Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Hruns Hall of Vallhalla

Yeah! Besides, she asked me what was my "desire" and complied willingly when I stated it!

Psst... Lardy, let your lawyer do all the talking. Only answer questions I tell you to answer.

er...okay...

Telepathy.

Telepathy is not allowed as evidence in any Legion World Court. PLus you still have not provided the definition of "ogle".

I contend that my client merely admired the yooung lady.

Hm, perhaps the young lady is one of those shape-changing potatoes that have recently migrated to Legion World?

That would indeed make Lardy's actions illegal since fornicating with potatoes is a crime.

It could also lead to perhaps ground-breaking legal decisions if Lardy and Gilda the Shape-Changing Potato wench are found innocent. That could totaly reshape Potato Civil Rights as we know it!

That may have been true in the past, but it is true no longer. The Imperial Court of Legion World has been in force since the inception of the current Crisis. In order to maintain order and provide for the safety of all Legion World citizens, prior judicial procedure has been suspended indefinitely. I, the Legatus of this board, am the sole and swift arbiter of Justice.

And I say the man ogled the subject in question! (Besides, his fingerprints are all over her indelicates.)

I take this as a concession that the subject of the ogling is indeed "yooung." "Yooung" ladies are known for their wanton ways, and are thus forbidden from fraternizing with Legion World citizens.

Both Lard Lad and the slave girl must be subjected to the harshest penalty allowed by imperial law!

[slams gavel forcefully]

Even worse! Carnal relations with potatoes is the second-vilest crime of all (the vilest is carnal relations with tomatoes).

And before counsel for Lard Lad should object, I will point out that the "baked potato/sour cream" defense is inapplicable when the object of the fornication is a shape-changing potato!

This individual sounds remarkably like Mr. Potato Head ...

I definitely challenge the jurisdiction of this alleged court.

As if I'd ever use such a half-baked defense.

Without relinguishing my challenge of jurisdiction, I direct the court to the case of McCain v Fry, in which it was established that the sex organs of a potato are in the flowering bud and not in the root vegetable. Thus the potato itself cannot engage in carnal relations.

(er, have we established she definitely is a shape-changing tater? And if so, isn't there a tater/Taylor exemption to the fornication ban because of the innate similarity?)

Wouldn't the innate similarity more likely suggest some sort of incestuous link? (And how depressing would it be to be incestuously linked with a potato?)

One of those Marvel Romance comics from last year had a story about a man having an affair with a potato, and the detective (hired by his wife)fell in love with the potato himself. Or something like that. Anyways, if it exists in comics, it should be legal here. And that includes box socials.

Actually, this all seems terribly off topic for Hrun's Hall of Vallhalla. Maybe we should start throwing some axes around and drinking mead.

Bring forth the bards for song! And if it displeases FC, then the Bards will be forced to fight the wenches in gladiatorial combat!

Wenches 12, Bards 0.

That would be better than throwing mead around and drinking axes.

If Axe tastes half as bad as it smells, I'm out!

Ironically, the humiliation of losing will probably get them to write better poetry!

There's nothing more pathetic than the sight of a bard with a mandolin broken over his head.

what about with a mandolin up his arse?

Sarah Palin drops by Hrun's, looking for votes.

Seat that group next to the Evangelicals.