Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business MATTER-EATER LAD: The Series!!!

PAGE 21

Panel One

*Lester notices FPL smiling*

Lester: You... you betrayed us! You led us into a trap!

False-Pretenses Lad: And you doubted my super-lying powers? Jerk.

Panel Two

Nardo: Seize them!

Panel Three

*Nardroids capture Lester and Tenzil*

Panel Four

Tenzil: Oof! What are you going to do with us?

Nardo: Come on down! You are the next contestant on "Who Wants to be Super-Fatassed?"! Ha ha ha!

Panel Five

Nardo (turns to FPL): Well done, old fellow! There'll be extra slop for you tomorrow!

FPL: Gee, thanks!

PAGE 22

Panel 1

Tenzil thought caption: Jeebus! If only I hadn't ordered Taryn to visit Thora... I may never see her again... I hope she's alright...!

Panel 2

caption: Whatever DID become of Taryn, one might wonder...

Taryn thought caption: Gee, I wonder if Tenz and Tiffany ever found Lester? Maybe I should check in...?

Panel 3 <rest of page panel featuring Taryn joyfully dancing on a dancefloor surrounded by the Super-Companions and other Thrannians; most of the guys should be shirtless>

Taryn thought caption: Nah, I'm sure they're fine...


NEXT ISSUE! "Stupid Stalag of Space" continues --maybe even concludes!-- in the story that could ONLY be called "...AND ONE SHALL SURELY BE FATASSED!"

MATTER-EATER LAD # 10

PAGE 1

Panel 1

*shows Taryn at club*

caption: It's really odd being Taryn Loy.

Panel 2

*shows Taryn smoking a space-doobie with her Thrannian pals*

caption: Dad was never around unless he was experimenting on me.

Panel 3

*shows Taryn in pool with Thrannians*

caption: Mom ran off after he gave her those extra breasts. I haven't seen her in years.

Panel 4

*shows Taryn & pals watching a drag show*

caption: I've had to be an adult since I was 12.

Panel 5

*shows Taryn & pals drinking at a restaurant table*

caption: Maybe age 19 is early to have your second childhood, but I never got to have my first one.

Panel 6

*Taryn & pals on the beach*

caption: I've been on Thrann for 3 days now... 3 of the most glorious days of my life!

Panel 7

*Taryn & pals bowling*

caption: The guys here treat me well, they respect me... and they're SO fun!

Panel 8

*Taryn lifting Shower and Treehugger victoriously as they sit on either palm*

caption: They've even made me the official "Fairy Princess" of the Super-Companions!

Panel 9

*Taryn & the Companions having a slumber party, watching holovision*

caption: I may NEVER leave Thrann...

Holovision: We interrupt this broadcast of the BOYZ 4 U concert to bring you this awful announcement...

PAGE TWO

Panel One

*Picture of Tiffany on screen behind newscaster*

Holovision: Tiffany Spiffany, heiress to Earth's swankiest jewelry establishment and one of the most eligible young women in the galaxy, has apparently been kidnapped!

Panel Two

*Shot of bottle hitting spaceship*

Holovision: Sources say that the Space-Freighter Valium came across a message in a bottle, claiming to be from Miss Spiffany.

Panel Three

*Shot of Taryn and Tenzil at the Space-Truckstop*

Holovision: Apparently, Miss Spiffany was travelling with popular Bismollian senator and former reality TV star Tenzil Kem, whom some reports have linked her with romantically, in search of her brother Lester, who has apparently been missing for some weeks.

Panel Four

*Shot of Nardroids*

Holovision: According to the message, Tiffany and Tenzil are being held prisoner by "icky red three-eyed bulbous-headed guys".

Panel Five

*Shot of Tiffany doing laundry*

Holovision: Tiffany describes the conditions in the camp where she is being held as "indescribably horrible". Apparently, her kidnappers are forcing her to do manual labor!

Panel Six

*shot of newscaster*

Holovision: It is not yet clear how Tiffany managed to get a message to the outside world, or what can be done to rescue her, but you can be sure that this station will keep you abreast of developments!

PAGE 3

Panel 1

Taryn: Damn, damn, DAMN!!

Splash: What's wrong, Princess?

Panel 2

Taryn: That's LESTER'S sister! She and Tenzil DID get into trouble, I KNEW it!

Panel 3

Othar: Yeah, they were tracking down Lester and our bud Dev-Em for some reason.

Taryn: HER reasons. It's HER fault.

Panel 4

Othar: She seemed quite the fiesty, gassy gal.

Taryn: Othar, we've got to go find them! Not only Tenzil and Tiffany. What became of Lester & Dev-Em?

Panel 5

Othar: Well, it's hard to imagine anything Dev-Em couldn't handle.

Taryn: Yet they're ALL apparently missing.

Panel 6

Shower: The Super-Companions don't mind helping, Taryn-- Dev-Em IS one of us, after all... and Lester too, kind-of...

Mzgrzz: But can't we wait until after the BOYZ 4 U concert...?

Panel 7

Taryn: Oh, absolutely.

PAGE 3

Panel One

caption: The Super-Stalag of Space, the Girl's camp...

*Tiffany and the other female prisoners are sewing*

Tiffany: Thanks ever so much for helping me send that message, Antequated-Forms-of-Communication Lass! I just hope someone finds it!

AFoCL: No problem, Tiff! My expertise in primitive forms of communication doesn't usually come in handy, but it may be just the ticket to get us out of this jam!

Panel Two

Tiffany (pricks herself with sewing needle): Oww! I'm starting to wish we had Antequated-Forms-of-Clothing-Manufacture Lass with us, however!

Negative Nell: I wonder what Nardo wants with all these expando-suits he's having us make?

Panel Three

Itch Witch: Yeah, it seems like the Nardobots are pretty much "one size fits all". What could he possible need with clothing that can expand to fit any size wearer?

Panel Four

*Nardroid enters*

Nardroid: Females! You show remarkable progress on the expando-suits! The master will be pleased!

Panel Five

Nardroid: Here is the master's order for dinner! You will find the ingredients, as usual, in the kitchen. I will return in one hour to collect it!

Panel Six

Hazel: Okay, who's turn is it to cook tonight? Tiffany?

PAGE 4

Panel 1

Tiffany: (to self) *sigh* It's times like these that makes me miss me multi-trillion credit fortune.

Itch Witch: Never you mind, dear... I'll do the cooking for Nardo tonight. I've got a special ingredient I'm just itching to use in the recipe... *tee hee!*

Panel 2

Tiffany: THAT'S a relief! At home I have 21 different chefs, 1 for each meal of each day of the week, so I never learned much about cooking.

Panel 3

*suddenly Took appears on table, the girls are startled*

Multi Maid: TOOK!

Negative Nell: But... HOW...?

Panel 4

Took: I've been with the team all along. I followed disguised as a dust mote. I've been at the boys' camp and discovered Nardo's horrible plans!

Panel 5

Took: The real reason you gals are making these clothes is... Nardo's super-fatass fetish!

Panel 6

Tiffany: Fatass? *gasp!*

Took: Yes, and your brother and his friend are next on Nardo's ass-fattening agenda!

Panel 7

Tiffany: Lester's HERE?

PAGE 5

SPLASH PAGE

*Tenzil, Lester, Blockade Boy, Key Kid, and Weight Wizard are all hanging by shackles*

Lester: Great Ergloks! Why, oh why do I have to be here? Anywhere but here would be so much better...

TITLE (along bottom of page): ...AND ONE SHALL SURELY BE FATASSED!

PAGE 6

Panel 1

Lester (to WW): I *knew* you guys would blow it.

Weight Wizard: Hello! I think YOU guys were captured first.

Panel 2

Tenzil: I wonder whatever happened to Big Toes Boy?

Lester: Who cares.

Panel 3

*a curtain is raised, revealing Nardo and a bound, sickly Dev-Em. Behind them is the fatassed Plant Lad.

Nardo: IT'S SHOWTIME! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Panel 4

Tenzil: Twisted fiend!

Nardo: Twisted? I say thee nay. Is it twisted to desire female companionship?

Panel 5

Tenzil: No.

Lester Yes.

Nardo: SILENCE! Long ago, my calculations revealed that the energy from my third eye, when passed through the super-body of a Kryptonian, causes humans to swell to massive proportions. You see its effect on the once-skinny Plant Lad.

Panel 6

Key Kid: But WHY would you want to make people fat?

Lester: And why does Dev look so bad?

Panel 7

Nardo: The Kryptonian is kept in check with exposure to a substance that weakens him.

Lester: That green glowing stuff!

Panel 8

As for why I want to enfatten you... the women of my home planet are all similarly shaped to Plant Lad's new proportions and have genetalia similar to human males. Once YOU five are bathed in the rays of my third eye, you will join Plant Lad... as my concubines!

Panel 9

Tenzil: Jumping fishooks!

PAGE 7

Panel 1

*Several Nardroids are tending a pen in which a number of chicken-like creatures are enclosed. Opposable Big Toes Boy can be seen swinging from vines in the background*

Nardroid 1: These chryka birds are getting nice and plump! The master will enjoy consuming them!

Panel 2

*Big Toes lands on the roof of another nearby building*

Panel 3

*Big Toes swings down to ground*

Panel 4

*Big Toes hears voices around the corner*

Nardroid 2: Did you hear something?

Nardroid 3: I'll go check it out.

Panel 5

*Big Toes ducks inside the building*

Panel 6

*Inside the building, Big Toes hides in a room labeled "Cultural Acclimation Chamber"*

PAGE 8

Panel 1

Nardo: That's right, you will all have the great honor of being my harem! Tending to my every wanton desire! How beautiful you will all be... once you are the proper womanly size, of course. It's time to turn you skinny ugly ducklings into big fat beautiful swans!

Panel 2

Nardo: And I shall begin with the one of you I MOST desire...

Panel 3

*Nardo's third eye glows*

Panel 4

*Nardo's third eye blasts at Dev-Em; Dev-Em looks even more pained*

Panel 5

*the blast reflects from Dev-Em and hits Lester*

Panel 6

Key Kid: NOW! *shows all the manacles opening and falling off the prisoners*

PAGE 9

Panel 1

*Weight Wizard leaps in the air, super-light*

Panel 2

*WW makes himself super-heavy, falling on Nardo*

Panel 3

*Nardroids rush in*

Nardroid: We must help the master!

Panel 4

*Tenzil stands face to face with a Nardroid*

Tenzil: So why do you guys just do whatever this creep tells you to? Don't you ever get tired of taking orders from your "master"?

Nardroid: Fool! We are non-living androids! We are made to serve! We have no independent will or consciousness of our own!

Panel 5

Tenzil: "Non-living", eh? So what your saying is basically you're just a hunk of inanimate matter?

Nardroid: Precisely, foolish human!

Panel 6

Tenzil: That's just what I wanted to hear!

Panel 7

*shows Tenzil standing over Nardroid with huge chunks bitten out of him...*

Tenzil: Jeepers! These Nardroids sure are tasty!

PAGE 10

Panel 1

Nardo: Off me, human! *Nardo is scratching his arm while his eye blasts Weight Wizard*

Panel 2

*more Nardobots rush in*

Nardo: Capture these idiots, idiots! *Nardo is scratching his leg*

Panel 3

*Key Kid releases Dev-Em's bonds*

Panel 4

*Tenzil & Blockade Boy fight Nardroids; Key Kid can be seen in the background carrying Dev-Em out*

Panel 5

Nardo: *to Nardroids* The Kryptonian!! He must not get too far away from this building! I'll deal with these fools, you recapture the Kryptonian! *Nardo is scratching his groin*

PAGE 11

Panel 1

*Outside, Key Kid is carrying Dev-Em, the Nardobots are right behind him*

Panel 2

*Key Kid puts Dev-Em down, points at the chryka bird cages, which open*

Panel 3

*The chryka birds fly out amidst the Nardobot, slowing them down*

Panel 4

*Nardobots begin to emerge from the flock of chryka birds, but are now covered in feathers*

Panel 5

Key Kid: *gasp*! That only slowed them down a bit!

Panel 6

*Nardobots start collapsing*

Panel 7

*Kid Heavyfeathers is there, with Negative Nell and Multi-Maid behind him*

Kid Heavyfeathers: You look like you could use some help, my friend! It looks like these lovely ladies here released me from captivity just in time!

PAGE 12

Panel 1

Key Kid: Kid Heavyfeathers! Praise Mooga!

Kid Heavyfeathers: The girls prison started this revolt!

Panel 2:

Negative Nell: Itch Witch got the ball rolling with a little something she added to Nardo's dinner earlier. It should be reaching its full impact any moment!

Panel 3

Multi-Maid: Then our buddy Took showed up and filled us
in on Nardo's awful plans!

Nell: Yeah, so we overpowered the few Nardobots at our camp.

Panel 4

Nell: Nardo will be sorry he underestimated us women!

Key Kid: Actually, uh... I think us guys are considered women by Nardo...

Panel 5

Kid Heavyfeathers: Huh?

Key Kid: Never mind. Look, I have to get Dev-Em away from this building so his powers will kick back in-- and Weight Wizard, Blockade Boy and that eating guy are inside fighting Nardo!

off-panel voice: How can I help?

Panel 6

Key Kid: False Pretenses Lad!

PAGE 14 (correcting for the fact we have two pg 3's)

Panel 1

caption: Inside...

*Nardo is scratching his butt...

Nardo: I'm not licked yet! It's time to go out there and win one for the Gipper!

Panel 2

*Nardo takes out Blockade Boy with "nuclear blasts" from his hands.

Panel 3

*Nardo and Tenzil stand face to face*

Nardo: It's just you and me, Bismollian!

Tenzil: Jumping fishhooks!

Panel 4

Nardo: Unfortunately, your superhuman Bismollian metabolism makes you immune to my fatassing powers!

Tenzil: That's unfortunate, all right!

Panel 5

Nardo: That, of course, means that I have no reason to keep you alive!

Tenzil: *Gulp*!

Panel 6

*Close-up on Nardo shooting blasts from hands*

Nardo: You're fired!

PAGE 15

Panel 1

*shows Tenzil swallowing the energy beam!*

Tenzil: And unfortunately for YOU, energy is a type of matter! I learned it in a holo-comic book. And I, of course, can eat matter in ALL forms...!!

Panel 2

Nardo: That's amazing how you kept talking with all those rays blasting down your throat.

Tenzil: Thanks.

Panel 3

*Nardo punches Tenzil*

Nardo: Eye of the tiger!

Panel 4

*shows Nardo rushing outside*

Nardo: I must recapture the Kryptonian!

Panel 5

*now outside*

Nardo: *scratching side of head* Now WHERE could he have...

Panel 6

*Nardo is struck by a startled chykra bird that has fallen from above*

Nardo: Arrrrgh!

Panel 7

Negative Nell: You ROCK, Kid Heavyfeathers!

Kid Heavyfeathers: And to think, the Legion REJECTED me!

Panel 8

Nardo: *scratching chest* FOOLS!! YOU WILL ALL DIE HORRIBLY!!

Panel 9

Nell: BACK, Nardo-- or face the fury of Negative Nell!!

PAGE 16

Panels 1, 2, 3, and 4 run across the top of the page, and have captions with Nardo's picture in them, indicating he is doing the narrating.

Panel 1

Caption: Negative Nell represents a serious thread to me! I remember her origin... how her evil scientist father blew up their homeworld with a doomsday device!

Panel 2

Caption: Her father was transformed in the explosion to a being of pure energy... the evil Positive Man!

Panel 3

Caption: Before destroying his world, he shipped baby Nell away in a rocketship, but she was still close enough to be exposed to the weird radiations of the explosion!

Panel 4

Caption: Rather than being transformed into energy, she gained the power to project explosive negative energy blasts!

Panel 5

Nell: So what's it gonna be, Three-Eyes!

Nardo (smiling): Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!

Panel 6

*False-Pretense Lad blasts Nell from behind with a stun gun!

Panel 7

*Suddenly, Nardroids surround the gang from every side*

PAGE 17

Panel 1

*a Nardroid drags the unconscious Key Kid & Dev-Em towards the gang*

Panel 2

Nardo: NOW who's the boss? HA HA HA! I'm too sexy for this insubordination! NARDROIDS! March the prisoners to the Lilly-Pond! An example MUST be made!

Panel 3

Nardo: Except for the Kryptonian! Throw him back into The Ass-Fattening Chamber, where the Kryptonite will continue to subdue him!

Panel 4

caption: And shortly...

*Nardo stands before Nell, Kid Heavyfeathers, Blockade Boy, Weight Wizard, Tenzil, and Multi-Maid; they are beside a pond with HUGE lillypads*

Nardo: You fools will now see how Nardo punishes the naughty!

Panel 5

*Nardo pushes Blockade Boy into the pond*

Blockade Boy: What the...?

Panel 6

*the lillys seem to spring to life and swarm their feelers all over Blockade Boy*

Blockade Boy: NooooOOOOoooooo!

Panel 7

*Blockade Boy is pulled inside one of the lillys*

Panel 8

Nardo: *to BB's legs, still visible from the lilly* Kiss mah grits!

Panel 9

Nardo: *to the rest* And so shall you ALL perish, should you pull another idiotic escape attempt!

PAGE 18

Panel 1

*A rumbling sound can be heard in the distance*

Nardobot: Master, what is that?

Panel 2

*A heard of phanders is rushing towards them*

Nardo: That's impossible! Phanders never come to this side of the jungle

Panel 3

*As the phanders crush the Nardobots, the lead phander turns into a bird. Itch Witch can be seen flying as well...*

Multi-Maid: It's Took! And Itch Witch!

Panel 4

*The Super-Companions's spaceship hovers above*

Panel 5

*The Super-Companions+Taryn fly out of their ship, and start engaging the remaining Nardobots in battle*

Othar: Let's get them, my super-companions!

PAGE 19

Panel 1

Tenzil: TARYN!!! Man oh MAN am I glad to see you!!! These 3-eye-guys are robots! Chow down, baby!

Panel 2

Taryn: It's good >munch< to see you >crunch< too!

Panel 3

Mzgrzz: Robots, eh? Then they are vulnerable to my matter-rearranging power!

*shows a Nardroid become a disco ball*

Panel 4

Splash: And electronics HATE to get wet!

*shows bottom half of Splash wetting a short-circuiting Nardroid*

Panel 5

Itch Witch: from the air, above Nardo* Took-- the big guy himself tries to escape! Let us chase AFTER him! >cackle!!<

Panel 6

Took <as a bird>: He won't get away!

Panel 7

Shower: We've got to find Lester and Dev-Em too!

Tenzil: Lester...? Oh, GRIFE!! I almost forgot..!!!

PAGE 20

Panel 1

caption: Soon...

*Everyone is back at the camp... Nardo is tied up, and struggling to scratch himself!*

Itch Witch: I think Nardo's got what he deserved! I hit him with a full dose of my itching spells this time!

Panel Two:

Weight Wizard: And look who I've caught! This weasel False-Pretenses Lad, who betrayed us twice!

FLP: No... you've got it all wrong! I'm on your side!

Panel Three

Key Kid: Give it up, you fink! We won't fall for your lies, this time!

A voice from off-panel: But he's not lying!

Panel Four

Multi-Maid: Blockade Boy! But, *choke*, I thought you were dead!

Blockade Boy: I'm not... thanks to False-Pretenses Lad's quick thinking! Knowing that Nardo would take us to the lily-pond to execute us, he secretly enlisted the aid of Plant Lad to pose as one of the evil lillies!

Panel Five

FPL: Fortunately, I'd secretly reprogrammed a couple of the Nardroids to help me carry him out to the swamp!

Key Kid: But why? We thought you were on Nardo's side! That's why you shot Nell, right?

Panel Six:

FPL: I shot Nell because the Nardroids were approaching and I knew I could help you better if Nardo thought I was on his side! And I betrayed your first escape plan because I knew it wouldn't work, thanks to the fact that Nardo had his spaceship encoded to only operate by the command of his own voice!

Panel 7

Key Kid: But why all the secrecy and deceit?

FLP: Hey, I'm False-Pretenses Lad! That's kind of my shtick!

Page 21

Panel 1

Off-panel voice: Bah! So Kid Crew-cut survived! Who cares?

*Tenz, Taryn & whomever else whirl around, shocked*

Panel 2

*shot of Lester, sweating, lying lodged in doorway, easily 500 lbs*

Lester: What about ME? Look what that bastard's DONE to me!!

Panel 3

Tenzil: Jeebus...

Taryn: *stifling a laugh* Lester...?

Othar: Is THAT the once-lovely Lester Spiffany...?

Panel 4

*Tiffany kneeling down by Lester, upset*

Tiffany: Shut UP, all of you! Can't you see my brother's a big upset fatass?

Lester: T... Tiffany...? Oh, Tiffany... this... this... STUPID Stalag of Space... it's STUPID, all of it STUPID...!

Panel 5

Tiffany: *tenderly* I know it is, I know... you rest now...

PAGE 22

Panel 1

Tenzil: I'm sure we'll figure out some way of fixing Lester up so he's a good as he ever was! I know one of the best doctors in the galaxy, this three-armed chap by the name of Gym'll!

Panel 2

Tiffany (sobbing): Oh, do you really think he could do something for my poor, poor brother?

Tenzil: If anyone can, I'm sure it's him!

Panel 3

Key Kid: Hey look what Opposable Big Toes Boy found! It seems Nardo had this room where he kept all this footage which he thought represented the ideals of our popular culture!

Panel 4

*Inside the room*

Tenzil: Jeebus! He doesn't have a single holo of Kem Family & Friends! Come to think of it... most of this stuff's a thousand years old!

Panel 5

Weight Wizard: Hmm... you don't think all those weird things he kept saying were simply his attempts to communicate with us in a hipper and more effective way?

Tenzil: It could be...

Panel 6

Tenzil: One thing's for certain... I'm heading home to Bismoll and not leaving the planet for a long, long time. I've had enough of these weird freaks from outer space for the time being!

NEXT ISSUE BLURB

Oh, but Tenzil... if you only knew what the next issue of Matter-Eater Lad had in store for you! Stay-tuned, as Tenz and Friends embark on "The Super-Road Trip of Space!"

MATTER-EATER LAD #11

PAGE ONE

Panel 1

*Shot of the gang's slick new spaceship flying through space*

Panel 2

*Tenzil is at the controls, and Taryn by his side

Tenz: Whoa! This new cruiser the Thrannians gave us handles like a charm!

Taryn: You certainly seem to be enjoying it...

Panel 3

Tenz: Oh, you'll get your chance to fly it, Taryn! But right now, I think we should we should put it on autopilot while we do a quick recap of our latest adventure!

Panel 4

Taryn: Why?

Tenzil: Oh, just to make sure everyone's up to speed! We wouldn't want anyone getting lost in the complex storyline or anything!

Panel 5

Taryn: You scare me sometimes, Kem.

Tenzil: Just play along, babe!

Panel 6

Tenzil: It all began when Tiffany Spiffany showed up looking for her missing brother Lester...