Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business MATTER-EATER LAD: The Series!!!

Geez, guys... this is funny stuff! I don't know why I haven't read this till now... poo on me.

I *was* waiting for Drura to give Mama Kem a dose of something really nasty... which brings up a semi-serious question. Can Drura 'take away' a disease which she infected/created right away, or does it have to run its natural course? I don't recall this coming up in 'official' stories...

I wish I'd read this before I started using Sugyn in DUELA DOES DALLAS. Maybe I'll make my guy Sugyn's brother...

Anyways, keep up the good work! You've had fun so far and it shows.

TN

Glad you're enjoying it, Todd!

Uh... Lash, am I suppossed to know why Lester and Taryn are fuming at Tenzil?

Here's how I see it....

Lester's pissed off because he's hungry, tired and hasn't been able to spend any quality time with Tenzil.

Taryn's pissed off because the mission to Tartarus was a colossal failure and no one seems to care but her.

Oh, and Todd-- THANKS, man!

PAGE 2

Panel 1

Tenzil: Suffering Sasquatch, guys! I don't even know why y'all are mad at me!

Panel 2

Lester: Well, for starters, I've been starved since before we started watching that boring home movie back on Tartarus, and the in-transit space food this shuttle leaves much to be desired.

Panel 3

Lester: Then there's the fact that I thought we'd get to spend some quality time together on vacation. But no! Your mom gets to lounge around in a space-spa the whole time, and I get thrown in some creepy dungeon and sat upon by an old fat man! Not to mention the other horrors...

Panel 4

Lester: I've done nothing but selflessly devote myself to you since we've met, Tenzil Kem. And yet I feel like you are not giving me the attention and consideration I deserve. You haven't even tried to kiss me, once! A boy wants to feel wanted, and I'm starting to feel like this relationship is completely one-sided.

Panel 5

Lester: I need to know where I stand with you, Tenzil Kem.

Tenzil: Well, jeepers, Lester. I guess we do need to talk...

PAGE 3

Panel 1

Tenzil: Look, Lester... you truly have been wonderful to me. Your help has been invaluable!

Lester: Finally! Some recognition! But it's easy to say you appreciate me.

Panel 2

Tenzil: That's all you're going to get from me, though. Look, I care about you as much as I do my own brother-- though I'm not sure that's much of a compliment-- AS A FRIEND. Only. Ever. Okay?

Panel 3

Lester: You mean... you're... you're...

Panel 4

*Tenzil looking expectantly*

Panel 5

Lester: You're breaking UP with me...!?!?

Taryn: Oh, Sirius on a stick!! There never WAS anything to break UP, Lester! Go use your frelling fortune to buy a CLUE, already!

Panel 6

Lester: STOP this spaceship!! Stop it AT ONCE!!

PAGE 4

Splash Page

(close up on Lester, in a strange combination of shock, anger, and sadness that Tenzil just doesn't feel that way towards him)

Title: "Sissy Hissy!"

Lester: I am never speaking to you again, Tenzil Kem!

PAGE 5

Panel 1

Taryn: Aren't you going to go after him?

Tenzil: No. He needs to deal with this in his own way... he'll come around. He was about due for a spotlight issue anyway, and this seems to be the perfect chance for that.

Panel 2

Taryn: I don't know what you're sprocking talking about half the time.

Panel 3

*Lester approaching Spaceship Attendant*

Lester: You there, with the eyestalk... I need to board a shuttlecraft.

Panel 4

Attendant: But... these crafts are for emergency usage only!

Panel 5

Lester: HERE'S your emergency, Stalky!

*Lester holds out a large pile of credits*

Panel 6

*shot of shuttlecraft leaving the Spaeship*

PAGE 6

Panel 1

(Lester in shuttlecraft)

Lester: *sob* I can't believe that Tenzil... how could he be so mean to me... and that witch Taryn... I hate her! I hate both of them!

Panel 2

Lester: Hmm... but what if she has Tenzil under mind-control or something? Maybe he's in trouble! Maybe he needs me to rescue him?

Panel 3

Lester: No... it all makes sense now. Tenzil never loved me at all... that's why he was so cold towards me... And Taryn knew all along... and the producers of that stupid holo-show... everyone's just been making fun of me!

Panel 4

Lester: They're stupid! All of them stupid! I'll show them! Just as soon as I... hey, what am I doing? Where am I going?

Panel 5

(A larger spacecraft is approaching the tiny shuttlecraft Lester is in...)

Lester: Well, I can't go back to Bismoll, and going home to cry to daddy would suck, too.

Panel 6

(Lester's ship is drawn into the larger spacecraft)

Lester: Uh... what's going on here?

Panel 7

(a strange bald, monocled man appears on Lester's viewscreen...)

Othar: Greetings, Lester Spiffany! I am Othar of Thrann. It is good to finally meet you!

PAGE 7

Panel 1

Lester: Thrann? Never heard of it. Must be some backwater slum. Why have you abducted me? And... more importantly-- Why's your head so big and bald?

Panel 2

Othar: *ahem.* All on Thrann are possessed of oversize bare craniums!

Lester: Well, no wonder you left it. And I suppose you captured me to seek out some hair-care tips after you have a hair transplant?

Panel 3

Othar: Errr... no. Actually, I have been studying you via the KEM FAMILY & FRIENDS holo-show.

Panel 4

Lester: Oh, I get it-- a fan! Well, I hate to tell ya, I won't be on THAT show anymore!

Panel 5

Othar: It pleases me to hear that. Come, Lester Spiffany... I want you to meet my companions!

Lester: Great. Are they all bald too?

PAGE 8

Panel 1

Othar: No! Well, one of them happens to have an over-sized bare cranium as well, but he's not from Thrann...

Lester: Oh, brother...

Panel 2

caption: Soon...

Othar: My friend, let me introduce you to my Super-Companions...

Panel 3

Othar: Splash, from the planet Cruxl, a scientist whose great genius allowed him to invent a serum which changes him into a puddle of water!

Panel 4

Othar: This is Shower, Splash's young partner, whose scientist father gave him the ability to make it rain!

Panel 5

Othar: And here is Bobb Barker, better known as Treehugger, whose mutant ability to grow extra limbs and extend them to giant proportions means few evildoers can escape his embrace!

Panel 6

Othar: And here is poor Shadow! The particles of his body were altered in a bizarre experiment so that he can walk through anything, but is only able to align his particles to make him capable of physical contact for brief periods!

Panel 7

Othar: And lastly, Mzgrzz the Magnificent, whose mind-over-matter powers allow him to reshape ordinary objects into fabulous inventions!

PAGE 9

Panel 1

Lester: Hmm. Too bad he can't reshape that big bald head of his... and yours.

Panel 2

Othar: ENOUGH about the big bald heads, already!

Lester: Hey, don't yell at ME, Monocle-face! I didn't ASK to be here with a bunch of chrome-domes, tree-dudes and ghost guys. What's up with this Dweeb Festival, anyway?

Panel 4

Treehugger: We had hoped to get you to join our Super-Companions.

Lester: Look, Budd...

Treehugger: Bobb.

Lester: Like it matters. I'm not much of a joiner. I'm a loner.

Panel 5

Othar: You CERTAINLY aren't the sweet young man you portrayed on the Kem Show!

Panel 6

Lester: I was in love then. Now, I'm rejected and bitter. Back to my old self. And it feels GOOD to be ME again. I hate the stupid space-simp I became for a while.

PAGE 10

Panel 1

Splash: But... we were going to give you this space-tiara and make you our leader!

Lester: Hmmph! I've got all the fancy jewelry I need, bozo! That cheap knockoff doesn't impress me!

Panel 2

Othar: Look, we're offeriring you a chance to come to a place where you will be respected and loved for who you are!

Lester: Bah! I don't need you stupid bald men and your stupid admiration! I'll be fine on my own!

Panel 3

(The ship begins to shake violently as alarms go off!)

Treehugger: What's that?

Shower: I think we're under attack!

Panel 4

Othar (to communicator): What's going on?

Voice on Communicator: Another ship has opened fire on us! I'm afraid it's Anti-Lad, sir!

Panel 5

Splash: Anti-Lad! Arch-nemesis of the super-companions! The greatest threat to our way of life on Thrann! Why would she be attacking us here in space!

Panel 6

Othar: Quick! To the control room!

Shower: Come along, Lester! You'll be safer if you stick with us!

PAGE 11

Panel 1

caption: before you know it...

Mzgrzz: DAMN! It IS Anti-Lad and her Fatal Femmes!

Lester: Fatal Femmes?

Panel 2

Othar: I'm afraid we're going to have to fight out way out of this one, fellas.

Shadow: I'm ready!

Splash: As am I!


Panel 3

Lester: Yeah, like YOU two can do much. QUICK! Throw water on her! Walk through her!

Panel 4

Shower: You're rude! We try not to point out their general uselessness!

Splash: HEY!

Shower: Oh, come on, you know its true!

Panel 5

Treehugger: NO!!!! I can't believe she DID it...!

Lester: What? What?

Panel 6

Treehugger: She's released an unstoppable monster to attack us!

Panel 7

caption: The Super-Moby Dick of Space!

*shot of Super-Moby*

PAGE 12

Panel 1

Mzgrzz: We've got no hope of fighting the Super-Moby Dick in Space! We must land at that small, nearby planetoid!

Panel 2

(shows the Super-Companions stepping out of the ship as the SMD approaches!)

Treehugger: I'll grow extra limbs and try to grab it before it eats our spaceship!

Shower: I'll try to scare it away by making it rain!

Splash (to Shadow): And he says we'reuseless!

Panel 3

Treehugger: Oh no! Strange radiation from the Super-Moby Dick is causing my extra limbs to fall off as quickly as I can grow them!

Panel 4

Splash: I... I'm getting scared...

Panel 5

(Splash turns into a puddle...)

Lester: Oh brother...

Panel 6

Mzgrzz: Keep it distracted, my Super-Companions! I'm whipping up something to stop it!

PAGE 13

Panel 1

Shower: The rain doesn't bother it-- but let's see how it likes a HAILSTORM!

Panel 2

*Moby being hailed on, looks enraged*

Panel 3

Shadow: I'll get it to follow me since it can't hurt me!

Panel 4

*shot of Lester watching the battle*

Thought-caption: I would be helpless to stop that monster-- but The Super-Companions are actually quite capable against it so far... well, except for Splash...

Panel 5

Mzgrzz: BACK, Shadow and Shower! Back, as I STRIKE the beast...!

PAGE 14

Panel 1

Mzgrzz: As you know, no sound can travel in space, so space-whales communicate by telepathically projecting "songs" to one another...

Panel 2

Mzgrzz: This device, which I have constructed by rearranging the atoms of simple stones, will allow my mighty mind to replicate the songs of space whales, and "project" them to the mind of the Super-Moby Dick...

Panel 3

Mzgrzz: Everyone should stay clear in case this doesn't work! Hannah only knows how the Super-Moby Dick will respond if I've programmed in the wrong song...

Panel 4

Mzgrzz: It seems to be working! I'm projecting a warning to stay away from this planetoid, and the Super-Moby Dick appears to be leaving!


Panel 5

The Super-Companions: Hurray! Yay for Mzgrzz!

Panel 6

Mzgrzz: Don't celebrate yet, my friends! Anti-Lad's spaceship is landing!

PAGE 15

Panel 1

Mzgrzz: Yes, it is the Fatal Femmes! There's Rainbow Girl, who is particularly deadly to Shower!

Panel 2

Mzgrzz: And Dyke Damsel, whose absolute control over all things lquid makes her so dangerous to Spash!

Panel 3

Mzgrzz: Utility Girl, who can morph her body into a myriad of mechanical devices!

Panel 4

Mzgrzz: Shaggy Lass, the furry super-strong deadly monster, more beast that human!

Panel 5

Mzgrzz: And Anti-Lad herself! She came here from the far-flung future to change the past with her super-science!

Panel 6

Laster: Jeebus! A bald GIRL! What IS IT with you people?? and is that a buttcrack in her head?

PAGE 16

Panel 1

Anti-Lad: Foolish super-companions! You may have been safe from us on your all-male paradise of Thrann, but in open space we have the advantage! And once it's greatest champions are destroyed, Thrann itself will be next!

Panel 2

Lester: Popping hotties! Didn't I just go through with this with that Thora chick?

Panel 3

Anti-Lad: You know Thora of Taltar, sissy male? Bah! Her foolish matriarchal alliance will never work! The crazy woman actually wants to enslave stupid males to do her bidding! Only the total elimination of men is acceptable! Starting with all of you!

Panel 4

Anti-Lad: Attack my Fatal Femmes!

Lester: Oh, jeebus!

Panel 5

(The Fatal Femmes attack!)

(Rainbow Girl projects a rainbow at Shower)
Shower: Eek! I'm vulnerable to the light force of a rainbow!

(Dyke Damsel punches Splash)
Dyke Damsel: Refusing to use your powers, eh? Well, my fists will prove as deadly as my ability to control your liquid form!

(Shaggy Lass pulls off one of Treehugger's limbs!)
Shaggy Lass: Rrrrargghhh!

(Utility Lass morphs into some sort of weapon and shoots at Mzgrzz!)
Utility Lass: I can change form faster than you can morph other objects, Mzgrzz!

(Anti-Lad presses a button on her visor)
Anti-Lad: Don't think for a second that you're safe, Shadow! One blast from my visor and the particles of your bodies will loose what little cohesion they have left!

PAGE 17

PANEL 1

*Lester watches the carnage*

Thought caption: Well, I see this is going badly for the Companions. I wonder why Oprah disappeared right when the action started? Maybe he had to clean his monocle. Anyhoo, guess I better do something about this...

Panel 2

Lester: This solid silver platter will deflect the rays of your visor, Anti-Lad!

Panel 3

Lester: And hurling it at Shaggy Lass will stun her temporarily!

Panel 4

Lester: My Venturan Walking Money will swarm over Rainbow Girl!

Walking Money: Meep! Meep! Meep!

Rainbow Girl: NooOOOoooo!

Panel 5

Lester: Even Utility Lass is vulnerable to the vapors of this Gas Money!

Panel 6

*throws a gold necklace bolo-style*

Lester: Looks like you're all tied up for the moment, Dyke Damsel!

PAGE 18

Panel 1

Anti-Lad: Bah! I hadn't counted on the sissy one being so powerful! Retreat, my fatal femmes!

Panel 2

(The Fatal Femmes struggle to their spaceship and run away!)

The Super-Companions: Yay! Hurray for Lester!

Panel 3

(Othar comes out of the Super-Companion spaceship)

Othar: Let me offer my sincere thanks to you, Lester Spiffany! You have truly proved yourself worthy of a place in the super-companions!

Panel 4

Lester: So... let's see if I understand this. You guys are the elite defense force for an all-male paradise planet?

Splash: Yep!

Panel 5

Lester: And the creepy buttcrack-headed bald chick from the future is bent on altering the past by destroying all men in the present day?

Shadow: That's it!

Panel 6

Lester: And she especially targeted your planet because it's all-male?

Shower: You understand perfectly!

Panel 7

Lester: And you want me to join your team?

Othar: We'd very much like that!

Panel 8

Lester: Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least go to your planet and check it out...

PAGE 19

Panel 1

caption: And before you can say "Shiny Disco Balls"...

*the Super-Companions and Lester walk among a crowd on Thrann*

Lester: So, this is Thrann. Sure are a lot of bald guys here.

Othar: *sigh!*

Panel 2

Lester: But I got to hand it to you, Oprah... people here seem to adore you guys!

Ohar: The name is OTHAR.

Lester: Yeah yeah yeah.

Panel 3

Shower: And look, Lester, not EVERYone here is a native Thrannian. See?

Panel 4

*Lester eyes a crowd of guys with hair and normal-size craniums!*

Panel 5

Lester: Popping Hotties!!! Who... is... THAT?

Panel 6

Treehugger: Ah, I see you've taken notice of Dev-Em.

PAGE 20

Panel 1

Lester: He's cute!

Shower: He should be at the special Reception Dinner in your honor tonight! If you want, I can introduce you...

Panel 2

Lester: A dinner? In my honor? And a hot guy you're going to introduce me to? This is paradise!

Panel 3

Caption: Later, that evening...

Shower: Lester, I'd like to introduce you to Dev-Em, the Kryptonian rogue!

Lester: Kryptonian? I thought they died out a millenium ago?

Panel 4

Dev-Em: Oh, that's a long story. Perhaps you'd like to hear it over dinner tomorrow night?

Panel 5

Lester (thought caption): Wowsa! Another dinner invitation! And from a cute guy nonetheless!

Lester: Why, I'd really enjoy that, I'm sure!

Panel 6

caption: The next evening...

Lester: And so... I gave the big fat guy a bunch of money, and soon he was on our side!

Dev-Em: Oh, Lester! You're so smart!

PAGE 21

Panel 1

Lester: SO, why aren't you a member of the Super-Companions?

Panel 2

Dev-Em: I am, sort of. Sort of an Honorary Member.

Lester: Why's that?

Panel 3

Dev-Em: Truthfuly? I'm not much of a joiner. I've always been kind of a loner...

Lester: Wow! Deja Vu!

Dev-Em: But recently, I've desired a super-companion of my own to join me in my nomadic space-wanderings...

Panel 4

Lester: You don't say. I've felt the same way recently. Gosh, Dev, forgive me for being so bold but... you have a GREAT head of hair!

Panel 5

*Dev touches Lester's cheek*

Dev-Em: As do you, Lester. As do you.

PAGE 22

Panel 1

(Tenzil's suite)

Tenzil: Yep! I'm sure Lester'll be back in a couple of days! He's an important part of Kem Family & Friends, you know! Without him, it's kind of just Kem Family & Friend!

Panel 2

Taryn: Tenz, we still don't know why Evillo was assassinating anyone who occupied your Senate position. Until we find out, I'm not certain that you aren't still in danger...

Panel 3

Tenzil: Jumping fishhooks! Look, Evillo's deposed, his weird father and ex-wife aren't in any position to bother me! Why would anyone else possibly want to hurt me?

Panel 4

Taryn: My point is, unless we know why they wanted you dead, we can't know who else might share their goals.

Tenzil: Maybe you do have a point...

Panel 5

(Tenzil's omnicom beeps)

Tenzil: Hmm... what's this? A message? Maybe it's from Lester or Renkil!

Panel 6

Tenzil: Cancelled! We've been cancelled!?!

Next issue blurb: Next up, Tenzil gets down to business! Senate Business!

OMG, I *loved* this issue!!!!

Eryk, we're on a major roll!

I reread the whole thing last night and loved it! I even think the off-panel defeat of Evillo/Malefico can be used in our favor upon the inevitable return to Tartarus!