Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business MATTER-EATER LAD: The Series!!!

This issue was definitely the easiest to write, and I think the best we've done so far! We've both got Lester's character down so well that what he does next just seems to flow naturally!

MATTER-EATER LAD #7

PAGE ONE

Panel 1

(Several super-heroes are pinned down by laser fire behind a steel wall, one, a female, is injured)

Caption: The planet Duar

Key Kid: Nell's unconscious, but I think she's okay...

Weight Wizard: They've got us pinned down pretty good... I don't know how we'll get out of this...

Panel 2

Itch Witch: My spells don't seem to work on them!

Took (a Durlan): I don't think they're living beings, Itch Witch! My antennae scan them as non-living androids!

Panel 3

Voice coming from the Wall: I don't think I can hold much longer...)

Panel 4

(A massive blast hits the wall, which begins to change form)

Multi-Maid: Oh no!

Panel 5

(The wall changes form to become a now-unconscious Blockade Boy; the other heroes scatter as they have now lost their protection against the laser fire, Itch Witch is hit by fire, Multi-Maid splits into three)

Panel 6

(The rest of the heroes fall before the onslaught; all except Took, who has disappeared)

Panel 7

(Several Nardo androids can be seen, their backs to the reader, inspecting the carnage)

Android: We have captured this group of metahumans. We will be bringing the prisoners home, master.

PAGE 2

Panel 1

caption: festive planet Thrann...

Dev-Em: Are you certain, Lester? One hundred percent positive?

Lester: I've never been more certain of anything in my life. I want to go with you, Dev-Em!

Panel 2

Dev-Em: You realize I have no idea when I might make my way back to Thrann... or Bismoll... or your birth-planet Earth, either. Who knows when you will get to see your family... or your friends again? You would be giving up much.

Panel 3

Lester: Family? Friends? Feh! The only thing I'll be giving up is lonliness. My transuit is on, Dev-Em. I'm ready. BEYOND ready!

Panel 4

Dev-Em: Then let my journey continue! And let OUR journey begin!

Panel 5

*Dev-Em, his arm around Lester, blasts into the sky. The Super-Companions can be seen below waving farewell*

PAGE 3

Panel 1

Caption: The digestive planet Bismoll...

(An alarm clock is going off...)

Panel 2

(The alarm continues to go off as an arm reaches for it)

Panel 3

(Tenzil picks up the alarm and pulls it towards him)

Panel 4

(Tenzil takes a bite out of the alarm)

Panel 5

(The alarm now silenced, Tenzil continues to lie in bed asleep)

Panel 6

(Tenzil continues to sleep)

Panel 7

(There's a buzzing noise coming from the door to Tenzil's room)

Panel 8

(Tenz grudgingly looks up from the bed)

Panel 9

(Taryn enters the room...)

Taryn (very perky): Time to get up, Senator Kem! You've got a busy day ahead of you!

PAGE 4

Panel 1

Tenzil: Eeeeeek! *pulls covers over chest as a naked woman might do*

Panel 2

Taryn Oh, calm down-- it isn't going to be THAT busy!

Panel 3

Tenzil: No, no... it's just that I had a HORRIBLE dream that Dad and Renkil got into this huge scandal while on Tartarus and that Renkil disappeared!

Panel 4

Taryn: That happened. It's all over the holo-news. Matter-Eating Senator's Family Mad as Hatters? Mom's a Sick Joke in a Hot-Tub that Floats, Dad's a Zombie-Diddling Degenerate!

Panel 5

Tenzil: Eeeeeeek!! Matter-Eating Senator?

Taryn: Yep, that's what they're calling you. I myself prefer Matter-Eater Lad, though. Kinda sings, doesn't it?

Panel 6

Tenzil: Cute. Very cute.

Taryn: Another headline I saw-- Kem Show Cancelled Amid Lurid Sex Flap!


Panel 7

Tenzil: What the heck is a sex flap?

Taryn: Now get up. It's time to put a space-spin on all this hooplah before Bismollgov has your molars!

PAGE 5

Panel 1

Caption: Bismopollis space port...

Attendant: Welcome to Bismoll, ma'am! May I have someone carry your luggage for you?

Tiffany: Luggage, my friend, is for people who only have a limited amount of stuff, and need to bring it with them.

Panel 2

(close-up on Papa Spiffany's credit card)

Tiffany: This, sir, is all of the luggage I need!

Panel 3

Tiffany: If you could, however, be so kind as to hail me a hover-taxi, I would be much obliged...

Attendant: Yes, ma'am!

Panel 4

(Tiffany flirts with a random guy in the crowd...)

Tiffany: Why, hi there! Are all Bismollians as cute as you, sir?

Random Guy: Uh... well... I...

Panel 5

Tiffany: You ARE cute! Oh well... I've got to run... my taxi's here!

Panel 6

Hover-Taxi Driver: Where to, toots?

Tiffany: Well, let's see... I'm here to visit my little brother... but first I believe I need to buy something appropriate to wear! Take me swankiest clothing store in town, will you?

PAGE 6

Panel 1

Taryn: Okay, here's the deal... we need to find a way to diffuse the Pervert Dad situation, explain Renkil and Lester's disappearances convincingly, and put Taltar at ease. The Kem-Cams followed your Mom and Dad when Thora abducted them, and I don't think Taltargov liked me punching Thora out on film.

Tenzil: I've got a headache.

Panel 2

Taryn: *crushes part of table in her hand* You're ABOUT to have a BIGGER one if you don't FOCUS.

Panel 3

Tenzil: You're so sexy when you threaten me!

Panel 4

Taryn: Settle down. I think one sex flap per week is enough for you.

Panel 5

Tenzil: What the sprock's a sex flap, anyway?

PAGE 7

Panel 1

(A holovision show)

Caption: The Bismoll Broadcasting System proudly presents... Famous Sex Flaps Through History!

Bek: Hi, I'm Bekson Bek, and today we'll be taking a look at some of the famous sex scandals that have rocked the very foundations of Bismollian society...


Panel 2

Bek: Every school child digests the story of how Torvyn Mak could not tell a lie when his father asked him who had eaten his prized coat rack, but did you know about the extramarital affairs that he had before being drafted first President of Bismoll?

Panel 4

Bek: It's well-known that Jedger Hof, long-time director of the Calorie Police, kept rooms filled with secret files on suspected overconsumers. But it seems Director Hof may have had a dirty little secret of his own... a secret passion for men wearing plus-sized women's clothing!

Panel 4

Bek: These are but two of the many famous Bismollian figures whose sexual indiscretions we will be looking at today on "Famous Sex Flaps in History!"

PAGE 8

Panel 1

caption: 1 hour & 55 minutes later...

Bek: And no Overview of Famous Sex Flaps would be complete without mention of Bismoll's most recent one-- turns out Extremely Popular Senator Tenzil Kem's Dad has a thing for the undead, but then again, who doesn't?

Panel 2

Bek: In conclusion, I would like to thank each and every publc figure we've discussed today. As Chief Sex-Flap Historian, I'd have very little to do without them! I wouldn't trade my degree in sex-flapology for anything, I tell you what!

Panel 3

Bek: This is Bekson Bek, signing off-- and remember to hug a sex-addict today! Life would be EVER so dull without them!

Panel 4

Taryn: Wow! He barely went into your Dad's shenanigans! And your 1-line statement released about it has become famous planetwide!

Panel 5

*Taryn holds up holo-newspaper with headline: Kem to Dad-Bashers: "Oh, Untwist Your Knickers!!"

Panel 6

Tenzil: Progress, progress! How I love it so!

PAGE 9

Panel 1

Caption: The planet Taltar...

(Thora and Azura are speaking via vidphone...)

Thora: I think we can still use the situation on Tartarus to our advantage. At least we have a femme in charge, and many of those responsible for putting her in power are sympathetic to our cause...

Panel 2

Azura: We still don't have Loy, however. She is essential to our plan... if only you'd been able to convince her to join us!

Panel 3

Thora: I didn't get much of a chance to talk to her. But she was delightful! You should have felt the power when she punched me! A woman that we can all be proud of!

Panel 4

Azura: I'm sure I would have!

Thora: And, as far as recovering the artifact goes, at least we know that our main competition is out of the picture.

Panel 5

Azura: What exactly happened to Evillo and Malefico, anyway?

Thora: Oh, I convinced the rest of the ex-wives club that Evillo and his father would be safest here on Taltar. They are currently imprisoned, awaiting enslavement!

Panel 6

Azura: Very good, sister! The women of Femnaz will fire extra prayer rockets in your honor tonight!

PAGE 10

Panel 1

caption: hellish planet Tartarus, slightly less hellish under the rule of its new queen...

Drura: *on vidphone* Tenzil, baby! Oh, HOW is your darling Mom doing?

Panel 2

Tenzil: Oh, she's been a little down, what with the sex flap and all...

Drura: *gasp!!* Sex flap?? I KNEW that no-good father of your was gonna give her something! Well, I'll give HIM something...!

Panel 3

Tenzil: Uh, no Drura, it isn't a disease... oh, never mind. Look... I called in need of a favor...

Drura: Anything for you, you cutie!

Panel 4

caption: and the next day...

*image of that day's holo-news. Headline reads Queen of Tartarus Commends Tenzil Kem. Breakthrough Alliance Formed!

Page 5

Taryn: You're slick, Matter-Eater Lad

Tenzil: Slick as a space-eel and don't you forget it! You DID say "slick" and not "sick", right...?

PAGE 11

Panel 1

(Drura giving a speech on Tartarus)

Drura: And so, citizens of Tartarus, the alliance with Bismoll is just the first step in a new era for Tartarus! I envision a world where the living and reanimated work side by side to build a better future!

Panel 2

Hakk: Is she suggesting we should have equal rights?

Wheez: The fleshy ones will never go for that!

Panel 3

Drura: One of my first priorities will be to open a portal to the Realm of Darkness, to free all those that Evillo unjustly imprisoned there!

Panel 4

Hakk: Well, that seems like a reasonable idea!

Wheez: Yeah! But I'll miss seeing ol' hornhead zapping losers there!

Panel 5

Drura: As many of you already know, I have begun forming my own team of super-powered champions to protect the new Tartarus, and take the place of Evillo's Royal Cadre of thugs.

Panel 6

Drura: May I present to you the Heroes of Tartarus!

(Drura is waving Vanna White-style in the direction of her new superteam, who all conveniently have little captions with their names over them! There's Sugyn, Spaceopoly Lad, Policy Pam, Brittle Boy, Echo-Chamber Chet, and Incredible Girl).

PAGE 12

Panel 1

caption: Senator Kem's office...

Tenzil: Let's review, shall we?

Taryn: Let's.

Panel 2

Tenzil: So, the so-called "Pervert Dad" brouhaha has been downgraded to "pop-culture snippet".

Taryn: Yes.

Panel 3

Tenzil: I've scored MASSIVE popularity points both on Bismoll AND on Tartarus with the announced Tartaran alliance.

Taryn: That is true. You were also voted one of the '50 Most Beautiful People' by Tartaran People Magazine.

Panel 4

Tenzil: Jeepers! Ummm... I'm not sure how I feel about that...

Taryn: Let's consider it a good thing.

Panel 5

Tenzil: So... what do I still need to do?

Taryn: Well... your Mom and Dad are still on the outs...

Tenzil: NO way. Ain't touching THAT one.

Panel 6

Taryn: We've fed lines to the media about Renkil and Lester needing vacations in the wake of the KEM SHOW being cancelled, so that's a non-issue for now.

Tenzil: Good, good. Anything else?

Panel 7

Taryn: There's still the little matter of me punching Thora. Taltar has been relatively quiet about it, though.

Tenzil: Oh! I guess I forgot to tell you...

Panel 8

Taryn: Oh geez. Why am I getting a BAD feeling...?

Panel 9

Tenzil: Bad feeling? I saved your ass! All I had to do was tell Taltar you'd meet with Thora for Kono Juice.

Taryn: ?!!!? WHAT ?!!!?

PAGE 13

Panel 1

(Tenz's omnicom buzzes)

Tenz: We'll talk about it later, girl! Yes?

Tenz's secretary (on omnicom): Senator Kem, there's a Miss Spiffany here to see you.

Panel 2

Tenz: Miss Spiff-- Jeebus! I told you Lester'd be back soon enough! Send him in!

Panel 3

(Tiffany enters the room, looking very attractive in her new outfit...)

Panel 4

(Tenz's sunglasses fall off..., Taryn looks on disapprovingly...)

Tenz: Wowza, Lester! Uh... remember all that stuff I said about not liking you in that way... maybe I should revise that... uh... er.. um... you're gorgeous!

Panel 5

Tiffany (slightly blushing): Aaahhh, you are soooo sweet! But please do not mistake me for my brother.

Panel 6

Tenz: Brother? Oh, you must be Tiffany! Lester's told me so little about you! I mean... he, uh, mentioned he had a sister... but I never really got the impression you guys were close or anything...

Tiffany: That's okay. We're not really.

PAGE 14

Panel 1

Taryn: So, Tiffany. To what do we owe the "pleasure" of your visit?

Tiffany: Ah, Taryn Loy! I'm such a fan of yours and have been since day one of KEM FAMILY & FRIENDS! Such beauty, such charm...

Taryn: Says the girl wearing the dress made out of solid space-sapphires.

Tiffany: *tee hee!*

Panel 2

Tiffany: I've never been one to deny myself certain creature comforts.

Taryn: Careful. Some creatures with skins like yours have been hunted to near-extinction.

Panel 3

Tiffany: Indeed. *Tiffany leans towards Tenzil, her breasts near his face* Here's the space-scene, Tenzil the Senzual...

Tenzil: *Gulp!*

Panel 4

Tiffany: *all dramatic* I travelled ALL the way from Earth to Bismoll to visit my little brother. He left without ever saying goodbye! I miss him so, and have been EVER so worried for him! Then I see he's part of your KEM SHOW, so I allow myself a flicker of hope! Then I GET here only to discover the show's been cancelled and he's gone on "vacation"!

Panel 5

Tiffany: *breasts back near Tenzil's face* What's a girl to DO, Senator Kem?

Tenzil: WE'LL help you!

Panel 6

*Taryn pulls Tenz to her mouth by his ear*

Taryn: Have you flipped your Umbra 3000s? NO WAY can we help her!

PAGE 15

Panel 1

Tenzil (whispering): Well, why not? She seems like a nice girl, and she's Lester's sister!

Taryn (whispering): Uh... first off, we have NO idea where Lester is! Remember?

Panel 2

Tenzil (whispering): Hmm... okay, I admit that's a good point. But we can at least try to help her. I'm worried about Lester as well.

Panel 3

Tenzil: Okay, Tiffany. I've got to admit that I'm not quite sure where Lester went on vacation, but I've got an idea how we might find him!

Panel 4

Tiffany: Oh? You are EVERY bit as smart as you seemed to be on your hovo-vid show!

Panel 5

Tenzil (blushing): Gee, thanks!

Taryn (too herself): Oh, brother...

Panel 6

Tenzil (picking up his omnicom): Now, I'll just dial-up Bismoll Spacelines and see if they can track the shuttlecraft Lester was flying!

PAGE 16

Panel 1

caption: What Senator Kem wants, Senator Kem gets!

Tenzil: GOT it! His shuttlecraft apparently made a pit-stop on a small planetoid and eventually ended up on a distant planet called Thrann!

Tiffany: Never heard of it.

Panel 2

Tenzil: What's odd is that en route to the planetoid, his signal suddenly becomes significantly reduced and stayed that way all the way to Thrann.

Taryn: Almost as if he were using a mild cloaking device?

Tenzil: Or were swallowed by a giant space-serpent?

Panel 3

Tiffany: OH!! How dreadful!!! *choke!!* Senator Kem! *hugging Tenzil, all dramatic*

Panel 4

Taryn: Hmm. Maybe we SHOULD go check this out...?

Panel 5

Tenzil: You're right. Tiffany and I will go check it out. YOU, however, have a date on Taltar.

Panel 6

Taryn: You have GOT to be kidding!

Tenzil: Do I EVER kid? Well, never mind. But I'm NOT kidding now.

PAGE 17

Panel 1

Caption: Metropolis Park, Metropolis, Earth

(panel shows Renkil wandering around aimlessly)

Panel 2

(suddenly Renkil bumps into someone!)

Panel 3

Stranger: Are you okay? Let me help you up.

Renkil: Thanks. I'm sorry, I didn't notice you. I've got a lot on my mind.

Panel 4

Stranger: That's okay. I find the park is a really great place to come and think when you need to sort things out. Me, I'm here almost every day.

Renkil: Really?

Panel 5

Stranger: Yeah. But mostly I just come here to feed the pigeons. I meet a lot of people who are here doing some soul-searching, however. My name is Myron Marks. Come sit down if you'd like someone to talk to.

Panel 6

Renkil: Yeah, that would be good. It's just... some really horrible stuff has happened to me lately, and it's like I don't know who I am any more...

Panel 7

Myron: Well, I find that really it's best if you don't let your past constrain you. If you're not happy with how things are going, then change them. Just remember, you can be the person you want to be. You just have to be willing to take the necessary steps to make the change...

Panel 8

Renkil: Really? Yeah, I can be who I want to be... I'll take the necessary steps... Thanks, Myron! You were so helpful!

Panel 9

Myron: Glad to be of service! And good luck!

PAGE 18

Panel 1

Pa Kem: *sobbing* ...and I can't... I can't tell you how sorry I am....

Panel 2

Ma Kem: Well... *stroking his bowed head* ...come on... come to bed....

Panel 3

Thora: *on vidphone* Don't FORGET your promise to me, Kem!

Tenzil: CRIPES! I havent!!

Panel 4

Tenzil: *cuts off vidphone; to Tiffany* Jeebus, what a pushy dame!

Panel 5

Tiffany: Oh, Tenzikiens!

Panel 6

Lester: *nuzzling Dev-Em's cheek* The stars... the stars...

Dev-Em: They're beautiful...

Somebody give these guys a raise and a promotion, already!

PAGE 19

Panel 1

Caption: Bismopolis Space-Port, the next day

Tenzil: I'm sure everything will be okay. You just go, have your little chat with Thora, and you'll probably be back before we are!

Taryn: I don't know. I don't trust Thora. And I don't particularly trust Tiffany, either.

Panel 2

Tenzil: Oh, you're so cute when you're jealous!

Taryn: Jealous? Kem, for someone whose known me since we were both chewing pacifiers, sometimes you seem so incredibly clueless about me.

Panel 3

Tenzil: Oh, you're so cute when you're denying that you're jealous!

Taryn: Ugh... have fun on Thrann. Did you manage to find anything out about the place?

Panel 4

Tenzil: Not much. Only that the natives are bald and have big foreheads. It seems to have a culture all of its own, but I didn't find out too much about it.

Panel 5

Tiffany: Hey, Tenzi-poo! How do you like my new outfit? I bought it especially for this trip?

Tenzil: Wow! It's... gorgeous!

Panel 6

Taryn: I'll see you guys later.

Panel 7

(Taryn boards her ship...)

PAGE 20

panel 1

*inside Taryn's ship*

Taryn thought-caption: Tenzil's heading straight for big trouble, I can just sense it!

Panel 2

Taryn thought-caption: I'll get out of the atmosphere, park on a planetoid and tail them at a distance when they lift off. My "date" with Thora will just have to wait!

Panel 3

caption: Deep space...

Lester: I could travel the spaceways in your arms forever.

Dev-Em: Maybe we will.

Panel 4

*a ship comes out of nowhere and blasts by, barely missing them*

Dev-Em: Great Rao!

Lester: Are they STUPID or what??

Panel 5

Dev-Em: They're certainly in a stupid big hurry! That makes me kind of suspicious...

PAGE 21

(big splash page showing Dev and Lester chasing after the ship)

Dev-Em: We'll follow them and figure out what's going on!

Title "Senate Business" and credits appear at the bottom of page.

PAGE 22

top-page caption: Oh heck, have 1 more page...

Panel 1

caption: Tartarus: the royal penthouse hover-apartment of Drura, AKA Infectious Lass AKA Newly crowned Queen...

*knock on door, Drura looks startled*

Drura: I can't imagine who THAT could be at this hour...

Panel 2

*knocking continues*

Drura: Vicious viruses! Keep your mucous in, I'm coming!

Panel 3

*opens door*

Drura: Yes, who is... *GASP!!* YOU??

Panel 4

*the mystery knocker is revealed*

Drura: Tenzil...?!