Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business MATTER-EATER LAD: The Series!!!

PAGE 5

Panel 1

Taryn: Tenz, if I boost you up, can you eat through the bars on the window?

Tenzil: Piece of cake!

Panel 2

(Taryn give Tenz a boost, and he starts eating the bars

Panel 3

(After one bite, Tenz has an odd look on his face, and spits out what he has just eaten. The ends of the bars are glowing purple where he bit into them)

Tenz: Yuck! That tastes awful!

Taryn: Tenz! That purple glow...!

Panel 4

(Taryn let Tenz down and he crumples on the floor)

Tenz: I don't feel so good...

Taryn: Damn! The bars are made of magnozite! The one substance that even Bismollians can't eat!

Panel 5

Lester: Are you okay, hon?

Tenz: Uuuuuhhhhh...

Panel 6

Taryn: I don't think he ate enough to cause serious poisoning, but he'll be sick for awhile...

PAGE 6

Panel 1

Shirley: Won't someone PLEASE help! These crazy heart-pumping fleshbags are running amok and eating stuff! It's pure higgledy-piggledy down here! SriEEEEEK!

Panel 2

Lester: That's QUITE enough outta YOU, sister! (he hurls a pearl necklace)

Panel 3

(the necklace loops around Shirley's neck; her head pops off)

Shirley: *GaKK!*

Panel 4

Taryn: Lethal force, Lester?

Lester: Jeebus! I didn't mean to kill it-- I just wanted it to quit shrieking!

Tenzil: *heh* That was... kewl... *HURRL!*

Panel 5

Taryn: Dagnabbit, Tenzil!

Tenzil: Can't help... *HURRL!* ...it!

Lester: Someone's coming!

Panel 6

Taryn: And WE'RE going! (she smashes a wall down)

PAGE 7

Panel 1

(Taryn bursts through the walls of the dungeon to find... another dungeon cell!)

Taryn: Ah... grife!

Panel 2

Taryn (to Lester): You take care of Tenzil, I'm going to see what's above us!

Panel 3

(Taryn leaps and burst through the ceiling!)

Panel 4

(Taryn finds herself in Evillo's bedroom! Fortunately, Evillo is nowhere to be seen... though interesting sounds seem to be coming through the wall...)

Panel 5

(Taryn looks down through the hole in the floor at Lester holding the ill Tenzil.)

Panel 6

(Taryn searches Evillo's drawers for something she can lower down to Lester and Tenzil)

Panel 7

(Taryn pulls Tenzil up using Evillo's bathrobe)

PAGE 8

Panel 1

Apollo: You! How did you escape the Realm of Darkness?

Lester: DAMN! It's that hypnotic good-looking guy!

Panel 2

Taryn: (from above) NO, Lester!! Grab the robe NOW!

Panel 3

Apollo: Why would he want to do that? He wants to stay here with me... don't you, Lester? The fun we could have spending your fortune... the exotic male strip clubs-- the clothes-optional casinos-- Paris! Ventura! The Puppet Planetoid! The mind reels! Stay with me, Lester.

Lester: I... I...

Panel 4

Tenzil: (from above) Les! Don't abandon us, dude! We need you... *HURRL!*

Taryn: Dagnabbit!!!

Panel 5

Apollo: Come HERE, Lester... NOW!

Lester: Yes, master...

Panel 6

Lester: Since it will allow me to get close enough to do... THIS! (Lester konks Apollo on the head with a gold brick)

PAGE 9

Panel 1

(The remainder of the Devil's Dozen [Lotus Fruit Lass, The Wild Huntsman, Stick With A Nail in It Kid, Sugyn, and Two-Face Tess] enter!)

Lotus Fruit Lass: Get him!

Panel 2

(Two-Face Tess pulls off her face!)

Lester: Eeeewwww!

Panel 3

(As Lester collapses in disgust, Sugyn sits on him! Meanwhile, the LFL, SWANITK, and Wild Hunstman head for the stairs!)

Lotus-Fruit Lass: You two keep this one captive, we'll go after the other two!

Panel 4

Tenzil: Willikers! They've got Lester! What are we gonna do, Taryn?

Panel 5

(Taryn looks around the room)

Taryn: Get me a sec...

Panel 6

(Taryn barricades the door with Evillo's giant bed!)

Taryn: This will slow them down!

PAGE 10

Panel 1

caption: meanwhile, in the hot-tub...

Drura: Well! Your son... Denzel was it? ...he sounds like a real kewl parakat!

Ma: Tenzil. And oh my, YES, he is! I actually have another son, too, but he was never a Legionnaire... or even employed by the Legion. He was always so jealous of Tenzil...

Panel 2

(POP! sound effect, as a random Scantily Clad Overendowed Assassin appears out of nowhere while Ma & Drura look on)

Panel 3

(the SCOA dashes off)

Drura: Hmm. That was unexpected.

Ma: And speaking of unexpected-- here comes son # 2 right now!

Panel 4

(Renkil fuming as he passes by the hot tub)

Ma: Renkil! I have someone I want you to meet, darling...

Renkil: Not naw, Ma!

Panel 5

Ma: My stars! What could have gotten into that lad? He's usually slightly less rude than that.

Drura: Think nothing of it, sweetie. I'll meet him later. So, how long are you guys planning to be here?

Panel 6

Ma: I... I don't know. Tenzil aranged all this with his friends Taryn and Nancy. Come to think of it, I haven't seen any of them around lately...

Drura: Oh? Sounds a bit space-fishy.

MA: Yes... yes it does, at that...

PAGE 11

Panel 1

Caption: Back in Evillo's bedchambers...

Tenzil: Are you sure that will keep them out?

Taryn: We'll see...

Panel 2

(The Devil's Dozen burst through another door behind Tenz and Taryn!)

Panel 3

Taryn: Grife! I must have barricaded the closet! I always do that!

Panel 4

(Lotus Fruit Lass uses her power...)

Tenzil: Oh... I am so going to be sick...

Panel 5

(Taryn picks up Stick With a Nail In It Kid and uses him and throws him at the Wild Huntsman)

Taryn: I'll be with you in a sec, Tenz!

Panel 6

(Taryn punches Lotus Fruit Lass, but Tenz remains crouched on floor puking)

Taryn: You okay, Kem?

Tenz: Uhhhh... yeah... go... save... Les... ter...

PAGE 12

Panel 1

caption: Meanwhile, under Sugyn...

Lester: It's not that I mind being on the bottom, but THIS is mortifying!

Sugyn: Shaddup, kid!

Panel 2

Lester: What's Evillo paying you, fat boy?

Sugyn: Not enough to listen to your sorry-ass whining!

Panel 3

Lester: Oh yeah? Well, I'll TRIPLE it!

Tess: Your sorry-ass whining?

Panel 4

No, Trish, or whatever your name is... I'll triple whatever Evillo's paying you to join up with ME!

Panel 5

(Tess & Sugyn look at each other grinning)

Panel 6

(Sugyn rises off Lester)

Sugyn: Creds up front?

Panel 7

Lester: I'd like you to meet your new best friend... (pulls out huge pile of credits, seemingly from nowhere) Buttloada Moolah, meet chubby!

PAGE 13

Panel 1

Two-Face Tess: Hey! You can't just quit the Devil's Dozen!

Panel 2

(begin to peel face off)

Sugyn: Oh, no you don't!

Panel 3

(Sugyn hits her with a big gush of water!)

Lester: Cool!

Panel 4

(Taryn runs in)

Taryn: Hold on, Lester! I'll take out fatso!

Lester: Wait!

Panel 5

(Taryn leaps to take Sugyn down with a flying kick)

Panel 6

(Taryn's kick connects with Sugyn)

Lester: No, Taryn! He's on our side now!

PAGE 14

Panel 1

Sugyn: Sheesh, lady! Those feet could kill a guy!

Lester: I keep trying to get her to use the full-body deoderatron...

Sugyn: Huh? That's not what I... oh, never mind.

Panel 2

Taryn: Okaaaaay... I don't have time to ask a lot of questions... so if you're with me, let's grab Tenzil and get the SPROCK out of here... if you're against me, prepare for a pounding.

Panel 3

Lester: We're with you, now let's GO!

Panel 4

Sugyn: (whispers to Lester) Blazing Bigfoot! Is she always like this?

Lester: This is a actually a good day!

Panel 5

caption: And lo and behold, before you can say "I want my money back"...

(scene shows the gang busting out!)

Taryn: I hear something... the sounds of battle...!

Lester: Sounds more like earthquake beasts making love to me...!

Sugyn: It's... Evillo! And-- is that--? NO! It can't be---!

PAGE 15

Panel One

(Evillo comes out of the room next door to his bedroom wearing nothing but his cape and boxer shorts with little devils on them! His horns are fully out!)

Evillo: What's going on here?

Panel Two

(Degree Damsel, also in a state of undress, comes out behind him)

DD: Oh! Who are these people, your highness?

Evillo: How did you escape from the Realm of Darkness? Bah! No matter! Sugyn! Capture them!

Panel Three

(Sugyn looks unsure of what to do...)

Sugyn: Uhhhh...

Panel Four

Evillo: You imbecile! Don't just stand there looking dumb! Bah! I'll take care of them myself!

Panel Five

(Evillo prepares to zap T, T, & L!)

Panel Six

(Suddenly Evillo is hit from behind by one of the Overendowed Assassin chicks!)

PAGE 16

Panel 1

Evillo: Who DARES strike me from behind-- NO! Not YOU!!!

Panel 2

Evillo: Breasticca! FREE! Then that means--

Breasticca: CORRECT, wretched one!

Panel 3

(Breasticca is joined by the other Overendowed Assassins)

Breasticca: ALL of your formerly banished wives and girlfrinds are BACK!

Evillo: Mammarress! Melony! Juggsella! And the others whose names I never learned...! NoooOOOOoooo!

Panel 4

Juggsella: DESTROY him!

voice from behind: HALT!

Panel 5

Evillo: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Malefico: Yes, wayward son. I am back. BACK to claim what is MINE!

Panel 6

Lester (to Tenzil): What a bunch of drama queens!

PAGE 17

Panel 1

(Evillo presses a button on his cape)

Evillo: Devil's Dozen! To me!

Panel 2

Evillo: Uh... Hello?

Panel 3

(Presses other button on cape)

Evillo: Bah! Zombie Army! To me!

Panel 4

(Zombie Army rushes in)

Evillo: Get them!

Panel 5

(Zombie army and Overendowed Assasin chicks begin fighting)

I have tried to post the next frigging page TWICE and get a "parenthesis not allowed in HTML" error!!!!!!

ARRRRRGH!!!!!!!!

So let's try it again without using ANY naughty parentheses...

PAGE FREAKIN' 18

Freakin' Panel 1

*random zombie head flies by*

Lester: Well, this is better than that home-movie Malefico made us watch!

Tenzil: It's certainly making ME feel better!

Taryn: Things are coming to a head-- a BIG one. Maybe we better cut bait, grab Tenz' family and get the sprock off-planet!

Sugyn: I'm coming with you!

Panel 2

*the gang of 4 runs down a corridor*

Panel 3

*the gang stops, shocked*

off-panel voice: HALT, cretinous males! And Taryn Loy!

Panel 4

Thora: As you can see, I've gathered some acquaintances of yours-- once I could tear them away from their hot-tubs, prostitutes and whatnot!

*Ma, Pa & Drura stand behind Thora-- Renkil is absent*

Panel 5

Ma: Tenzil! What in the name of the inedible nebula is going ON here?

Panel 6

Drura: *whispers to Ma* Just play along... I told you, you're safe with me...

Panel 7

Pa: YOU! Quit whispering stuff to MY WIFE!

Panel 8

*Drura looks at Pa angrily*

Panel 9

Pa: Urrrk! *clutches stomach*

Drura: Don't YELL at me-- OR her-- AGAIN, or I turn it UP a notch. Understand?

PAGE 19

Panel 1

Taryn: Uh... what's going on here? Who are you, and what's with dragging Tenz's parents here to the castle?

Panel 2

Thora: I am Thora of Taltar. On my world, which the robot space probes of the United Planets contacted only a month ago, we have a superior matriarchal society! Women rule!

Panel 3

Lester: Eeeew! Women are icky!

Thora: Silence! Your insolence only shows the corruption of your male-dominated society! On my world, you would be lucky to get a place in the auxillary harem of a poor woman!

Panel 4

Tenzil: Tittering teakettles! Can we just get just get an explanation of what's going on here?

Panel 5

Thora: Yes. Quite simply, I am about to take control of the planet Tartarus, and liberate the enslaved females of this world. And you three are going to help me.

PAGE 20

Panel 1

Taryn: I'll be damned if I'll become another pawn in another ridiculous coup attempt!

Tenzil: GET her, Taryn!

Panel 2

Thora: STOP! Or I shall use my power-bracelet to radically boost your power, sending it out of control!

Taryn: Go ahead... I dare ya!

Panel 3

(Thora blasts Taryn)

Thora: Foolish female! We could have been allies! It could have been glorious!

Panel 4

(Taryn looking super-charged)

Panel 5

(Taryn punches Thora, who staggers in front of Drura)

Panel 6

(Drura touches Thora's cheek)

Drura: Have a mild dose of the pain plague, sweets. And all's well that ends well, I suppose!

Thora: Arrrrrgh!

Panel 7

Lester & Tenzil (in unison): Ends WELL? Don't look now, but...

PAGE 21

Panel 1

(A whole bunch of enraged, overly-endowed femizons enter...)

Breastica: What have you done to our mistress, Thora?

Panel 2

Taryn: Thora? But I thought you guys were working with Malefico?

Jugsella: Oh, we were just using him to get out of the Realm of Darkness to help Thora take the throne!

Panel 3

Melony: Yeah, now that we've put him and his pervert son on ice, we're going to install Thora as Empress!

Panel 4

Jugsella: What happened to Thora?

Lester: This icky girl with the mucous hanging off her wiped her cheek and now she's sick and stuff!

Panel 5

Breastica: She took out the mighty Thora of Taltar with one touch? Maybe we should make her queen!

Panel 6

Assorted femizons: Yeah! Yes! Great Idea!

PAGE 22

Panel 1

Drura: Me? Queen of Tartarus? Soaring Space-cadets! I just came here to, like, chill out at the spa and all.

Panel 2

Jugsella: As Queen, you could 'chill out at the spa' FOREVER!

Ma: Drura, darling! Please accept their offer! I'm sure things like this don't happen every day.

Drura: Well, I suppose I could mull it over. It seems like a neat chance to do something I've wanted to do ever since I was rejected from the Legion....

Panel 3

Lester: I've had enough. I'm leaving this STUPID planet with it's STUPID realms and STUPID big-boobs girls and STUPID guys with horns and STUPID screaming zombie maids!!

Panel 4

Tenzil: Guess this is our cue to head back to Bismoll. I'm pretty sure I have a ton of Senate stuff piled up to eat.

Panel 5

Taryn: Hello! We never even did what we came here to do in the first place!

Ma: Nonsense! I'm well-rested AND I made a new friend! Pa and Renkil kept busy too... hmmm. Where IS Renkil anyway?

Panel 6

Tenzil: I'm sure he's fine. Leave a message for him at the hotel desk to catch a hover-craft home! Get up, Dad... it's time to go.

Pa: >urrrrk<

Panel 7

*Taryn is watching as everyone else walks off*

Taryn: I'm not believing this... Tenzil? Lester? Jugsella?

Panel 8

Sugyn: So, lady... where does this leave ol' Sugyn...?

Taryn: Like I care.


NEXT ISSUE *if we aren't cancelled following THIS ridiculous issue*!

"Oh YEAH? Well, I'll just form my OWN Legion!!"

YAY! Our first arc is done!

But... was it any good?

We'll see what the readers think!

I'm a little worried that the ending was a little sudden (I'm not sure I liked Evillo and Malefico being taken out off-camera), but maybe we can fix the pacing when we revise it.

Let's get started with #6, though! I'm excited!

You want I should do page 1?

I want!

MATTER-EATER LAD: THE SERIES # 6

PAGE 1

Panel 1

*inside a spacecraft of some sort*

Tenzil: It sure was sweet of that Drura girl to offer Sugyn a place on the new super-team she's forming to serve as champions of Tartarus! She'll make a swell queen of Tartarus. MUCH sweller than that crazy Thora broad!

(Taryn & Lester are looking away from Tenzil, fuming)

Panel 2

Tenzil: And I'm glad Ma and Pa had such a good time on our "vacation" to Tartarus! Although I do wonder where Renkil went. He usually stays glued to Dad's side, getting in trouble constantly. Right, Taryn?

(Taryn & Lester continue fuming in silence)

Panel 3

Tenzil: And jumping fishooks! Things sure got crazy there for a while, what with Evillo and his father Malefico trying to kill each other, only to both be captured by the League of Scantily-Clad Overendowed Assassins. It's a shame we missed that while Taryn was beating up Thora. Right, Lester?

*no response, fuming continues*

Panel 4

Tenzil: And that Realm of Darkness sure was creepy! Although I didn't mind the Realm of Bright Lights and Good Times. My personal preference is to never be blasted by head-horns again, though.

Panel 5

Tenzil: What's REALLY wacky is that our entire trip to Tartarus was ultimately futile and I've started speaking in plot synopses because YOU two are ignoring me.

Panel 6

Taryn & Lester: Shut UP!!