Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Hruns Hall of Vallhalla

HRUN!!!

Cowardly cat torturer, get your bullying ass here now or I'm going to play this tape of my 13 year olds first lessons! Trust me, you big cowardly cat torturer, it's worse than you could ever imagine!

<with that B reaches into a private tesseract -wotever they are - and produces a monster sound system with two humungous speakers and proceeds to play a tape of some of the most abortive attempts at brass music ever heard on Legion World. For miles around dogs start howling - those that haven't fled! Birds break into random flight, trying desperately to escape the deafening noise, and EARS start to bleed!!!>

<Even above this hell spawned din Harbingers challenge rings out>

**Roar**

The Sound and the Fury...

**Roar**

Using the powers of my sister, Semi Transatlantic Filly (who can appear simultaneously in two places at once), I split so that one of me remains behind at the Hall. Still invisible, the guards do not realize that I am still there. As they turn their backs, I kick each one into the pile of poop. I then rejoin my other self for a refreshing swim in SHAKES pool.

HRUN!!

By not showing your cowardly craven cat torturing self for the last 12 hours after being challenged in your own halls, under the Barbarians Act, subsection 4, paragraph 13 (iii) you are now my serf, all your booty, slaves and possessions are technically mine and you have to wear this bright pink choker and refer to me as "most exalted Misstress and sole reason for my existence".

Get on your knees Hrun before the entire population of Legion World and admit you are nothing more than a big cowardly blouse. Your Misstress commands it!

<B stands with her trademarked hands on hips, chin held defiantly in the air waiting for he cowardly cattorturer to respond>

Hrun saunters into the Hall.

"nice music" he says and taps his hands on the side of his shield in time to the beat.

Looking around at the mess he thinks,

"hmmm, kids must have a party whilst I was away, I'll have to speak to them about tyding up afterwards"

Hrun claps his hands and a number of maidens run out to him.

"there is a battle looming for which I must prepare. A great Evil is approaching Legion World which will take great skill to defeat. Come help me bath and arm myself"

The maidens busied themselves stripping the tarnished and bloody armour from Hruns Body. soon he is stood in a bath with water pouring over his well muscled torso. As Hrun recovered the Hall started to rebuild itself even more grandly that before.

"AHem!" said Harbinger who was still waiting for Hrun. "what have you got to say for yourself mr oh so dumb cattorturer, Well?" and Harbingers foot started tapping ever so slightly. "do you think you are being clever? do you?" and the arms folded.

"My lady forgive me i did not see you there" said Hrun from his bath. He stood to step out and Harbinger could see the many battle scars on his fine handsome, and very naked body.

"my" she thought, "I sure his watering hose was not as big as THAT last time" Despite her anger Harbinger felt, well felt anyway.

"You must forgive me my lady, since my last hunting expedition I have received notice of a great danger approaching Legion World. I go now to prepare for it. My slaves will see to your needs"

A figure approaches the Hall. As he climbs the stairs he notices the carvings of Dragons and Horses still in there familiar places. A small secret smile passes across his lips, it is good to be home.

He reaches the top of the stairs and stops for a moment to look at the large solid oaken double doors. The carvings as fresh as if they had been made yesterday, it was good the magic was still protecting his Halls. Hrun looked at the battle scenes and stories from his peoples past. Then he moved forward, grasping the doors in his huge hands he swings them open.

Inside the Hall a female servant is making up the fire. She turns at the sounds of the door opening and through a haze caused by the lamps sees a tall noble figure walking through. After a few seconds she recognizes Hrun and runs to him.

"Lord, you are safe" she says kneeling.

"Arise Freya, Hrothgars daughter, Your Lord is happy to see you again" Replied Hrun.

"Now, if you please, tell my household i have returned, I need to bath and rest, then we feast. We feast such as has not been seen since the days of my ancestors"

Happy and smiling Freya rose and ran to the kitchens to start the preparations.

Hrun strides to his throne and sits down. A worried frown crosses his face, "now how do I do this"?

<A letter arives at Hrun's door. It reads:>

Noble barbarian,

Welcome back to Legion World. Bards and wenches are being sent to your hall to celebrate your return. I'll have my officers join your own for a celebration, while my own entourage prepares to dine in your hall.

I look forward to hearing your tales of conquest.

-Cobaltus

Hrun returns to his halls after many days of battle.

Slowly stripping off his armour Hrun moves over to the bath room.

His tall well muscled body ripples as he moves into the bath. Clapping his hands 6 maidens appear and slowly start to wash his body, taking time and care to soap his arms and chest and...

Hrun smiles and leans over to take some fruit from a bowl on a gold table next to the bath.

"Scribe" he calls, "Quick I must set forth a letter to the noble Cobaltus"

(Her keen audio sensors detect Hrun's return to his Halls. Trains her keen optic sensors on the Halls, penetrating its walls to see the disrobed Hrun.)

Mmmm. That's one delicious piece of organic man-candy. *tee hee*

Hrun's Battle senses are aroused. Tensing he stands up and, still naked from the bath, slowly runs his hand along the haft of his axe.


Gripping it tightly he waits

(Switching Alts quickly, Miss T. chooses her "pussiest" Alt to tease the pussy-hunting barbarian.)

ROWR!

Ah ha! tis a wonderful pussy. I will track this one to make me a pouch for my weapon

Hrun, I would have thought you'd given up on that sort of hunt, after that horrendous cat-poop episode.

Scribe take this message to the Most noble Cobaltus.

Most noble Triumvir

It is with regret that I must leave these Elysian Fields so soon. word has reached me of a major Northman invasion. Parts of the Wall are under attack as we speak. Crops are spoiled, villages burn into the night and many fine men, farmers and freemen of the north lie dead and unburied, there wives and daughters taken as slaves. I have been recalled to the Legion’s Eagles. Me and the men of my household must now fulfil the vows we have taken and march behind the banners of our Jarle and Lord, the Primus Pilus.

Fare thee well most hale fellow. If the gods smile upon me mayhap we shall once more drink together in shakes.


Now hurry Ceorl, deliver that message and join me at the harbours.

God speed, noble warrior --- and don't forget to brush your teeth.

It was the dawn of a new day.

All across the Hall Barbarian warriors lay in various stages of drunken stupor.

At the high table, the detritus of a mammoth feast remained, there were hams, venison, beef and goat, bread and cheeses and fruit. Flagons once full of mead rolled across the floor as the hunting dogs roamed the Hall seeking out the left overs and bones to chew on.

In the rafters above Ravens preened and watched.

Hrun slept in his magnificent carved wooden throne. A gold bejewelled goblet slid from his hands and fell to the rush covered floor. Hrun snored, then hiccupped and scratched his….


At the side of the throne a figure stirred.

Caliente groaned, “My head, that Barbarian is heavy handed or what”.

She tried to move and then realised she was in fact chained, very fine, exquisitely carved and decorated chains but chained all the same, to the throne

“Ah great, it cant get any worse than this, at least Tamper’s not here to laugh” she thought and then she looked down at herself.

“oh No, he didn’t” she exploded. For in place of her normal costume she now wore standard barbarian slave girl attire, which, in her opinion, actually meant she was wearing not enough to cover her dignity. She moves to try to cover her legs where the gauze like material had parted, but found that the chains restricted her movement and in any case the thin strips of metal covering her, well lets just say, other parts, had a tendency to move and expose a bit too much for her liking.

The Gold collar around her neck also served as a power inhibitor as she found when she tried to burn her way out of the chains. .

“great” she thought “stuck here until the LMBP rescue me, and then I'm never going to live this get up down. Tamper Lad will be drooling for days”

Humiliation. Kidnapping. Tamper Lad drooling over me. That makes it, what? Wednesday? Thursday? I always forget...

What do you want, you big lug? Why have you taken me here? And no grunting your answers, either! I demand full words!

(*sigh* I hope the rescue comes soon. This is more embarrassing than being coerced into marrying that horrible Ranger fellow...)

<enters quietly>

(This won't do at all--I've already claimed Caliente for my bride! She has more than enough power to deal with this...)

<fires small device at Caliente's power inhibitor collar, instantly removing all of its power source and rendering it inert>

(There, she can handle it from her with her foolish friends. Now I can return to Frio and Concord and push forth on our goals...)

No, this just won't do at all.

<A wave of magnetic force sweeps across the barbarian encampment. Two rolls of cloth of gold float to Caliente and form themselves into a magnificent dress. Multiple lengths of anchor chain wrap themselves around Hrun and the figure of the Ultra Man floats in next to Caliente.>

Frio would be most distressed if I were to leave you to the tender mercies of Hrun's Horde.

Come, we must be away quickly. 30 tons of chain won't bind Hrun for long.

<A magnetic shimmer crosses in front of Concord and Caliente, they vanish.>

<Rumors among Hrun's people begin to circulate that Hrun the Barbarian accidently killed Cobaltus...a maiden rushes off to bring word to Brunhilde>

<Cobalt's hip-hop robotic sidekick, S.H.A.G., exits the premises after a job well-done...>

(Well, not exactly what I planned, but it had the same end result. Now to focus on my plans...)

Hrun yawns and stretches on his throne moving to scratch the 30 tonnes of chains break and fall ripped as easily as tissue paper.

Looking at the side of his throne he smiles.

“Ha I see they have taken the bait!” he smiles and gestures, from out of a doorway another Caliente appears dressed exactly the same. “I knew that using decoys would come in handy”

Turning to the other side of the Throne Hrun throws back a fur rug to reveal Caliente chained and dressed as princess.

“And thus my lady you must stay,. Until I have had my revenge on that oath breaker and destroyer of maidens hearts”

Great. Now no one knows I'm missing. Hrun, I hope you have something to eat besides meat because I'm a vegetarian. Oh well, at least I look good...

(Somebody better realize I'm missing and come rescue me soon! I have to scratch my ear!!)

I'm here Hrun. What's this all about now? Is your mother in danger? Although I'm not exactly at peak fighting shape, I've got a few tricks left up my sleeve yet.

Oh yeah, how are you Caliente? I'm not sure what's going on around here. But I'm sure it'll all work out. It always does.

(Enough)

<Walks forward among the Halls>

Hrun, noble Barbarian! Like you, I am a believer in justice, in all of its most raw and harsh forms.

You have chained here someone...dear to me, as she has sworn to be my wife! I cannot have my future wife shackled in your Halls.

<puts up his hand to halt Hrun's rage>

But I can offer you something in return. I know you seek to destroy the oathbreaker, the one who seduced your young cousin and caused her heart pain without mercy, the betrayer, whom you call Cobaltus. I believe I can deliver him to you, and you will be able to have your vengeance. Its a simple plan, and if we can attack him at his current location and then trick him into going somewhere where he can\'t escape , you'll be able to do whatever you need to do.

And I, <grins>, will have my wife back.

<turns to Matlock, scowling>

And no one will be able to do anything about it.