through the Orrery>


Final Regressive Chronometer retroactively engaged on:

The Island of Marzal


<Phineas is puzzled>


Marzal? No… the twelfth chronometer should have been activated at Varalent’s Variable Villa… what has happ…? <shakes his head>

Eh… no matter… so much has been rewritten in the last week, perhaps the Villa is now on that back water island.

Jailbait Lass is gone, replaced by Mary Hatch. Even that little whelp, Everyday Girl, has now forgotten her… her own mind replacing Jailbait’s actions with those of Holly Honey. Shark Lad is dead… his own place taken over by that Naked Mole Rat creature! Ha! Triple G is relegated to obscurity… wasting his time with those ineffectual speeder bikers in pointless bombing runs. The mighty Cobalt Kid is a shell of his former self… crippled by his unexplained longing, he’s become nothing more than a selfish tyrannical egotist… Cobaltus, indeed! And… an unexpected benefit… Space Ranger himself is dead. I can’t begin to trace the labyrinthine events that brought about that boon, but the fact remains, he was never brought back to life in this timeline! Add on the collapse of the Office of Security, the new batch of silly, half-trained LMBer’s, and the ever fragmenting base of the original core… and this has been a very productive week for mother Fuddle’s boy!

Finally, all of the changes have taken hold…

LEGION WORLD IS MINE!!!


<as if on cue, the celestial mechanism slows its motion as all of the orbs begin to rotate in the opposite direction>


Even now… the celestial mechanism begins its true purpose… the regression of Legion World to its very moment of creation!


<As the thrill of triumph races through him, Phineas pauses just for a moment… looking again at his ostensible partner, the DARK LARD. While he has aided the battle, ultimately, Phineas knew that there would come a time to make him a casualty of the war. There is no room for two ultimate leaders, after all. The time has come to eliminate this pretender to the throne. Phineas quickly adjusts his demeanor and lies to the DARK LARD>


But… eh... there are a few hold outs… which must be dealt with… by you, DARK LARD!

Do NOT fail us again.


<closes his eyes and senses the location of the remaining original LMBers>


This time they are hiding in the Tesseracts. All of the most powerful LMBers have been eliminated or had their histories changed to make them less of a threat… only Lard Lad remains.

But… eh… I cannot physically enter the Tesseracts or we risk having all of our changes undone. So you… my Dark Warrior… and soon to be <the words briefly catch> Co-ruler of the new Legion World, must enter the Tesseracts and… kill Lard Lad.

This time… I have seen our future, and I assure you… you will be victorious!

Yes...yes. He is everything I hate about myself! It will be a pleasure to wipe out his miserable existence! I require no power boost--in the end I've always had the superior power, and it's all I've ever needed! Lard Lad will be destroyed--ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

<laughs maniacally and 'ports to the Tesseracts >

<DARK LARD returns, but his entry is prevented by a newly-erected force field>

What?!?! You bar me from here?!?!

YOU'VE FAILED, FUDDLE! I'LL FIND A WAY IN, AND WHEN I DO--I'LL KILL YOU!!!!

<phineas watches an external projection of the DARK LARD pounding on the outside of the Orrery. He laughs quietly to himself>


Ah... DARK LARD... you do disappoint. Why couldn't you just have killed Lard Lad and retroactively killed yourself? No matter... pound away... if five years of explosive assault at the hands of Bob's speeder bikers couldn't punch through, your own efforts are like just so much noise.


<turns to the celestial mechanism>


And I have bigger fish to fry than you right now...


<throws a switch and the orbs begin rotating even faster>


Let the death knell of Legion World.... BEGIN!!!!

<all of the panels of the vaulted ceiling light up, displaying scenes of carnage all around Legion World, as eleven of the locations where Phineas had installed his regressive chronometers now act as epicenters for the chronal regression. Legion World truly is dying>


Yes! YES!!! Expand across the globe!!!

Unite as one and wipe this accursed world from history!!!


<notices Varalent's Variable Villa, untouched>


Wait a moment... I thought that was on Marzal, now? Is it not...?

<as he continually pounds on Phineas' shield, a few microfractures begin to form...unbeknownst to Phineas>

we're in the ... what is this place, anyway?

Gosh, it's that observatory I accidentally burrowed into on my way to the library with the really angry guy!

<turns and looks back into the tunnel>

Say, aren't you guys coming too?

<approaches the celestial mechanism and finds the wire that represents the Variable Villa. He traces it... to no avail>


No... this isn't right... there is no connection to Marzal...why...

WHY IN THE NAME OF PHINEAS B. FUDDLE DID HE GO TO MARZAL???!!!


<he finds the wire that represents the island of Marzal. He traces it and finds that it continually thins, before disappearing altogether>


This place doesn't even exist in this dimension!!!


<looks up at the vaulted ceiling again and sees the DARK LARD continuing to pound>


I... I think I've made a miscalculation here...

<climbs through>

<span style="font-size: 20px;">CHARGE HIM, LMBers!!!</span>