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PAGE 2
Panel 1
Taryn: I know. I was there.
Panel 2
Tenzil: Then me and Tiffany got kidnapped and stuff by this freaky apple-faced dude named Nardo!
Panel 3
Tiffany: I know. I was there.
Panel 4
Tenzil: Then we tried to escape but it degenerated into a huge brouhaha!
Panel 5
Plant Lad: *is a potted plant of some sort* I know. I was there.
Panel 6
Tenzil: Then Lester got super-fatassed by Nardo!
Panel 7
Lester: You're telling ME!?
Panel 8
Tenzil: Then Taryn showed up with the Super-Companions and together with the other inmates, we defeated Nardo!
Panel 9
Tiffany, Plant Lad, Lester, Taryn, Dev-Em: We know. We were there!
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PAGE 3
Panel 1
Tenzil: Yeah... so now, we're heading to Legion World to visit my old buddy Dr. Gym'll to see if he can cure Lester and Plant Lad, who is super-fatassed as well except that you can't tell because he's conveniently changed himself into a potted plant to make himself more portable!
Panel 2
*Big Toes is hanging from something attached to the ceiling*
Tiffany: Okay, I know all that. But what I don't understand is why exactly we brought Opposable Big Toes Boy with us.
Tenzil: Oh, Tiff, don't worry about it. Besides, you never know when a guy with four hands'll come in... er... handy!
Panel 3
*Big Toes starts juggling banyo fruit using all four limbs*
Tenz: Ah, look at him! Isn't he cute!
Tiffany: Taryn, could I have a word with you in private?
Taryn: Uh... yeah, I guess.
Panel 4
Caption: Soon, in private...
Tiffany: You know... I really just wanted to tell you how lucky you are. Your boyfriend is such a great guy!
Taryn: Boyfriend? You mean... Tenzil? Hey, we go way back, but he's not exactly my boyfriend...
Panel 5
Tiffany (excitedly): Really? Because you know... he's quite attractive! And his political career might just make him respectable enough to be marriage material...
Taryn: Uh... wait a minute...
Panel 6
Tiffany: Of course, there's the fact that his family's kind of creepy, but I think I could overlook that...
Panel 7
*Tiffany leaving the room*
Tiffany: Thanks, Taryn! I'm so glad we had this conversation!
Taryn (faintly): Yeah...
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PAGE 4
Panel 1
Lester: *reaching out for Dev-Em, who is pulling away* Oh, Dev! I'm so glad you're feeling better...!
Dev-Em: Yeah... that kryptonite stuff just about killed me.
Panel 2
Lester: LOOK at me, Dev! Look what that monster did to me!
Dev-Em: It's, ummm... kind of hard NOT to look at you...
Panel 3
Lester: *choke!* Oh, Devkins.. please hold me...
Panel 4
*Dev-Em hesitates, looks unsure*
Panel 5
*Dev-Em hugs Lester*
Panel 6
Lester: You... you hesitated...! You HATE me now! I repulse you!!
Panel 7
Dev-Em: Well, not repulse... Horrify, maybe. Face it, baby-- you're FAT!
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PAGE 5
Panel 1
Lester: You idiot! You did this to me! It was your stupid super-charged Kryptonian body that Nardo used to fatass me!
Dev-Em: Look, Lester, I'm sorry, but...
Panel 2
Lester: But what? You cause me to balloon up like a... a... balloon, and then you have the nerve to tell me I look fat!
Dev-Em: Uh... it's not just that you look fat...
Panel 3
Lester: Living Crystals of Rojun! And to think, I thought you really cared about me...
Dev-Em: Lester, you don't understand...
Panel 4
Plant Lad: Guys, you are aware that I'm here right?
Dev-Em: Look... let's just see what this Dr. Gym'll can do for you...
Lester: Bah! And what if he can't help me? You'll... you'll never look at me again!
Panel 5
Dev-Em: Lester, please calm down.
Panel 6
*Tenzil pops his head in*
Tenzil: Something else else wrong in here? I thought I heard shouting...
Lester: No, Tenzil. Just the pitiful cries for attention of a man whose life is ruined...
Panel 7
Tenzil: Well, if everything's okay, then, I'm going to go have a glass of... well, actually, I think I'll just have the glass!
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PAGE 6
Panel 1
caption: Meanwhile, on Tartarus...
*Infectious Lass and Tenzil (?) lie in bed together*
Drura: Ooooh, tiger! I'm so exhausted!
Panel 2
Tenzil: C'mon baby... one more time...
Panel 3
Drura: I swear, Tenzil-- you are INSATIABLE!
Panel 4
*Drura and Tenzil kiss*
Panel 5
Drura: DOWN, boy... that was your goodnight kiss. I want to get up early and give your sweet Mom a vidcall. I haven't talked to her since you moved here!
Panel 6
Tenzil: M.. Mom...?
Drura: What a sweetheart! I love her so much... almost as much as I love her son Tenzil! Goodnight, stud muffin.
Panel 7
*panel shows Tenzil lying down, worried look on face*
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PAGE 7
Panel 1
caption: The planet Atavanda...
*A monastery-like environment, scene focuses on a pilgrim*
Panel 2
*The pilgrim approaches a doorway in which a monk stands, guarding the doorway*
Monk: What is your purpose here, my son?
Pilgrim: I come seeking the great teacher.
Panel 3
Monk: And what do you hope to discover?
Pilgrim: What anyone who comes here seeks. Meaning. Purpose. My destiny.
Panel 4
Monk: You may enter.
Pilgrim: Thank you.
Panel 5
*The pilgrim approaches a silhouetted and seated figure*
Panel 6
Silhouetted Figure: I know why you are here. And you are quite blessed! For soon we shall be joined by one of my oldest and dearest friends! I am certain Tenzil will be delighted to meet you!
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PAGE 8
Panel 1
caption: and zipping through space...
Taryn: Why didn't we just Threshold to Legion World?
Tenzil: Are you kidding? That costs a fortune! I may have money now but I still like to be thrifty!
Panel 2
Taryn: I'm glad you're hanging onto your values.
Tenzil: I hear someone might have let go of some of her values while on Thrann.
Panel 3
Taryn: WHAT? What did those big gossips tell you?
Tenzil: *holding his fingers up as if smoking a space-doobie* Oh, nothing...
Panel 4
Taryn: *head in hands* Oh, grife...
Panel 5
caption: elsewhere on the ship...
Tiffany: Dev-Em? May I speak to Lester... alone?
Dev-Em: *looks excited* SURE!
Panel 6
Tiffany: Take that fern-guy with you, if you don't mind.
Panel 7
Lester: So. Did you come to make fun of your poor little rich big fat brother?
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PAGE 9
Panel 1
Tiffany: Do you always have to expect the worst from people?
Lester: It usually saves me the trouble of being disappointed.
Panel 2
Tiffany: Lester, I have something I need to tell you...
Lester: Oh, I suppose you're going to tell me that you and Dev-Em have started seeing each other! It figures! It's just like it was with Pytur, isn't it?
Panel 3
Tiffany: *sigh*! How many times to we have to go through this? Pytur was not interested in you. And he and I just went to a play together. As friends.
Lester (mumbling): stupid... both of you stupid...
Panel 4
Tiffany: Look, Lester, will you please listen to me? This is important! It's about Daddy's will...
Panel 5
Lester: So that's it! You've finally convinced Daddy to write me out of the will and leave everything to you! I knew it! It was only a matter of time before you'd cut me out!
Panel 6
Tiffany: Lester, shut up! I'm trying to tell you that I got a look at the will. Apparently... Daddy has another child...
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PAGE 10
Panel 1
Thora: Cretins!! Lying cretins!
Panel 2
Bemil Vek: *on vidphone* Ambassador Thora, I assure you... Bismollgov knew nothing about the promises Senator Kem made to you!
Panel 3
Thora: Bah! Thora of Taltar has been lied to by cretinous males before-- this isn't her first time at the super-rodeo of space!
Panel 4
Bemil Vek: Let Bismollgov assure you that ALL of Senator Kem's promises will be fulfilled, but Ms. Loy is currently off-planet!
Panel 5
Thora: *clicking off vidphone* Then you had best hope she returns soon, male dog... Thora of Taltar's patience wears thin!!
Panel 6
*panel pulls back to reveal Azura and Eve, who are in the room with Thora*
Azura: *amused* I swear, Thora-- you crack me up! "Cretin" this and "male dog" that! Did you see him break out in that sweat?
Eve: He looked genuinely concerned to me.
Panel 7
Thiora: He'd best be concerned... for the sake of his planet!
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PAGE 11
Panel 1
Dev-Em: ...so you understand, don't you? I mean... Lester was fun for awhile, but he's so possessive. And now he's so fat...
Plant Lad: Look man, I remember back after I first gained the powers that turned me into Plant Lad...
Panel 2
caption *with Plant Lad as plotted plant picture*: ...at first I tried to go back to my career as pop star on Simballi...
*shows Plant Lad in the studio with space-guitar strapped on*
Panel 3
caption: ...and fortunately I found that my musical ability wasn't affected at all by my condition...
*Shows Noyd and the Navigators listening to the new single they just recorded*
Band Member: Noyd, this is the grooviest song you've ever written! I'm sure it'll be a huge hit!
Panel 4
caption: ...but soon I discovered that many of my old "fans" were turned off by my new appearance...
*Noyd and the Navigators playing on stage, but the fans just aren't into it...
Teen-aged fan #1: Oooh... Noyd used to be so cute! But now he's just all green and icky!
Teen-aged fan #2: And to think... I used to want to marry him when I grew up!
Teen-aged fan #3: I just bought Lakt Tephron's new space-album! He's so dreamy!
Panel 5
caption: ...and so that's when I decided to hang up my space-guitar...
*shows Noyd walking away from the Navigators*
Panel 6
*back to Dev and PL talking*
Plant Lad: What I discovered was that my so-called fans weren't really interested in the music I was making, but in my image.
Dev: So, what are you saying?
Panel 7
Plant Lad: If you don't really dig Lester for himself, but only for his body, then it's better that he find out sooner rather than later. It may hurt, but it's better than keeping him deluded.
Dev: Hmm... maybe you're right...
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PAGE 12
Panel 1
*Dev-Em writing a note on an omnicom*
Dev-Em: Noyd, it's been very nice talking to you...
Panel 2
*Dev places omnicom in the pot Noyd is planted in*
Dev-Em: Please see that Lester gets this, and thanks.
Panel 3
*Dev-Em walking down hallway*
Panel 4
*Dev-Em disengaging airlock*
Panel 5
*Dev-Em flying through space, away from the ship*
Panel 6
Plant Lad (as plant): Good luck, mate.
*omnicom message is partially visible from pot*
omnicom message: Lester, I need some time to clear my head... am going back to Thrann for some down-time... I hope everything turns out well for you...
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PAGE 13
Panel 1
Tenzil: This is Senator Tenzil Kem of Bismoll, aboard private space cruiser, requesting permission to land.
Panel 2
Voice on intercom: Please download passenger and cargo information.
Tenzil: Downloading now.
Panel 3
*Triad appears on viewscreen*
Triad: Tenzil! It's been awhile!
Tenzil: Jumping fishhooks! Triad! It's great to see you girl!
Panel 4
Triad: How are you doing?
Tenzil: Oh, not bad at all! I got this whole Senator gig going on now... keeps me pretty busy, what with the assassination attempts and kidnappings by would-be intergalactic tyrants and stuff!
Panel 5
Triad: Sounds exciting! Well, I'm clearing you for a landing... hopefully I'll see you in the Legion Clubhouse later on!
Tenzil: You can count on it babe!
Panel 6
*shows ship docking on Legion World*
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PAGE 14
Panel 1
*Tenz, Taryn, etc. stepping off ship*
off-panel voice: Tenzil!
Panel 2
Tenzil *elated*: Chuckles!!
Panel 3
*Tenz & Chuck doing a jumping stomach-bump*
Tenzil & Chuck: Dude, wassup!
Panel 4
Taryn, who is holding Plant Lad *to Tiffany*: These people really seem to like Tenzil!
Panel 5
Tiffany: Why wouldn't they? He's just about perfect in every way. A shame you never staked your claim on him... you two would have been a cute couple. Too late for all that now.
Panel 6
*Taryn fuming*
Plant Lad: Do NOT throw me at her.
Panel 7
Chuck: Remember that time we saved the HQ from those little dudes that looked like mucous?
Tenzil: That was rad! So, Chuckles... tell me Dr. Gym'll is still on the payroll.
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PAGE 15
Panel 1
Chuck: Haven't you heard? Gym'll's a father now!
Tenzil: Wowza! How's ol' grumpypuss taking that?
Chuck: Actually, he's significantly less grumpy these days. Having a kid does that to you, apparently!
Panel 2
Tenzil: Flying tuna! Hear that, Taryn? There's hope for you yet!
Panel 3
*Taryn fuming*
Plant Lad: Please, do NOT throw me at him.
Panel 4
*walking down the corridor to Gym'll's office*
Chuck: ...so the nannites were so dirty, that they consumed themselves!
Tenzil: Sounds like quite the adventure!
Panel 5
Chuck: Well, here's Gym'll's office. See you in the Legion Clubhouse later?
Tenzil: Totally, dude!
Panel 6
*opens door to Gym'll's office*
Gym'll: Tenzil Kem! I heard you were coming to see me! What a delight!
Tenzil: Great to see you, too, Dr. Gym'll! I brought a little present for you! One of those classic cultural rarities that you love so much!
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PAGE 16
Panel 1
Gym'll: NIGHT NURSE! I've never owned an issue of this one... truly a rarity! thank you so much!
Panel 2
Tenzil: You're welcome. And now that I've buttered you up...
Gym'll: Yes...?
Panel 3
Tenzil: You got an extra cellular trim ray lying around somehwere?
Panel 4
caption: meanwhile, Taryn & Tiffany explore Legion World...
Tiffany: Wow... this place almost out-fabs Daddy's planet! So Tenzil was once a Legionnaire, eh?
Taryn: A Legionnaire employee. There's a difference.
Panel 5
Tiffany: Still... good contacts he's made there, huh?
Taryn: Apparently so.
Panel 6
Tiffany: Why don't YOU try out for the Legion, Taryn?
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PAGE 17
Panel 1
Taryn: Well, Bismollgov actually drafted me to join back in the early days of the Legion...
Tiffany: What happened?
Panel 2
Taryn: About that time this parakat that my dad gave an extra ass started organizing an uprising among the pet population on Bismoll. A few well-placed government types blamed my dad for it, and soon, my Legion membership was toast...
Tiffany: Oh!
Panel 3
Taryn (*looking sad, and like she's hiding something*): Then I thought about trying out once they had open membership drives, but, well... I didn't.
Panel 4
Tiffany: Well, poo! I'm glad you didn't become a Legionnaire! Because now we can have fun together! I wonder if there's anywhere nice to shop on this planet? I haven't bought new shoes in a week!
Panel 5
Tiffany: Hey, there's someone I know! Dirk! Dirk Morgna!
Dirk: Tiffany Spiffany! Long time no see, beautiful! What brings you to Legion World?
Panel 6
Tiffany: Lester, actually.
Dirk: Les? How's he doing? The Metro club scene just hasn't been as happening without him around!
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PAGE 18
Panel 1
Tiffany: Ummm... he's... not feeling too good.
Dirk: I'm sorry to hear that.
Panel 2
Tiffany: Hopefully, he'll be feeling better very soon! So, you're a Legionnaire now?
Dirk: Oh, NO-- but check THIS nass out!
Panel 3
*Dirk glows like the sun*
Tiffany: Wow!
Panel 4
*Dirk back to normal*
Dirk: I'm honing my powers here. Not a cadet, I didn't have to become one since I was already friends with the Legion. They think I might be able to harness heat as well as light energies!
Tiffany: That's SO starriffic!
Panel 5
*Dirk leans in to Tiffany*
Dirk: Yeah, I am. So... you up for a little Lav-action?
Panel 6
Tiffany: Huh?
Dirk: Lav-action... you and me in the bathroom.
Panel 7
Tiffany: DIRK!
Dirk: It HAS a lock!
Tiffany: You dated my brother!
Panel 8
Dirk: Yeah, for about 15 minutes... spent in the lav.
Tiffany: You-- you PERV!
Panel 9
*turns to Taryn*
Dirk: Whatever. Who's your cute friend?
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PAGE 19
Panel 1
Taryn: Taryn. And I'm more than you can handle.
Dirk: Oh, I can handle quite a bit! I didn't date your brother or anything, did I?
Panel 2
Tiffany: Come on, Taryn. Let's get out of here.
Taryn: Just a sec.
Dirk: Yeah, what's the rush? Taryn and I were just getting acquainted.
Panel 3
Taryn: Listen, hot stuff, you may think that all you have to do is flash a little cash or brag about your Legion connections and every girl around is just going to swoon over you, but that's just not true. It's going to take a lot more than that to impress any girl who's actually worthwhile. You've just insulted Tiffany here, and you think you can just turn to me and I'll fall right into your arms? What a jerk!
Panel 4
Dirk: So, I take it that's a no on the lav-action?
Panel 5
*Slap!*
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PAGE 20
Panel 1
caption: and speaking of lav-action...
*rear veiw of Lester, who has remained on the ship, sitting, head facing down*
Lester: ...stupid... so stupid...
Panel 2
*rear view again as Lester throws the omnicom*
Panel 3
*closeup of Lester's face; a single tear streams from his eye*
Lester: How could I... be so stupid...?
Panel 4
caption: and, on Legion World...
Tiffany: We're going to get into trouble!
Taryn: No we're not. Diplomatic immunity.
Panel 5
Tiffany: But you knocked a WALL down when you punched Dirk through it!
Taryn: They called that Shirley woman to clean it up!
Panel 6
Tiffany: She didn't look too happy about it either.
Panel 7
caption: and, in another part of Legion World...
*Plant Lad, still a potted plant, sits on the ground as folks-- mainly women-- walk by*
Plant Lad: Sweet!
Panel 8
*we see a girl walk by in a short skirt*
Plant Lad: Not bad.
Panel 9
*we see the lower half of who is obviously Kid Quantum walk by*
Plant Lad: HOT DAMN!
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PAGE 21
Panel 1
*Tenzil's hand picking Plant Lad up*
Tenz: Noyd! I wondered where you'd gotten to!
Panel 2
Tenz: Dr. Gym'll wants to see you.
Panel 3
caption: Soon...
*In Dr. Gym'll's office, the super-fat Noyd is lying on two of Gym'll's couches, placed side by side*
Dr. Gym'll: Well, he's quite obese all right.
Tenz: Can you do anything for him, doc?
Dr. Gym'll: We'll see.
Panel 4
*Dr. Gym'll running some experiments on Plant Lad*
Dr. Gym'll: Hmm... interesting.
Panel 5
Tenz: Well... what's the verdict?
Dr. Gym'll: Have you tried diet and exercise?
Noyd: Yeah, man. But my weight seems to stay constant, no matter what I do!
Panel 6
Dr. Gym'll: We can try a cellular trim ray, but that can be kind of dangerous.
Panel 7
Plant Lad: I'll take the risk, man! Anything to get back to being my nice skinny self!
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PAGE 22
Panel 1
*Lester on ship, looking depressed*
Lester: *choke!*
off-panel voice: Cheer up, mate!
Panel 2
Lester: Who the-- YOU?!!
Panel 3
Lester: P... PLANT LAD...? But.. you're so skinny!
Plant Lad: Ah, that's right-- you never saw me before Nardo fatassed me!
Panel 4
Lester: Does this mean... Gym'll has a cure?
Plant Lad: Sure as my name's Noyd, man! Let's go, the gang's waiting for you!
Panel 5
Lester: YES!! I can't wait to get this weight off and go hang out with Tenzil on Bismoll for a while!
Panel 6
caption: funny he should mention Bismoll...
*scene is a governmental building, lots of politican types sitting*
Bemil Vek: Then we are agreed!
panel 7
Bemil Vek: Senator Tenzil Kem and his party will NOT be allowed to make planetfall on Bismoll until hostilities with Taltar can be resolved!
*title/credits run along bottom of page*
The Super-Road Trip... of Space! part 1: How Green Was My Legion
NEXT ISSUE: The first year of Matter-Eater Lad ends with Part 2 of the gang's Super-Road Trip! You'll hate yourself if you miss "Here There Be Everywhere A Monster!"
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MATTER-EATER LAD # 12
Page 1
*scene is a full-page splash featuring Tenzil, Tiffany, Plant Lad, Opposable Big Toes Boy, Lester, Taryn and Questar floating in airless space, looking scared*
caption: SPACE!! The final frontier! In space, no one can hear you scream! A humanoid can only survive unprotected in space for mere moments!
Is this the final issue of Matter-Eater Lad, you ask, gentle reader? Why else would the writers be killing off the entire cast? And just who is that handsome fetchingly-dressed blonde fellow with the gang, looking like he's about to toss his cookies?
Have I missed an issue? Will it still be available at my local Comics Outlet? I wonder what I should have for dinner? Does this outfit make me look fat?
These questions and many more float through your fanboy skull and we-- the writers of what we affectionately refer to as MEL:TS-- intend to answer every last one of them!
But in order to do so, we must turn back the clock... so turn the page, faithful reader... turn the page and prepare to marvel!!
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PAGE 2
Panel 1
Caption: 2 days earlier...
*Dr. Gym'll is using the cellular trim ray on Lester*
Lester: What do you mean its not working? You stupid three-armed freak! It worked on Plant Kid!
Panel 2
Gym'll: I... I don't understand it. It's on the same setting I used on Plant Lad, but it's just not having any effect!
Panel 3
Tiffany *leaning down towards Gym'll, her breasts almost in his face*: Oh, doctor! Isn't there anything you can do for my poor brother?
Gym'll: Hmm... you say it was a Kryptionian that this Nardo character used to facilitate his super-obesity experiments?
Panel 4
Tenzil: Yeah, doc. A fella by the name of Dev-Em. Say, what happened to Dev, anyway?
Lester: Do NOT speak that name around me! I never want to have anything to do with that creep again!
Panel 5
Gym'll: You know... it would really help if I could examine him as well.
Lester: That charlatan has abandoned me in my time of misery, no doubt to return to Thrann and prey on other unsuspecting youths who might fall for his soft brown eyes and sweet words, without realizing that they are all lies!
Panel 6
Gym'll: Then... I'm afraid there may be nothing I can do to help you...
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PAGE 3
Panel 1
Lester: WHAT!!?? Tenzil said you were smart-- but you're STUPID! You're STUPID!!
Tenzil: LESTER, that's ENOUGH!!
Panel 2
Gym'll: Truly, lad... I am sorry. But even though I can't help you myself, I can certainly refer you to a specialist... after you sign my credit voucher, of course.
Panel 3
Tiffany: Certainly.
Plant Lad: Man, Lester, I'm sorry...
Panel 4
Lester: *sigh* It's not your fault, Boyd...
Plant Lad: Noyd.
Lester: Whatever. But I DO have one question...
Panel 5
Taryn: Yeah?
Panel 6
Lester: Does this outfit make me look fat?
Panel 7
Tenzil, Gym'll, Taryn, Tiffany, Plant Lad: Yes.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,773
Trap Timer
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Trap Timer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,773 |
PAGE 4
Panel 1
Caption: Soon, the gang has convened on board their ship...
*Tenzil and Taryn on in the cockpit, with Tenzil at the controls*
Tenzil: So, Gym'll recommended we see this guy on Zentor...
Taryn: That's close to Bismoll...
Tenzil: Yeah, I thought maybe we could stop by home on the way. You know... see if there's any new bills I need to ingest or anything...
Panel 2
Taryn: Are you feeling bad that you didn't get to hang out with your Legion friends more?
Tenz: Oh, it's okay. I'm sure I'll see them again sometime soon. It's not like the universe is going to be wiped out in some vast reality-altering event or anything!
Panel 3
*Tiffany walks in*
Tiffany: Well, Lester's asleep. At least the sedatives Gym'll gave him are working.
Tenzil: We'll find a cure for him, Tiff.
Panel 4
Tiffany *places her hands on Tenz*: I know you'll do everything you can...
Panel 5
*shot of Tenz (sunglass slightly lowered) and Tiff looking deep into each other's eyes*
Panel 6
Tiff: Tenz! Watch out for that space-freighter!
Panel 7
*close-up of Tenz's hands at the controls*
Panel 8
Tenz: Whew! That was close! Uh... why don't you take the controls for awhile, Tar?
Taryn: After that... sure. What are you going to do?
Panel 9
Tenz: I'm going to go try to figure out what we should have for dinner. My chefly urges are welling up!
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