|
1 Legionnaires (Sarcasm Kid),
1,386
Murran Spies, and
1
Spider Guild Agent. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
 Previous Thread |
|
Next Thread 
|
|
Print Thread  |
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
Just copying this once again...
ISSUE ONE PLOT SUMMARY
Senator Flem is the latest in a long line of Senators from Tenz's home district to be assassinated. Agent Spiffany delivers the message to Tenz's home that he has been drafted to run for office. While normally anyone would be crazy to run for a position with such a high mortality rate, Tenz figures anything has to be better than continuing to live at home with his crazy family, so he sets out to get the job, with the aid of his best friend from childhood turned campaign manager, Taryn Loy. They easily win the election thanks to Taryn's masterful campaign. It's not long before the first asssasination attempt of Tenz occurs, but he and Taryn manage to thwart and capture the would-be assassins. After interrogation, they find out that these guys were hired by Prince Evillo of Tartarus, so Tenz gets himself appointed liason to Tartarus to investigate. At the end of the issue, he finds that Agent Spiffany has used his rich father's influence to get himself re-assigned as an aid to Senator Kem. Tenz, Taryn, and Lester depart for Tartarus.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
EDITOR'S COMMENTS ON SUMMARY, PLUS 1ST DRAFT OF FIRST FIVE PAGES
Do you really want me to be serious? You won't like me when I'm serious.
OK, go this way and you're abandoning the great pre-boot concept of Bismollian politics: the draft. I'd rather see Tenz get drafted but have it be the first-ever mistake by the draft system - they called one too many. (And Tenz gets there last because his beat-up cruiser broke down.) So the sheepish president or senate head or whomever comes up with the hastily-created "Senator At Large" position (which either Tenz or Cal will rename "Substitute Senator"). And on the way home, the cruiser breaks down again, and they are given a ride by... guess?
(And Lash, the whippin' thing is creepy. How about showing the Kems getting excited about the supposed wealth and status a Senator in the family would bring - even if that isn't quite true for an actual Bismoll senator.)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
FIRST DRAFT OF PAGES 1-5
ISSUE 1, page 1...
Full-page splash City-shot...
caption: It was a dark and stormy night... ON BISMOLL!
page 2 panel 1: caption: Suddenly a shot rang out...ON BISMOLL!
(scene shows current senator being assassinated!)
bodygaurd 1: "Senator Flem-- He's been SHOT!"
bodygaurd 2: "Again!"
bodygaurd 3: "But this time its serious... he's DEAD!"
Page 3: Full-page splash of Tenzil at home-- title: "ELECTION DAY!"
Page 4 (follows full-page splash of Tenzil at home in kitchen cooking):
Panel 1: Mom! I can't find the seasoned rusty screws! I asked you to pick some up at the Grocery-a-Tron!
Panel 2: (from bedroom, lying down looking all sickly) Oh, Tenzil! You KNOW how nervous I am! I can't possibly be expected to do EVERYTHING around here!!
Panel 3: Uh, Mom, *I* do all the cooking and cleaning.
Panel 4: (Dad & Renkil enter kitchen) LAY OFF yer Ma, brat! Why can't you be more like yer brother Renkil? (Renkil has shit-eating grin) Ever since the LEGION disbanded, you've been mooching off us!
Panel 5: Uh, Dad, you guys got 90% of every check I made as Legion chef. And I'm the only one under this roof who has a job now!
Panel 6: Don't sass-talk me, Son! You ain't got so big that I can't bend you over my knee for a bare-assed whippin'!!!
Panel 7: (Tenzil, to self) Yeah, you'd like that, you Silverale freak!
Page 5
Panel 1: And take off them dad-blasted fruity lookin' SUNGLASSES, boy! You ain't no Bismollywood Star!
Panel 2: Shut UP, Dad!
Panel 3: Thassit! When you're under MY ROOF, you don't DISRESPECT me, boy! (unbuckles belt) Now drop them pants, it's whippin'-time!
Panel 4: **knock on door**
Panel 5: (Tenzil) Well, geez, don't EVERYONE rush to answer it at ONCE!
Panel 6: **Tenz opens door to reveal government official**
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
SECOND DRAFT OF PAGES 1-3
MATTER-EATER LAD #1
PAGE ONE
Caption: It was a dark and stormy night... ON BISMOLL!
Full-page splash of Bismoll's capital city, focusing in on a whorehouse where a murder is about to take place... A mysterious trenchcoated figure can be seen entering the whorehouse...
PAGE TWO
Panel One:
Caption: Suddenly a shot rang out... ON BISMOLL!
--Shows hand of trenchcoated figure firing a gun...
Panel Two:
--Body of senator shown with scantily clad screaming woman
Panel Three:
Official #1 (on portable vid-phone): "We have a problem... Senator Flem has been shot..."
Panel Four:
Offical #2 (on portable vid-phone): "Again?"
Panel Five:
Official #3 (on portable vid-phone): "That's the fifth time this month!"
Panel Six:
Official #1 (on portable vid-phone): "But this time it's serious... he's dead!"
Panel Seven:
Official #2 (on portable vid-phone): *gasp*
Panel Eight:
Official #3 (on portable vid-phone): "We'll have to hold a lottery..."
PAGE THREE
Splash Panel: Tenzil at home doing clearly doing several household chores (including cooking and vacuuming) simultaneously...
TITLE: "GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO EAT!"
GALCYC ENTRY ON BISMOLL: [explains what the hell Bismoll is... need to make this accessible, you know...]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
PAGE FOUR SECOND DRAFT
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1
Tenzil (in kitchen): Hey mom? Did you picked up the rust-flavored screws at the Ultra-Megamart like I asked you to?
Panel 2:
Mrs. Kem (in bedroom, lying down looking all sickly): Oh, Tenz! I didn't feel like going today. You know how my nerves are...!!
Panel 3
Tenzil (continuing cleaning as he puts on his coat): That's okay, mom. I'll run out and pick some up at at the corner store.
Panel 4
Mr. Kem (enters house, drunk, silverale in hand): Where the hell you goin' boy? Out spendin' my hard earned cash again? You've been moochin' off us since the Legion disbanded, and I ain't gonna put up with it much longer...
Panel 5
Tenz: Uh, Dad, you guys got 90% of every check I made as Legion chef. And I'm the only one under this roof who has a job now!
Panel 6
Mr. Kem: Don't sass-talk me, boy! You ain't got so big that I can't bend you over my knee for a bare-assed whippin'!!!
Panel 7
Tenz: Whatever... Where's Renkil at, anyway?
Panel 8
Mr. Kem: My boy's makin' me proud down down at the racetrack! He's hit upon a sure thing this time!
Panel 9
Tenz: That's what you guys have been saying for the past three months! And you keep losing!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
PAGE FIVE SECOND DRAFT
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1
Mr. Kem (unbuckling belt): Thassit! When you're under MY ROOF, you don't DISRESPECT me, boy! Now drop them pants, it's whippin'-time!
Panel 2
Tenz: Dad!!!
Panel 3
Mr. Kem: And take off them dad-blasted fruity lookin' SUNGLASSES, boy! You ain't no Bismollywood Star!
Doorbell rings
Mr. Kem: Who tha hell is that?
Panel 4
Tenzil: *sigh*, I'll get it...
Panel 5
Tenz opens door to reveal Agent Spiffany!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
|
|
Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
Do you think Fat Cramer will let us use Tiffany Spiffany in our series? I want her to be a foil for Lester... Plus we need more hot chicks.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
Yeah, we should use Tiffany if we can, but not right away.
Let's have some lesbian zombies on Tartarus! That's a sure seller!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 6,057
Wanderer
|
|
Wanderer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 6,057 |
And albino midgets. Can't go wrong with albino midgets. Especially if they've got nunchucks... 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
I like the way you think, Lou! You may just be promoted from colorist to colorist/co-plotter!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 6,057
Wanderer
|
|
Wanderer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 6,057 |
Woot! But I gotta warn you, I usually peak with albino midgets. It's all downhill from there... 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
Question: Why is Lester on Bismoll? Has he been rebooted into a Bismollian, or what?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
|
|
Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
Eryk-- I need a diversion to keep me from ho-in' around on this board any further!
I stand (well, sit actually) ready to brainstorm and get this 22-page script DONE!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
Alright, so do we keep going with what we got?
Next up is the first encounter between Lester and Tenzil. What should that be like?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,760
Legionnaire!
|
|
Legionnaire!
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,760 |
Disasterous, I should think.  Maybe Lester's dad shipped Lester off to Bismoll to avoid a scandle. Caught in bed with a lesbian zombie while taking pro-fem, perhaps. On a serious note: This is an interesting way to write a fanfic.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
|
|
Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
Well we want Les to be smitten of course... and Tenz will be clueless. It'll be Taryn who eventually points out that Lester has a crush on Tenzil... much to Tenz' flabbergastation -- cool word.
We at one time had a reason why Les was working on Bismoll but I have completely forgotten it---
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 10,154
Terrifyingly On-Topic.
|
|
Terrifyingly On-Topic.
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 10,154 |
Would you please not mention Lester and work in the same sentence?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
|
|
Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
DUCK, Eryk-- it's Editor Lass!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
Originally posted by MLLASH:
We at one time had a reason why Les was working on Bismoll but I have completely forgotten it--- Actually, I thinked Arachne pretty much sussed it out-- didn't it have something to do with his father sending him there as punishment for something?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
|
|
Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
Sounds good to me though it'll drive a certain femme editor nuts, no doubt! Lester... PUNISHED? Why yes, indeed! *tee hee!* And of course Tiffany will be eating it up...!
So... did we decide Taryn & Lester were going to already know each other or not...?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 10,154
Terrifyingly On-Topic.
|
|
Terrifyingly On-Topic.
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 10,154 |
Remember how I said I secured copyrights?
Do you really think I put all our names on it?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
Originally posted by MLLASH:
So... did we decide Taryn & Lester were going to already know each other or not...? Taryn and Lester? I don't think they should know each other.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 10,154
Terrifyingly On-Topic.
|
|
Terrifyingly On-Topic.
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 10,154 |
I have no idea who Tiffany is. You make her sound like Lori Morning sounds (From what I've read of her on the board, I've not read too much of her in comics.)
And I would advise against the dusty old "oh-no-daddy's-about-to-cut-me-off-we-have-to-go-stop-him" plot. Seen it too many times.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
Trap Timer
|
|
Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768 |
Tiffany will certainly get a kick out of her brother actually having to work! She'll be doing all her rich jewelry heiress stuff, like trying to bribe her way into the Legion, and meanwhile he'll be stuck on Bismoll with a job!
Now, what could Lester have done that makes him deserving of so horrible a fate?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081
Time Trapper
|
|
Time Trapper
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 33,081 |
Smashed Daddy's fave Ming Vase during a sissy hissy?
|
|
|
|
Forums14
Topics21,085
Posts1,051,512
Legionnaires1,732
| |
Most Online53,886
Jan 7th, 2024
|
|
|
Posts: 280
Joined: September 2004
|
|
|
|
